Obsessing About a Third

I was like this for two years. I just could not decide. I really wanted to have another one but I wasn't sure that it was best for my family. My husband and I finally decided to devote ourselves to prayer about it and to just see what happens. Well I am in my first trimester now and I am so happy that we are having a third.

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You and me have the same story. I also am obsessing over the third. I also plan to home school my two and know a baby may ruin those plans. I'm three years younger than you so I'm not so completely crazy intense about deciding now. But I hear you, a bigger car, a bigger house....two is so manageable.
Here is a true story seemingly unrelated. I once was taken bunggy jumping. I was all strapped in and ready to jump. But as I stood there on the edge of a bridge, I could not make myself do it. The kid there helping was encouraging me all he could, but 10 minutes passed and the kid said "look, no one who waits this long ever finds the courage to jump" Lets unstrap you and you can try again later. Only I knew I would not have the nerve to try again, it was now or never. Still, I could not make myself jump. I couldn't! So I stood at the very end of the ledge and teetered until I lost my balance and fell off. Whoo Hooo! what a ride! I get pregnant the same way. who in God's name would do any of that on purpose! So I'm standing on the ledge thinking if I loose my balance I'll have no choice but take the ride down.

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I think that if you have this much apprehension, it really means no. It doesn't have to be permanent "no", it just means "not now." You should be mostly sure you DO want another one (99 - 95%). Right now it sounds like you're at about 50%, or possibly less.

Enjoy your little ones and examine your feelings again in six months. (I appreciate your age - same boat -, but you can easily go to 42.)

Best of luck.

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Sounds like me. I obsess about the 4th. I've posted on in several times... but I am pretty sure we are only having 3. My husband is just gone too much, and I think adding the 4th would push me over the edge.

I too had amazing birth experiences with #2 and #3, my nursing experience was fantastic. If I could just have a baby, I'd be fine. Having 4 KIDS is what would push me over the edge :)

Good luck with your decision, and know you are not the only one rehashing everything daily.

(PS - I turned 39 yesterday - so I totally get that part too).

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I can completely relate! I felt this same way about having a second. DH and I always said we wanted 0 kids or 2 kids, but once we had the first we had a really hard time deciding to have the second. Initially, I was really sure I didn't want to have another, and then eventually the indecision arrived and that was torturous. We took our time and finally decided we were ready when DD was about 2 yrs old. The best thing a friend said to me was that when I felt I didn't want a second, and when I just couldn't decide, that meant "not right now." I think she was really right.

So, I'll repeat that sage advice and suggest that your indecision means 'not right now". I know you feel you don't have a lot of time, but it's probably worth putting off any big decisions for a while until you're more sure.

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My answer is short...

Stop obsessing over all the what ifs and just go for it and enjoy the ride..even if it doesn't all go as planned. You want a third...your husband wants a third so go for it!!

Our third has been the easiest and a real joy!! But even if you have hiccups and there are bumps along the way...that is life...that is what makes you and your family grow and bond.

Good luck and best wishes at finding peace of mind with your decision!(A dog is alot harder than you think... I wouldn't substitute your #3 urge with a dog. If you want a dog...get a dog...but don't make Fido baby #3)

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I would stop and here's why the world is overpopulated I can justify having two because then u replace you and your spouse. More and you're contributing to a bigger problem.

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I had a similar situation about 7 months ago. Only difference is I was done at two--always wanted two boys and I have my two boys. My hubby on the other hand would not commit to us being done. I have a health condition that basically gave me only a 12 month window after I was finished nursing my youngest to make the decision to try for a third.
My husband and I went round and round for 4 months trying to decided if we were going to go for a third. I had many many days especially with a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old at home, that I was sooo done, never again, can't even fathom a 3rd. Then other days where I guess it couldn't be that bad, there's no way another baby could be as bad/difficult as my 2nd.
So the last month we had to decide my hubby said he wanted a 3rd wasn't budging, I was on the fence and couldn't care either way. So I compromised, told my husband we have until the end of the summer. If we're pregnant it was meant to be, if not it wasn't meant to be.
Now mind you it took us a 1.5yrs to get pregnant with my 1st and not even a month with my 2nd. So it really was a toss up how long and if it would happen. 4 months in still not pregnant, we were down to the last month. I thought I'd go out really trying to make sure not to leave any questions in my husband mind in that we really tried. Well 5 months later looks like I'm 2 months pregnant. I have mixed emotions, not totally excited or bummed either, but I can tell you this feeling of being blah and horribly uncomfortable totally reminded me why I didn't want to be pregnant again. Then I just think of the baby we'll get to hold in 8 months and I'm feeling horribly blessed. I don't know how easy it is for you guys to get pregnant, but why not put a time limit and go for it. If it happens yay, if not at least you know you gave it a go! Maybe you might have more clarity as well. I know the first two months after waiting and testing I felt relieved not to be pregnant. Started thinking maybe that's my clue we shouldn't have a 3rd then as that month progressed I started feeling slightly disappointed, so we kept on trucking.

