Ok, to Send Our Daughter or Not to Send Her?

So you're seriously telling me that she's 13 and you've NEVER let her spend the night at a friends house or have friends over!? I'm trying to not sound rude but is that real or am I misreading your post? She's 13, how expensive could her jewelry be? Like a $3 necklace from Icing and some cheap earrings? Your daughter's friends mom sounds amazing, and I bet that party is going to be a lot of fun.. And how is 2 outfits a suitcase? What 13 year old doesn't pack that much anyway? Time to cut the cord, it's a supervised party and it's really age appropriate, why on earth would you have any issues with this? Do you not remember being 13? Either you did these sorts of things or you had a mom that didn't let you and you were probably mad about it so either option should help you gain some perspective. If you don't start to let go a little now when she's 18 not only will she resent you but she'll probably do a lot of making up for what she missed.. and in a not so age appropriate way.

15 moms found this helpful

Send junk jewelry. Stop watching Nancy Grace. She's 13, you (and hubby) need to start loosening the apron strings. I would send whatever they asked me to send (as long as it wasn't expensive jewelry, which I don't personally own). I think you should let her spend the night. It's a HOTEL. It's only 17 miles away. I'm sure a parent is going to be present. What do you possibly think could happen?

Seriously mom, if you think this is hard, wait till she starts driving. Letting go is hard, but it's a necessary part of the process. You need to do it in baby steps (and this is Step 1), or you will have a heart attack when she goes off to college.

Your daughter is a sweet girl, the other girl is a sweet girl, the other mom is probably great.

Go get a glass of wine, have fun helping your daughter gather stuff together for the party, and RELAX!

And for moms who are worrying about jewelry and clothing -- can we remember what STUFF is for? It's to be USED, and sometimes broken or lost, not HOARDED. Life is about living.

14 moms found this helpful

Assuming you can get ahold of the mom, I would let her go. The party wouldn't be to my taste personally, but it's perfectly appropriate for a 13-year-old girl to go to a sleepover. If you don't give her a little freedom and personal responsibility now, she will never develop the "muscles" to make decisions responsibly for herself. By the time she's older (e.g., college) she could be in for some serious trouble. I work at a large public university, and we see some seriously irresponsibility among oversheltered kids. The kids from immigrant families, who are given responsibility at a young age -- they usually do fine.

Oh, and if you're concerned about expensive jewelry being lost, get her some cheap costume jewelry at Claire's or something. This doesn't sound like a reason not to let her go to the whole thing.

13 moms found this helpful

Sounds like a lot you're worrying about, when there really isn't much to worry about. You know the Mom, you know the daughter (who you said is well behaved and responsible) your daughter is well behaved and responsible.

A sleep over in a normal thing. A hotel? That's a TREAT.

I don't understand the comment you don't let her sleep next to anyone... that is just weird to me.

I don't think they mean your wedding ring when they talk about jewlery. I think they mean costume jewlerey. if you don't have any, it's not really a deal breaker. it's a suggestion, not a requirement.

I would let her go. shelter her too much now, regret it when she does it behind your back.

11 moms found this helpful

I think it sounds like a blast! Maybe she would appreciate a few extra moms acting as chaperones, I know I would, especially overnight! She will have a blast wearing dresses and jewelry, getting all made up. I'd buy her some cheaper jewelry maybe from Claire's so she doesn't lose the good stuff. And my daughter has stayed the night at two of her best friends houses since kindergarten also. I can't believe yours never has at age 12!

The hotel makes it special, and then the mom doesn't have to clean up her house afterward. She's turning 13, a teenager, that's a pretty big deal! They will probably go to dinner in the hotel or somewhere close, then be able to swim, and sleepover. I do agree with her having a cell phone and maybe you staying in the hotel if she doesn't need extra chaperones.

And oh goodness, this isn't a "my only value in life is my appearance" party! Part of being a human being is taking care of your appearance, Having pride in your attributes, and being and looking your best. There's absolutely nothing wrong with teaching all of our kids that! And would a "I'm so smart I can do biochem and calculus" party be better, really? ;)

10 moms found this helpful

It sounds like loads of fun! She's 13! I would feel differently if you were talking about an eight or nine year old. She doesn't have to take the family jewels either -just the regular jewelry she would wear with the outfits she takes. If she's that irresponsible, maybe she should stay locked in her room. I know I would have loved this at 13, and my VERY overprotective mother would have thought it sounded like great fun. It all sounds like very innocent fun. Don't take opportunities away from your daughter - and so what if it's a bit much? You're not throwing the party or footing the bill.
When you are, it can be however you want.

