Not Happy with My Pregnancy.

I'm about as pro-choice a person as you will find, but you got pregnant knowing there was a 50% chance you would have another boy. I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm delighted with my boys and think people who get upset at having only one gender instead of being happy they're having healthy babies have some REALLY deep issues. Also, unless there's a terrible problem, a 17 or 18 week abortion is a pretty horrible thing to do. Most hospitals will NOT do this and most doctors won't either unless there's a big medical issue. You're past the walking into a clinic stage. Keep seeing your therapist, and if you don't think you can show the love to this boy that he deserves, you need to find a family desperate for a baby and give him up for adoption to him. THEN GET YOUR TUBES TIED!!!!! If you're going to feel this way, you should NEVER be irresponsible enough to get pregnant again. Sorry if that hurts, but you obviously shouldn't have "tried for a girl." The only people who should EVER do that are the ones who will still be happy no matter what with what they get. And by the way -it's the father's DNA, not dumb luck that determines the gender of your child.

10 moms found this helpful

I can't tell you what you might experience with such a late abortion. I don't even know anyone who's gone that route. But I hope you will find a few grains of hope and encouragement among these answers. Some of the women who will answer your request will have deep issues of their own, some will be driven more by their opinions than by love, some will angrily judge you for the distress you are suffering.

Some of us know we don't "choose" emotions. They arise directly from our experiences, circumstances, hopes, dreams and fears. And more and more, research is learning they are driven by chemical changes in the brain. The only choice we really have is what to TRY to do with them once they make themselves known. And our efforts don't always change our feelings, no matter how much effort and intention we bring to the process.

I am sad for your situation. Sad for the baby you carry. There are women struggling to conceive who would love to mother your baby. Will you give some thought to giving birth to him and adopting him out? As another mom noted, this will give you a chance to find out whether your feelings will change. You might be surprised, but if not, you could make another woman very happy.

Blessings.

9 moms found this helpful

Dear god please do not have an abortion, you won't be able to live with it. You think you will now... but thats because you're pregnant and miserable. It affects your entire soul and I'm not just talking about a few bad dreams every now and then.... just don't do it.

I have wanted a girl since my first baby. I have always wanted a girl. Do you know how many girls I have? 0. I have 4 boys & am about to have another one in June.

AND I'M ABOUT TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE IN JUNE!?!?!?! ..... I felt exactly the same way earlier in my pregnancy.

I was really depressed, angry, overwhelmed and I felt super jilted. I don't want anymore kids. I didn't want this many but a few were surprises... so I mean... what am I going to do stick them in a yard sale?

....Personally, I was pretty bitchy for about 3 months. I finally found a good counselor that I see once a week and she really helped me through those feelings of anger and resentment. I am doing much, much better now. Still wondering how in the world I'm going to raise 5 men.... but thats another story.

Maybe if you were able to find someone you could meet with and talk to, and be more clear with your Doctor about how upset you are - there are definitely resources available to you that will make a big difference. I'd say give that a shot before you do anything else.

And as for the people who always make the comments about it being "God's Plan"... or for the comments about "AAALLL Boys!"... and *especially* for those comments like, "Aww when will you try for a girl?!"...... a good eye roll never hurt anybody.

And it made me feel better : )

I hope my rambling has at least helped a teeny tiny bit. Please hang in there.. message me if you like - but whatever you do remember that there are people out there for you to help with things like this, its their job and it will make a difference I promise.

(EDIT) - just read through some of your responses. Uhh... take 'em with a grain of salt. I read a few that were just absurd. Someone needs to invent an online bird to toss up at people who can't seem to say anything decent to others who are seeking advice. JEEZ. Don't beat yourself up about this. You can't help the way you feel about this... if you could you would flip it like a light switch and move on. MOST of us realize this. Give 'em the finger and move on babe.

