On the Fence About Letting My Daughter Play with Makeup

When my daughters (now ages 26, 24 and 20) were little we did the normal pale nail polish and chap stick stuff as their 'make up'. They didn't start wearing actual make up until they were in jr high (their choice). Children grow up so fast that it's really important for we are their parents to remember that they are just little girls once.

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I played with makeup at that age, and I ended up being a major tomboy starting around 3rd grade! Your little one is right in the middle of the most imaginative, creative age. She wants to pretend to be a princess, a wizard, a dinosaur, and mostly YOU! I would clomp around in my mom's high heels, wear her long dresses, and "make up" my face...you should see the pictures. Hysterical!

Your daughter won't grow up too fast, because you're going to be there to keep her grounded. You're going to talk to her about what she sees on TV, at school, and with her friends. You're going to give her advice about the choices she makes. THAT is what will keep her from growing up too fast! Playing with makeup is all about play and make believe. (Even when she's older- there's a big difference between making herself up with a friend at a Friday night sleepover, versus going to school all made up in an inappropriate outfit.)

Just my two cents. :)

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You're not being paranoid or too cautious at all. I never played with makeup, and don't wear any as an adult (no, not some weird hippie type). Also, people are finding out more and more about all the terrible chemicals in makeup and even all mass market soaps, lotions, etc. and I would never put that stuff on my child. Babies and little ones have such delicate skin, and whatever you put on your skin gets absorbed and gets into the bloodstream. But I am pretty type A about stuff like this. Personally, I'd wait until my daughter was much older, like in high school if she wanted to try it then.

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L.,

http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/index.php?nothanks=1

What you wouldn't let her wear out of the house - not a wise idea to let her wear in the house.

Of course there is a difference between playing dress up and putting make up on for real, but wanting to buy something that she will want to take to school with her (and create a future button!) is something you will have to decide.

Good luck!
M.

PS: if you are worried about keeping her in a bubble, you're here and asking. I don't think you have anything to be worried about. There is bubble, and there is growing up too fast. You'll figure it out. (or she will)

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Hi L.,
While it's not necessary to let her play with makeup (and I wouldn't consider it if she did not ask), it's different to play with makeup and then have to take it off, than it is to be allowed to wear makeup outside. If you're clear with the boundaries on play, and don't allow her to wear it when you are going anyplace, I don't think it leads to them growing up any faster. I have a 13 year old, and I don't think that the girls who didn't have play makeup are any less interested.
If she hasn't expressed an interest in the makeup, I wouldn't get it.

I am hesitant too for the makeup but have decided that my daughter can play but must wash her face before we leave the house. I am VERY hesitant to the cheap, dollor store special makeup. What is in it and what effect could it have on her. I would suggest looking at ingreadients and choosing carefully. Little girls are imitating, not growing up to fast, when they play "dress up". What they imitate also gives you insight into their little minds. It is an amazing journey to watch. Sit back or get involved and enjoy!!!! My oldest is now 7 yo and she loves to do moms makeup and hair and then I do hers. We often both look like we fell in the makeup and rolled around but it is nothing warm water and soap can't fix and we have had a great time together!!!! It's a crazy and fun bonding experience!!! JUST MY OPINION THOUGH!!! A.

I think Playing dress up is a normal part of being a little girl. I see nothing wrong with it. I spend time with my girls by going to get our nails done or painting them at hom or going to get our hair done. Its not much different then letting them play with makeup.

Besides.. If its only lipgloss and nail polish. I dont really consider it makeup. A lot of chapsticks give that "glossy" or colored look. My daughters are 6 and 12 and I each have chapstick on hand at all times. my youngest one picked a flavored kind that actually makes the lips look redder. She isnt allowed to wear it to school. And they know that.

They also have their little play makeup that they are not allowed to wear other then in the house.

They can play with it.. but there are rules and limites as well.

Hope this helps in your questioning of this matter.

W. in Watkins Glen
Mom to 3 children.
Korey-Mikel age 16,
Whitney age 12 soon to be 13,
and Andrea Age 6

Hi L.
Wow - your question sure did get a LOT of responses, but I'll add mine because I don't think it was a point made by others...
I was never allowed to wear make-up until I was about 14 or so. I wanted to when I was much younger, because my sister (13 years older than me) was already almost out of her teens by the time I was five. It was never allowed, not even for playing, until I was into high school (and even then, with a LOT of discretion). At the time, I thought my mother was an old, out of touch woman.
Now, at 33, I see why she did the things she did. Someone made the comment that girls want to imitate their mothers... let's have our daughters (even from this young age) focus on imitating things that REALLY matter - kindness, generosity, positive self-esteem, ENJOYING food and not being ruled by it(not always talking about whether or not we "shouldn't be" eating something, even as a joke, etc.). They have the rest of their lives for society to try to teach them that they need to behave a "certain" way.
My mother wore no makeup except for a small amount of lipstick (neutral color) and to me she was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Now, I find myself doing the same thing, and I hope my daughter will view me that way one day.
Don't take this to mean I am some sort of radical feminist (maybe I am and don't realize it) but I think as women we need to really build up our daughters to look for things to play with other than kitchen sets, high heels, and make-up.
But then again, this is my opinion, one of many that were shared here today.