As far as your husband, when exactly does he think she should spend the night with friends? Most kids start that around kindergarten.

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Is your daughter 12 or 13? Is she responsible in everyday things? Do you know the adults who will be chaperoning the party? Do you know the plans for supervision and are they adequate in your opinion?

I'd have to know the answers to those questions before I could decide for my own daughter.

If I'm satisfied with those questions I would let my daughter go. I would not send any expensive jewelry. This sounds like a really fun experience as long as it's handled in a responsible way with adequate supervision.

If the adults will be in a separate room and sleeping during the night, I would not let my daughter go.

Since your daughter has never been to a sleep over before she may not want to spend the night. Have you talked with her about this? Picking her up after a few hours may be a good compromise.

As to your husband. Parent's have to let go gradually. It would've been appropriate for your daughter to have spent the night with friends long before this. At what point is he going to let her have some independence? When we hold too tightly to our children they frequently find ways to rebel.

Later; I looked up Charming Charlies on line and noted that nearly everything was less than $10. I suggest that because your daughter is responsible she'll bring it all back.

9 moms found this helpful

At 13, I am shocked that she hasn't attended a sleepover before. Sounds like they want extra outfits and jewelry so they can dress up like celebs/divas...all in fun. I would definately let her go to the party and most likely spend the night. I would talk to the mom and be sure that proper supervision will be provided.

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I understand your concerns, but really, most kids by 13 have spent a night away from home at a friend's house with no issues and I think it would be good for you and hubby to try to loosen up a bit, let her go, and let her have fun. Like others have said, you don't need to send the heirloom diamond necklace and your grandmother's engagement ring - let her bring some cheap costume jewelry and if she needs a small suitcase for the rest, it's really not that big a deal. As long as there will be parents present and chaperoning closely and being responsible, and she is as mature and responsible as you say she is, I would let her do it and let her stay overnight. It might seem like a bit much for you, but if this other girl is turning 13, her parents might want to do something extra special for her becoming a teenager. If it's a one-time, out-of-the-ordinary thing for them and they want to spend the money, that's their business.

And if it makes you guys feel better, you and hubs can always get a room in the hotel of your own so you are near by, but also be able to enjoy yourselves. You can let her know where you are without letting on to the other girls, just so she isn't embarrassed. Or you can offer to help chaperone some yourself. She will probably have a blast. I don't like over-the-top parties either, but there is a point where just pizza and cake at home just won't cut it. Let her live a little!

For what it's worth, my cousin's parents were very conservative and wouldn't allow sleepovers, ear piercings, etc. - she still resents it to this day. I don't believe in letting a child do something just because "everyone else is doing it" but sometimes you do need to take that into consideration and recognize that there is a point you need to let them be part of the crowd and feel like they fit in a little - within reason.

Or as Cyndi Lauper once sang, "Girls just wanna have fun!"

ETA: There could be a 1001 legit reasons why the other mom has not gotten back to you - you didn't give a time frame. But I would have to agree that if she can't get back to you within a reasonable amount of time (i.e. 24 hours), you could have more of a reason to be concerned and to reconsider. I wouldn't be too happy about that either.

9 moms found this helpful

She is 13, you said it yourself that she is mature and responsible and wants to go. We have to start letting go and allow our children to gain some independence... Never a sleepover?

1. I don't think the jewelry you would be sending would be the highest end real gold, diamonds, etc. They are talking about costume jewelry and dress up.

2. swim suit for the hotel pool

3. if you are dead set again allowing a sleepover, at least, please, allow her to socialize with her friends since she WANTS to go. Don't embarrasses her by being so helicopter and worried. Something could happen to her in your own home, you know.

We've done hotel parties and they are a blast for the girls. We had a limo pick each girl up, drive around town, frop off a the hotel, go have dinner, come swim, back in to watch movies, etc, have room service snack time late at night. All of this was fully chaperoned by myself and a couple of Moms.

Yes I would allow my daughter to go. Daughter also has a cell phone and would be able to tex/call at any time if there are issues,etc.

