I had a falling out with my best friend about 7 years ago and have not talked since. We were friends in high school and best friends in college, worked together and were roommates for 5 years, basically were attached at the hip. We moved to Florida together after college. She was dating someone there, I didn't have a job so we moved together with one other friend. When we were friends in high school and college, we were always single, dated different guys off and on but nothing serious. When we were in Florida, it was very hard because she had a serious boyfriend and I was single, our lives were at different points and I guess I was jealous and unhappy. We had a lot of fights but always made up. I ended up moving back to Illinois where I was from, we remained friends until she came home for Christmas and was recently engaged. We went out, I had way to much to drink, (don't remember anything I said and regret the night) but was told I said some mean things - basically wasn't happy for her with the engagement. I apologized the next day and felt horrible but she told me that she didn't think she could be friends with me anymore because I could not be happy for her. I really wanted to, she was my best friend, but at the time I was so unhappy and I guess I was just jealous that she was so happy. I know that sounds horrible and not what a friend should be. She told me that she didn't think she could be friends but she would contact me. Well, about 2 days later, I recieved a letter in the mail that said we had many fun years together, that I was a great person but since I could not be happy for her that she could no longer be friends. I was devistated and depressed for a long time. I was sad and angry, angry to think she could not call and talk to me and that she could just let our friendship go. I thought about sending a letter many times but was too hurt. I missed her a lot but In a way, I think it was the best thing, because we were at different points in our life. We were in our early 20's. I am now in my early 30's, have been married for about 4 years and just had our first baby. She is 7 months old. I am planning a trip to Florida so the three of us can visit my brother-in-law at the end of May. He lives in the same city as my old best friend. I always think about her now and then but I think more so now because we are flying down there. I googled her a few days ago and she is now married and will be having a baby soon. It seems like we are again at the same point in our lives but don't know if she is still angry at me or would even want to hear from me. She is the one that ended the friendship. Sometimes I think I would like to contact her but still feel hurt that our friendship ended the way it did. I have a few good friends now but I miss the close friendship I had with her. When I googled her, I found a blog that she writes. She talks about her new best friend a lot. It makes me kind of sad that I don't have this type of friendship anymore and that she seemed to move on so easily. If I contacted her, I'm not expecting us to be best friends again, I guess I really don't know what to expect. Any suggestions? Do you think I should send an email? What should I say after all these years? If this goes ok, I was thinking I could ask her to meet for lunch while we are in FL. Or do you think I should just try and let it go? Thank you for listening!
Hi Everyone! Thank you for all of your responses. I finally did it after 7 years! I reached out to her on facebook, sent her a long message, letting her know that I think about her a lot, miss our friendship, apologized for what happened in the past, told her about my new family and asked how she was doing. She replied back the same day, totally shocked in a good way and thanked me for the letter. She said that she also thought about me through out the years and forgave me. We will be meeting up when I visit at Memorial Day. We have endless questions for each other, trying to catch up on the last 7 years! It is such a great feeling! Thank you again for all your encouragement.
I think you should contact her. Personally I think a handwritten letter would be much better than an e-mail. You could start the letter by saying I've been thinking about you lately and remembering all the great times we had together. The chances of you becoming best friends again is rather slim, but the chances of you reconnecting on some level is very good.
Good luck!
If it were me I would contact her. Even though she ended the friendship doesn't mean that you can't make contact. You never know she might have thought about you over the years. If you don't want to email her you could always look her up on face book and send her a message. I did and made contact with a friend of mine that I haven't talked to since we were like 11 and now I am 26... It is just a thought but I would make some form of contact... Hey it might make her feel real good to know that you have thought about her all these years...
I think you should make contact. If she doesn't respond then you have closure and can move on. If she does, like you said, you might not be best friends again but it would be fun to catch up and depending how the contact turns out you can continue the friendship or move on. But I would definitly contact her. You don't want to put yourself in the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" column if you don't contact her. Good luck.
I would consider contacting her, but not to tell her your heading to Florida and want to see her. I'd wait and see how warm she is with the idea of emailing. Maybe tell her about your life today, with your husband and baby. Just tell her you wanted to check in, then if the emailing continues to be positive, mention your trip to Florida and ask if she's like to meet for lunch.
