Oldest Daughter Graduating and Moving out-I Am Soooo Sad!!!

I also have an 18 year old graduate on my hands. I've had a heck of a year with her too. At this point I'm just relieved that she is graduating from high school. It seems as though they just have to try on their "adult" legs. The main thing is to be there for her (with emotional, not necessarily financial support) when it all hits the fan. My girl is the type of person that can only learn the hard way. She won't heed any verbal warnings of what may happen. My coping mechanism is to pray for her and have faith that I've done my best to raise her to think for herself. We all went through that time in our lives and we all have to live with the consequences. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.
D.

I was soo your daughter at that age not that I am that much older now, I moved in and married the "love of my life" at 18 but it didnt work and there was nothing that my parents could have said to change my mind but I do think if you were going to help with college you still should and push her to go she may find that she changes her mind about living with him as I did and let her know she is always welcome back, and when they fight dont tear him down it will keep her from telling you things, or suggest she move back in it will just upset her, just be supportive, and leave her room the same as she leaves it, if she is like me I relized that my parents had a great relationship and I knew it would take work but it would never work w/him (abusive) & i deserved better so i came crawling back home.

There really is nothing you can do. I am saying this from my experience. The more my mom pushed me about staying and making the wrong decisions the faster I wanted out. We think we know it all at that age. All you can do is support her and let her know that you will be there for her no matter what. I am 32 and I made some horrible mistakes when I was that age but they were my mistakes that I had to learn from. I would not be the person I am today if I didn't live through my mistakes.
I hope all works out for the best.

Hugs,

S.

I am looking at it from a different angle than the others. We took in a teenager from a very bad situation also. We showed her a better life, loved her, and tried to help her. She was determined that in the end she wanted her cake and eat it too. She is gone at this time.

But we are holding onto the fact that she has seen how things can be. She has known love, discipline, structure, and true family atmosphere. You can't change that. You can't deny it. You can pretend to forget it, ignore it, reject it, but once it is there you can't lose it. Just like she can't lose the feeling of not knowing if she will eat tommorrow, but knowing that she can stop eating and realize that she will get food so she does not have to horde. We internalize these things and our minds have to win over our trained behavior, our emotions, and our wants vs needs.

We never pushed her to act a certain way, but told her there are always choices. With each choice comes a consequence- good and bad. So if you decide you don't want to eat fine, but you will sit at the table with us. Your consequence is your body becomes hungry and uncomfortable. It asks you to take care of it. You have to decide what is important--doing the right thing or being stubborn to show you can 'shoot yourself in the foot to prove a point'. That is the only thing that got through to her. And it worked well.

I think it was because she saw that she has control over herself and it is no one's fault but her own. She has to take responsibility for herself. All teenagers have to learn this to a degree when they are 18, but it seems to be much harder for these kids that come from a rough background.

fwiw mine was 12-13 when we had her. She recently rejoined her mother in a program to help them bond. I also have raised 2 teenagers previously and seen them move out. The 19 yr recently moved back home and is experiencing the joy of being an adult living at home with parents. LOL

They went through the same attitudes, but not nearly as severe as our 'adoptee'. It is part of being 18 and for her part of her past rearing it's head.

Good luck,
ts

My sister went through this same thing. She got married right at 18. Her husband cheated on her, time after time. Finally she got fed up with it all. Now 3 years later, she's got a baby and back at home with my mom. She's always been a bit hard-headed. But she knows where the people are that love her the most and will be willing to support and take care of her.

I think everyone here has said it right. Be there for her and let her know she can always come home should things go bad.

Her moving out with this "BOY" is a bad idea, but shes 18 and theres nothing you can do but be there for her if things go under. This relationship will not last and she will need your support. She's young and think shes in love, i been there done that, its was the worst mistake of my life. But you cant protect kids from everything, they have to live it the hard way to learn lessons these days.

Good Luck

I moved in with my boyfriend when I was 18, almost 19, but it was just to see what it was like...we too had broken up once already and had many relationship problems. I lived with him for a bit....BUT I ended up back home. Just make sure she knows she has somewhere to turn to and that you will never think of her as a failure if she has to come back home. She probably just needs to experience life a little bit!

I would stress to her how important college is though....even while she is living with her boyfriend! I am now 28 and wish that I had gone to school....now almost 10 years later I am trying to get back into and it's hard to do with a baby!

Good luck!