M.S. asks from Papillion, NE on January 19, 2011
Not Very Social and Kind of Ok with It.
I’ve always been kind of a loner at heart. I like my me time. However, I have always been attracted to loud guys. Married a loud and very social man. I guess it’s the yin and yang thing. Quiet guys always bored me. I choose loud friends as well. However they do their own thing and won’t smother me or be upset if they don’t hear from me for a while. If I find a friend that always calls and wants to do things I am very quick to go MIA. I’m not one to go shopping every week-end with girlfriends or gab on the phone for hours at a time. I was somewhat more social pre kids, but since being married and working full-time I’m just not and I’m ok with that.
I love my week-ends to be quiet with no agenda because I spend my week-days rushing around watching the clock. A friend I haven’t spoken to in awhile called yesterday and wants to get together. I’m thinking – To do what? Meet me on facebook and let’s banter there, is what I wanted to say. But I didn’t.
Problem: Am I normal? I feel like I should be having more "fun". But what I am doing is fun to me. Most if not all of our friends are married with kids so we do the couple/family things every now and then. Which is fine, but all I think about is getting home and getting away from everything. I want to find a happy medium and be more social, but I’m just not there mentally. I love date night with hubby and spending time with our girls in the house or taking them to the Children’s Museum or something. But once my husband says he wants to invite so and so over I clam up and find excuses to not have anyone over. Don’t feel like being a host and making sure all the toys are cleaned up. Feeling anxious just writing that last sentence. But I don’t want to deprive my husband. I’m pretty lucky that he’s not finding social activity out and about in strip clubs and staying out late.
I am good with quick bursts of conversations. For example, talking with an acquaintance passing in the hall or something. Heck I probably seem really interesting during that short time, but a long convo with them sitting down? I feel I don’t have much to say or ask. Or I feel like I’m not very interesting. I’m good in groups where I am not the main focus.
I do work full-time and have good relationships with my co-workers, and I have 1 best friend that understands me completely. I can be myself around her.
But am I normal that I just want to create my own little world and not interact with others outside of my family?
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K.C. answers from Philadelphia on January 19, 2011
You sound a lot like me. And I am very normal. If you're content with how things are, who's to say it should be any different?
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K.B. answers from Tulsa on January 19, 2011
Normal. I too love being home with us 3, though we invite kids over to foster friendships and since she is an only child.
I have become aquainted with people who confessed they feel this way and they almost never let people into their houses. They lounge in pjs all weekend and we assumed they went out of town. They are not shy or socially awkward at all.
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D.P. answers from Pittsburgh on January 19, 2011
I relate to your post on SO many levels.
If you have 2 or 3 true friends in your life, you are blessed.
Everyone is out there chasing this "thing" when what they are really after is peace and contentment. Sounds like you have that.
I'm not much for idle chit-chat or decisions by committee. No time. More important things to do--like be present in the time.
I think you answered your own question when you wrote: "I feel like I should be having more "fun". But what I am doing is fun to me."
3 moms found this helpful
B. answers from Augusta on January 19, 2011
You sound very much like me.
I am not sure what "normal" is.
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M.J. answers from Sacramento on January 19, 2011
I hope so, because you sound a lot like me! :)
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R.. answers from Chattanooga on January 19, 2011
Sounds like me too... but hey, 'normal' is overrated. :)
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A.V. answers from Washington DC on January 19, 2011
I think everyone has their own limits. If you are not unhappy and not showing signs of depression and not in need of additional socialization, then why worry? However, if you find yourself always saying, "Let's chat online instead", then maybe you should occasionally put yourself out there face to face. It's easy to become insulated but electrons only go so far. It doesn't need to be a big thing. I will meet people for lunch, for example.
My husband's circle of friends was recently rocked by the illness of one of the gang and it reminded me of how important a real-life hug can be. I think it's fine to be less social (I am far less social than my DH), but don't be a hermit.
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S.D. answers from Phoenix on January 19, 2011
Absolutly sounds like a good personality. What it seems to me is that your content. And that is the healthy way to be. Not to be happy or sad because someone said too be...or to be okay to be by yourself.... I think that is very very healthy and like you said......people who know you will not take offense to your participation..... And it is obvious your a home body and a family person where some people may choose to have more social time with friends then with their own family . I know I went down that path and trying to be more aware of that in these past few years.
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C.C. answers from Philadelphia on January 19, 2011
yes you are normal. i am a fairly social person. we enjoy having people come over but i am just as happy with quiet time.
not everyone is the same...and that is ok.
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K.C. answers from Philadelphia on January 19, 2011
You sound a lot like me. And I am very normal. If you're content with how things are, who's to say it should be any different?
1 mom found this helpful
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