You may find that your lives are very different and you don't have all that much in common anymore. People change a lot from their 20's to 30's. Then again, she may be up for the chat and welcome the friendship with open arms. Good luck!
Write her a letter and apologize for your bad behavior, let her know you miss your friendship and want to fit back in her life anyway that works for her. You have nothing to loose so at least apologize and try.
I'm sorry you're going through this. My BF and I had the exact same falling out. I got engaged, she was jealous, got drunk and proceeded to tell me how unhappy she was with her life and that she couldn't stand to be around me because I was so happy. I was so hurt that when she called me the next day to apologize I couldn't get past it. We had been BF's since elementary school and didn't talk for the next 5 years. She sent me emails, called me and even sent a letter. All easy for me to ignore. I was happily married, had a beautiful daughter and wasn't interested in revisiting a part of my life that had turned so bad.
One day, there was a knock at my door. My ex BF was standing at my door holding a bouquet of flowers. I opened the door and she broke down crying telling me how sorry she was and how much she missed me.
Well I couldn't help it and I started crying and we immediately hugged! We have ben BF's (again) ever since.
I guess what I'm saying that when I received her emails, letters, phone calls I couldn't feel her sincerity so I ignored them. It wasn't until I saw her face that I knew she really did "mean" it. That's just my personality though. For others an email does help!
Just another suggestion, maybe you can go see your friend. Stop by and tell her in person how sorry you are about what you said 7 years ago.
I wish you so much luck that whatever you do to try and make amends, that you prevail! Let us all know what happens!
I think you should email her or call her its been a long time and you guys were both young it is common for one friend to sometimes be jealous of the other friend. If you still think about her then yes you should call her. At least you can say you tried to salvage the relationship. I wouldn't expect her to be your best friend again but who knows what may happen. I am sure she still thinks of you from time to time.
Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. If you can forgive your own and her part in your falling out, maybe she can, too. You could ask. Let her know you'll be in her area, remember your friendship fondly, and wonder whether she would like to meet. Then it's up to her to decide.
If you do meet, and she brings up her old hurt, don't argue, defend yourself, contradict her, or do anything less grown up than apologizing for not having been a better friend. If you can carry that off with grace, you will feel more powerful than you can imagine, and may have a chance at getting an old friend back. My best to you.
You have nothing to lose by contacting her. Personally, I would say ...Hi ..I am going to be in ther area, I've thought about you alot, I appreciate our friendship and see how it goes..
Your idea of a simple meeting, lunch, coffee is good....break the ice... you never know. Keep it light, airy and non committal. You both have more than likely grown up quite a bit and can be more mature at this point.
You are being a good person and demonstrating being a good friend by extending the offer.
Good luck
You are still thinking of her, and obviously she is still important to her. Is she on Facebook? You may try that since she wouldn't be rejecting you to your face and that may be easier to take.
She may be wondering the same things about you and worrying that you wouldn't want to hear from her.
Find her, tell her what you are thinking and above all else, be honest. You deserve to get it off your chest and she deserves to know how much she means to you.
