Only Children. - Warren,MI

My grandmother was an only child and ended up having 12. While the "world revolved around her" as a child, she talks about her childhood as being lonely and very adult-centered. She loves children and loves having a huge family.

She was especially lonely when her parents were aging and she bore the weight of all decisions and care. Her children and spouse helped as much as they could, but she has always said that with no siblings there was no one to commiserate with or to celebrate HER after her parents passed.

I grew up with one sister, five years younger. We never got along: she was too young to be close and not far enough away to be a fun little baby. I ended up finding out a few years ago at 40 that I have a half sister that my dad made in Korea!

I have one daughter and never longed for another baby ever. She is perfectly happy being an only child and is the most grounded, responsible, kind and grateful 17 year old I know!! She isn't lonely or sad and made it perfectly clear early on that she wanted to stay an only child. I think it has opened up many opportunities for us with only one child that we would not otherwise had. Families are different and this works really well for us.

I am answering for my MIL -

She is an only child and had 4 children of her own. She really did not want them, but her husband (my FIL) wanted a ton b/c he himself was from a large family.

Now that she is "grandma" and her 4 children are having children she is ALWAYS on all of us (mostly my husband and I) to only have 1 child. We just had baby # 3 and openly talk about #4. It drives her batty.

She says she LOVED her childhood b/c the "world" revolved around her. She is very vocal about want a few grandchildren so they can have more attention. (we totally ignore her on this tho :) )

I think it is a very personal decision and what is right for one is not right for another.

We have an only child, daughter 16. We knew from pregnancy that we were complete and have had no regrets. She LOVES being an only. She is not spoiled or a brat yet she is well cared for and that is one of the perks of being an only. When she has been asked if she wanted a sibling from early on, she has always said no. We are a team and very tight family.

There are teens at my house every weekend and some come here to get away from their own homes and siblings. Last weekend 2 girls were arguing because they wanted to come to our house vs one of theirs for a sleepover. There is more room, they have an entire floor to themselves, they are all good kids and it is not a problem to have them over.

I think there is good and bad with both. You just have to balance out what is right for you.

Our daughter talks, you know how they plan, of having a boy and a girl, already has names picked out, etc. Twins run in our family so we'll see!! She may not marry and have children at all. She has some very high goals for herself and we will support her all the way, whatever she wants to do.

Our daughter will not be burdened with our care as we get older. That is not why we had a child. We have taken steps that will care for us as we age. Daughter's job is to enjoy her life as she has for the past 16 yrs.

I pick up a lot of resentment and some jealousy when questions like this are asked. You know, there are a lot of brats who have siblings as well. It is how you are raised.

I am 6 yrs older than my brother. I was the only child and grandchild until his birth. We have never been close, we get along but we are as different as night and day. I honestly look at him and cannont believe we are related.

Like I said, its a personal choice. We have no regrets with one and only.

Neither of us were only children but....we were planning on only having our one son until 10 years later we wanted another. our oldest, 13 now says he is beyond happy and that he used to get lonely adn even with the age gap being so large he is happy he will always have a brother and family later in life.

Hi C.-

Taking this from a 'different' angle...I have a boatload of kids...very close in age. While I am not a grandma...yet...(oldest is 21)...in listening to THEM talk about future children...one of them wants no kids (so they say)...and the rest want at least two...

Time will tell...interesting question!
Michele/cat

I'll speak for my DH here: He was an only, and we have only 1. And our family is perfect the way it is. (I'm one of 5 sibs). I agree with T.F. 100%.

I'm an only child and my husband was basically raised as an only child. He has two half sisters through his father, but he never lived with them.

We have two children (and that's all we're having -we're in our early 40s and hubby got snipped last summer). There wasn't really a decision based on being only children -although I think I always thought of having two simply because I was curious to see what it would be like. When we married, we weren't sure we wanted any kids at all, but we decided after a few years that we did. I love both of my boys more than words could ever express, but my oldest has been difficult over the last few years. Because of several reasons, he is much better now, but I'm glad I was pregnant with my second when he went "nuts" or I probably wouldn't have had another! I definitely knew I never wanted more than two. I also know if I had only one, that would have been fine too.

