One Sided Friendship Issues

It sounds like you're too close to suddenly take less phone calls, etc. I would be upfront and honest with her, tell her how you love her like a sister but her problems are weighing down on you and it's not healthy for either of you to be in such a one-sided relationship. hopefully she'll understand and make efforts to get the relationship to a healthier place.

Easy passive agressive answer is to just be too busy to talk. Next time she starts in, tell her you are overwhelmed at work or at home and just don't have time to talk right now. Tell her, I'll call you this weekend and we can go out to lunch and talk about it. That way you show your concern but limit the amount of time you to devote to it. Try to wean her off and set a standing date where you get together for girls night or weekend lunch or something. You know that 2 hours will be all about her, but at least the other 6 days a week will be drama free. Or you can do the hard work of talking to your friend and telling her exactly how you feel and why and hope that she understands and respects your needs and boundaries the same way you do for her.

I feel really bad for you....I tried this exact same thing with a friend for the exact same reasons...She got mad when I didn't have as much time for her (and I even had the new baby, back to school, taking a new job excuse but it didn't fly with her) and we haven't spoke in 8 years. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord to save yourself.

Sorry! Hope it works out!

If she has a therapist and a good working relationship with that person, than that person should be helping her deal with the bigger issues. I would be gently direct - perhaps telling her that you want to be her friend and support her, but some of the issues that she is dealing with are to big/complex for you and should be between her therapist and her. Decide what those issues are, the ones that are causing you the most stress.

Ask HER to help you come up with a way to direct her if she calls you but really needs to deal with it with her therapist. Work with her so that she is as responsible for the new arrangement as you are.

My sis is an emotional sinkhole and I have decided to be blunt with her when I can. I can only help her so much, and I can only give her so much time. It sounds like the same thing for you. Good luck!

Oh that is a tough one. I had a friend who started reading self help books and all of a sudden I was "in denial" about everything. If I tried to defend myself she could always twist it around that somehow I had this "disorder" or "learning disability" and I was obviously in denial since I did not acknowledge it. Eventually I just had to be blunt and she decided to let me go, until I could "face the truth". I missed our conversations from before but not the semi-psych analysis.

Sorry but she's using you. You have to be cruil to be kind otherwise it will go on for the rest of your life, and on the end of the day then you will get sick and need help from the psychologast. The same thing happend to me and i'm finished with it. Sorry for my bad spelling and language, not so good in english, i'm a South African.

One of the best ways to balance out a relationship is to insert your own troubles (no matter how insignificant in comparison) into the conversation. If she is constantly calling you and you listen and try to help, she is going to continue to use you as a therapist. She has one, so don't play that role. I don't mean be mean, but normal conversations between friends often goes back and forth between helping and needing help. The next time she starts talking about something upsetting her, say somthing like "I know what you mean, the other day I was...(and insert something related that was upsetting to you" Save up a couple things that have frustrated or bothered you (not to do with her) and give her a chance to support you. She will quickly get the idea that you are not the "therapist" anymore. I don't mean for this to sound so manipulative, but you should try to recreate a normal back and forth to your conversations so that she doesn't keep using you as a therapist.

That's a tough one for sure.

I applaud you for wanting to figure this out rather then just cut her off completely-but pulling back will be tough. She'll immediately see it as another rejection (or whatever).

The only thing I can really say is just be honest. It will be hard-but I think if you tactfully say---i love you, I am not trying to end our friendship, but I think you depend on me a bit to much and it's not healthy for either of us. And then set the boundries or say-i can't answer your calls constantly and drop what i'm doing, etc...so please don't be offended if I don't call you back right away, blah, blah.

My guess is initially she will be hurt and sad, but will either come around, (and may be stronger for it), or cut you off for a bit out of hurt, but let her have her space then and don't push it.

This sounds so familiar! Thirty-five years ago I had the same thing going on with a friend/neighbor I loved very much. After months and months of what you describe, I was exhausted having her over all the time. One day I saw her coming and I told my husband I just couldn't take it that day and went to take a nap. When she came in he told her I was taking a nap, so she sat down and started talking to him. My husband is pretty straightforward, a real "Dr. Phil" type. After hearing all her woe-is-me stuff, he told her very politely that her problem was she had too much time on her hands. If she would tell the psychiatrist to go to hell, dump the dependency on meds, stop reading the trash novels and get a job and start working for a living, she'd be a whole lot happier. It made her so mad, she slammed our door hard enough to break a window. We didn't hear from her for several days. When we did, we learned she had taken my hubby's words to heart and had done exactly what he said!!!! She did get a job, enrolled in college, got a degree (in psychology, of course) and today she is a counselor for drug and alcohol dependent people. She also divorced her abusive husband and lost 100 pounds. She credits my husband for telling her the truth and changing her life. So that's my story. Tell your friend you are taking down your shingle and no longer practicing psychiatry. Maybe that's enough to turn her off. If not, then maybe she needs the cold hard truth.

I recently went through this with a friend. She was the type of friend that when I was on the phone with her I could feel my blood pressure raise and I would hang up angry from all the negativity I heard.
I eventually started not anwering her phone calls as much, and eventually stopped answering them at all. She never even emailed me or anything to ask if there was something wrong. Obviously wasnt too concerned about our friendship.
I understand we all have problems, and need somebody to talk to. But when they arent going to do anything in their life to make changes, and just keep complaining, I cant be the therapist.
I didnt feel like I could tell her how I felt, because she didnt realize she was doing it. She would talk about her negative nelly son, who was the sweetest boy in the world, and tell him he needs to be more positive. Hello, I wonder where he gets that from (even though I never saw it).
I can tell you, once I stopped talking to her, I feel like I have my life back. I am much calmer. My kids even noticed a difference. It is amazing how one person can really bring you down. Outweigh the pros and the cons of this friendship. Friendships should be 50/50.