Ok I have a similar story! I was best friends with this girl so close we did almost everything together and were going to the same college and were just so close (I am sure you can imagine I just can't really explain it lol) However, I would be your friend in the situation. When I got with my then bf now husband she seemed to be upset we never spent any time together started fighting and it was just a mess... One day she told me to chose and said some real unflattering things to me and my now husband. I told her I wanted him bc I loved him! She was so furious she stormed out of my driveway and didn't speak to me for months. I hated how our friendship ended but figured she should appoligize to me! When she started dating my husbands cousin she called and asked to come over, this was the first time we had spoke since the incident...anyway it was strange bc I knew she was still upset I had not chosen her, but I really love my husband then and now more then anything! About 6 months ago she added me on facebook and about 3 months ago she im'd me... we talked about how it went down and how she adn I both wish we would have handled it better, but you could tell she was still upset about how it ended... She was my bestfriend and I so badly wanted to stay friends. I had to end it though bc of what she said to me and my now husband... it was really rude and uncalled for! We get along now, but I know we will NEVER be like we were! I now have a new bestfriend and have married my husband and had two babies! We have nothing in comon, but it was nice to hear from her! I say give it a shot and either give her a call or if you have facebook or something try that! I wish you luck and feel for you! It will never be the same, but maybe you can rekindle some kind of friendship! You have nothing to lose and if she doesn't want to talk to you then at least you tried! Good Luck-----Ash
i think you should contact her, and see where it goes. i had a falling out with one of my BF, for reasons still unclear to me. this was 7 years ago. we were very close, and i did a lot for her. when the friendship ended, i did not miss her. it was strange but i was able to never think about her, or care how her life was going. 7 years later i have not been contacted by her, but to tell the truth, even if she did, it's too late now. we have, i am sure, grown apart, created new friendships, and there would not be any room for her in my life.
now, my childhood friend, we also had a falling out, her choice. it was very difficult as we were attached to the hip. she contacted me 16 years later, and even came to visit me in the US. i accepted her wholeheartedly, and tried to open the conversation as to why did our friendship end. i wanted to know. she chose not to tell me, just said i am so sorry. she was very sincere in her apology even though it took one sentence, and no explanation. come to find out, i still cared about her, so i accepted her back into my life. is it the same? it will never be the same. but it is some sort of friendship still. what i am trying to say is, if the friendship was strong to begin with, years won't matter, and you two will be able to patch up things. if the bond was not very strong for both, and if the hurt caused by you was enormous, then she will not be able to forgive you.
but you will not know unless you tried.
either contact or show up at her door. worse case that will happen is you will know it's over for sure.
The worst thing that would happen if you contact her is that she says no. Not likely though. I say go for it.
I think you should contact her and see where it take you. I had a fall out with one of my close friend in College. We were close buddy in High school but everything changed once I started to date my then boyfriend who I am happily married to right now. My close friend were just not H. for me that I found someone in my life. She basically talked bad about me to other people and was very rude and disrespectful to me. Our friendship just slowly ended by the first year of college. Six months later, my ex-close friend called me and apologize and asked if we could be friend again. I told her that my feeling were very hurt but I wouldn't mind having her back as a friend. We became friend again but it was not the same anymore. My point is that if you truly feel that you want this friend back then go for it. You never know unless you give it a try. I wish you the best luck.
I would try to send her an email or contact her via face book. Just be sure that you are not in a situation where you are going to allow yourself to be hurt if she chooses not to get in touch with you again. There is nothing wrong with trying though, and you will never know how it will go until you do.
I say send the email, add her on Face Book or what ever. I was in a similar situation, had a great best friend and the friendship ended suddenly and badly. I always missed her. One day she found me on Facebook, she sent the email and apologized for how things ended. Now we are great friends again and I am thankful that she sent me the email. She had been missing me as much as I missed her. It is great to have my old best friend back.
I had a very similar situation. Bottom line for me, after ten years of not talking I reached out to her through Facebook. She also had ended our friendship but I felt I owed it one more shot. She was thrilled to hear from me and we immediately started our friendship where we had left off. We've had a great time this past year catching up and are both sad that we let so much time go by for a silly fight. I suggest, give it a try. If she blows you off, you'll always know you tried. Good luck!! I hope it works out.
the fact that you admittted that their was some jealousy on your end says you've grown up alot. when go to florida jus slip her a little note with your contact info while your down there saying your sorry and that you wouldlike to talk. all she can do is not respond. she may miss you just as much as you miss her. i wish you the best.
You definitely should. Time usually heals many things, you are both older and wiser women. The truth is you have thought about her a lot during this time and when you write/contact her I'd let her know she's been on your mind and you always wonder if she is doing okay. You guys were at different points in your life, and although things went sour the fact is you are both at the same point now, and maybe these things you have in common now can spark up that friendship again. Good luck and be confident. If she's open to talking to you, ask her if she can forgive your selfishness many years ago and if she would like, you'd love to have her in your life again.
