Number of Children

I have six. Ages 13, 10, 9, 7, 4 and 3m. My sitiuation is a bit different as I went from having no children to one child to three children, to 6 children in about a years time. :) We were foster parents who were blessed to adopt our first five. Our surprise bio baby this year was a bonus. LOL
The thing we noticed and comment on when people tell us we must have our hands full is that after three we did not even notice.
It's just one more kid in the house to entertain me. :)
I always wanted to be a mommy when I grew up! I still want about 4 more kids.
Ignore the nasty comments. People can't mind their own business. Want to shut people up?
"Don't you know what causes that?" "Yep, and we sure do enjoy it!"
"I could never handle that many kids!" "Nope, you sure couldn't!"
"You have 4 kids?!?" Look at them in shock, "You only have 2?!"
Develop a sense of humor and thick skin. You'll need it with a houseful anyway! LOL

3 moms found this helpful

I think every family should have as many, or few, children as they desire. Congratulations on your choice. Most of my friends have at least 4, some have even up to 7.

It really isn't much different having more kids, they just have someone to play with all the time. Cooking for 6 is not much different than cooking for 5. I tend to use the same food for all ages but just use my Pampered Chef Food Chopper A LOT! I can get the food in timy peices for the little guys and still have an appealing meal for the bigger ones. I make a lot of stuff from scratch instead of buying processed frozen stuff. I always have my eyes open for large pots or pans that help me out, like good quality pizza pans. The cheap aluminium ones don't last and I make lots of pizza. I can make several and each person gets what they really like.

As for clothes, they just get handed down, we do get a few things new occassionaly but my friends seem to always hove someone growing out of a coat or a bunch of jeans. To me, doing the laundry and really taking good care of the clothes is the best way I can cut costs. You can sort them into tubs and label them...boys size 2 Winter, girls size 5 early Spring/Easter, girls size 4-5 Fall and Halloween tees and sweat shirts...I tuck them under beds, in the bottom of closets, on shelves in the garage, I have found all kinds of hiding places.

One of my best friends has 7 kids and she is a Professor of Nursing. She has good systems for teaching chores and cleaning to all the different ages. They are almost every 2 years, one is off by a year. The older kids have the responsibilty of teaching a middle kid the way to clean "Their" assigned room. For instance, a "big" kid may have the kitchen for their chore. The older kids are over 8 years old. They have a "little" kid assigned to them. The mom has the chorelist posted inside the kitchen cabinet door. The big kid is responsible for loading the dishwasher, washing any leftover dishes, sweeping and mopping if needed, taking out the trash, wiping the cabinets down, etc...they can delegate as needed to learn how to manage getting stuff done and asking for help. The little kid has the responsibilty of loading the lower rack of the dishwasher, putting away the dishes that go in the lower cabinets, wiping out the fridge if needed, etc...little bitty kids, too little to have a chore, can be a helper by putting up the silver ware, it teaches sorting and hand washing. An adult is always in the kitchen, and playroom too, because those are really BIG jobs. That way the family learns to work together and be helpful and have a clean home.

She has a list posted in some part of every room and it is very simple for the kids to check to see if they got everything they were supposed to do.

It is truly a blessing to have a large family.

2 moms found this helpful

I only have 2, but my sister has 6 - ages 12, 8, 7, 5, 3, 1. She said the hardest was going from 2 to 3. When mom and dad both had a kid and there was still an extra one. After that you are used to it I guess. I sometimes tell her she is crazy because life is sure hectic at her house and I am having trouble with two. but she loves it. and my cousin has 7 with the oldest being 7! all those people that think you are insane are people who couldn't handle it themselves. Ignore them. Tell them you were going to compete with the Duggers, but decided to stop at 4 instead. :)

2 moms found this helpful

I have 5 kids ages 16, 15, 9, 7 & 5 months. People looked at me with disgust with all of mine. lol The first one, we were too young and headed to the mission field. The second came too close, apparently...LOL Then I reversed a tubal ligation and had three more...siily us! Our family is very blessed. Our children are happy and loved by everyone. Having a baby with a toddler in the house was hard the first year but worth it. I love a large family. lots of love and laughs!