It is a fun age. You are now in the teen years, things change. She should be able to go have fun AND be mature/responsible. She is growing up and as hard as it is, we have to let go.

9 moms found this helpful

It always sends a bad message to children when the parents are not on the same page. If dad is not behind it, then it's a moot point.

I was molested 3 times as a child. Because so many girls are, much higher than 50% if we count those that don't tell, I just didn't want to do sleep overs. Your feelings belong to you and they are not good or bad.

The fact that they are doing this diva thing would be a problem to me. All girls like to dress up and there's nothing wrong with playing with hair and make-up. But to say they have to dress to the nines before they even get there makes me fearful that they could easily start teasing anyone that doesn't measure up. I think the whole idea sends a bad message of excessiveness.

The fact that you don't know the parents well is another reason to nix the whole idea.

8 moms found this helpful

Awww.....sounds like a fun girly time!

If she wants to go, pack up her stuff (nothing irreplaceable or expensive) and let her go!

8 moms found this helpful

I think this sounds like your daughter and her friends are gonna have a blast!

You are right to be worried and anxious...we all get this way about our kids sleeping over w/other people....but with that being said, she is 13? and I think I would let my child go.

I would tell Dad that everything will be OK. Gotta let them grow up eventually, right?

As far as the jewelery is concerned, to me that's not a big deal...but my kids don't have uber expensive diamonds and all that...do you let her wear her jewelery to school? If yes, then it's no different, it can get lost or damaged then too...if No, then don't feel bad about not sending it, if it is expensive and what not. Do you have any costume type stuff she can borrow?

~Yes, I agree that this party sounds a little over the top but it also sounds VERY exciting and I am sure they will be well supervised and as you said, you have a good kid! Let her go and enjoy herself!

7 moms found this helpful

13...it is the time. I'm surprised she hasn't had a sleep over earlier. It sounds cute and fun. As for jewelry....send costume jewelry. And...here is a though, what if u and ur hubby get a room for the night as well. This way u are only steps away. Ur daughters friends wouldn't have to know but provide comfort to her, u and hubby.

7 moms found this helpful

I think it is a horrible idea. Let's just have an 'my only value in life is my appearance' party. I wouldn't let my child attend, period.

7 moms found this helpful

She'll be just fine. There will be plenty of girls there and they'll all have fun. I bet she'll be BEGGING you to host a sleepover next time too.

It sounds like this girl's mother has everything well planned and taken care of. If you have concerns, talk to her.

ETA: And yes, I would send the outfits, hair accessories and costume jewelry. None of it is likely to be that expensive...and, god forbid she does lose something...it's NOT the end of the world. It's just stuff.

ETA2: If you can't get ahold of the mother who is running this then that's a different story.

As for sleepovers...I was sleeping over at friend's houses and cousin's houses at about age 5. Not huge parties, just pizza and movies with two or three other girls. My boys have also slept over at friends' houses since about age 6. But they grew up a bit differently. I'm in the military and go to the field, deploy, and train for weeks or sometimes months at a time. They're used to sleeping over and I know and trust those who they spend their time with so I'm not worried about them.

6 moms found this helpful

Goodness, this sounds fun. I would think if you call the mom and tell her that you are going to get a room too. Tell her that your daughter has never spent the night with anyone and she may not make it all night. This way you can save her the trip if the crying starts.....That is what I would do. I would just tag along. You do not have to be with her, just in the same building would be enough. I would not even attend the party, I'd take the time to go shopping or some other thing I don't get to do often. Then that night if she needs you then you are there. You will also see first hand how the thing is being handled and if you have concerns you can pull the plug by having her spend the night in your room.

6 moms found this helpful

in 5 yrs your daughter is going off to college. You will not have her under your wing forever and you need to start letting her do sleepovers so it's not traumatic when she goes away from you for college.

That said - send only costume jewelry if any at all. I would NOT be sending jewelry! And the second outfit would be ok with me.

Sounds like a blast, I think your daughter will have a blast. Let her go. BTW, I have a daughter the same age and wouldn't even hesitate to send her to such a party.

