Not Sure How to Handle Babysitter Issue Without Offending

Updated on July 26, 2010
J.G. asks from Cincinnati, OH
8 answers

I have a great sitter, that is very experienced, and my daughter seems to love her. She comes to my home twice a week to watch my daughter while I take my night class. I do live about an hour away from her, but I pay her extra to come to my home for the drive. For the summer quarter, my classes are accelerated and separated into a first half and second half term. Before either term began, we discussed that for the second half I would take my daughter to her home instead of having her coming to mine for my night class, since I am taking that class at a location that is closer to where she was living at the time.

Two problems:
1. She just moved 15-20 minutes further out of my away (which defeats the purpose), and my class starts at 6, so that will be during rush hour traffic. Also, I'm not familiar with where she is living, and it's an apartment complex so I don't know who is around her

2. I did not realize until the quarter began, that I don't want my daughter being away from home in the evenings. I want her to sleep in her own bed, at her bed time, and I don't want to disturb her by picking her up after she's asleep and then waking her up again once we get home. Also, where would she sleep at the sitter's apartment? She's rolling over, so I would have to take a pack n play, and those are just not that comfortable to sleep in for her. Also, all of her toys, jumpers, high hairs, etc are all here at home and not easily transportable (if transportable at all).

I know that I told her that I would take my daughter to her, but I didn't realize that that was a horrible idea at the time. Like I said, I do pay her extra to come to my home since it is a long drive for her.

She called me this weekend, and gave me the address to her new apartment. When I expressed that I had a couple of concerns about it, she seemed to get defensive, and so I dropped the subject until I could further think about the right thing to do. I am supposed to go see her new place today, but I think I already know that I am just not comfortable with that idea.

Am I just being silly, or do I have legitimate concerns? Is it rude to change the plans last minute like this? How should I handle this?

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So What Happened?

Ok, I talked to her about it. I think she is upset, but she did say that she has another family that wants her to watch their kids, so that makes me feel a little bit better about it. I asked her if she would continue coming to my home, but she did not want to do that anymore. I feel bad, but I just can't do something that I'm not comfortable with. If it's not worth her time to come here, then there's nothing I can really do about that. Thanks for the advice!

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I don't think you're being silly. You have legitimate issues - I wouldn't call them concerns as that seems personal.

The CIRCUMSTANCES changed - distance, class times, child age, etc. It's not rude, it's reality. It sounds like you REALLY appreciate her and that it's been working well otherwise. I'd let her know what you need based on the changes in circumstances. If you feel it's fair to pay her a little more for the extra distance/travel/time rather than trying to find someone to replace her, that may be the best thing.

Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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C.T.

answers from Detroit on

i understand where you are coming from but i also understand where the sitter is coming from. obviously you trust this girl with your child so she must be mature and make good decisions in your eyes. so i'm wuite sure that the same good decisions that impressed you are apart of her daily life. she has a right to move where she pleases, youdidn't say if she moved into a bad area or not but she may have moved where she could afford. but like most people she wants to live somewhere nice. but when your child is in her care her door is closed and she is taking care of her. she can't control what happens in the outside world just the same as she can't control what happens outside of your closed door when she was watching your daughter at your house. YOU changed the plans not her, so don't make it her fault that your feelings changed about the new set-up. and you need to make sure she knows that this is not her fault. i think you may need to let her start coming back to your house and still comp her for her travel. it's hard to find someone we trust with our kids. you may not find someone else like her. good luck

4 moms found this helpful
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S.C.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Like others have said, you have very legitimate concerns. The top one being the waking a sleeping baby thing. The toys and stuff aren't that big of a deal, but waking a sleeping child is a HUGE hassle. That's what I would tell her. The others are concerns, but in the long run, your child will be fine with out her bouncer, jumper, exersaucer, high chair and pack and play. You're never going to know everyone's neighbor, so while I can understand the concern, it's not something you'll ever be able to control.
I would tell the sitter that you don't want to worry about waking up your child to pick her up and take her home. You would have to, at the very least, pack bottles, food, change of clothes, and a few toys to take to the sitters. It's much easier for all of you if your sitter just continues her regular routine of coming to your house. I can see why she wouldn't want to make the hour drive, in rush hour and at night. I would seriously consider finding a sitter that lives a little closer to you or your school.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

Not from what you've said. She moved and that's a game changer. Your reasons are legitimate. If you can afford for someone responsible and reliable to come to your home, and your sitter doesn't want to, then change. What if you can't find someone, can you expect your sitter to come to you? No. She might be willing or she might be willing for more money, but she may not. So, keep those things in mind.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.!.

answers from Columbus on

I agree with Sarah D. Also, things have changes since the original plan, so it isn't like you are "just" changing your mind, the situation has changed. I would let her know that yes you did agree to originally take her her home but since she has moved it isn't benefiting you by sticking to that plan and again as Sarah D stated.. she is working for you. So, either she will accept it or she will not.

Good luck in your situation.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.D.

answers from Indianapolis on

I wouldn't worry about offending her. She works for you. If you don't want to drive out of your way to get to her, then don't. Find someone more convenient unless she's willing to come to you.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.F.

answers from Tampa on

Don't worry about offending her. Remember that she is your employee and your paying her to do what you want. You must do what is best for your child and that means that the babysitter needs to be on board. Tell her the truth and if she does not like it then be professional and depart. Worry about your child and not how the babysitter feels. Good luck with this situation. Wish you the best

1 mom found this helpful
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D.F.

answers from Boston on

This is what happens when you have children. Plans change. Her plans changed, living further away is a huge change. I would not want to wake a sleeping baby either. I might find someone a lot closer. Not rude at all. You will make the right decision.

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