Obligated to Go to Every Family Birthday Party?

I say you are allowed the occasional pass - but that doesn't mean every year (birthday) or every holiday. My husband works out of town Mon thru Fri and only have weekends together as a family. Most times remind ourselves that nieces and nephews and aunts and uncles are family and should be "family time" but the occasional weekends we just need to be our immediate family.

I say pass but don't make it a habit.

4 moms found this helpful

If you don't want to go, then don't go! If you aren't close, then I can bet they are only inviting you out of obligation, as well. Just mail a card with a gift card, and just tell them you are sorry you won't be able to make it. You don't have to explain why! :)

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I do not feel obligated but we live close to two of ours so I would go. But with it being an hour and a half away, I would send a gift or money in the mail with a nice note saying sorry we can't make it and leave it at that!

3 moms found this helpful

I'm pretty close to my siblings, so I try to go to niece/nephew parties whenever possible. However, there are times when I'm just too busy and can't make it. If you feel it is too much for your family, I would sit this one out. An hour and a half drive each way is a lot to do with 2 babies. Call and wish your nephew a happy birthday and send a card (and a gift if you feel appropriate) and try to get together at another time.

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Nope. Just send a card.

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If you normally would go to other neice's / nephews birthdays with a gift I would get a card and put some money in it and send it. then make a phone call and say we already had plans for that day but the card is in the mail. (you do need to actually mail it lol) but for that little bit of notice no I wouldn't turn my family's only day upside down to make it work.

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You shouldn't feel obligated, but you should view this as a chance to spend time with family and get to know your nephew a little better. You guys could go and stay for an hour. Or you could take 1 or both kids and let hubby relax at home.

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Nope! But if they lived close I would try to, but wouldn't sweat it if we had to miss.

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Don't go. NEVER feel obligated to do anything you really don't want to, especially with family. I learned this when I was turning 40 and my life has been so much better! =)

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Given the background you did, I'd say - no, you're not obligated. Please don't feel it's necessary to give a long explanation as to why you can't go. A simple - "thanks so much for the invitation, but we're just not able to make it that day" will do. With 2 little ones, the drive and your husband's hours, I'd leave Sunday as your day of rest. You must have a lot on your plate. Send a gift and maybe you can make it another year when your kids are a little older.

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Here's the deal. The problem here is distance to drive, not so much how well you know the child. If they were local I would probably go briefly, unless they were complete freaks that I couldn't stnd being around. I would stay home and let them know it's too far to drive this time withh hubby working so many hours and two babies in tow. Let them know a card is in the mail and send $20 with a cute .50 card from Walmart. No obligation.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I think you should skip it, it sounds like it would be quite stressful and hard for you to get there--especially when you don't really know them that well. I have 11 neices and nephews that are 7 and under, and we are expected to go to EVERY SINGLE BIRTHDAY PARTY! We also have birthday dinner for the adults too--my family has 10 adults and 13 kids (my siblings, their spouses, our mom and all of our wee ones) and we all live close to each other and it is a huge dramatic ordeal if you miss a birthday party. I've been known to pretend that my kids are deathly ill to get out of them.

Just don't go, mail a gift and a card from all of you and enjoy your day with your family :)

2 moms found this helpful

My husband's family is like this to an extreme, he even goes to his cousin's kids' birthday parties. My family is too large, I have 29 nephews/neices and great-nephews/neices, and we stopped this long ago. We don't do gifts with each other either. I do send them all birthday cards, but started doing that once I was in a position to do so (like my mid-20's), which means that half of them didn't get cards until they were in their 20's, haha.

In addition, for our son, we don't invite family to his parties. His first was grandparents/uncles/aunts only (that alone was 28 people) and every party since was a pajama fundraiser for homeless children. The grandparents were told about the event if they wanted to stop by, but they chose just to come over for dinner on the actual bday.

Good luck!!!

1 mom found this helpful

We didn't go for nearly the exact reasons and they called demanding an explanation. We had 36 hours notice and only see them at the inlaws holiday dinners. They also held it at a place that is smokefilled and we have asthma.
I would mail them a card and maybe gift card.

1 mom found this helpful

No I do not feel obligated to go to all parties. In fact I just emailed my brother that I sent him an invitation to my son's birthday party, but that I would not be hurt if they didn't come. I mean he would be driving 5 hours to go to a birthday party. Seems unreasonable to me, but I would love to have him there. However him coming to visit on a weekend when I actually had time to visit with him more would be better and if he does come he would be spending the night, but still long trip for a birthday party....

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Have you gone all the time in the past? Do they make a point to come to all your parties? It's not like you had no idea when your nephews birthday is, so you should have expected that a party would be coming, however only a week to let you know when there is a party is pretty short notice. Did they do this with all the guests? My husband is close with his 3 siblings and first cousin so we have to go to everything which I don't feel is necessary but he does. But i have to suck it up. Especially makes me mad when my family plans something the same day his does, regardless of who invited first. It's annoying. If I were you I would feel a bit flustered about his too. I need to have things planned out way ahead of time. I hate things sprung on me.

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It seems all families are different. I have a fairly small family--as does my husband. So we really make an effort to get together on birthdays. maybe my side a little more than his side. My side doesn't go "crazy" for Christmas, so we like to do birthdays right!

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No...not at all, especially if you aren't close to them. However, my sister's fiance works long, crazy, random hours and so my sister REFUSES to do anything when she thinks he will be home. Drives me insane. Maybe because I am so independent and if my hubby wants to join us great, if not, his loss. So if you don't want to go, don't go. But if you can, then go. It is short notice, so that's a great excuse to get out of it.

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In my husband and my family we make every effort to go to our niece or nephews party, yes. I don't necessarily feel like we HAVE to go, but I personally find it important. However, I do not make any family feel obligated to come to our children's parties and sometimes not all can make it.

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For a teen or an adult relative we were not close to, I would have no problems politely turning that down. But for a 5 year old nephew, I would go.

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