6 moms found this helpful

Well - I am the kind of mom that let's her kids go spend the night. As a matter of fact my 12 year old (6th grade) is coming back from a trip to NASA in Houston today. Neither me nor my husband were able to go. We have been texting and he has had a blast. If you can get the answers you need from the mom I would let her go. It really sounds like fun. I would be some cheap jewelry from Claire's, Wal Mart or Target, do her hair & makeup and let her have fun.

6 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't let her, but thats just me. not at a hotel, and I see no need for all the clothes and jewelery for such young girls.

6 moms found this helpful

OK. I am the type of mother that does let my child have sleep overs and go to sleep overs. However, the child must come to my house first a few times, I must meet their parents, and see there house. If I have any ill feeling my child does not stay. I would not let my child stay in a hotel for a party and not know the parents very well. If I knew the parents well I may consider it. My vote is to let her go for a few hours and then pick her up. Its a win win all the way around. She gets to go and you and your husband are at ease that she is home at the end of the evening.

5 moms found this helpful

Yikes. What is that mom thinking?!
I don't have an issue with 17 miles at all... heck, we live almost that from everything we do and the nearest grocery store.

But all the clothes and jewelry? nope. Not gonna happen. If the daughter wanted this kind of party, the mom should have made arrangements to have all the stuff for the girls to play around with, not ask them to bring it with them. That is asking for something to get broken, lost, stolen and then bad blood between the girls at the party. I also think it is a bit odd that they are doing this at a hotel. Why dress them all up with hair/makeup/clothes and jewelry at a hotel---unless the plan is to let them parade around in the lobby? And I cannot think of a worse idea. :(

Sorry, but I'm afraid I would be with your husband on this one. Depending on the other girls and their parents, your daughter might not be the only one opting to skip this one....
Makes me almost feel bad for the birthday girl. :(

5 moms found this helpful

OK i was on the fence until i read your swh. If you're having a hard time getting a hold of the mother, that's kind of a big red flag to me about the mother's responsibility level. It sucks for your daughter but I would say this is a no. Perhaps she can go for a few hours and you can be one of the chaperones and then you both can leave at the end of the night instead of her sleeping over.

5 moms found this helpful

Sleepovers are quite common in our home and our older 2 are 6 and almost 5.

My only concern is that it is at a hotel. I would be concerned b/c of their age and location. If it was at the parents house I wouldn't have had an issue.

In this specific sitution, I would allow her to attend the party and pick her up a few hours later.

5 moms found this helpful

If the mother cannot return your calls I say NO WAY.

But yes I think I would let my daughter go if I had spoken with the mother, knew her and she answered all my questions.

As for the jewelry...I would go get some decent costume jewelry from Claire's or something, then if it's lost or stolen not too much to worry about.. (of course I have a mom who beads so I would just raid her stash).

As far as dad goes...well sometimes they just have to deal with decisions. I would simply tell my husband that "she's going to get invited to these more and more, and we have to let her do things, we can't lock her up"

5 moms found this helpful

Let me tell you the story of my cousin...
Her parents were both hard-nosed, overbearing, and hypercritical of her. They didn't do sleepovers, alot of playdates, they never went out and left her with a babysitter...She grew up a spoiled brat...

She reached high school, and my uncle decided to take my aunt on a date...they were gone 4 hours, came back to the house full of people. Since my cousin wasn't allowed to go anywhere, she had people over...that way she didn't break any rules. That happened alot, she rebelled, and when it came time for her to go off to college, she chose to live on campus at the university housing instead of staying at her dad's 20 minutes from campus. She was feeling like for the first time in her life, she had freedom to make her own decisions, and breathe on her own. She learned to make friends and now is a respected Lawyer 800 miles away from here.

5 moms found this helpful

I know you are nervous but I would let her do it. It sounds like it would be fun and if you say no and more invites like this happen, she will be missing out.

5 moms found this helpful

I would not let her go. This sounds like a recipe for disaster. Who puts on a birthday party like for a 13 year old? Not anyone I would want to be responsible for my child. Just my opinion. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

DEFINITELY get a room and let her have fun while you guys are at hand (just in case). Good compromise, no? You'll have the chance to see what's like, how she acts etc.. and you'll be able to relax and trust her more later when another event will come up. You need time to adjust to her growing up...I know I do!!!

4 moms found this helpful

Rosebud said it perfectly, ditto!
My daughter went to a 13th birthday party like this a few weeks ago and they all had a BLAST!!!