8 moms found this helpful

i had a miscarriage at 19 weeks and it was the most horrible thing i could have ever gone through. i already was blessed with a girl and a boy and i was looking forward to being suprised with the sex of this one. when i went in for my regular visit the dr couldn't find a heartbeat and sent me in to get an ultrasound right away. that was the most agonizing time of my life....the waiting to find out if the baby was ok. when the ultrasound tech told me "there was no fetal activity" and "no heartbeat" i was devastated. i had to go in and deliver the baby because at that late in the pregnancy you have to, i thought that it was meant to be and that the baby had the best even though the shortest life. to be surrounded by the sound of my heartbeat and the warmth of my body, who could ask for a better way to go. i know some people dont feel this way about a miscarriage and they can just go on about their lives when its over, but for me it was life changing. and i am not a wishy washy girly type person. i was strong and kept my poker face on during the whole thing, but when the dr. told me its a baby boy, i lost it. i look at my son and think how cute he is, and how he has his ways about him....sure he is very very very challenging, but i still love him with all my heart and i could only wish to have another just like him. this is just my experience but before you make any quick decisions, think long and hard about the fact that this may be your last chance. what if you can't get pregnant again and have that little girl you want. can you live with your decision then, knowing that you threw a life away so quickly, to have a chance at something that will never come. i hope you make a decision you are happy with and one that you can live by without the pain of guilt. but in the end its your decision......good luck

8 moms found this helpful

You sound just like a mom who was on here a few weeks ago when she was slightly less far along than you are...I will tell you what I told her. Be grateful for what you are having. No matter what you believe religion wise, know that you were obviously meant to have another little boy. If you feel like you won't be able to love and care for this little guy, then give him up for adoption. It is not his fault that you are too selfish to think about his needs over your own. You don't NEED a daughter, you WANT one (or you think you do). You KNEW when you got pregnant that your chances for a girl were 50/50, yet you got pregnant anyways. No doctor should allow you to legally perform an abortion this far along just because you aren't happy with the gender. Find a new doctor because the one you have is obviously not helping, realize that you are either going to become a mama of three beautiful boys or you will need to give this little guy up, because no child deserves to live in a family where he/she is not wanted. I hope that you can get the help that you need.

8 moms found this helpful

Okay enough with bashing this poor woman. She is on here for help not to hear all you holier than thou people. I am pro life but if you can't hear how desperate she is than ya'll have wax in your ears. I don't really think this is about abortion. I believe this is about depression and disappointment. She is allowed to be disappointed. She is allowed to want to have a girl. Now, I agree she needs to deal with the fact that she is not having a girl. But stop the bashing. She is depressed and saying that she would be "murdering" her son's brother is enough. STOP!

B., please see a new doctor. Your hormones are messed up and you are depressed about not having a girl. Getting an abortion isn't going to make you feel any better, as a matter of fact, I truly believe you would feel worse. A child, boy or girl, is a blessing. Again, please see a new doctor ASAP before you do something you will regret for the rest of your life.

7 moms found this helpful

I had a very difficult time with my 4th pregnancy. Was POSITIVE I was having a boy (I already had 2 girls and 1 boy). It turned out to be another girl. That and my husbnad and I were having problems. I discussed my feelings with my midwife who suggested a therapist. I saw her throughout my pregnancy and even after the birth (my husband agreed to couples therapy as well). I was exactly what I needed. She told me it was ok to feel resentful and angry. She never told be that my feeling were wrong or bad. She was the only person who told me that it was ok to not 'love' the baby. Needless to say, I made it through the pregnancy and my daughter is an absolute joy! She smiles and laughs all the time.

I can't tell you what to do. Every woman is different. But I sure do sympathize. I was in your shoes a year ago. But maybe this baby is going to turn out to be your joy. Your shining light.... just like my baby girl turned out to be for me.

Good luck... and remember to take good care of yourself!

7 moms found this helpful

Gosh, it is so hard to read this post as I have 3 boys and during each pregnancy wanted and was told that I was having a girl. Hey, I had a 50/50 chance right. Now, you obviously are not looking to be bashed and/or make friends since you type things that are pretty controversial so I'm not here to do either. But what I will say is. I was pregnant 5x's and one was a lil girl and in my 2nd trimester, after seeing her for the first time to identify gender, was told she had anencephaly. That was the day my heart slowly died. (I thought). I had to have a D&E...and trust me I would have never, ever done this since I'm pro-ife but my baby girl did not have a brain. That was in 2006. I've since been pregnant 2 more times and the last pregnancy I was granted another vibrant, beautiful baby boy. Also, just for the record...I hated being pregnant but I love, love babies. I'm very petite so I feel everything and it was painful for me, as I had to be on bed rest too. What I'm trying to convey is, whomever told you that this 3rd boy is God's plan is completely right. I'm not a bible hugger but I do believe. The only way I could have ever had my 3rd baby boy after my loss of my lil girl and trying so hard to have a baby during my child bearing years was through prayer and faith. My kids age range from 14, 5, 1 -big gap, right? I also have a sister who is 40 who can not have children...tried and tried and then one day stopped but @ 40 found out she was pregnant, just to also find out that her baby had no heartbeat. She would love to be in your shoes just for one milisecond. Just to feel that happiness she felt before she found out her baby had no heartbeat.