****And I will add - most only children who I know (and I know a good many) weren't lonely and aren't sad to be only children. Given what I've seen both of my parents experience with their siblings when it came to their parents being sick and dying -I'm just fine with being an only child, and I've already had to deal with my mother's illness and death. My friends with siblings have also had to deal with some horrid situations with their brothers and sisters. Yes, it's weird and sad not having my mother here to be my champion and celebrant, but my husband, my father and friends do a fine job for me on special occasions and those are the people I talk to and share things with anyway.

I'm an olnly child. When I was younger, I loved it. As a young child, there may have been times when I wanted a playmate but as a teen, I saw my friends having to give rides / beg for rides from sblings/ babysit & decided i was just fine not having to deal w/ those issues. Now that I'm an adult, I wish I had siblings. Not really sure why, I just feel lonely.
I now have 3 children. Being an only child did play a part in my choice.

I have 4 siblings. My husband was an only child. I wanted one kid. My husband wanted 3. We are expecting our 3rd baby in May. : )

My little sister was diagnosed with cancer when I was 9 and she died when I was 21. Now, I'm an only child dealing with my senior parents by myself and wish I had a sister to share that with. I have 2 kids, but neither were planned so I cant say I made that choice because I actually didnt want any.... God decided I was wrong in that thinking and I'm sure glad of that!

I have 2 children, and I was an only child. It did not factor into my decision to have multiple children. I was quite happy as an only child and always looked at it being not such a bad thing, like the reactions I get when people as if I have siblings. I usually get the "OH you are an only child, I couldnt tell". I am always confused as to what people mean when they say they couldnt tell. Do only children all act a certain tell tale way?

Anyway- I am curious as to why you are asking this. were you an only child too? People state finances, and i;ve heard personality ( of the adult) for reasons why they choose to only have one child. I had my 2 close in age so they would hopefully grow up close, but I do not know what to expect either, because I never had that bond. I think thats the only thing I was curious about, even now. I had friends and a great imagination, and loved to play. My father was an only child and my mom came from a big family, but we did not live close to them.

My dad and father-in-law were both only children. My MIL was one of 6 and my mom was #3 of 9. Not sure about my husband's family but I do know that my dad wanted LOTS of kids after getting to know my mom and all the fun she had with her large family. I am the oldest of 6 and my mom even had one miscarriage. My husband is the oldest of 3. We have 3 of our own, although before getting married I thought I'd want 4. We were going to stop at 2 but someone had other plans for us. Wouldn't trade him for the world. I wouldn't criticize anyone for their choices but I can't imagine being an only child...my siblings and I are pretty close, even though we live spread out from Michigan, Minnesota and Iowa to Utah and Colorado. We all get together at least once a year and have individual visits with each other several others times during the year. I wouldn't trade them for all the world. Be well, D.

I am an only child and always knew I wanted at least two kids. My husband is one of three and always wanted two, so right now we're good with our 3 year old & 1 year old.
One thing that makes me sad as an adult is that my kids don't have cousins on my side. They love their cousins on my husbands side and I wish they had that.

I was an only child until I was 11--my little sister was born. Then, at 15, my step-brother & sister moved in with us. I was so excited to have a sister and I don't think I ever felt jealous, because I thought of her as "my" baby. Making the adjustment from 2 to 4 (I was in high school) was a MUCH bigger adjustment (probably also because we were already nicely settled in a cozy 3-bedroom house--and the move was completely unexpected)! Once we all adjusted and established our "roles" in the family (and I soon after left for college) I LOVED having a bigger family! DH only had 1 sibling, a sister 4 years younger. He LOVED how close and "idealistic" his family was.

Flash-forward 12 years, DH and I now have 1 DD who is 2, we have now started talking about when we'll "plan" for #2. Of course he wants a son--so if #2 is a boy, that may be all for us. If #2 is a girl, I think I can convince him to go for #3. I loved being an only child (for 11 years), but I LOVED having siblings even more once I got older. If I had started having kids when I was younger, my ideal number would be 3 or 4. But, now that I am turning 30, I think I'd be happy with 2 (or just my 1 very spoiled little girl).

My grandmother was an only child and she only had one child, my dad. Many of his issues I believe were because of his being the only one. He had 4 of us!