2 moms found this helpful

My wife and I had 8. The first three were 14 and 16 months apart. The rest of my kids were farther apart. I'd have had all of them at 16 months to two years apart if I could. The closer they are together the better they play together and have similar interests when they get older. My first three helped each other more because they were closer together. The oldest one would bable to the next and would keep him entertained much better than I could have. #2 and three and the rest of them talked earlier, walked earlier and potty trained earlier than the first one because they had an example. The closer my kids were together the more likely they were to do home work together, study together, be on the same sports team, play in the band or choir together and do cub scout and boy scout projects together. Having them closer together is just plain easier on the mom and dad UNTIL they get ready to leave the nest, then they leave as quick as they arrive. I loved my kids dearly and it was hard when they moved out on their own.

How many to have? My job caused me to meet lots of different people on a regular basis. Children almost always came up. What I found was that when people got into their 40's the ones with 1 wished they had had three more. The ones with two kids wished they had had two more, and the ones with three kids wished they had had one more. The ones with 4 or more kids were happy with the number of kids they had. 4 appeared to be the magic number. This was true unless they had kids attend institutions of higher learning like Alcatraz or San Quentin. Then they either wished they hadn't had that one or they wished they hadn't had any.

The jibes and taunts about having 4 kids . . . We had 8, and the question I was asked most frequently was, "Don't you know what causes that yet?" I found the perfect answer. "It's not that I don't know what causes that, its just that I (!!) never forgot." It cuts off all conversation about that. And the one that asked is usually taunted by her companions about having forgotten.

Would I change anything? Yes, my girls were #4 and 6. I would have had them side by side instead of a boy being born inbetween. My wife and I are very happy with our 8. You can read my profile.

My kids may have missed out on some things because we just couldn't afford all the family "toys" like jet skis or vacations to the south of France. But we did lots of things as a family and we are still close as a family. My kids arrange for play dates so the grandkids can play with each other and get to know each other. They trade babysitting. My wife and I saved our money and we've taken some nice vacations together as a family. My youngest is now 22 and in 2012 my family (those that can), my wife and I and my MIL are going to take a cruise together. I wouldn't trade that family togetherness for all Bill Gates' money and what it would have bought.

BTW, I was elegible for some sort of public assistance all my working life until my kids started to move out on their own. I never took any government money. My wife and I taught our kids how to shop wisely, spend wisely and save their money. The principals of the schools my kids went to were usually mad at me because we wouldn't take public assistance because the schools got more money for kids of parents taking public assistance. We taught our kids to be self sufficient. My wife and I decided she should be a SAHM when we got married. I personally think that helped our family tremendously and was worth our sacrifice.

If you have any more questions about my big family, please feel free to e-mail me. Good luck to you and yours.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi there! I just wanted to weigh in and share that my first 2 are 17 months apart... I did not "plan" for it to be that way, but I got pregnant and so it was. It was exhausting like you stated, but also soo good for them. They are girl/boy, but best friends and my oldest doesn't rememeber life without her brother! I unexpectedly got pregnant with #3 when my youngest at the time was 17 months, and had a baby girl (they are 25 mos apart) So at the time of my youngest's birth I had a 3 1/2 year old, 25 month old and newborn! It was busy, but it really is wonderful. It took a little while for the gap between my two youngest to close in with the 2 yr difference, esp when my oldest went to full day kindergarten and my son was left home to play with his baby sister. He missed his big sister terribly! I know what you mean about your little ones being needy, but Its amazing how they grow up and fall into the big sibling role! Im home with my 3 also, and some days are just insane, but the good out weighs the bad... I LOVE them being so close! Go for it! As for #4... it was a consideration for us too... but now that the baby is 2 we are starting to get used to a little freedom coming back, and we have decided that unless there is something unexpected, our hearts are full with our 3! Good luck to you!

