OK Is It Just Me, Please Tell Me I Am Not Alone

See...you are definitely not alone!! I have a theory that your first child takes half your brain. My husband and I split the other half, so we are working on a very limited amount. You kick in the fact that we are not as young as we used to be and...voila... I forget why I walked into a room, what I was there to do at that moment. We also call that "Look at the pretty flowers". That is when you are doing something or saying something and another thing catches your attention and you forget what you were doing in the first place. For example, I'm going to make my bed and as I walk into the room, my closet door is open so I go there to shut it, but first I need to put my shoes away and...."oh look at the pretty flowers....". Which reminds me, I think I'll go downstairs and start taking my Omega 3 supplements!!!

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No, you're not crazy. lol!

Try and get organized and lay clothes out and prep diaper bad night before. Know what you will be having for breakfast, ect.

Stop having to make a last minute check list in your mind and make a list before you go to bed or before you pack so you can ensure not to forget anything.

This is normal. We've all gone crazy after children which makes me think we were actually crazy to have children at all.. lol!

Yes, i love my two toddlers, but they are screaming right now. Is there somewhere I can hide?

J.

1 mom found this helpful

ok R....it's not just you. i promise. i am a 37 year old married with two kids (boy-13 & girl-11. my husband and i used to joke that when your kids are small you seem to not be able to be the person you used to be for a few years. i am a neat freak and in need of consistant organization. this is not possibel with little ones. taking care of another human being is such a huge job that i allways felt as long as my kids and i got where we needed to go in one peice, everyone was safe and healthy, then i had to let go of the other stuff. if you forget your pen, purse, keys, etc. oh well. you are in charge of the constant well being and safety of a little person. that is your main task at all times(24/7 to be exact) your going to loose things, and forget things, and you'll be late to things. Oh well, you are doing the best you can...and if anyone were to say your not...well, ask them if they think they can do better. i bet not. this level of craziness does go away as the kids get older and can do more for themselves. then its just a matter of juggling thier schedules. i have officially become "TAXI MOM". my two allways have someplace they have or want to be. dont let this get to you...it does get easier. good luck.

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Happens to me all the time, just the other day, I found the phone in the mailbox, the mail in the fridge, and the milk in the pantry!

i have 3 boys... 13,4,2. i tell everyone that each child took a third of my brain when they were born.(which leaves me with nothing). i breastfeed all three, so i agree with the lady that the kids took my boobs as well. i also clip my keys to my pants. short term is the worst. i have to right lists down when i go to the store and i will still manage to get home and realize i forgot something.(usually something i really needed). but it helps me to right everything down that i dont need to forget. just the other day my best friend wanted me to call her and wake her up. i wrote it down on a piece of paper and left it on the table so i would see it the next morning. i think its good you asked this and you got so many responses in such a short time. i'm also glad that i'm not the only one.

I am constantly feeling this way. I will have half done projects troughout the house. I have 2 girls 5 & almost 2. I work full time and feel like I can never get anything done.

easy enough, sleep deprivation is known to have effects on your short term memory.... and even if your daughter is sleeping through the night by now, YOU still aren't sleeping like you used to, up with every roll over, sigh, slight noise..... even if you aren't getting out of bed (which you probably are lol) then you are still disturbing your sleep cycle, and I would swear that children know right when you are in REM and that is when they scream. (which by the way is the WORST time to wake up. Seeing as how normally that is the heaviest part of your sleep cycle.) I'm not a doctor, but I am in college majoring in psychology, with a specialazation in sleep disorders and dreams.... so with that info and the fact that I have two children myself I am pretty confident that that is probably your main problem. lol. Hope this helped! *** Nap Time *** lol

R.,

Good morning!! No, that is something I expericened also. I promise that it will get easier. Just try to get everything organized the night before and I find that helps me a lot. If not I am like a mad women in the morning, and there will be that one thing that I forget. I even write things down so that I do not forget them. I hope this helps.

K.

Hello R.,

You are not alone. I forget everything. I am almost always never on time. ALWAYS LATE! My driving has gotten worse and i always lose my purse. I had to get a clip for my keys to clip it to my jeans so that when i am out and about and it the stores that i do not lose my keys. OH and buy the way i have lost them a few times in Wal-mart, why i have no clue but i have. I never get all that i need at the store.

