Nursing for Comfort & the Escape Artist.

Dear R.,

if you have the space you may want to think about transitioning him from the crib to a normal, floor height bed. We did this and are very happy with it. Our children went from co-sleeping to a floor height bed. Our son nursed until 21 months, then self-weaned (with gentle pushes into that direction). My daughter self-weaned at 14 months within a few days.

Anyway, we weaned my son from night-nursing at around 16 months, by having dad put him to sleep in a large floor-height bed in my son's room. My husband would often fall asleep there. When our son awoke at night he would call out, or start walking over to us. My husband then took him back over and soothed him to sleep again.

It seems to me that the crib in your situation is a risk, not a protection, and that everthing would be easier without this gadget: if there is no crib to climb, he will not be able to fall from the crib. Of course, the floor-height bed is a solution only, if you fence of any staircases or other potential places of accident in the pathway from his to your bed.

I think it is great that you trust your child's individual ways of becoming independent. But also trust your own needs and allow yourself to have a sacred space of your own, gently "protected" even against your son. You both count.
good luck,

D.

You are doing all the right things... Your instincts are correct about the crib and putting Dad more into the night-time mix. This is one of those difficult times. You know the two alternatives. It's up to you which way to go..... I wasn't happy with the CIO thing, but I didn't have a climber either! Maybe you should consider a toddler bed. My mother left the side of the crib down for us to climb out, but that's an iffy thing, too. Don't worry - things will get better!

When transitioning our children out of the crib, (my second child, was only 1.9 when she starting climbing with great ease), we put a mattress on the floor in their room so a "fall" off the mattress wouldn't be painful, and we put a gate in the doorway so there couldn't be any wandering around in the night. You might have to remove some things from the bedroom so it won't be too stimulating. Hopefully, this will allow you to go back to your bedtime weaning routine and to sleep a little more soundly.

You need to stop with the crib now that he can climb out. Very dangerous. Put a mattress on the floor or get a toddler bed with rail. My 21 mo. son sleeps on a regular twin bed, but he does not move much while he sleeps. He also still nurses to sleep and can not handle it when my "boobies are too tired". So no advice for you there. We never did the CIO method. We never let him cry. I just lay with him until he falls asleep. Sometimes this can take a couple of hours. He is a very happy very active boy who never throws temper-tantrums.

I second what Julia said about the nursing. And at this stage it is really hard to tell how much milk they are actually getting - it can become harder to pump and express but that by no means is indicative of how much milk they are getting. But if YOU are ready to stop nursing then I think it is best to listen to your needs and do what you feel is best. Good luck.

I have no advice about the nursing part, but at 15 months, my daughter was adept at climbing out of her crib. She's too young to have free roam of her room, so I resorted to the crib tent. You say that your son could get out of it, but if you haven't seen one attached, I suggest you try it. There is no possible way my daughter can get out of that thing. It is virtually fool-proof, and is the only way I can keep her safe at night.

Hi R.,
It sounds to me that you son is using the breast as a control pattern. I guess you could call it an addiction and I think the sooner you help him stop the better. I believe that children have a need to cry, they need to relieve stress, sometimes all the way back from the birth process, but most of us will stop our babies crying at any cost (put him on the breast, give him a paci, jiggle and bounce them)and they are not given a chance to cry out whatever it is that is bothering them (of course ruling out that they are not communicating a real need) I suggest a book for you called Aware Baby, its an easy read and you will be blown away by its theory. I have raised my son this way and he is such a content and secure little boy. I dont believe in letting them CIO but instead allow him to discharge whatever he is holding in by holding him close to you the whole time he is crying, when he is done you will find a very content and relived little one. If you are ready to do whatever it takes to get him off your breast then I can promise you this will work. Next time he wants the breast tell him that he cant have it and when he starts to cry just hold him, with compassion, hold him and let him cry until he is all done, dont put him down till its over. He may need to do this a few times before its over (its kind of like he needs to catch up on all the crying he didnt get to do because he was putting your breast in instead) You will see a completely different child at the end of this. Well this is just my HO and I do wish you all the best.