2 moms found this helpful

I am growing #4 right now. Found out that I was having the unexpected 4th on my 40th birthday. Here is my insight. My first two are 6 years apart. There were more positive than negatives with the gap. I loved the help and communication with the oldest while dealing with the new baby. He was 6 at the time and really got to remember his brother joining our family. He was also in school full time so I loved that I had one on one time with the newest addition. On the down side, my oldest was used to being the one and only and didn't always like the extra attention being diverted. He is so much older that he will be going away to college before my 2nd starts high school. My oldest will not get to experience his younger siblings as they get older, thus not being as close to them. Kinda sad. As a parent though, the age gap of 6 years was by far easier then then 2 year difference my 2nd and 3rd have.

Bringing in the second child was not much of an adjustment. We were able to continue life and adjust smoothly to the new personality. When we introduced the third, that is when the world seemed to change dramatically! All of the sudden my car (which I loved) was not sufficient, I was outnumbered and felt like I was being pulled all directions all the time, I seem to always have someone flippin' out or needing my attention at all times of the day and LAUNDRY just seems out of reach.

I have recently been talking with my friends that have 4 and 5 children and they all say that the 4th just seems to fall into line. They couldn't identify whether it was because you finally get the hang of it or if you just have to let things go, it was just easier.

Now your worry of having "mama's girls" is legitimate. All three of my children are very much "mama's babies", I dote all over them, yet somehow it always works out. My youngest is the worst of all as far as being a mama's girl, I am very concerned about the 4th, but like the others, I am sure it will all be fine. The last three are all a little over 2 years apart and I do still wish they had a bit more of a gap in age though.

As far as the strange looks that people give you. I do not notice that as much. I have received some funny responses like when I told my dad I was pregnant the for the 4th time, he asked me if he should congratulate me or ask me what I was thinking. Overall though, my excitement to have 4 children, although unplanned, outweighs any response anyone could throw my way. Just enjoy the ride and do what feels great to you and your family.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I have four girls. 14, 13, 8 and 6. I love it. I always wanted a big family. No one is ever lonely. We all share chores. Holidays are amazing :) There are certain moms that cant handle more than one or two. To each their own. I do wish that some of them wouldnt judge us though. I have felt judged for four. I wouldnt trade it for the world :)

2 moms found this helpful

We have 4 and I never really told people how many. I would just say I don't know. Many people are very rude. I hate the comments about "Don't you know what causes that yet?" It's for me and my husband to decide not anyone else. I work from home, homeschool my 3 oldest and my 4th goes to a local preschool this year three days a week in the morning. I wouldn't mind having more but my dh says we are finished. Which is fine because our house is overflowing! Mine are mostly 3 yrs apart the last one is 4.5 yrs from the third. If I had, had them closer I think I might have wanted to have more.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't know why people judge family size. Every size has been out there since the beginning of time. My whole family on my mom's side has very large families-minimum 7 kids, some have 10 or 12! They are exquisite, independent well behaved, happy kids, teens, adults. They have so many close people to love, and if your kids are well disciplined, they are out of problem behaviors by 2 and starting to help with younger sibs around 4.
My step sister with 6 is the most gracious hostess I know, sits and entertains visitors while the kids entertain themselves and take care of each other. One ambassador will occasionally come ask a question AFTER waiting for a break in the conversation and saying "excuse me". The kids are super mature and respectful. They all home school.

Meanwhile, some people I know with one kid are tearing their hair out and the kid is sucking the life blood out of them. Everyone is different. Go for it! It's all that much more love in your life. It's awesome that your hubs is on board! I have 3 under 5 and discipline is key, they fact they are good saves my sanity. My 4 1/2 year old daughter is a huge help and very mature. My 2 1/2 year old son is super good. My one year old daughter...um...work in progress (terror since 6 months) but we're working on it-preventing terrible twos starts early around here.

1 mom found this helpful

I was one of 4 children. When the 4th was born our ages were 9, 6, 2 and newborn (I was #3).

Growing up I remember it always being the older 2 doing things together or being into similar things and then the younger 2 together. Now that we're all adults we all get along fine and we're all pretty close. For closeness as children as well as compatibility with games and activities I think 2 years is a nice spread.