4 moms found this helpful

It seems to be that hotel parties are all the rage now. In some ways they can be fun because you can swim and the girls have fun sleeping over, but they can also get out of hand.

I wouldn't send your daughter with any expensive jewelry, cheap costume jewelry is fine. They will probably get their hair, makeup and nails done etc. My experience with those types of parties is they often plan a lot of activities but the girls just want to swim and play their own games!

If I were you, I'd let her go but tell her that sleeping over is not a guarantee. Then go with her to the party and stick around for a few minutes to get a feel for the type of kids and type of party it will be. Talk to the host mom and let her know your concerns. I think that's reasonable this day and age! At that point you can decide if you are going to allow her to sleep over or if you will pick her up later.

My daughter was invited to a hotel party and she coudln't go. Later on I found out the moms got drunk in their own room while the kids swam and went wild on their own. A friend of mine had a daughter who went and she was appalled at what went on.

The next hotel party she was invited to I didn't let her go (even though it was a different friend but same group of girls). It turned out to be just fine, the girls swam, ate cake and whispered all night. She was disappointed I woudln't let her go, and then I felt bad (even though we took the birthday girl out to dinner with my daughter for a special one-on-one birthday celebration).

So you can't judge them all the same.

4 moms found this helpful

The biggest issue for me would be the theme of the party...maybe it's just me, but seems a little inappropriate for a 13 yr olds party. My daughter will be 13 this summer and she has no interest in hair, make up, dress up clothes, etc and neither do any of her immediate friends. Crazy...kids are growing up way too soon, in my opinion.

4 moms found this helpful

Sounds like a fabulous party. Let her go. You need to start cutting those
strings. She will be fine and probably remember this party for a long time.
Send junk jewelry, not real.

4 moms found this helpful

I would not let any daughter of mine do this at all.
We went on sleep overs when we were 16 at a friends home - parents were present.
Ate pizza and popcorn.
We did nails, styled hair, talked about boys and (before caller ID) made a few prank phone calls.
I don't resent my Mom or think she was too strict.
There's no reason for a hotel and I wouldn't trust there would be enough in the way of parental chaperones.
If I don't know the chaperones I have no idea if they think booze or pot is acceptable or not.
Other parents are not necessarily your friends in this department.
Didn't we just read about a 14 yr old dying from huffing helium from a tank at a party?
Peer pressure has caused many a "mature responsible" teen to try something stupid and it can end in tragedy.

4 moms found this helpful

I would let her go. Just make sure the jewelry she takes isn't real. You can get costume jewelry pretty cheap. Then it won't matter so much if something happens to it.

4 moms found this helpful

Talk to the mom about how the party will be supervised. Talk about any concerns you have, including the dress-up concerns. Send cheap but fun jewelery, not your mother's pearls. Talk to your daughter about responsibility and your concerns too. Try not to just be "I'm worried" but "I'm worried about this, and how can we address it?" That way you are starting to teach her the skills she needs to make good decisions. Have your husband be part of the process if he's so worried.

I think if you get more details you'll probably realize it is fine. If you can, you might consider getting a room at the same hotel for the night (not being obtrusive, but present if necessary). If there are a number of parents present it could be a fun way for you to get to know them better too!

4 moms found this helpful

Can you and hubby go and have a night together at the same hotel? that way if she needs you then you'll be near by and that way too you and hubby can have a fun little "getaway" it would ease both your minds and your daughter would have fun.

4 moms found this helpful

I agree parties are way too involved and expensive these days. Even so, I would let your daughter go if she wants to and if you hear back from the mom. I went to slumber parties as a kid and had a blast. I think they are like right of passage for girls in this age group. Just my 2 cents.

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well, on principle, i guess it's not that big of a deal. if you trust the mom i am sure she'd be fine. but i'd be a little offended at all the demands placed on those attending. i mean isn't coming and bringing a birthday gift enough?? what's wrong with people? (as the mom of the birthday girl i think she is spending WAY too much money and being WAY WAY too indulgent, sounds like her entire world revolves around her child and she expects everyone else's to also, but hey, it's not my kid. i'm sure your daughter would have a blast. as long as she doesn't expect the same when her birthday comes around!)

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I'd let her go if I was confident she would be appropriately supervised at all times, and if it wasn't going to cost me a whole bunch of money to buy "diva" clothes and jewelry. My 12 year old got rid of that kind of stuff years ago, lol.

