Only Poops in the Diaper?

You might explore what he is afraid of. My son, now 18, was afraid of monsters in the toilet. When I suggested he could poop all over the monsters and his poops were like nuclear bombs, he gleefully began pooping all over them. This said,he will eventually go in the toilet. Don't make a big deal about it.Just give him the diaper when he asks. Good luck.

I can totally relate! My daughter was the same way for over a year and it was so frustrating. She just turned 4 and was still pooping in her diaper because she was scared. We tried making her try it again a few weeks ago, and she wanted to drape toilet paper over her potty seat (one that fits in the big toilet). We use strips of about 4 squares of TP and use about 3 of these strips to "hold" the poop while she goes on the potty now and she isn't afraid anymore. I guess she didn't like the dropping part. The poop often breaks through, but she doesn't seem to mind. And you have to make sure they pee before putting your sheets on for the poop. I don't know if this will work for any other kid, but it's worth a try. She has been pooping on the potty everywhere now for almost a month and we are thrilled. Good luck!

Dear P.,
My little boy, well, he's 13 now, still doesn't like going at school either. I didn't even want to pee in the school bathrooms when I was little because some girls told me there was a ghost that lived in the mirror and watched all of us. I was so terrified, I even wet my pants a few times because I was trying to hold it until I got home. Then, when I said why I was so afraid, everyone told me there was no ghost and no one watching me. It took a few times of someone going in with me and assuring me and I was fine.
You have to try to figure out why he is afraid to poop in the toilet. Is he afraid he will fall in? Is he afraid all of his insides will come out? You never know what little kids think sometimes. My niece REFUSED to poop on the toilet. She just kept saying she was afraid it would get on her. Which made absolutely no sense because when she went in a diaper, it REALLY got on her. Turns out, she was actually more afraid of the water in the toilet, that somehow the poop would be able splash back up and get all over her. (As if it had a life of it's own or something). I hate to say it, but her parents were really weird about some things, for instance, they NEVER let the kids see them in the bathroom. EVER. Not using the toilet. Not in the bath or shower. Finally, mom had to leave the door open when she went to the bathroom so the little one could see that everybody poops in the toilet and the poop can't jump back up and get on you. It comes out, we flush it bye-bye, it's all gone.
It can be hard to verbalize things at 3, but try to find out what he is afraid will happen if he goes on the toilet. And by all means, don't be shy about letting him know that mommy and daddy and grandma and grandpa all go on the toilet and nothing bad ever happens. There are no monsters in the toilet. Hopefully, by being at pre-school, he will see that other kids use the toilet and they're all still alive to run around and see another day.

Best of luck.

My son was having difficulty with this also. He seemed scared, so what worked for him was me sitting in front of the toilet (on a stool or just kneeling down) and letting him hug me while he was sitting there trying to poop. I think it gave him security and also something to hold onto while he pushed it out. Good Luck!

My daughter had the same problem. She will be 3 yrs old in Sept. She has been on Miralax for 4 months. She has been potty(pee only)trained for a good 8 months but would only poop in a diaper. A friend suggested going to the dollar store and letting her pick out 20 items anything she wanted(only 20 bucks). We wented home put all the goodies in a basket by the toilet and she knew each time she pooped in the potty she could pick a prize. It worked like a charm. I never thought we would get there but it really did work from the moment we got home from the dollar store. Good luck!!

Oddly enough it seems to be a bigger issue with boys. My friend's son is 3.5 and still using pull-ups for BM's. My son was very stubborn about potty training to the point I was losing all patience. He did well at daycare but then would slip up at home. We bought a little seat that rests on top of the toilet seat because he didn't like the potty chair - said it was for babies. Huh?
The potty seat helped with the fear a little and we talked about how the plumbing works etc. He asked if the potty would break so I explained to him how strong it is and let him bang it with his toy tools.
I also made my husband demonstrate how big boys use the potty.
The usual bribes and punishments didn't work for my son - lighting the scented candle every time he used the toilet - even for #1 and letting him blow it out when he flushed was a big deal for him and he looked forward to going. Weird huh?
I lit the candle the first time because his morning pee was strong smelling and I was queasy/hungover. He was SO excited that I told him we'd have a candle every time if he kept his pull-up dry & clean.
After that he wasn't scared - he is still a little anxious in public bathrooms because the flushing is so much louder than at home.
My son wasn't afraid once he knew how it all worked - however it was a huge power struggle to get him to stop peeing in his pants and I actually told him I was mad at him and why. He thought about it in his room for about 15 minutes and then came to me & told me he wanted to go potty like a big boy. I took him, he asked me if I was happy, I said yes, he said I'm a good boy Mama! and has had very few accidents since.
SO< long story short - try to figure out what he is afraid of and realize that boys don't seem to get 100% trained until 3.5 years old. There's a children's book called "Everybody Poops" that might help start the conversation while he is relaxed.
Another thing that really helped my son was to see his friends use the toilet without the extra potty seat on top. His friend Charlotte announced "I use the potty like a grown-up! I can hold on!" and he was really impressed and tried it at home. We did drag the plastic potty seat with us everywhere for about 4 months. If you want the name I'll get it for you - we found it at Target.
Good luck!