We have 3 children ages 8, 6 and almost 3. Although the older siblings love their little brother, the age difference definitely makes it hard to plan activities that they all will like.

As far as the family size goes, I get some looks from people when I say I have 3 kids, apparently that's big to some people. Two of my siblings each have 2 children and one as no children. To top it all off I'm also the only SAHM in my family so I'm sort of out of step with everyone else in a few different ways.

I will also add that my brother and his wife (the ones with no children) get their share of looks too for having no kids. Apparently there will always be people unhappy with one's family choices so you just have to do what's right for you!

Good luck,
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I get the same thing. I have 4 children, and have not completely ruled out the possibility of more. My children are now 15, 13, 10, and the last will be 7 next month. At this point, I never have to worry about a babysitter, because my 15 yo likes to babysit the younger ones. The 2 older are girls and the 2 younger are boys. My girls were born almost 2 years to the day apart (July 5, 95 and July 9, 97) I think the 2 years apart for the girls was great. My younger daughter has special needs, and having my older daughter to play with and learn from was great. They are now like night and day and are at each other's throats a lot, but that's teenagers for you. The boys being 3 years from the girls and each other worked well, too. Boys tend to develop slower than girls, so by thetime my youngest was born, the older boy was potty trained and pretty independent. My youngest child has special needs also, so when people hear that, I get either "I'm sorry" or "Why didn't you stop after the first one with problems?" My advice is, don't worry about what other people think. I came from a big family (I have 4 younger sisters) so I always knew I wanted a big family myself. I truly would not have done anything different, knowing how it turned out. Do what you feel is right for your family. None of my kids were "planned" per se, but it all worked out!
B.

1 mom found this helpful

It drives me crazy that whenever kids come up in a conversation, and my husband and I say we would like more, people look at us like we are crazy! No advice, sorry, just sharing your frustration.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, with three you are out-numbered :D And with four it's like herding cats when they are little lol!
I always wanted four, but I thought more along the lines of how old I wanted to be when I had my last one. I didn't want to be in my 30s still having kids, so we had as many as we had and then we were done, my last one was born when I was 31.
I like having an even number of kids because everyone always had someone to play with and no one is ever "left out". I like them two years apart so that I got time with the littlest one when the others went to school. Chores are easier, once they get older. Holidays ARE wonderful with a big family. They learn to be self sufficient as well as how to help each other, my kids are so independent and yet I know they will stick up for each other and have each others' backs.
When we had rough financial times, we got through them, just like anyone else does, we learned to live with less and knew that no matter what, we always had each other, even if we didn't have a lot of stuff. When we didn't have a car, the older ones walked or took the bus with the younger ones.
They argue and fight like any other sibs do, but they also help each other a lot. They learn from each others' mistakes and find camaraderie in being part of a big family. I won't lie, the early years feel like a big blur, but now that they are older, it's great.

My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married 14, and our oldest just turned 16. We started young (I was 23, he was 22), and the first one was definitely not planned, but looking back, I don't regret any of it. We had four kids in 7 1/2 years, I spent 10 years nursing and/or pregnant.

My husband and I joke that we have four choices of who to stay with when we get too old to live alone, those are pretty good odds ;)

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I planned to have four, and #4 is due in December. Current ages of the others are 5, 3, and 1 (first two are 22 months apart, 2nd two are 22 months apart, and the last two should be 19 months apart). I really like the 22-24 month age difference. Both times I noticed a big increase in independence between 19 months and 22. We were aiming for the 22 month difference again, but got pregnant a little more quickly than expected, so we'll see how the 18/19 month age difference goes. My husband would have rather had the first two close in age (18 - 24 months), then a 3-4 year gap and the seoncd two close in age again.

As for the socially accepted standard: much of the world is geared towards families of 4. Three kids became more nad more common, so not too many cringe at that thought. But 4 is still rather uncommon and people tend to criticize that which is outside the norm. My side of the family was definitely not supportive of the idea of #4. They're fine with it now, but I really didn't advertise it when we were trying because I got such negative reactions when I'd mention it casually.