Don't feel this way...seriously, your beautiful baby boy needs to feel that he is loved and protected right now. He can feel everything you feel. You don't want to have regret that you didn't feel for him once he is here with you. You will feel that, I promise.

Today, I wouldn't know what to do with a baby girl. All I know is boys and I wouldn't change it for the world. Not to mention, they get to bring home girlfriends and marry a very special lady and possibly have tons of baby girls for us to spoil. Now, THIS was God's plan for me. And just for the record, it takes a very strong woman to raise all boys, so stop feeling sorry for yourself...and dig up that vibrant, strong woman that you are. Only God knew you could handle this. Be there for that baby, he will light up your life once he's here.

Take care,
"The only pink, in my house of blue"

6 moms found this helpful

Perhaps you could consider carrying this child to term and finding a family wishing to adopt, and give them a great deal of joy, allowing you to try again in the relatively near future. It also give you the option to decide how you feel once he's born.

5 moms found this helpful

Wow. I am almost speechless. Whether or not you believe having one gender over another is God's plan, do you not believe that the "luck of the draw" is just another part of having children? You have two, so I assume you know how this process works. What is it that you think having a girl will do for you? Give you a shopping buddy and someone to slather in pink and stick a bow in her hair? What if it were a girl and she ended up being one who hates dresses, would rather wear her brothers clothes and cuts her hair short just to spite you? At what point would you want to give her away? Maybe this time, though, you'll get "lucky" and he'll turn out gay so you can both wear pink, go shopping and talk boys. Sound shallow and ridiculous? Well it is.

When you choose to get pregnant (or even if it was not planned) you choose to take on a responsibility to your child and to yourself. If you do choose to have an abortion (which for the record I absolutly oppose) do yourself a favor and have your tubes tied as well. Because its not the gender of your child that makes you unhappy, its your attitude and how many abortions are willing to put your body and soul through before you realize this?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't feel a bit of disappointment at having a third child of the same gender, I get that. I just think maybe you are having a bad day and I will definately pray for you (whether you believe in that or not also) because I fear that you will take your disappointment to a level that affects the way your current two see you as a person. Maybe not now, but in the future when they are grown and start to see you as a person and not so much as their mother. What are they to think when they realize you killed their brother because you were so distraut at the thought of having another child like them?

Just something to think about.

EDIT: Though some may call the responses you've received "absurd" take them less with a grain of salt and more as people with a heart and conscience trying to help give you perspective and maybe keep you from doing something you will regret for the rest of your life. And is that not why you seek advice from this blog tended to by mom's of all types...

4 moms found this helpful

I am sorry you are so disappointed. I am also concerned that if you were to have an abortion you may have a lot of baggage to carry emotionally for ever after.

Could you consider seeing a therapist to help you see your options clearly?
Are you willing to carry this child to term in case it could be a girl?

Also if it is a boy, once you see and hold the child maybe there will be a change of heart?

I believe a woman's choice, but I read your last post and now this one and with both I have felt your pain and am worried that you are so fragile that no matter what you choose, you still need to see a professional that can help you through these feelings.

Being a mom is so hard. It takes so much energy and so much devotion it can really take everything from us. This is when we need to seek help.

I am sending you strength.

4 moms found this helpful

It seems to me that you are most likely suffering from severe depression. I am sorry that some of the mothers who were not able to see that because they felt so strongly about the abortion. I hope that you seek counseling (most counselors offer a sliding scale on payment, so money shouldn't be an issue). If you don't seek counseling please read this book:Feeling Good: the new Mood Therapy by David Burns. You should be able to find it at the bookstore or your local library. I suffered from emotional problems after the birth of my second and know how debilitating they can be. Dr. Burns's book helped me a lot. More, in fact, than therapy had previously.