Best wishes

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Take the pressure off yourself and give it another year. In the grand scheme of things one more year will not matter. Then once the pressure is off, hopefully, you will be able to view the pros and cons more objectively.

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Well my boys were 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 when we had our third, it is wonderful(she will be 1 next month:)) I too homeschool, it's challenging sometimes, but can be done and sooooooooo worth it. Go for it!

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I don't find your anxiety strange or unusual. I have a 20 month old and know exactly how much my little guy still needs me. Little ones are basically babies still until about 3 yrs old. Since you are having some anxiety about trying for a 3rd, I think it wise to wait another 3-6 months and revisit the question of having a 3rd. It would be nice to get through the holidays without the fatigue and nausea that often go along with healthy early pregnancy. I'm so glad you are thinking this through. I love my 3 dearly, but it's challenging having 3 kids 6 yrs and under. This week all 3 have runny noses and sore throats and my husband (also sick with sore throat) and I have been up several times a night for the past 5 nights taking care of the youngest 2. I homeschool my oldest so there is not much time to rest during the day. Again, I love my 3 blessings, but some days are just really hard. Nurse Midwife Mom of 3

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I just went for it and we now have three....All of them are two years apart and it worked for us...I am obsessing about a 4th! I need to cut it out as we are so busy that thinking about this is nuts!! My oldest is in school now and we both work fulltime...Now the after school activities...I can't imagine now handling a newborn with all of this. Don't wait too long if you decide. I liked having them closer in age. But you need to do what's best.

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You just described me to a T!!!

We have two, and one is almost a year. I obsess constantly about another. I think mainly because I know it is a real liklihood that we may not have another. This probably makes the obsession grow even more!

I do think part of it has to do with hormones. Our make-up is such that we are programmed to reproduce. Realize your feelings are TOTALLY normal. Just because you feel this way doesn't mean you should or shouldn't have another. Sometimes women need to take the emotion out of the picture to be able to answer a question or solve a problem.

I still haven't decided. And you know, that is OK! I know this is really cheesy, but if it is meant to be, it will.

How are you all financially? And I don't mean this as a personal question or a request for you to divulge a ton of personal info - I just am asking generally, are you doing better than OK? Or, are you living paycheck to paycheck? If the latter, start saving NOW, and paying off debt. That will give you something to look forward to, and a goal! It will be fun. Then, try for another in 6 months or so. If it happens, great, the stress of money is not there!! If it doesn't, great too, you have extra money in the bank to make your family's life even easier.

My in laws don't help, neither do my parents. It is a HUGE burden raising this kids without any family help. So I do know exactly where you are coming from there. But, I wouldn't let that convince me not to bring another wonderful baby into our family.

So, after all of my rambling, I don't think you do know "when to stop". Your biological clock is going to tick regardless of your rational thought process. Talk to your husband. He should have some opinions. Right down the pros and cons for each of you. Then - I SAY GO FOR IT!!

You won't regret having another, but you may regret not.

BEST TO YOU AND YOURS!

Hi,
Please spend some time with mom's you know who have 3 children. I have two and it's always been pretty easy. My friends who have 3 went from everything being easy to really hard. Needing to buy a mini van or a range rover, going to the store with 3 impossible, going on trips, now 1 hotel room with 2 beds won't work especially when they're older. Finding sitters who will watch 3 is hard and you have to pay more per hour. Picture putting 3 kids thru college. I also think most women assume they will have healthy kids, but the fact is that there are so many with issues. If you have two healthy happy kids maybe you should picture adding a 3rd who has sensory, behavioral, or eating issues or worse. If you're not 300% ready for a 3rd don't do it. I agree with you, get a dog!