Not Sure What to Tell 3 Year Old Son About Santa

Why do you have to say he is real or is not? For example, if we were out and about and we past someone in a Mickey Mouse costume, I would say, look, there's Mickey Mouse. I would not feel like I was lying by not adding that there is just really a man or a woman inside of a Mickey costume. I take the same approach with Santa. We have a few books with Santa in them (Night Before Christmas, etc) and I read them to him just like I read his books that contain Nemo, Buzz Lightyear, Winnie the Pooh etc. I read the stories and let his imagination do the rest.

If he asks point blank then deal with it. Mostly I just raise my eyebrows and smile, never answering. Or for older kids, just ask, what do you think?
It's just a bit of fun. Doesn't last long. My kids still knew Christ was the reason for the season!

Do you tell your son fairy tales aren't real? That the movies he is watching, the characters in it aren't real? Do you tell him that whatever his imagination cooks up isn't real? I've met plenty of people who won't "lie" to their kids about Santa, but they would never tell their kid Tinkerbell isn't real. Or, their imaginary friend. Feels a little hypocritical. We have to tell our kids a whole slew of things to keep them safe and informed. God forbid, we tell them something that enriches the imagination, and allows them to be a child.

The point is, we lie to kids about a lot of things. We pretend the food they play with is real. We pretend the toys they play with are real. We pretend there really is a Thomas the train. We pretend their cars really go, or their babies really eat. We are not lying, we are pretending. That's how I look at it.

Your 3 year old has no concept of real vs. not real, yet. He is a child. Everything is real. In a few short years, he will sadly know what the world is really like. If only, they could believe in Santa forever...and the world didn't have to become real to them.

A 3 year-old doesn't have an understanding of the concept of "real" vs. "not real". He will believe in Santa the same way he believes in fairy tales and cartoons on TV. As he gets older, he will develop the ability to tell the difference, all on his own.

If you had fun with the idea of Santa when you were a child, why attempt to spoil that for your son?

Does your son have a good imagination? Does he like to play pretend?

When he plays like this, do you tell him he is lying?

I have never understood why people feel like playing along with the fantasy of Santa Claus is lying to their children. I love Santa Claus. The whole story history and the fantasy. In our families, if you do not believe in Santa, Santa does not visit you. I still sneak gifts to my mother from Santa. She loves her stocking.. She still believes.

When I figured out there was not an actual Santa alive today, I loved being part of adults, in helping continue the magic of Santa. It was fun to see the magic.

Children that are incredibly creative and imaginative tend to be very intelligent. The more you encourage this type of play the more they will expand their thoughts, creativity and see the world in more than one dimension..

But if you really cannot follow through, do not start it now, but, Please please.. explain to your child.. Some children do believe in Santa.. so do not ruin it for them.

Santa is real. When enough people believe in something, it becomes real.

The proof of that concept is in our concept of money. We BELIEVE that a dollar is worth so much, so it is. A dollar isn't anything more than a piece of paper. It's our belief in what it stands for that makes it real.

So, if we all believe in what Santa stands for, he's real. To not allow your children to believe in Santa, is like taking away all the magician's tricks. It's removing the lights and the costumes from the stage, erasing all the fairy tales and taking your child into the heart of the factory and saying "Look child, this is life. Life is work."

As adults, we still want to believe in a little magic. I mean, I do! Who doesn't make wishes? Who doesn't believe a little in fate? Who doesn't think that there is just a little magic in the world that makes the good things happen?

Just because the secret of Santa is that your parents buy the presents and put them under the tree doesn't make Santa less real. It's just a sign that Santa is alive and well, and working his magic through us.

YOu may not think it's a big deal, but I bet the parents of the kids your son tells he's not real might think it is.

There is nothing wrong with letting your son believe in the magic of Santa Claus for a few years. It's not lying to him. You will destroy his fun and part of the awe that you get from watching your child during the holiday season. At 3, I doubt he's even questioning if Santa is real so you will have to open up the conversation. Why would you do that? Why not let him believe or not, however he wants.

Not sure what to tell you because you see, I still believe. Read "Yes, Virginia There Is A Santa Claus.". I hope your son will not in the future spoil it for those children that do believe.