If you do decide to let her play with makeup, don't buy or allow her to play with the "toy" sets of makeup they are terrible for skin! Go to a dollar store and buy a few little things of real makeup in soft colors. Get her some face wash to make taking off the makeup (skincare) part of the game. She'll have fun for a little while and it won't hurt her. Both my girls played with makeup when they were her age. but we had a terrible experience with play make up - definately not really made for little people (or any people) skin!

Unless she is showing an interest in makeup, I would not get it for her yet. Those children's makeup kits tend to have bad ingredients in them and are not something I would introduce to my child if she isn't asking for it. You have plenty of time to "play makeup" with Mommy. :)

Hi L. - My mom's advice about this served me really well and has applied to many other daughter-related topics over the years, miniskirts, two-piece bathing suits, etc. - Basically, what's cute at 4 may not be so cute at 14. How would you tell her at 14 that she can't wear make-up if she's been wearing it since she was 4?
Since all things are a balancing act, I went with the rule that my daughter could play with make-up at home but she was never alowed to leave the house with it still on. It worked well for us; she's pranced around the house like a clown as a little girl but now at 12 and just starting to wear make-up outside for real, she's very conservative with it.
My girlfried who let her daughter wear "play" make-up to church at 5 now has a 12-year-old who cakes it on like America's Next Top Model.
I'm pretty conservative - you have to decide what's okay with you. I guess the best advice I can give is to think about her doing the same thing 10 years from now and see how you feel about it. Good luck.

Dont worry my daughter loved make-up. I bought her gloss and nail polish book from the store. The nail polish book is cool.. you can make small pics on the nails. She is now 9 and still loves gloss.. and loves real make up on halloween.. but I don't let her wear other stuff. She is real girly girl.. and has fun going to get her nails polished and stuff like that.

You are doing the right thing. Since you are ok with the babysitter polishing her nails without asking you first, let it remain at that. Do not let the babysitter decide to go any farther with your child's skin. Let your daughter know she is beautiful with her pretty nails and that is all she needs for now. If she asks too many questions so that you can feel guilty, just explain the damages that makeup can do your skin if used before 18. Talk to your babysitter about backing your decision. Hope this helps.

Hi, L..

I'm not sure what my opinion is about letting young girls put on makeup. If you decide to let her, just make sure she washes it off right away, especially eye makeup. My suggestion is, how about letting her put makeup on you or another willing adult? She's still playing with it, but a lot of the other concerns are put to rest this way.

Good luck.
R.

It is perfectly acceptable. But she must wash it off before going outside the house. Let her have fun!

Hi L.,

My daugters are 7 and 4 1/2. They're truly girly-girls. To support their interests, I let them dabble in tinted clear nail polish and tinted clear lip glosses. You can find cute little packs at the drugstore. Avon has some nice little packages for little girls. That's the extent of their makeup wearing, and they're excited about that. Like another mother said, there are chapsticks out there that offer a little glossiness and tint. It works to everyone's advantage by keeping her lips moist in this frigid weather, and at the same time, she feels like she's putting on lipstick. Don't stress yourself over this. It's all in good fun (and health).

Good luck!

Well, my daughter always loved to play dress up. It's good for her. She's almost 10 now and she still plays dress up... it's part of the fun of being a little girl. It's also part of the fun of being a mommy.
Playing dress up is how little girls imitate their moms.

Really, a little lip gloss, nail polish, etc is no harm.... it's not like you are taking her out "on the town" with it all on. Go ahead and have some fun with her, you both deserve it.

My daughter and I have done "girl's day" at least once a year. She loves it. We either go to a movie and maybe McDonald's. Sometimes, we 'kick' the guys out and we stay home with a movie and do our nails and hair and make-up. I let her paint my nails and I do hers. We have a good time and it's nice to have some alone time with her. She loves it and has so much fun, I know she needs it sometimes and she asks me sometimes when we can have GNO (girls night out).

Have fun with your daughter and enjoy it while it lasts. She'll grow up to quickly and you'll miss this stuff about her.