I also understand that when you are depressed, the idea of taking care of one more person may feel so overwhelming. You probably barely have it in you to care for the two boys you have.

I am very pro choice. Yet I fear that having an abortion this late and in your current emotional state wouldn't be a healthy for you later on. I hate to think of you making a decision while depressed that you ended up regretting for the rest of your life. Carrying to term and putting the baby up for adoption would be a wonderful gift, both for the baby and for some other family who desperately wants a baby.

I hope that however the situation is resolved that it is something you are able to find peace with. Please email me privately if you need a helpful, non-judgemental ear.

4 moms found this helpful

Please have your dr. refer you to someone to discuss your feelings. I am for a woman's right to choose...but not this late in a pregnancy. You have a fully formed, albeit tiny person inside you. You wouldn't be aborting what some would call an embryo, seed, or the potential to be a baby. You would be killing your baby. If you have the means, get a 3D or 4D ultrasound. The pictures they take are like real pictures. After you see that you may (hopefully) think twice about talking abortion. If you truly do not desire a 3rd boy, put him up for adoption. Honestly, you knew the "risks" of getting pregnant again & you're too far into it to change your mind. You can not make an exchange. You've mommied 2 boys, you will be a pro at mommy'ing a 3rd boy. I'm sure your oldest will help you out, even if he isn't that old himself. Your boys will absolutely love having a baby brother & once you see the love & joy this new baby brings them, he will bring it to you too. Maybe hormones are causing some of these feelings. Just think when you're older, you will have 3 strong men to help take care of you. You are very fortunate. Please just talk to people who can help you. Good luck.

4 moms found this helpful

WOW! I almost didn't respond to this but I couldn't turn away.

My heart is broken for you. I can't imagine being so angry and depressed about the joy inside of you, that you are considering abortion.

I can't say I've been where you are. However, I can imagine the pain of losing what you thought you were so entitled to. You see, I have 2 boys and 2 girls, including a set of boy/girl twins and profoundly handicap son. I don't know your pain of not having a girl, but I do understand your sense of loss. I wasn't SUPPOSED to have a child with disabilities. I was supposed to have 4 children, 2 girls, 2 boys with no flaws. All perfect. Life had a different direction for me and although I can't say I wouldn't change it, I can say I am so thankful the birthmother of our son chose life. I am so thankful for my less than perfect son. Luck? No. God's plan...probably.

My best friend does, however, have three boys. I will share a little of her story with you...

I rememeber "G" calling me one day about the middle of her pregnancy. Now, mind you, I had only just adopted our son about a year previous and was going through all the emotions of finding out our perfect little boy was actually going to be profoundly handicap. Anyway, "G" called and she was sitting at a red light and she had tears welling up as she told me, "I'm having another boy". My friend was desperately wishing for a girl. I asked "You had your sono?" She said no, but it hit her today that she is certain she is having a boy. Her heart was right. She had a sono the following week and the dr. congratulated her on her 3rd boy and sent her on her way. She was heart broken. I hate to say it, but I was jealous. At this time I had only one child and the prognosis wasn't good. I think I was even a little angry that she could be so selfish. I wished desperately that her son, perfect and new, were mine.

After a couple of days, she had a new lightness about her. She started calling her coming son by his name and she had finally accepted that this would be her son and also, her last child . She embraced the fact of having only one more baby to hold. "B" will be 7 this summer and I can't tell you the joy this child has brought to their family, and ours.

I can only tell you that each child, boy or girl, is a perfect gift. Be it luck, or whatever it is you believe in, it is His plan for you. This child was given to you because Someone had faith in YOU. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out the way you had planned. I pray that you will have a change of heart and forget about the idea of abortion all together. Abortions don't always work out the way you plan it, either. You could end your dreams of ever having another child, while ending the life of the gift inside of you. This, I'm afraid, could destroy you.

I wish you love and peace.

3 moms found this helpful

I had a friend who became very depressed with her 2nd pregnancy when she found out she was having a boy. Her oldest was a girl so I never could figure out why it was such a big deal...she was getting the best of both worlds. She ended up talking to her doctor and my friend was put on Lexipro, an antidepressant. She said it helped her SO much and now her little boy is one and she is so happy and loves both her kids so much. She's still on the Lexipro but she plans on weaning herself off soon under her doctor's care.