I don't really understand why you have to say anything at all. Like a few others have said, do you constantly tell your kid "Micky Mouse is not real, Dora is not real, xyz is not real...." I never told my kids that Santa was real. But I also never told them he wasn't. If they had asked me, when they were still little, I would've encouraged believing (but that's me). If your son asks you then tell him the truth if that's what you feel compelled to do. But in my opinion, I don't think it hurts to believe in the magic of Santa as a little kid.

Try telling him that St. Nicholas was indeed a real person who delivered fruits to very poor children in another country many years ago. People thought it was such a lovely thing to do that others started to do the same thing. So, yes, there is a Santa Claus, but it's not the same one in the malls, or on the corner or in the story books. It's people who love to share the spirit of giving with others. :)

My stock answer has always been "I've never seen him, so I can't say for sure, but I certainly feel the magic in the air on Christmas Eve. It feels real on the inside. I don't know, what do you think?"

We are sort of half-assed about our Santa -- he only gives one present (not all of them), we don't make a point to visit him at the mall or anything, my older son never writes him a letter, and we only leave stuff out for him sometimes. My kids are now 10 and 8, and they seem content with where they are, not questioning this year, just taking it for what it is -- magical fun and anticipation.

FWIW, I still remember when I found out he wasn't real as a kid (I was in 3rd grade in a 3/4 mixed class, and the kids were talking matter-of-factly about him not existing). I was crushed and embarrassed, so I became pretty sure I didn't want to lie to my kids. I don't actually lie, I talk around it with vague answers to let them believe if as long as they want to. I think if one of them really pushed it and were like "no really mom I know it's you" then I'd probably 'fess up. But I will always reference the magic as being Santa, that excitement and J. is absolutely real.

The reason it is a big deal is because it's magical.
In life we have very few magical moments.
This time will never come again. Don't ruin it for him.
It's special for a child. Let him have the magic.
You're not lying, you're bending the truth and creating a fantasy.
He will find out one day soon enough so let him have a magical time in his
young life. Let HIM believe in something.

Think of it this way: life is hard, difficult & disappointing as we age, why
not let him have some "kid time" and let him enjoy this one magical time

You don't have to give him too much info. It's out there, let him see some
Christmas cartoons, hide some presents so he doesn't find them & put
them out Christmas Eve once he's gone to bed so he can wake up to
the awe.

People will try to talk you out of this but there is no true harm in it.

Did your parents ever do the tooth fairy? Easter bunny? Even if the answer is no, you have a chance to give him a fun time in his childhood.

You're nto reallying lying. You're bending the truth to create an altered reality for a young person to enjoy his life. Period. Let him enjoy it. There are so few fun surprises in life.

it's totally up to you. the fact that you were never led to believe is probably exactly why it is awkward for you.

but i will tell you - it doesn't have to be a huge deal. there won't be any "telling him" that there is or isn't a santa. he will accept it (because santa is EVERYwhere this time of year) and won't even wonder if he's real or not, for a couple years, UNLESS you open that can of worms. so don't stress too much over it.

now, if you decide you really really don't want him to think he's real, then you probably should tell him "that's a man dressed up like a santa". or whatever you choose. because at 3 it will never occur to him that it's not all real.

I also felt *weird* when it came to Santa. Mostly because as a kid I could TELL those creepy Santas at the mall were fake and I never once sat on their laps or took pictures with them.
But, I did play along with the idea of Santa with my own kids (yes, we even took pictures at the mall) and as they grew older they figured out the truth, with no ill affects (as far as I know!)
Like anything else, Santa is a holiday tradition you may choose to believe in, or not :-)

Technically, Santa is real in that he is based on the person, St. Nicholas, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas - who gave secret gifts to the poor and children (I think). The spirit of Christmas/Santa is also real. This is what I say to my son. I don't tell him Santa isn't real, but I don't tell him he is either. I do tell him that the mall Santas are not really Santa if he asks, but that they're people who share the spirit of Christmas.