BTW, another suggestion.... after Halloween, when their costumes go on sale, it's a great time to buy dress up outfits for her. You can usually get them for $3 or so a piece and it's so much cheaper than getting them from the toy aisle. You can get the princess kinds, cheer leaders, anything like that. It's really inexpensive to make up a 'dress up' trunk for her and she'll have so much fun!

If it's something that she's requested, then some lip gloss and blush can't do any harm (unless she has allergies). I would explain that it's only for pretend.

If this is just something you may be considering for a Christmas present, etc... I would say hold off.

Hi!
My daughters are 18 months and 3 1/2 and also love the nail polish... :) I don't have any plans on introducing them to make-up anytime soon. I never wore make-up exept for stage make-up in school plays and swing choir in high school. When other girls started to wear make-up, my parents told me I was welcome to try it, but reminded me over and over that I was beautiful just the way I was and no make-up could make me more beautiful. My older sister did dabble with make-up and I thought she looked silly, so that turned me off too. At some point I'll probably have a friend give my daughter's a good make-up lesson because I'm clueless, but at this point I don't think it'll be before they're teenagers.
Good luck!

Although I TOTALLY appreciate not wanting your daughter to grow up faster than she already will in today's world, as a Mom, I constantly have to refer to what I call the "Sleeping Beauty" theory. Think about Sleeping Beauty and what the story tells us. Her parents were afraid that if she saw a spinning wheel, she would prick her finger and die as was unfortunately wished upon her. SO, they banished ALL of the spinning wheels. When Sleeping Beauty finally saw a spinning wheel, she had no idea what it was, it looked really cool and she RAN right towards it, thus fulfilling her prophecy. My point is this, if you expose your child to things at a healthy rate and with healthy rules around them, they are much less likely to want to RUN to that thing when your back is turned. Let her play in the house, but she cannot wear makeup outside, or whatever rules you set. I hope that helps. It isnt foolproof, but this methodology has been successful for both my mom and for me. If you think about it, you can apply it to a LOT of child-raising issues. It can be tempered accordingly. Hope that helps! Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi L.:

First, congrats on birth of your son. Second, boys & girls are so different and each individual is very different that it just doesn't matter what you did the first time around.

Now, re the make-up .... my daughter is so girly I think she was asking for it in-utero. When she was 2.5 a family friend gave her play makeup for the holidays. Our "deal" was two-fold: she and her friends could play with makeup that I bought for them ... but it had to be washed off immediately. They tried that a couple times and HATED washing it off!! Since they still wanted to play with it, for her birthday she got 2 makeup dolls (from 2 friends) and they still play with it 3 years later!!! The other part of the "deal" is: she carried 'lipstick' aka flavored chapstick & she's to put that on only when her lips are dry (very important this time of year) and I put glittery blush on her for special occasions (holidays, family get-togethers) ... and there's never an issue.

She's 6 years old, and I'm hoping this deal will hold out for at least another 10. Although I've noticed girls in 4th grade wearing makeup better than I do.

Good luck and most of all ... enjoy your children!!

Dear L.,

I just want to first say congratulations on you newborn son. It really doesn't matter what you learned with your daughter because I am sure some of it wouldn't apply to your son anyway. My two kids were complete opposite so I had to learn all over again. As a mother of a 24 year old son and a 19 year old daughter I would say stick to the nail polish. I am far from plain for 25 years I was a hairdresser so I am all about the hair and makeup thing, however you are right let her stay a child. There really is nothing wrong with make-up but if she is content with just polishing her nails let her be. The difference in the girls today and how young they start grooming is amazing. I now own a preschool/daycare and cannot believe the moms who allow their little girls to come to school all primped up. Unfortunately children grow up so quickly today and what I learned about boys, and makeup, and dressing up, at 17 these young girls are learning before the age of twelve 12. If you notice young teens today never go through the awkward stage they are all beautifully groomed. Instead of looking like 12 they look like their 16. I also gave into it when my daughter was around 12 the eyebrows, a little makeup, the hair, because if I didn't she would have been ostracized from her peers. So what I am saying is hold on to her being a little girl for as long as you can because before you know it she will be asking for a cell phone, shopping at the trendy stores, and just trying to fit in. You are not being paranoid and as I said I am sure it is innocent I would try to put the focus on other things right now and not makeup. Good luck on your family. I may even be off on my numbers because my neighbors daughter is 7 and she plays with full face of makeup and just got a cell phone CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!! Its getting younger and younger

Obviously, you are going to get mixed strong opinions.. but you are requesting that so here is mine...

I don't think it's a good idea. I also have a daughter and don't plan on letting her get into that until much later. The fact of the matter is that our society is one of the most cancer-ous societies in the world and it is obviously to do with something in our culture/environment but there is no clear determination as to what. Certain chances one takes are perhaps measured and somewhat neccesary risks (like the occasional use of microwave products) but others are more avoidable; like the colorings in food or products that touch our skin.