Talk to your doctor...they can help you get through this and be happy about it! Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

Dear B.~

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and three pregnancies to term. I have not had an abortion but I have spent many hours on the sidewalk of an abortion clinic in Houston as a loving, prayerful presence. The young ladies going in to the building usually look terrified and vulnerable. Those
walking out usually look terribly sad and totally traumatized. At any point in a pregnancy there are physical risks associated with abortion: hemorrhaging and bleeding, death from complications, puncture and tearing of the uterus that must be repaired by surgery, infection that can be fatal, possibly leftover "parts" from your baby that need to be removed, a 5% chance of cervical tearing, a chance you may contract hepatitis frm blood clots and transfusions, sterility occurs in 2-5% of abortions, infertility possible because of damage done to the uterus.

At 17 weeks, your baby boy can grasp, kick and swim and turn. He has eyelashes. In one more week, his vocal cords will work and he can cry.
By 20 weeks, hair appears and your baby boy weighs around one pound and is about 12 inches long.

I pray for God's strength at work in your life so that you will choose life for your son. Help is available:

Pregnancy Hotline 1-800-848-5683
Crisis Pregnancy Helpline 1-800-672-2296
Bethany Christian Services 1-800-238-4269
Nurturing Network 1-800-866-4666
Care Net 1-800-395-4357
Birthright 1-800-550-4900

In His Love,
J.S. Lake Jackson, TX

3 moms found this helpful

All I know is that I just had my fourth baby. I hoped and prayed for a little girl, as I have three boys. Come to find out, I was once again pregnant with my fourth little boy. I was devistated. I asked God why I couldn't have a girl, as this was going to be my last. I struggled with that knowledge for a while, but once he was born...he has been the light of my life. He is the best baby I could have asked for. Sure, I still wish that I could have had a girl, but, now that he is here, I couldn't be happier. Plus, he has three other brothers to hand down from. Hang in there mommy. I hope you make it through to know what a precious child this will be. Who knows, he may be the one to change the world...

3 moms found this helpful

I agree with the moms who say you should probably talk to a therapist. You are being honest about how you are feeling and I'm sure you are not alone in feeling this depressed and upset about the gender of the baby. Depression, recurring negative thoughts and obsessing on negative things are signs of depression. Have a late term abortion because you are not happy about the sex of your baby is something most docs would not consider. Late term abortions are usually done when the physical health of the mom is at stake--like life or death type severity. I hope you will consider carrying the baby to term and adopting him out. But I can't help thinking about him trying to find his birth mother when he turns 21 and finding out you didn't keep him because he wasn't a girl. :( I also hope you will do some serious soul-searching before trying again. People with two children of the same sex have an 85% chance of having the same sex with a third pregnancy--not 50/50.

3 moms found this helpful

You are only 17 weeks pregnant, that seems early to be sure you are haveing another boy. I know I did not find out with my girls until I was about 20 or 21 weeks along. I am sorry that you are feeling so down about having another boy, but we do not get to choose what we are given. I wanted a boy with my third pregnancy really bad, but I was given a beautiful baby girl. I know it is your choice to abort or not, but I could not imagine having an abortion just because my baby was not the right sex. If you can't handle another boy, why not put the baby up for adoption. There are so many couples in the world that want a baby but can't.

I hope you will feel better soon regarding your pregnancy, and hope you make the best choice for your baby and you.

Best of luck to you.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi B. F.,

I am not to here criticize you for your decision because in the end, it is left up to you and your spouse. However, I will share my experience with you as I am someone who had an abortion (15 years ago) at 16 weeks due to being young and scared. I will tell you that the decision to abort, should that be your option, will be with you always. It took me years to overcome the choice I made and although I have gotten through it, I still think about him or her, what he or she would have looked like, what kind of child he or she would have been, what my life would have been like, etc. I must admit, it does not go away. And now after so many years, God has truly blessed me with a choice/opportunity to be a mother again and I am thrilled. Although a part of me wanted a girl, I am now excited and looking forward too meeting my son who is scheduled to make his grand entrance in July.