I am not an only child but my hubby was raised as one (he has half siblings that he never really knew till he was older) and we have one child and he wants one more. he says our son needs someone to play with. like kittens I guess lol

Yes. I was an only child growing up, and I am currently pregnant with my second boy. My sons will be 27 months apart. I always longed for a sibling, and that was a big factor for me in determining how many children I wanted. We're finished with two, but I felt like my first born needed a sibling, because I never had one.

We have 3 kids in our household, and hopefully I am not done. I hated being an only child, and I hate it even more as an adult. There is no guarantee one will be close to or even get along with a sibling, but there are plenty of siblings who have wonderful relationships. I would like to at least give my children the opportunity. I always saw how much fun other large families had. Even through the tribulations, they always seemed to be happier and holidays just seemed more exciting and warm.

Also, I would like to take the burden off of my children when it comes to "dealing with" DH and I as we age and die. Even though we will set up financially to be cared for when the time comes, I would hope it would be helpful to sort through things and cope having the relationship with the other siblings. I know I feel a lot of stress when it comes to my parents, because I am the only one available to help them as they age. It is a lot of stress! I am sure my parents would love to not be a burden to me, but the reality of it is that sometimes things don't always work out like you plan.

I was an only. I planned on having only one baby, but was surprised by finding out I was ten weeks pregnant with number two when number one was ten months old. I am so happy with two. The jump from one to two was a challenge, but it made a world of difference to me. We decided two was the right number for us, although we have heard that the transition to more than two is easier than from one to two. After discussing finances, futures, our current contentment and tribulations, my dh and I mutually decided two made us happy. He was one of two, and I always wanted a sibling, so this works for us.

I am an only child and my DH has a sister that we don't talk to. We have 1 child- not by choice, but because of fertility issues. I always said I wanted to have a big family, but after everything we went through to have my son I am just thankful to have him. Sometimes I wish he had a brother or sister to play with, but he has such an amazing imagination. He has a lot of friends (for a 4 1/2 year old) and loves playing with mom, dad, nana, grandpa and especially grandma. I didn't mind being an only child, and I hope my son feels the same. He never asks for a sister or brother- sometimes he just says to me" I don't have a sister". My answer is neither do I.

My 10 yr old granddaughter gave her dad, my son 33 yrs old, the once over on New Year's Eve, checked his breath, asked if he wore deoderant, made sure he was dressed nicely, hair combed etc. When he laughed and asked her why she was doing all of that, she put her hands on her hips and declared "Dad, I don't want to be an only child ALL of my life!!"
I keep telling him he needs to find a girlfriend and get married.

The two people I know that are only children are very vocal about not ever wanting children of their own.

I was an only child but it was not by choice but by health issues of my mom's. I have two children one adopted and one biological. Had we had a bit more time in the military I may have had two more. But I am happy with both of my kids. They live 750 miles apart (CO and TX). So they each have their own identity.

But to each his own as to how many children they wanted.

The other S.

I was an only child, and most definitely did not want to have an "only" of my own. I ended up having 2 children, a girl and a boy, but definitely would have welcomed more. It just wasn't in the cards for us. But I'm very happy that my two kids have each other to share their nutty parents with!

My mother was an only child (her mother couldn't have any more due to medical reasons). She was lonely and also had only one cousin. She always wanted more siblings but her parents, after discussing it, chose not to adopt.

My father however came from a very large family. He has 12 assorted whole, half and step siblings.

They both wanted a large family, ideally six, but they only had four of us due to medical reasons of my mothers. I know it was a factor in my mothers choice because she didn't want us to be lonely but at times she has certainly said she wished she'd stopped at only one of us if we'd had a particular crazy week. (I must admit that we four were not the easiest of children to raise.)

I was an only and knew I would NEVER raise an only if I could help it...I hated not having anyone to play with on vacation. though I am extremely happy with my 2 I am unprepared for the sibling rivalry thing, I knew it existed I just didn't realize it started the instant they get up in the morning and doesn't stop until they go to bed....yes they can play together very nicely but for right now that seems the exception.

I was one of five children and my husband was an only child. I always wanted more kids than he did. I have two and would have loved another one, but he could barely handle having two. I think it can go either way. Some only children want to have more kids because they didn't get to have siblings, while others are used to having more time to themselves.
Interesting question!

My daughter was a very happy only, and now has a 5yo only son, also very happy. (I have 3 younger sisters, three of us closely-spaced – we seldom got along as kids and have very little contact now.)