I dont care to clean anymore and i wish that i could play with my kids all day long and say forget about everything else, but we still need to eat. That reminds me, i have also forgotten food on the stove.

Welcome to the CLUB.

From one mother to another. :)

By the way --- I GOT THREE KIDS , 7,5 and 2 years old.

Hi R.,
First, it's NOT just you! Ever since I had my two year old... I can't remember a thing! :) And yes, you have to get a little more organized (makes lists of what you really need) and also, have a sense of humor. That is the only thing that will get you through. What women told me was that I would lose my mind while I was pregnant... what they didn't tell me is that it was never coming back! :)

No point getting totally stressed... that just makes it all worse! It's hard to avoid sometimes... but your normal like everyone else!

Good luck!
K.

No you are not alone.

My best advice: write stuff down. Make lists and keep a calendar for your appointments!!

Best,

M.

Oh yeah, I have that too -- big time! I have been working on the fact that I need to just have better time management -- like pre plan things and work on my procrastination (not saying that you have it, I KNOW I have it LOL). I forget everything since I've had kids. They take alot out of you, especially with memory.

I don't know if you are looking for advice on better time management... but what I do is preplan meals for the week, pack lunches at night, lay out clothes at night for the next day, have what I need already in the car (like diapers for the sitter, gym clothes, etc.). I take about 15 - 30 minutes every night after the kids are down to do all of this. I also keep a list of to do's, dinners and bills all in one notebook.

It's a good thing that you can laugh about it! That's one big step in lowering the stress of being busy.

Hey R. -
You are so NOT alone! Especially as a single Mom, what you describe is your body/mind/spirit adjusting not only to the birth of your daughter, but to the incredible amount of detail that goes into keeping her housed and fed!

If you can, clean out your purse and make it for your stuff only. A couple of bags (cute travel organizer bags or quart size plastic bags both work!) will help keep your purse organized. Baby stuff goes in the diaper bag. Taking a few minutes every night to restock that diaper bag will make it your friend again! Once you have the basics in place, the daily extras can go on a list you can develop, or keep running, attached to the fridge. You'll be likely to see it there, and can develop the habit of grabbing what you need.

None of this is a piece of cake - you're more tired and stressed than usual, so be gentle with yourself. Above all, love and enjoy your daughter!

God bless you both!
M. M.

Hey R.-

I have a 3 week old and am feeling your pain! Hang in there- that's all we can do!

M.

No your not alone! Yes it takes longer to do things you get less sleep and you feel like your never going to get things done in time to relax or spend time with hubby or spend time with yourself! I have 4 kids and I feel like I dont have time to do anything even clean or cook or anything and the only time I really have time to do anything is when they are taking a nap but then again I have 2 in school one still sleeping in the crib but is old enough to walk and almost talk and one that dosent like taking naps anymore! I also baby sit a friends kid and she is good and sleeps alot and dosent give me any trouble but when I do get a quiet time all I want to do is just sit and relax but when I do that I get absolutly nothing done! So no honey your not alone this goes for moms who even though dad is there you still feel like that! And for the moms who get everything done please tell us how but those moms usually have someone who watches the kids while they do what they have to do or day care or their mom at the house living with them! Or their kids are old enough to do things on their own! So sweetie moms and dads alike who have kids under the age of 12 just feel like their is just not enough time in the world for anything and everything takes longer to do or your like me and explain everything in long form! So im going to cut it short I would like to go back to work and get a sitter but cant afford one so I sit at home and feel like im sleepy all the time and I and other moms like me might just have a baby attatched to them saying mommy waaaaahn but hey it gets better when they are older! Good luck sweetie and remember their is a moms stress line! Its all confidintial and I really dont remember the number but I think its in the Phone book or online under the white pages! Parents crisis line! good luck

I just wanted to thank you for starting this conversation. It has been great reading all the responses. You ladies are awesome!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! Continue to get organized, but also simplify your responsibilities. A lot of your stress is probably directly or indirectly related to your time demands and time management. Prioritize so that the most important things get done. Tackle other responsibilities by,
making small consistent steps. Too, learn to satisfied with simple and steady accomplishments to that you can enjoy life and not be overwhelmed by the challenges that life has to offer. Good luck and get some rest.