FYI - I too sought counseling. My counselor advised me to consider adoption as she had gone through a similar experience and aborted in her second trimester. Honestly, I WISHED I would have made that decision versus abortion. I wish you all the best and pray that you find comfort in whatever decision you make.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi there. I am sorry you are struggling and feeling so badly. I am not in your shoes exactly, but I have two boys and felt this way with pg number two bc my pregnancies were hard and I just couldnt see doing it again. Lots of grief and sadness over wanting a daughter.
However, having said that.. my second son really brought so much sunshine and joy and laughter into our home. He is someone we were all starving for and didn't even know it. And its not about a second child, or even about gender.. it was really about his soul. Who he is. I believe he could have come in the form of a girl, or a boy, but it was him we were all waiting on.
You never know who your gonna get.. surely someone perfect for you!
Hugs during this hard time
xo
~A.
mom to Dominic and Julian

2 moms found this helpful

My sister-in-law lost her baby in the second trimester. She's been trying for years to get pregnant. They have spent over $100k trying to have one baby. It makes me sick to think that someone who WANTS a baby so badly just isn't going to be the mom she should be, and here you are resentful over a boy.

I agree with the mom that suggested getting your tubes tied. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Stop trying for a girl & get those tubes tied.

In the meantime, get the counciling you so desperately need. Can't afford to pay for one? Go talk to a pastor, priest, rabbi, or other clergy.

Good luck. Something tells me those boys around you might need some luck as well.

2 moms found this helpful

Someone here wrote "You are that boy's mama now and he needs you.." or something to that effect. That made my heart break.

I am not going to preach from a pedestal, none of us are qualified to do that to another person. All I can do is share my experience and hope it helps you.
I made the worst decision to have an abortion when I was very young, in an abusive relationship and on top of all of that had zero- I mean zero- support system. Dysfunctional family and not a person to turn to. Trust me no exaggeration there you'll have to take it on face value for the sake of brevity and staying on topic here.

After I did that I was hit immediately. Emotional pain like no other.. Years passed and I felt like I worked through it. But...you really never do. Not completely. It would come up at the weirdest times and I would be hit with the same intensity of pain and *then* some.. which shocked me. I guess this happens more often than not based on some people who've been through it too. So...just bear it in mind.
I went on to marry a kind man and have a toddler (boy) and suffered a miscarriage later..now am about to deliver a girl in two weeks. I'll be honest, I did not think I wanted a girl- my mother was abusive, negligent and *she* did not want a girl herself (thanks to her mom...see how this cycle works?) and she treated me beyond cruelly. Know what I did? After the sonogram and hearing it was a girl I went home, meditate/prayed (I am not super religious per se but I believe in a God who looks out for all of us no matter what we call him..) and I steeled myself to be a good mommy to this girl. I begged Him to not let me make the same mistakes my mom made and to not let a family cycle of issues ruin a precious innocent baby's life. I realized I was handed a big responsibility and this little soul somehow thought I was the right person for the job..so no pressure (ha) In all seriousness though seeing it as a way to rise to the occasion helped a little. I thank God every day I was given another chance to be a mommy and I remind myself of that when my toddler is acting like a human cyclone and I want to lose patience.

For your situation, hormones alone while pregnant can skew things. Add to that your depression (I am no expert but it does seem likely here given your own account...) I would go straight to a trusted therapist. They can get expensive, and I know we have insurance and still I feel it's pricey. Clergy can help you even if you are not a 'regular' church goer (or temple, or what have you..) they care. They are better than going it alone. Medication / therapy has no stigma, so many strong women still use those things! Please take care of yourself so you can care for your family and son too? People say you could always give up this child for adoption... true. I suspect you might hesitate once you see him/hold him though. Not every pregnancy is the same and this extends to emotions and feelings towards to baby in utero..not just having different physical symptoms. Some women just do not bond with their babies in pregnancy the same way and this can happen. Also, sonograms can- and often enough are- wrong. But...even so. I think this runs deeper than gender disappointment. The expectations and desire for a gender are normal for many women...but when the disappointment is so profound that you'd consider a late term abortion (risky for you too I think...there's a reason only a few doctors in the country even do these..) I would beg you to investigate this further. I feel this runs deeper to issues that need to come out *now*....who knows in some odd way maybe this little boy is helping you before he was even born and pushing these issues/this deep sadness to the foreground of your life so you can once and for all become whole and happy again. Sounds kooky, I know but I feel this could also be at play.