Since she's never been away from home, I would consider going and staying at the hotel overnight with your DH in another room so you can by close by just in case.

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How about asking the mom if she needs help chaperoning this little soiree. I'm sure she'd appreciate another mom to help out.

I am stuck between "aw, that sounds like a lot fun and age appropriate for little teens" and "that's really over the top". But it sounds like hotel parties are the new thing for that age? Yikes, my daughter is 4, what will it be 10 years from now, trips to Mexico?

I wouldn't want my daughter to miss out though. I'd just want to be comfortable with the supervision, make sure it wasn't a case of the mom's partying in their own room while the kids run amuck ;) I could totally see some moms I know doing that!

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It sounds to me as if you don't know the family of the girl hosting the party, or else you wouldn't have the issues that you do and frankly in your position I would feel exactly the same way. My 11 year old daughter wanted to hang out with a male friend yesterday after he called to invite her last week, and I spoke with the mom on the phone for a while. She interviewed me! So I interviewed her right back ha ha. I figured I had met a kindred spirit. She ended up telling me that she preferred it if my daughter went to her house rather than her son coming to mine, which I was fine with but I then told her that if that were the case I'd like to join my daughter so that we, the moms, could hang out too and get to know each other better. She was actually excited about that and ended up making a new friend.

I know that not everyone is like that. That's okay too. But I like to know and trust the people my daughters will be spending time with, especially when it comes to overnights.

If you let your daughter go, I would probably buy her some really inexpensive costume jewelry and leave her "good" costume jewelry at home. I agree with you that the chance of it getting broken, lost, or even stolen is too high. The rest of what she has to bring sounds reasonable and girlie and fun.

However, if you can't get in touch with the mom and hey, maybe even offer to help chaperone, I would probably nix this particular party. A few weeks ago one of my (same) daughter's friends had a party after school that they would have walked to, and it was a 31 party. They were going to do makeovers and pizza and typical fun stuff. But no parents until pick-up, girls were encouraged to bring money to buy purses, and I didn't know more than three other girls at the party that had a guest list of over 20. I was borderline on that party and it was near our school AND our house! I couldn't get in touch with that mom either and I knew her from a few years ago. All details came off of a flier and the birthday girl. I just couldn't go along with it, so when my daughter ended up with detentions two weeks in a row, and we had told her if that happened a consequence was the party if that happened, I was actually relieved when she got the detentions.

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My first thought is where are they going to go with their nice clothes, make-up and fixed up hair? And it would really worry me that the other mother is not making an effort to return your calls.

I think I would go with the "early family function the next morning" and plan to pick her up by midnight.

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If the mother won't call you back, that is a big red flag, and would mean a NO GO for my child.

If she does call back and you get the answers you needed, I would not send your daughter with any jewelry that you would be upset if she "lost". Send fake stuff. Can she borrow your cell phone for the night? If yes, then have her call and check in at designated times - 9pm, 11pm. That way you know she is ok. Make the arrangement with her that if she doesn't call, and you have to call her, then she comes home. It will show you whether she is capable of being responsible enough.

What a tough situation! I hate these extravagant birthday parties also!

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If you trust her but not the situation send her there with a cell phone. Tell her to call you the instant she feels uncomfortable. As for the jewellery, someone mentioned Wal-mart, I say get her a few things there and let her take those.

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while i spent the night at friends homes they were usually in my neighborhood. once in awhile in the country. but this hotel thing just strikes me as a major stranger danger oppertunity. if it were all the above at a friends home i would have no problem . the jewerly doesnt need to be expensive just dress up costume jewerly. wal mart has cheap jewerly. i might allow her to stay for several hours picking her up late at night. but it just seems inapperoperate to have a young teen party at a hotel. i am with no on this one.