It's called "Mommy Brain"... My oldest (of 3) is almost 10 and I can tell you my short term memory never has come back yet!! I email myself and leave myself voice messages all the time in addition to writing things down right away. Also, one day when my kids were in school and I was back to work, my brain was on auto pilot and I found myself almost all the way to work when I realized I'd forgotten to drop my kids off at school first! So that day I decided I had too much on my plate. We dropped the extra curricular after school activities and I sat my family down and asked for more help around the house and with my responsibilities. I know you said you are a single mom, but do whatever you can to figure out what is on your plate that others can help you with and what things you can cut out of your life all together, or at least find some things you can put on hold for a while. I really do feel our brains can only process so much at once and when we get overwhelmed everything spills over!

You are not alone. You are just so preoccupied with all the new things going on in your life. I swear I lost brain cells with each of my pregnancies.

I would love to tell you if gets better but I honestly can't say it has for me. My DD's are 6 & 10 and I still feel like I'm loosing my mind. Actually today I just told a friend I feel like if I have adult onset ADHD. I start to do something like look for a pen in my purse and before I know it I am cleaning out the bottom of my purse too...LOL. I go out side to get the mail and notice some weeds growing in my garden and the mail has been forgotten and I start to weed the garden. DH thinks its funny...the only good thing is that at the end of the day I can honestly say I accomplished something.

Just try to keep your sense of humor and you'll get through this too.

Not stupid at all R.... sounds 'typical' to me. The way I see it is this... before kids I had to think and feel for one person- myself. Then I had my first child. Thinking and feeling had to be done to/for both of us. Then I had my second child. Now, I think and feel for both of them and FREQUENTLY forget to think and feel for myself! I think only a mom can understand that. Welcome to the club! I have had to get over people thinking I've lost my mind. I'm resigned to it now and enjoy the amused, sympathetic looks I get from other moms while I flounder through my day. As long as somebody "gets it" I'm happy.

You are not alone...I make lists and then go to the store and forget to bring my list and come home with everything but what I needed...(I wrote the list right before I left to go to the store)

You are not crazy and I am going through the same thing. It seems like you never have enough time, but I manage to get it done and maybe not right away, but sometime during the day. The best way to combat the forgetfullness is to make a list, write every thing down when you think of it and then check it off as you do whatever it may be on the list. I find it to be very helpful in helping me from losing my mind on a daily basis. My baby is almost 2months old and if it makes you feel any better I went to his first doctors appt. without the diaper bag. First baby, new mommy I was forgiven :)

P. B.

R.,
Welcome to the world of having kids. We are so busy and trying to remember so many things that yes in a sense your short term memory is just shot. I have 3 kids and cant remember anything. I always forget stuff at the store. So i started making shopping list which work but i forget that at home so you see it is a never ending battle. Just throw in the towel now this is one you wont win. Ive been tryin for almost 9yrs and still havent. I have found however that writing notes on your hand helps. I know you shouldnt do that but hey you cant lose you hand can ya. Good luck girl.
A.

You are not alone. I just had my third child, and I thought it was tough before (forgetfulness)! Every time I leave the house, it takes a long time and there are so many things to remember. My oldest son needs an outfit for baseball pracice and all his gear, homework, backpack, lunch,etc. My four year old never leaves without a snack and something to drink, and my 5 months old...where should I begin with him and all the items I pack everyday for him. To top it all off I'm breastfeeding him too, and sometimes, I have to stop and feed and I totally lose my momentum...ahhh...just take it one moment at a time. The world will not end if you are late or you forget something. Your memory will come back. I've heard that it is nature's way of making you focus on your child instead of the 50 million other "little" things. I'm learning everyday that life will go on if we forget things, but we have to try to shrug it off. It is so frustrating at times!! Hang in there. Congratulation on your beautiful little blessing.