Be gentle with yourself, especially as depression can really be brutal. Add to that caring for kids and a family already, the hormones...you need a professional to help. No one else can assist like they can. Please keep us posted and I will pray for you like others on here until then.. I wish I could say more to help, but this is just my experience however limited it might be. As for the posters calling out the women giving advice here /claiming they are judgmental.. I do not see that here really. I see pretty much every poster concerned, genuinely hoping for this baby to make it and why else would a stranger take time out to respond to a question? The responses are all coming from a loving place I think..they are just expressed in a personal/different context than some are used to. Different lives/different styles..but the bottom line is to take care, please care for yourself immediately (there is not reason for you to have to feel this bad for the rest of your term!) and please, please do not do anything rash. There's options here. I am sure of it.

2 moms found this helpful

It is so sad that you are thinking to get rid of your baby boy just because "IT"S A BOY".. it is not fare : ( You do have the right on your body but you do not have the right to take away the opportunity for this baby to come it to the world and live his life. I'm spiritually adopting your baby, I am going to be praying to our GOD for you, to change your mind, your heart and your thoughts.
Have you ever think to give your baby in adoption? There are many couples that will be very BLESS to have your little baby into their arms!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Just thought I would give the only pro-choice response on here. I had my abortion at 12 weeks when I was 18, unmarried, in high school and totally unprepared for a child. Do not believe the people who say it will haunt you the rest of your life- that is what THEY think you will feel. Truthfully most people who go through with an abortion feel such relief that they have no regrets. I had none. I have friends who have had them also- not one has ever mentioned regret. The absolute smartest, wisest decision I ever made.
I had trouble conceiving when I finally was ready to have children- at 36- and it took me 3 years and 9 months to get pregnant with my first one. At no point did I ever think "Gosh, I wish I hadn't aborted that baby." Even if I NEVER could have had another child- it was still the right choice at the right time. I ended up with three healthy children (and one miscarriage at 11 weeks in between there...) and I have NO regrets. BUT - I knew exactly why I was having that abortion and had no doubts. My boyfriend offered to marry me but I knew it was just an offer- we both truly believed that abortion was the answer in our situation. (He also went on to have kids once he got married. We are all friendly still- almost 40 years later.)
BUT I do think you need to talk with a doctor again or therapist or someone who LISTENS to you. If you are questioning the choice, then you really need to talk it out with someone and make sure that you are thinking with your brain, not your hormones. You did not give any other information about your circumstances so it is hard to give any solid advice beyond FIND A DOCTOR WHO WILL LISTEN TO YOU AND YOUR CONCERNS. Really listen. Tell him what you are considering. Ask for help. If you have an abortion, make sure it is really what you want, not depression or hormones messing with your brain. And - yes- three boys can be overwhelming. They can also be loads of fun. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, B.. I am so sorry that you are having these feelings. Your post is one of desperation. I felt almost the same way except mine was just plain being pregnant, not even about boys or girls. You are depressed to the point of desperation. This does sound like something you need help with. You already know this, that's why you're asking us. I know you have been to your doctor, but he's not listening to you. This could be caused by hormones or it could be a chemical in the brain other than hormones. My advice: find another doctor, go to a church counselor, talk to as many people as you can, someone will understand. Also, "blame" your husband for a 3rd boy. He could be only shooting "Ys", for a girl he needs to shoot "Xs". You only carry "Xs".

You are attached to this baby already, that's why "it would be harder this late". Please, don't let your decision be based only on the gender of the baby. If you go through the procedure and it turned out you WERE carrying a girl, you would be beside yourself. The only way to know if you're having a girl or boy is a DNA test pre-birth. However, if anyone who has contact with your two older boys knows about your feelings, it may "slip" one day. Once your sons hear that the ONLY reason you didn't want the baby was because of gender, they will always wonder how much you truly wanted them. If you end up having a girl later, it will only make them feel worse that you kept her. She could end up hating herself, as well. My mom had 2 girls and wanted a boy for the 3rd. She cried the day my sister was born. I found this out when I talked to her about MY feelings :) However, 37 years later that is the daughter she is closest to. My mom loves us all unconditionally, but they have a special bond. My mom doesn't treat her any better, the bond is just different.