I didn't want to do the whole Santa thing, but my father was really into it, and I didn't want to ruin it for him (he would have been pretty disappointed). So I never bring up Santa, if my son does, we will talk about him a little, but I never go out of my way. I haven't said if he is real or not (he hasn't asked, he's only 4 and just believes). With presents, he always talks about Santa bringing presents, but we don't mark presents as who they are from, we just wrap them in the same paper for each person (it is just the three of us). I do tell him if they are from different people, but I guess he just thinks what we buy (he only gets maybe three things from us for Christmas each year), is from Santa. I don't care, we don't keep it a secret, and will say things that make it sound like it is from us. Anyway, my point is, you don't have to say anything. If he asks, then you can answer that question with a simple answer (If you believe he is, then he is, is a good enough answer), but it probably won't even come up. Also, we went and bought gifts for Toys for Tots, and I specifically said we were getting gifts for kids that weren't getting presents, and he didn't put that together with Santa bringing gifts for all kids. If he does next year, I will explain the spirit of Christmas, and how we are passing that on, especially by giving those gifts.

Sorry, one other thing, I was just reading some of the other comments, and I totally tell my son that movies and cartoons aren't real. Not every time he watches something, but it does come up a bit. My son needs to understand the difference because sometimes things he sees upset him, and him knowing that they aren't real helps him. He also understands enough of the world to ask a lot of questions about what he sees on tv and in real life, and he has brought it up the realness of things himself.

"Santa visits all good children who believe in Santa!" It's not really a lie. As long as they believe, they think the presents come from Santa. When they figure it out, they know presents come from the parents. So, as long as they believe, he will come!

And, it's not that it's a big deal, it's just fun. It's moment in time that something magical can happen and bring a little J.. Why take that away?

Why do you have to break the news? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but parents who feel the need to "tell" their kids or "break" the news - in my opinion are probably a little too controlling.
My parents NEVER told me. And Santa came every Christmas until I moved out at 21.
And, I NEVER told my kids. I always told them that as long as you believe, he will continue to come. It's really about the spirit of the season all in fun and they eventually figure it out. Not one of my kids ever fessed up when they figured it out. And thus, Santa still comes.
My older two are 20 and 17 and I'm pretty sure they know better LOL but they play along and Santa brings them gifts and fills their stockings.
My youngest is 10 and I can't tell if she really believes or not. I'm thinking she should be old enough to know better, but she seems to truly believe. So, I'll let her.

Why would you want to take all the magic out of a childhood? Childhood is the time when kids have wonderful imaginations. Please don't crush all their ideas.
More specifically in regards to Santa... Santa is a real person. St. Nicholas was a bishop that helped the poor and secretly gave gifts to help those in need. A good video on the story is the Veggietales video "Saint Nicholas A Story of Joyful Giving." They sell it at Target. A wonderful book about it is "A Special Place for Santa" by Jeanne Peiper.

I hope this helps a little and and you have a wonderful Christmas.

It's totally up to you but you were wise enough to make your own determination so maybe let him decide. He is "real" in the sense that he is a real part of the season. Later when we find out he is a "symbol" and that our parents were the present purchasers I for one don't think my parents were liars, they simply allowed fantasy and fun to create whimsy around a holiday where we were not super spiritually guided.

Once again, totally your call but I think that part of being a kid is being allowed certain kid like dreams and fun before growing up and being forced to make sense of the world as an adult.

PS. I love being Santa :)

Unless he asks, we don't go into detail about Santa. Our plan, when he asks, is to explain that Santa (St. Nick) was once a real person who wanted to spread love & J. during the season and so now, we continue celebrating this message with Santa helpers. Santa's message is real and believing in him is believing in his message, not necessarily believing in an actual person called Santa.

Something to that effect is what we plan on doing and have always sort of referred to Santa and Christmas as the magic of believing in the message. Even now (he's 4), we might say that he'll see a lot of different Santa's and they're really Santa helpers because the real Santa is really about bringing family together to celebrate and be with each other.

In that way, someday, when he realizes his parents are actually Santa, it kinda makes sense because we're the ones who are helping to celebrate the magic of family.

Just read your SWH: answer his question with a question. say, "do you think they're from Santa?" Let his answer guide you. If he wants to believe, then let him believe, but slowly start introducing the meaning of Santa and Christmas as you see fit so it feels right in your lives.