Hello R.,
You are not alone. Guess what, I am 56, kids are grown and gone. It's just my husband, myself, 4 parrots, and one cat. You'd think that you would get better in time. I still have those days all of the time, especially Monday's.
Take care,
Sandi D

I just thought that was what motherhood was all about! I have tried to get more organized, but it never happens! I'm never able to find my keys, even when I hung a key holder on the wall near the shoe rack at the door-I can never find the cordless phone even when I moved the charging base to the living room (where I currently reside) and I can never get the dog to listen even though I have her in obediance classes (it takes time and patience of which I have neither as well as someone in the house who constantly derails the teachings-those DHs are so loveable and helpful somtimes!:)

And at the end of the day I have accomplished half of everything I wanted to accomplish got done and then the next day it is destroyed. I compare it to trying to manage your finances based solely on commission, with NO nest egg saved to fall back on for those slow seasons.....VERY HARD AND UNPREDICTABLE!!!

I'm not cmplaining though.:)

T.

OK take a deep breath and relax. I totally agree. My short term memory seems to be a little, well short. Or not at all. I think my daughter has taught me to slow down and not let life pass me by. So those little mundane tasks take a bit longer. Of course, staying in the moment sure if difficult when you have a screaming child in the backround.

You are not loosing your mind. Unfortunately I think for most of us new Mom's this happens. I have always been an organized person and do things right when I think of them. But when baby comes along.......or shall I say toddler, it all goes to heck. I've learned to deal with it and know this is the way life is at this particular time.

I am right there with you. While pregnant, I called it the "placenta brain" syndrom. Your growing baby pulls a lot of oxygen its way leaving you short. I am assuming, my brain just never rerouted the needed supply. I tell my kids that they used to have an intelligent mommy. The worst is when I get to the grocery store and buy 50 things for them and forget the one thing I went in for, get home, and then have to go back! Household tasks take forever too, how about the never ending laundry??? Every time I clean the kitchen, I turn around 2 minutes later and it needs cleaning again. Its called Mommyhood. I hope as my kids grow, my brain comes back and I relearn how to accomplish the little things. In the meantime, try not to stress. Enjoy your little one.

You are absolutely not alone!!! I have a four month old little boy. He is my little angel, but yes since I had him I feel like I forget everything, even something I just told myself to do or grab, just like you said. How old is your baby?

You are not alone, I know what you are talking about. I find that i write myself notes and i also get stuff ready the night before, and i use a check list as well. I am always forgetting things. My daughter is 7 and i still have to double check to make sure she has all her stuff together and that i have my stuff together. Make yourself a check list and try to get things together the night before. That usually helps me.

Hi R.~
I know you have rc'vd lots of responses and I only read the last 9 that you rc'vd. But real quick I just wanted to add that you need to remember to take some time to yourself. A little break from reality, even take a little stroll by yourself while the little one naps or take her with you in a stroller while she sleeps if you don't have someone to watch her. You could also try taking a little nap too, rest the brain for a spell to refresh your senses for the rest of the day. And don't forget that the work you didn't complete today will be there tomorrow, but even if you do it today it will still be there tomorrow. :) I'm glad you rc'vd lots of advice. It has also helped to remind me that I'm normal too! I'm 37 and have 4 kids: 18, 11, 9 and 4. Whew, I need my alone time, otherwise I get real cranky right around dinner time and I can't seem to take anymore. Hang in there Mom, you're going to be okay! If you ever need someone to talk to, you can msg me, besides, I can use a really good friend. God bless you and your home. B. :-)

B. Reitmeyer
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http://www.livetotalwellness.com/belindareitmeyer
http://www.workathomeunited.com/belindareitmeyer

I went through something like that. I always had a little notepad and wrote everything down, I still do. Lack of sleep and stress triggers forgetfulness.

Trust me it's gotten worse for me, I have a voice recorder on my cellphone that I use to make sure I have everything before I leave the house.

Oh and it's not stupid it just happens :)

I feel your pain. I feel as though I have completely lost my memory. I always thought I had just lost it and tried to make a joke of it. My sister in law has a 1 year-old and we talk about this all the time. Neither of us can remember anything. Don't have a solution for you, but I can let you know that you most definitely are not alone in this.