My husband travels for work, so I was outnumbered at 2. For me the hardest and biggest change was going from 0-1. Going from 2-3 was a breeze because I was already great at juggling and addressing needs by myself. I don't anticipate too much of a change when adding number 4. I expect the initial shock to the change in family dynamic for 2-4 weeks and then after that everything just seems normal.

1 mom found this helpful

When I was pregnant with my fourth (and third and sometimes second), I was the recipient of nasty comments. I had always thought it was perhaps the attitude of the time (in the '70s, society was rather anti-child), but maybe that's not so. Maybe it's just natural for folks - strangers and non-strangers - to think they have the right to say anything that pops into their heads when the whim strikes them, just like the characters on TV sitcoms (although those lines are scripted). You need to expect such things. I didn't like the comments, but I didn't feel a need to have everyone's approval, either.

My four were 5-1/2 years apart, and I thought it was fun. I won't say I didn't lose sleep (or my mind once in a while). But I don't think I'd change it if I had to do it again. Losing sleep is just part of the job description. It was more of a challenge for me to go from one to two than from two to three or three to four. Once I got the hang of the multiple thing, it was easy - just plan to take more time to do everything.

My oldest three are exactly (or close to it) two years apart, and the third and fourth are sixteen months apart. The people who invented double strollers should get extra stars in their crowns. Our home was busy, noisy, and would not have won any neatness awards. I did try to get household help when it was feasible. But everything was reasonably clean and sanitary no matter what, and I don't think the children were deprived of anything they needed. When it came time for them to go to college, they felt ahead of the game because they knew how to share space - and everything else. :^)

1 mom found this helpful

I'd love to have between 5-10 kids. Not gonna happen (I'm high risk and my H is *not* child friendly/ a willing parent), but que sera.

One thing I've noticed about parents is that most of us are quite attached to our own choices, so when we see people doing the *opposite* of what we've chosen, a bit of rubbernecking happens at the very least. And then people fall into 2 main groups: the curious and the superior. The superior people I ignore, the curious I answer as I see fit, but I'm happy and secure in my *own* choices, so no one else's opinion matters to me. :)

Now if I could only do that in *other* areas of my life...

I have 4 now and they are close in age. (my oldest just turned 4 in July) I love having them close together because they just love eachother so much! My 3 y/o and almost 2 y/o definitly have their fair share of fights but thye still are so sweet to eachother most of the time! I will probably have more children... I come from a large family and always wanted at least 6.
Going from 1 to 2 was a little difficult for me then going from 2 to 3 was easy but 3 to 4 was what got me at first. Now, I think it was because my son who will be 2 in oct is just !!!crazy!!! so it was a lot to handle trying to nurse AND keep him out of everything at the same time! We just ended up putting locks on all the doors we didn't want him in!
Good Luck! I know you'll do great!

my step son is almost 8 my daughter just turned 7 my youngest son is almost 6 and we are expecting #4 in jan, i love the idea of the older ones being close together i just know that it wasnt good for me to get preg with my #2 with #1 only being 6 months, i was changing birthcontrol pills at the time and had just finished nursing when i got preg with the youngest, yes we have been judged for all of them especially with how close in age they are and yes i feel like pulling my hair out at time due to the arguing and fighting siblings do but you know what i came to the conclusion alog time ago to do what makes you happy because there is always people out there than no matter what you do you are wrong i say go for it, o and #4 is a boy so we have a 3:1 ratio now and i have told the hubby we are going to have to keep going till we can even everything out ;)

It drives me crazy that whenever kids come up in a conversation, and my husband and I say we would like more, people look at us like we are crazy! No advice, sorry, just sharing your frustration.