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I don't see why she can't go to the party and then you pick her up later (10 or 11). As for the jewelry, that's kind of going overboard. I would just dress to impress, hair up, makeup on...no jewelry. Gah, I can't even believe it's a "Diva Queen" theme....talk about spoiling your child! She's gonna be on one of those MTV shows, my "sweet 16".
Laura

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A lot also depends on the maturity of your child - does she know how to protect herself to a certain degree..always being with the group.....being aware of surrroundings and knowing that not all adults (even the ones she knows) can be trusted....might be a talk worth having if you do decide to send her. Could she go for the evening part but come back home to sleep? 17 miles is not that far off....this way she will get to participate some what........
I secretly think my mom must have had some bad expoerineces when she was younger as she went to a lot of sports and music camps and that is why she NEVER let us have a sleepover other than at one of our cousin's place whose family I know she completely trusted.........I used to feel bad when I was younger but now I feel that my Mom gave us the best gift ever -an untainted childhood. Your daughter seems to be old enough to take care of herself....somewhat......

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My answer is premature, since my daughter is only 4, but my gut says I would never allow her to go to a party at a hotel as a teen unless I was also at the hotel and able to supervise.

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This is a tough one. I assume a parent will be there, preferably the mother to supervise all of these 'divas'? That would be my first question. 2nd, do you trust that parent? Sounds like you trust your daughter and that she is a bright young lady who can make a responsible decision.
Have you considered talking to the parent hosting the event? I know you want to keep your daughter safe but you also don't want to isolate her (ie pick her up early) from her friends and future invites.
Personally, I think it is a bit over the top and may not be affordable for some (ie people like me with little or no fancy hair talents!) to put out the money for nicer outfits, hair/makeup...and a gift? I hear alot of people doing the sleepover thing at hotels because they don't want it at their house, which I understand. Get the info on who will be supervising ALL of these girls. If there is more than one room, is there more than one responsible female to watch ALL of them? Get those answers then start making a decision. Good luck....I still have some years before I am where you are and who knows what the theme of a 13-year old party will be by then!

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I would let her go and if you don't feel comfortable letting her stay go get her late when most the fun stuff is over. My oldest just spent the night for the first time at a friends house this month and he's 13. I would maybe send enough jewlery for her to wear but no more. Or don't send any at all. I am sure some others will bring extra that she can borrow. Trying to convince your husband I don't have an pointers cause my husband does not really argu with me once I have made a desission.

Good luck and God Bless!

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I would pick her up by midnight at the latest.

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Well I didn't have daughters, but have lots of sisters. I did have sons, who went to overnighters, and had overnighters and did all sorts of birthday parties. However, in this particular case I am going to say my answer and take it or leave it: no, and no and no. I wouldn't let her go, I would not send her with a lot of jewelry and no, just no. She can go to therapy one day if she doesn't like the answer. too much is happening and yes THANK YOU NANCY GRACE for reminding us. Anyway, I have a hunch this won't mean anything but well, you can be her friend later in life if you want you are her parent now. The only other thing is going, dropping her off and picking her up or renting the room next to her.
That is something we did.
the end.

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I wouldn't let her go only because she's never done a sleepover before. If she gets homesick or uncomfortable, it would be humiliating to call home in front of a large group of peers and it would be a long way to drive. My oldest did his first sleepover at age 3 (a family friend with a son the same age) and has been sleeping over with kids from school since first or second grade so you may want to get her to have a first sleepover sooner rather than later, but do it with someone you know well who is close to home.

I would let her go for a few hours and then pick her up at 10 or 11 PM and just say you have an early family function or something the next day. If you're going to drop off and pick up the same evening, you might as well see if the mom would like an extra set of hands and volunteer to help her out. So keep trying to get a hold of her.

It does sound like a fun party, but perhaps not really your daughter's speed right now.

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I agree with Miranda.

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My parents were SUPER protective (along with grandparents/aunts/uncles, etc who all lived along the same road!) and I had sleepovers with 2 close friends from kindergarten and did just fine. By age 13, I had had sleepovers at my house and at others' homes-- pretty much every weekend since about 3rd or 4th grade, and loved it. Some were girls that my parents barely knew or had not met the parents- they trusted me to call home (days before cellphones too!) if something was amiss. I was never molested or raped or anything else horrible.
I think if she has never had a sleepover by age 12 or 13, then she is going to be pretty ill-prepared to be at her first one amongst LOTS of girls who might judge her for being homesick. I think I would skip this one and ease into hosting some sleepovers at your home and letting her go to friends who are nearby before doing a big party thing.
I have a daughter who is 11 and had sleepovers with close friends when she was 3-5, but then we moved cross-country and she didn't really get close with anyone until recently, and now she is doing sleepovers almost every weekend. I think it's been really good for her, actually!