No, it is definitely not just you. BTW, I had my first at 39 and a 2nd at 41. Not that it matters, however, I think that when we wait to have children a little later in life, we are so set in our ways, that change seems so overwhelming, more so for us. I may not be correct on this thinking, but I have read alot and given it quite a bit of thought. I seem more scattered, cluttered, forgetful sometimes. I smile to myself when I reach in my purse looking for something at the office and come out with a handful of crayons, glitter, you name it. My girls are 6 and 4 now and all I can say is laugh alot at how different your life is (for the better) and don't worry about the small things. Our life is just a speck on this earth and we want to take time to look at the clouds, hang out with the kids and not think so much about how things maybe should be. I don't know if this helps but it is my feeling. Welcome to motherhood!

No you are not alone. I think I read some where that you actually do lose some brain cells ahen you have a baby. I have three (no wonder I'm nuts!). Take it easy things will get easier as your little one gets older.
L.

your memory goes after you have a child, most moms will agree.
you know its not a big deal if you forget something when you leave your house, unless it is your baby.
once you get pregnant you know you are no longer in control of what goes on. your body does strange things, your child will do strange things, and most days chores are left undone. just enjoy your baby's smile.
oh yeah, i have a planner that write everything in. i start the week before and even write a plan for the day. i even write down when i am suppose to eat and shower just to make sure i have time. of course not one day has gone as planned but it is a start.

I have the saying "I lost my boobs and brains after i had my daughter", wouldnt it be great if she took them from me though??!! I am so unorganized i hate it, I have the same thing happen when i go in my purse, then i just got a big bag, and dump everything in. Then it got so crazy, i went to another smaller bag. NEver find the right stuff when i need it. My mail stack gets larger everyday.... but then i think that my daughter is most important. There is no other details in life. Might need to unload some responsibilities and tasks, just enjoy your day.

with my first i was bad about it. i would pack a diaper bag and forget diapers, would walk from the living room to the kitchen and forget what i was going for. got to where i packed a bag for the car and 1 for the house that way if i forgot the one at the house i had the one in the car if i remembered then the one in the car was unsed. did that with each child after they were born. seems to improve as they gat a little older and a lil more independent. they don't let you forget things :p my 3 yr old now will grab the bag if we are going out. course just yesterday went on what was supposed to be a short errand and forgot the diapers luvkily my middle child who is autistic had some in her backpack. just relax when ya can and enjoy. it seems either we get used to it and improve or it just does over time... well mostly unless im really stressed out then im lucky i can remember my own name

Not just you! Pregnancy brain stays I guess. Just the other day I went out and was going to be gone all day and I forgot her entire diaper bag! How you do that, I don't know! I can never keep it all straight, and oh yeah, can never be anywhere on time no matter how early I leave!

It's called new parent syndrome and trust me you are not alone. My memory was shot for almost six months after my daughter's birth and I'm finally starting to clearly remember stuff now after my 4 month old son's birth. Don't stress and write yourself alot of notes. eventually it passes.

Hello R.,
First, congratulations! And you are not alone, you have great posts here. I have 3 -7,4, 21 months and I forget everything! Like I'll be looking for something important and then not remember what the heck I was looking for. I am a big fan of lists. And yes I have lost them, now as soon as I write it I tape it to the front door, and it has worked. The trick is to keep everything on the same list, and not take it off until you have everything or done everything. Good luck, and it also helps to keep extras in the car, diapers, a little package of wipes, change of clothes. M.

MOTHERHOOD. No -- you aren't alone. It gets better as the children age. But then YOU age as well -- and according to my mom (71) she needs to interrupt our converstations together or else "she'll forget." Lists help me a lot. Stay positive! The world still turns even though we forget things. And, yes, scientific studies do show short-term memory is shot for new mothers, but that it improves. I think lack of deep REM sleep is the culprit. (We, moms, are on alert to protect our new baby.)

I had the same experience. It gets better with time. Other people told me I was imagining it but I know my memory was very different for some time after delivery....still can't remember names like I used to!!
I make lists and have to organize better just to do what I used to do.....

I was told that women lose 1/4 percent of memory for each pregnancy. Don't feel bad. --- A.