R.,

As for the nursing. One of the tricks I've used is to tell your child what is going to happen so they expect the routine. So at bedtime it would go something like this. We are going to take a bath. (hopefully after everything you say they will say yes as they are in agreement with the plan) Then we are going to come into your room and get your night clothes on. (yes) Then we are going to read 2 books. (yes) Then we are going to cuddle. (yes) Then you are going to go to sleep. (yes)
We found that if it wasn't mentioned in the list of things to happen that our daughter didn't look for it as much. I would also say putting your son to sleep when he is calm and a bit tired (but not over tired) should help. As for the climbing out of the bed. I have heard it is best to lower the side so they can get out easier and not hurt themselves or put an ottoman or mattress on the floor so they fall onto those and not directly on the floor. The sleep training book I've used - "Sleeping thru the Night" by Jodi Mindell. Has a few suggestions for the climbing issue. First I will say. Please don't use a crib tent. Last summer I heard of a little boy who got catch up in one and died. The suggestions the book has says the obvious ones of lower the mattress, remove all crib toys and bumpers but also these. Don't make it worth it. Don't let them get into bed with you if they climb out. Don't give him lots of attention. Very calmly and neutrally return your child to his crib and say in a firm voice "no climbing." The theory is that is not worth it to climb out if he is just going to be put back into it. Be Firm. Make sure when you say no climbing you say it firmly and always do the same thing. Catch 'em Early. Try and stand where you child can't see you but you can see them and just as they start to climb out say "no climbing". Hopefully startling the child enough several times that he will stop trying to climb out. When all else fails lower the side and put a gate at the baby's room door and if they climb out they are still in there room.

La Leche League is also a good one for all nursing and child rearing questions. www.llli.org

Good luck,
L. M

If you arent ready to move him to a bed you can always purchase a crib tent

I see a lot of people have good ideas with the crib or bed situation. My daughter is the same age and I weaned her from nursing a few months ago for the exact same reason she wasn't getting anything anyway and it was only comfort. We took a weekend, my husband got up with her and I slept on the couch for two nights and he would soothe her and sleep with her, we gave her a cup with water in so she could still suck. After like 4 nights she was fine with me getting her up and soothing her without nursing and soon thereafter slept through the night which she really needed. I feel like in hindsight all the comfort nursing was taking away from her sleeping a bit more. Good luck!

I think your best bet for the climbing out of the crib situation is to move him to a mattress on the floor. You can put in bed rails too if you want to disuade him a little from climbing (or falling out). Like someone suggested,just make sure his room is totally safe and put a gate across the door. You or your husband could also sit in his room with a book light and a good book and as soon as starts climbing out calmly put him back whichever way works.

As for nursing for comfort, I'm in the same boat. Although I do still have some milk, my 20-month-old nurses for comfort even when I don't and usually relies on it to sleep. I do worry about her being able to sooth herself without it, but then I think about how she's always done things on her own schedule and I do think she will stop when she needs to. I think with "gentle pushes" that you're already doing, he will come around on his own. It may be that he's needing it even more now b/c he knows that the milk factory is shutting down and is rebelling! I've found a lovey has helped with her self-soothing too. She never took to one until recently and sometimes will amaze me by simply grabbing it and going back to sleep, but then I'm still woken up in the middle of the night by demands for "Milky!"
Pick a few of the good suggestions people have offered, adjust your routine, and stick with, and I have no doubt he'll move away from the boob eventually - don't worry I've never heard of a teenager needing to nurse to sleep!
PS - as for the tantrums I think you've entered the sometimes infamous 2's. My mother always said the hardest phases are the odd years and actually start before the 2nd b-day. Their emotions are so intense, so try to notice how intensley he reacts in positive ways (joy laughter and wonderment) and not just how intense the tantrums are - hard to do I know when your eye is black and blue...he'll go in and out of these phases.

Hi R. - Just curious, are you certain he's genuinely not getting any milk when you nurse? After he comes off the breast, if you self-express, do you get anything? My daughter is 14 mos now and only nurses 2-3x/day, and I often feel that way (esp. since I'm so droopy now!), but I can tell she's still getting milk (self-expressing after, her giant post-nursing burps, etc.). Anyways, I have to disagree with one comment, your baby is not 'addicted' to the breast. This is all normal & natural, not to mention beneficial for your little one. However, if you're all set with nursing at this point, you try what I've known several moms to successfully do and tell him that your breasts don't work anymore?? Opposed to 'boobies all gone' b/c he knows they are still there. Maybe he would understand they 'don't work' (just as maybe he's seen a toy not work or run out of batteries??).

As for the sleeping, we kept my son in a crib until he was a couple months past 2, but he had been climbing in & out of his crib totally proficiently for several months. The difference for us was, he wouldn't climb out at bedtime or the middle of the night, even if he woke up, he just would stay in there if it was dark. SO if he's climbing in/out and you are worried about him falling, I'd say get a canopy OR make the switch to a bed. It's too much for you to be so on edge & stressed to try and get to him before something happens...

Good luck, and do what feels best for you & your family. All kids are different and what works for some may not work for others!

R.,

As for the crib, once he can climb out, it is a danger to put the sides up. One idea would be to put the mattress on the floor. A restless sleeper isn't "falling" out. If he can climb out, the sides don't help you with control and only give him an activity.

As for the nursing, good luck. Mine gave it up with ease. My first nursed for 16 months, until I got the flu and stayed in bed for 3 days with someone else taking care of him 24/7. Maybe a trip out of town without him for a few days would break the cycle.