I am unfortunately already "hooked" on make-up use but wish I could've isntead grown comfortable with what I look like despite it. Furthermore, cancer or not it is absoultely true that artificial coloring decreases natural color (so naturally and normally pink-ish nails become yellow-ish, naturally pink lips become paler, etc). I do indeed stay away from coloring my nails (and pretty much always have) and I have nails people envy and ask about all the time- very strong, full, natural color nails. I just don't think it's a good idea. She is so young that she is bound to have beautiful natural color & the more you help her appreciate and feel comfortable with that, the more you will be building up her self confidence coming from within.

If you really want to let her pretend play, then get the ones that are plastic. (not appliable color). Children have great imaginations and especially so if you play with her. And every so often you can add clear vaseline to the mix (they sell mini-containers) and clear nail polish. But honestly, I once heard (on Oprah) and it stuck with me that the biggest gift you can give your daughter is self-confidence/ self-esteem. She is SO young that you have SO much opportunity to teach her how to reach from within to get that. There are so many things we as a society rationalize as independently harmless, yet the pervasive loe self-esteem in our young women, the alarming rate of eating disorder in our society and early at-risk behaviors beg to differ. Everything is not avoidable- granted- but avoid the ones you can.

That's my advice. Good luck. -N.

I would not do it. Little girls today are not really
little girls anymore. Just look at the clothes out there.
They spell SLUT! Sorry. I feel very strongly about this.

I would gear her interests towards something else. Does
she like to help cook. Everyone loves a good chef!!!

I think you know what I mean. Make=up sends the wrong
message.

My mom was strict about that, as am I, and like candy, my 3 1/2 yr old associates it only with the few who indulge her, and with special occasions (the only times I briefly allow it (only toy shimmery clear nail polish)). Granted all kids are different but it seems pretty universal that kids are pretty good at figuring out who lets them do what, so if you don't like/allow it, she'll stop asking (consistency is key). Distraction is also a good deterrent - letting her make choices in her wardrobe, put on Burt's Bees chap stick (which she needs anyways in the winter).. she'll feel like a big girl, and trusted. Femininity and self-confidence are not opposites, but marketing likes to get kids at an early age, keeping my daughter away from the products, stores and TV, goes a long way as well.
This is what has worked for me.
Good luck.
M.

I think it just depends on how you approach it. Just like painting on paper is creative and fun, so can painting on your face. if she plays with make-up with a healthy attitude and never thinks she NEEDS it to be pretty, than there is nothing wrong with it. Our babysitter paints my daughter's nails too (and she is 17 months old). My daughter is facinated by the pretty colors. It's no different than face painting at the fair or stamps on her hand. It's just fun. If you let your daughter play with make-up in that way, I don't really see it as her growing up. It's just fun art.

Hello, With this cold weather lip gloss is not a bad idea.

Precious childhood lasts for such a short while. Don't hurry your daughter to grow up too quickly. Let your daughter remain a little girl, and retain her childhood years for as long as possible, don't encourage her with even simple cosmetics, she has the whole rest of her life to be an adult!!!

Playing "make-up" and "dress-up" is what makes being a little girl so much fun!!! My daughter is 6 1/2 and probably got her first little make up kit by the time she was 3 years old, so I say go for it, but do make rules. In our house, my daugher has to ask if she is allowed to play with her make-up before using it (I don't need to find her all made up when I was planning on running out to the store!!!) and she is never allowed to wear makeup outside the house, not even "just over to grandma's house" as she often begs. She can play with it as long as she asks and has to wash her face after she is done. If you are consistent with the rules from the beginning it is really not a big deal....let her enjoy being a "little princess"!!

I let my daughter play with make-up around that age and she got crazy about it. She wanted to go out side of the house with it on and would get upset when I said no. Eventually I took it away from her. She is way more of a girly girl than I ever was/is to this day... I would say maybe go ahead and let her but be warned!! Just don't let her get too attached to it and all should be ok. The only thing I would like to suggest is that you dont give her that play make up.. there is so much garbage in it and you never know how she will react to it. (there is lead in womans lip stick for crying out loud..so I can only imagiange what is in the "made in China" make up kits) I know that when I was little I was given sparkel Tinker Bell lotion and put some on my cheeks and I broke out in little tiny bums where ever I put the lotin on my face for years!! It was horrible. I say real make-up and lip gloss should be fine. Just dont let her make it an every day habbit and you will have it under control. I agree that today's little girls are growing up way too fast. Some of what they watch also help this happen.. It stinks but you know...all we can do is filter filter filter and hope they take heed to what we say huh?! Good luck. And no you are not too paranoid!! =c)