My sister had this issue as well. My nephew had just started pooping in the toilet when they went on a trip and he was constipated. From that point on he only would poop in the diaper. She tried incentives and reasoning, but at the end of the day, he pooped in his diapers for about 7 more months. He stopped shortly before he turned 4 and now is a happy almost 7 year old. My thoughts: let him work through it in his own time.

Hi,

Below is a response that I sent to someone else about this about a month ago. It is so hard!! My son spent his whole frist year of preschool doing this...never had any problems at school. Always waited until he got home.

Good luck and be patient!!!

My previous response....
I feel for you!!! My son went through the exact same thing. He just started pooping on the potty about 2 weeks ago!! It is a very long story....but I NEVER thought we would make it through. I was very frusttated and felt like we tried everything. He is 4 and has been pee trained for about a year. He too would not poop on the potty. In the beginning he would wait until nap time or night time when he had a diaper on and poop then. Then it came to the point where he didn't need a diaper for those times anymore. He would start to ask for a diaper. I tried to get him to sit on the potty and tried many different methods....but nothing worked. He would get all upset and so would I. He would hold it for days. So the dr. told me to back off and started him on a stool softener. I did slowly get him to move from only pooping in diapers to pooping in a pull-up in the bathroom (easier to get on and off). He refused pull-ups for a long time. I finally got to the point when he needed to poop he had to go to the bathroom, get the pull-up, put it on and do his bussiness in the bathroom ( a ton of work for him...you'd think it would be easier to just poop in the potty :)). This took awhile to get him to do. Very small steps. This lasted for months. When I would try to push it, it was traumatic for him and I. For me it just wasn't worth it. Finally about 1 1/2 months ago my husband (I'd been trying for months....) got him to sit on the potty with the pull-up on to poop. We did this for a couple of weeks. I could feel like he was coming around and feeling more confident about it. Then I told him we only had 5 pull-ups left. When those were gone he had to poop in the potty. Every day we would talk about how many more pull-ups were left. We finally got to the day none were left. He got a bit upset, but nothing like the past. The first day he didn't go. The second day he said he needed to go. I told him he knew what to do. He got a bit upset, but nothing like in the past. He sat on the potty for a bit, but wouldn't go. I told him we would try later. About 30 minutes later he told me he needed to poop. I again told him he knew what to do. And he went to the potty and did it!!!!! I couldn't believe it. I thought this day would never come. He got a huge smile on his face and said "That wasn't so hard!!!" It was a priceless moment.

Anyway....it is a control thing and for some kids a fear thing. And your child will do it when he is ready. You can only do so much. I do know how frustrating it makes travelling and having a babysitter more difficult (most expect kids at this age to be pooping on the potty...), but hang in there. He will get to a point that he will do it. For my son the key was to do small steps at a time and once he was comfortable with that move onto the next step.

For me potty training has been the most difficult aspect of parenting....I know some people say their kids were trained in just a few days and I think I had a totally different view of potty training until I was in the midst of it. It was much harder than I ever thought it would be, but I made it through (my son is a twin, so I was doing two at the same time....)

Good luck and hang in there....do know that you are not alone...I have found that this happens to many kids....people just don't talk about it much.

J.

I'm so sorry I didn't really read the full story. I had the same problem with my granddaughter and so I bought a potty that sings when she pees and thriumps when she poops. It was cool till she found out how to get it to do it all the time. But you could try that and see what happens.
Good luck.
S.