I don't think the number of children depends on anything but what you and your husband wants. But from a medical perspective, anything closer than 2 years (and, according to the WHO, 3 years) is less than ideal. Being pregnant is very hard on mom's body, and it takes at least that long for you to build back up your stores of iron, calcium, etc. Women who have babies back-to-back-to-back are at much higher risk of preterm labor and some higher risk of birth defects. Also, babies need their moms in ways that don't just go away or reduce once the next baby comes. So, while I would support your decision to have as many kids as you want, you have to know that you aren't a baby making machine and your babies need you to have time for them to be babies before they get pushed out of your arms by the next one.

Just my two cents.

I have trouble sometimes keeping up with my two...but if you can handle 4...whose business is it? Don't let the others bother you. If you need to, come up with some type of answer like "Why is it you feel the need to judge us?" or something else along those lines that should shut them up.

For starters, why do you need to advertise that you are planning to have 4 kids. That's between you and your husband. That alone will eliminate other's opinion whether your choice is right or not. Secondly, there are several reasons why people would think 4 is a bunch (finances, age, patience, emotionally stable, relationship with hubby, past experiences, you name it) Everyone's situation is different and only you and your house can determine how many is right for you. For me 2 is enough, but if I had another by accident, I would not argue either. For others 6 is not enough. Once you can take care of them financially, emotionally, spiritually and IF your circumstance should EVER change for the worse (sickness, divorce, etc) then you are able to deal with that long term. All the best to you. It's really your choice.

Hi, J.:
When do you have time to be with your husband in a romantic way?
Marriage is not about how many children you are going to have but how
to keep the fires burning with your husband after the children have left home.

Children take money to raise them by the American standard of materialism, clothes, school activities, electronics, college education, friends, you got the idea?

If you and your husband agree on all this responsibility in this economy, then go for it.

Everyone knows how hard it is to raise children, I guess they think you don't have a clue about life.

Just wanted to share my thoughts.
Do what you think best, no matter what anyone says. It is you all's decision ultimately.

Good luck. D.

I have four and would have more of I could.
Mine are 21, 15, 12, and 9. I really wanted the middle two to be closer together it just didn't happen then number 4 was a Yikes!! I think I'm pregnant.
For us the big adjustment came with three. At that point we realized that we were only two and there were more of them than us. At four kids the baby just had to deal with our crazy schedule and nap when he could at Girl Scouts, soccer, Cub Scouts you name it. I also lost all inhibitions and nursed him wherever I was.
My kids are needy in different ways. My hubby is a very good hands on dad when not deployed and when they were little he took care of so much. He would do bath wth one and I would nurse, he would change a baby and I would make dinner. He came home many an evening to a very frazzled mama and a screaming baby, two of mine had terrible colic. .
One thinig that helped when I had three little ones in the house was a mama's helper after school. Kristi would come over and help with whatever I needed, usually it was a story or watching the two girls, 2 and 5 outside. My eldest was a high maintenance 11 year old by the time #4 came and had some issues. Kristi was 16 and so very much a saving grace for me.
I now have three at home and last year we had a foreign exchange student. I actually had someone ask if I thought I could do 4 kids!?!?! We also have done foster care.

Hi J.,
We have 6 children. We will have more if we are so blessed. We are just waiting for it to happen, but so far, in 4 years, it hasn't. I think it best to just let it naturally happen. There is much less stress in that. And, we have found that once we hit 4, it is practically seamless. It is just one more in the mix. And, the younger children are getting older, so they are more helpful. I know, it's hard to imagine when your oldest is 3. But, it is true. And, life is just so richer with more children. We have so many personalities in our home. We work together, play together, enjoy life together. We celebrate together, entertain each other, love each other. It is a truly good life to have many children. Of course, it requires that the parents discipline and train them along the way. Left to themselves, it could be a nightmare. I think people don't like children because they are so busy pursuing their own selfish gains. They want stuff. They want little or no responsibility. They think drywall is more of a blessing than the kids (big, empty houses). They think that you have to buy all the junk the world has to offer to keep kids happy. And, all that junk times 4+ children is expensive! But, they are misled. That junk does nothing but cause more stress. I used to want 4 children. But, after our 4th was born, I saw how she just fit into our family with ease. More didn't scare me anymore. :) Blessings to you!