R.,
Once upon a time long long ago.. I used to have photogenic memory .. I am not kidding .. I will read a book one time and will be able to remember it .. birthday, phone numbers... and then I had three kids .. My joke is with every C-Section, they took out part of my brain ..so NO.. you are not alone. Our daily lives are so cluttered and so many things to remember .. it is hard to keep up. I kept a notepad by my bed in the night so I can write things that come to my mind.. and so I don't forget. You will laugh, but last night I woke up at 3:30 to put my son's violin by the door -- he has a recital -- so I do not forget that in the morning because he does not take it on Thursdays usually. So, Relax .. this time will pass and as long as you have yours drivers liense, keys, purse, hopefully cell phone, and your daughter .. Great. Rest of everything can be arranged quickly, if lost or forgotten. I can not tell you that it will get better, but you might learn to live with it and then it will not bother you. When I forget something, I just joke .. I only had the time to count the people in the car and I have not lost my children .. Laugh and it will make things somewhat better.
Take Care

You are not alone. I think it happens to everyone. When you first have the baby, I think a part of your brain it devoted solely to taking care of wondering how the baby is doing and maybe you never get that part back because it is always concerned with the child. Also if you are doing everything by yourself, you are the only one who is doing everything and that is hard on you. Plus I think having a child later in life (I was 37 when I had mine) makes a difference. You have been so used to only having to care for yourself that it is an adjustment. I have to make lists for everything and also had to get used to not getting as much accomplished each day as I used to. Good luck with it all and don't be down on yourself.

R., No you are not alone! This is so common that my girlfriends call this new mommy brain. And if you have been a mommy for a while we call it just mommy brain. One day you will be able to find things, finish a sentence, and remember what you had for breakfast. But this usually doesn't occur without tremendous amounts of caffeine. Enjoy your baby and cut your self some much needed slack. It also helps to greatly lower your expectations of productivity for the day. One day you will have your edge back, when they can dress themselves and wipe their own butts. Good luck, K. J.

It's not just you! My husband and I joke that our daughter actually stole my brains, that's why she's so smart and I'm so forgetful. I actually make a lists of everything I need to do, and what I'm getting when I go out, or I absolutely forget to do something. Luckily, the only thing I haven't forgotten is my angel girl!

I have been a single mom for almost 8 years. I too wonder where all the time goes. I have resorted to making lists on sticky notes and at one point even put them around the house the night before to make certain I remembered all of what I needed to do in the morning. Another organizational tip is to do as much as you can the night before, but I'm sure you probably already have that one taken care of. I don't think you are alone as all the stuff that has to be done by a single mom can keep your brain rushing from thought to thought. However, you may want to mention it to your treating physician or start taking a vitamin supplement or something from a whole foods store for memory. Ginko biloba is supposed to be a good one, just be sure and do your homework before taking anything especially if you are nursing and always consult with your physician before starting a new regime. Hope this helps.
De

You are not alone! Ever since I had children my memory has gotten so bad. Especially just right after giving birth. I used to have the best memory but with so much to be responsible for that has gone out the window. I would be talking to someone and forget what I was going to say :) I think it gets better as your kids get older because you are a little less overwhelmed. What I do to help myself out is always write a to do list. It helps me so much. Right when you think of what you need to do just jot it down asap. I have a bunch of post-its :)

Hello R. you are not alone. I have gone through the same thing i think its just all the added things you have to do every day the only thing that helps me is when i put her to sleep i think about the things i have to do the next day and get everything ready. But if there is something that comes up i am not prepared for it's a crisis and i have nothing ready. It gets better promise

R.,

I know exactly what you mean. I now have 3 kids and it seems to have gotten worse with each one. If I don't write things down I will never remember to do them. I often call my husband 10 times to tell him something as soon as I think of it, because if I wait til I see him in the evening I will never remeber what it was I wanted to ask or say to him. I think our minds are constantly thinking of what we need to today, tomorrow the next day etc. that we have way too much going on in our heads. The best thing I ever did was put a cork board and dry erase calander in my laundry room right where I walk out and in everyday. It helps me soooo much with remembering appointments, party's, etc. Welcome to motherhood.

K. A.