My friend had the same exact issue with her daughter as you. Jill's response is pretty similar to what they did. Baby steps, let her do it all herself, pull up in the bathroom etc. She did this for a long time. They had to completely back off of any pressure since she was getting so constipated that she was vomiting. They started giving her prune juice every morning before preschool hoping that this would help her go at school where there were no pull-ups. Well. it took awhile, but one day, she had no choice but to go since she couldn't hold it any longer. That was all it took. Once she went the first time, she decided that it was ok and started using the potty for pooping all the time. One other thing that I have heard is that some kids just have trouble actually pushing it out in that position with their legs dangling. Sometimes a stool that they can push against with their feet helps to make it easier for them to do this. (For instance, my daughter prefers to poop in a squat position, so she prefers to poop on a potty chair instead of the big potty since she can put her feet on the floor). Good luck and may you have lots of patience.

Depending on how big of an issue/fear he has, you could try as a middle step, having him sit on the toilet with the pull-up on and if he can go in the pull up while sitting on the toilet, the next step you could cut a flap in the back of the pull-up so that he can poop while wearing it sitting on the toilet and the poop will fall out the back into the potty. Then try cutting out some of the pull up, like a fourth of it in the back, and then eventually cut away a whole pull-up until he doesn't need it at all. This is only if he is really scared and really struggling, I have seen this method work for even autistic children who have been terrified of pooping on the toilet for YEARS. I think the term for it is "systematic desensitization"? If the other, simpler tricks don't work you could try this method, it's not only for disabled children, these methods can work wonderfully for all kids.
Good Luck,
A.

Hi P.,

My nephew was also like that. My brother bought a step stool that also had a seat attached that was smaller. The smaller opening seemed to help. Good luck.

D.

Just to reiterate what other moms have said... this is so very common and at least 3 kids I know of in my daughters preschool class were like this. Since their preschool was only 3 or 4 hours, they did wait until they got home. But each one did begin to poop in the potty on their own time. Good luck!

Hi P., my name is Jolene and I am a single mom of a one year old child. My sister was having the same issue with her daughter while I was caring for her. I just had her use the diaper for a week, but under the stipulation that she must physically be in the bathroom while going. She was great with that, and each time she asked for a diaper I brought up the toilet. I wasn't forceful about it, I just asked her to consider the idea. By the next week, her mommy and I sat with her in the bathroom and she tried to go. When she finally used the toilet, we gave a huge amount of positive reinforcement and she has been fine ever since. I hope this helps!

Hello P., I had the same issue with my daughter. Intially, to find out why, I played reverse rolls with her, where I was the child and she was the "mommy" First, I took her blanket and pretended to suck my thumb acting like she did. I called her mommy. Then, I acted like she did when she had to poop...red face, etc. She told me that I was bad. Oh honey, it is not bad, I said, everyone does it, even mommy and daddy and it stinks for everyone. I then took her into the bathroom and went poop. I showed her that mommy's poop smelled and it floates too and I do it several times a day. Evidentially, I had not realized that when she pooped in her pants, I got upset when I cleaned her up and thus she thought it was a bad thing to do and tried to hold it. But after she knew that dad did it, mom did it and the dog did it, she understood that everyone does it and it ended. We shared our poops everytime, each viewing the others poop and commenting on how it was. Boy it sure smells..hehehe Sometimes I get a stomache ache before I have to go. Come see, Come see

Hi P.!

Both my boys did the same thing. The Preschool schedule can really help kids with alot of things.

I had read (somewhere) that this "poo-poo problem" is more common than mom's realize. You have a small person sitting on the toilet for the first time......where does all that poop go? What if I fall in? These are questions that are very real to them, and in turn, make it extremely scary for kids to go.

After I had read that, I took the pressure off of my son, and stopped trying to get him on the potty.

I told him, "I know you're afraid of pooping in the potty, so if you need a pull-up, just let me know. But, if you want to try the potty again, Mommy will go with you and hold you so you're not scared."

He began pooping in the toilet like the next day! My youngest boy, too. Weird! All I had to do was tell them that I understand their fears, and that's all they needed to hear.

Patience & no anger is the key, as a mom. So hang in there! Soon enough he'll be going in the potty. Starting Pre-school will help his little "body clock".

Good Luck, P.!

:o) N.

Hi P.,

That is so common in toilet training. What finally worked for me was to bribe my daughter - she wanted a doll and I told her she could have it if she pooped in the toilet for seven days in a row. I made a chart, we checked it off, and on the seventh day we had to go to the toy store as soon as she got off the toilet. Good luck.

We had pretty much the same problem with my 3 year old. He would hold it and then come home and poop his pants - or hold it until I put his "nighttime" pants on (pull ups) and then go in those. He never went in his underwear during the day - he was MISERABLE. I told him one day if he went poop in the potty he could have 2 popsicles. (they are those little otter pops so 2 isn't a bad deal). Since we did that we have only had one accident. And - the new nickname for otter pops around our house is "poopsicles" aren't 3 year old boys great? lol If there is something that he really likes just make it a treat when he goes in the potty. I hated to basically bribe my son but it was time for him to go poopoo on the potty.

And what Dee said is great too - once my son figured out that everyone has to poop it wasn't such a bad deal. He thought it was a bad thing. Now he is always telling Grama poops, Papa poops....you get the jist of it....lol He's very proud to know that everyone does it.

Good Luck!!!

I had a similar problem with my son. After holding it for so long it really hurts them to poop. So we set up a little potty for him with a basket of his favorite books by it. I would make him take two teaspoons of mineral oil ( mixed with maple syrup to taste better) wait a few hours then go to the potty with him and have reading hour till he pooped. Then he would empty his little potty into the big one. Much less scary to go in the little potty. I told a long time but he finally learned to do it on his own. Don't worry it will finally happen. Be patient and good luck.

We used a child potty chair with that removable cup. I couldn't stand cleaning it out, so we lined it with small trash can liners. The fear of falling off the toilet, being sucked down (not getting off soon enough), and not getting clean enough went away quickly. We added wipies to the bathroom for her to wipe herself. She's seven and we still buy them.

Stephanie

My son went through a similar situation while potty training. He went as far as making himself ill due to holding it so long... After some research, we decided to let him know that it is ok to ask for a pull up if he wants to poop, and when he's ready we'll work on the next step. It happened almost instantly ~ as soon as we said," at your own pace bud"... BAM! Toilet only from then on... Good luck!

My son did this very same thing. He potty trained early (2 yrs) so I let him go #2 in his diaper because he too was afraid of pooping in the toilet. He would let me know he had to poop, and often times I would know his schedule and get ready to put the diaper on him. He would get his diaper on and then walk stiffly over to his drawing desk which was his favorite spot for pooping and get his business done. He did this for almost a year until he finally started to go in the toilets. i think his first time was at the park when his little friend went to the potty and pooped also. Go figure! Don't worry it won't last forever ..just for now! TK

Hi P.,
Sounds like you've already received good advice. Many kids at my son's preschool (including my son) had the same issue. A couple things helped w/ my son. My son already had digestive issues and constipation. Long before we started potty training, we had to occasionally give him a Baby Fleet glycerin enema so that he would go (doctor's orders). I actually gave myself an adult one first because I couldn't handle the idea of not knowing how my baby would feel. It cramped me up for about 30 seconds (weird, uncomfortable but not really painful), and then nature took its course. Trust me, no one could hold it in after using a fleet. If Baby Fleet isn't available, you can use half the dose of an adult one (read the label, though, because even adults are only supposed to use part of the contents). My cousin's pediatrician actually told her to use one of these to make her son poop on the toilet to get him over the fear. I don't know that I could do that, but it worked for her son after one time (with a reward after). However, if it's ok w/ your son's ped, you could use one with a diaper if he holds it in again for that many days. Either way, when he poops in a diaper, have him (with your help) roll the poop off the diaper and into the toilet, and then have him flush the toilet. For some reason, participating in and watching this seemed to help with his fear. Also, as long as your son does this, I completely agree with the posters who said to acknowledge that this process is scary for him and then let him that he can decide when he is ready to poop in the toilet. That removes any power struggle that might be going on. Kids this age really want to control anything they can, and they often figure out that going to the bathroom is one of the few things they can control and that we cannot do much about. However, if we don't seem to care, they don't feel the same sense of power. Another idea that worked for some people I know is to put a coveted item (a new toy, etc.) in a high up corner of the bathroom w/in eye shot of the potty/toilet. Let your son know (in a very matter-of-fact manner) that he will get the item when he poops in the toilet. It might take a week or two of him seeing the item when he goes pee before he is willing to try. Just stay low-key like it doesn't really matter to you, though of course you would love for him to be able to play with the toy. It seems like, however you get it to happen, once a kid actually poops in the toilet, he/she continues without much trouble from there on out.
K.