When I found out I was pregnant for the second time, I was furious! I didn't care if I was having a boy or a girl. We only had our daughter who was 3 1/2 at that time. I was angry AT THE BABY for all of the wrong reasons. My daughter had just finished potty training, I had just stopped carrying the stroller and diaper bag everywhere, she didn't need to be carried all of the time, I wanted to go to school when she started Kinder (I'm a SAHM) - this had just been set back another FIVE years... I just kept going over what I didn't like about having a toddler and I remembered all of my frustration when my daughter, as an infant, would cry for no reason except that was her only means of communication. I was so angry that I messed up our finances to the point of almost having our home foreclosed on. On April 28th my husband found out that the house was going to be sold on May 1 and I was due for a c-section on April 30th. My husband called the mortgage company on April 29th and saved our home, no help from me.

I found out we were pregnant 2 weeks along. Keep in mind that I am not only pro-life, I am ANTI-abortion if it is not medically necessary (a baby having disabilities is not a reason to abort for ME, I'm talking about that the mother will die). I was crying before I even walked into the room to tell my husband. I was almost hysterical. He asked what I wanted to do and I said "an abortion". He held me for a long time. I finally told him I didn't really want an abortion just to make him feel better. For almost the whole pregnancy I kept having thoughts of going in and secretly having an abortion and then telling my husband that I had miscarried. I didn't do it. I even considered adoption during the middle months. Our son was born and while I loved him at first sight, I still had feelings of anger for a couple of weeks after he was born. Thankfully, those feelings DID go away. I love my son so much. I'm crying right now thinking of how much I thought I hated him during my pregnancy. My feelings had nothing to do with the baby's gender. I still don't know why I felt that way. Our son just turned 7 this past Friday. I love him so much.

I'm sorry this was so long. I wish I could take you and hug you. I have you in my prayers that God will keep you in his hands. I am prying for peace of my and comfort for you.

1 mom found this helpful

i am only 20 years old and have had only one baby boy 16 months now and pregnant with another baby, i understand boys are hard to deal with and i cant imagine what it would be like to handle 3 but...it's not the baby's fault we could have tooken care of ourselves better to avoid getting pregnant again especially not being ready...but even if it's in my destiny to have 3, 4. or even 8 babies i would never consider abortion....i've done research and believe it or not they feel everything no matter how small they are...i know it's hard and it'll be harder but hang in there GOD knows why he does things and if you really don't want to raise another boy at least give him the oppurtunity to be born and live and give him up for adoption...but please do not take that chance of him growing up to be somone important in this world...GOD BLESS YOU

1 mom found this helpful

I appreciate your honesty and candidness. It's amazing to me sometimes how much life can just suck from time to
time and how many people are afraid to acknowledge the "suck.". I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now, and I also "understand" the cloudy lining surrounding you. I have first hand experience of the hardships and worse trauma of abortions and so I would encourage you, for your sake to consider adoption instead. Abortion is also so incredibly hard on the family unit and if you are not strong enough it could rip apart your happy little home. No fluff here just the honest truth, from a mother. One of the things my non fairytail life has taught me is that often the things I thinkn will be wonderful are nothing but ordinary and the things I think are the least desirable change my life
in ways I could never have exepcted and are able to reach to the heart of me in ways I did not know existed. In short, I understand and I am sorry. I will not fairytale you into believing abortion is the quick fix everyone wants it to appear to be but rather will inform you it's the beginning of A very black emotional hole. Ultimately we are the Alice.

1 mom found this helpful

Do you think when your parents had a girl it was Gods plan, or just luck? Aren't you glad they decided that your life was worth living, even if they were hoping for a boy? It's amazing there are people in this world who think that you can just toss a life away, if there is something about it that you just don't like! The only (and I use this word hesitantly) "good" I see out of this, is the baby will immediately go to heaven. Last I checked though, God decides when we are to come to heaven. Perhaps your parents had bad luck too, but they just chose to deal with it! Seek some help...life isn't always about you, you know?

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, I am so sorry your having such a tough time. All have given advise and I bet your on overload. So I will just tell you that if you were with me right now I would give you a warm hug and pray for you right then. You are one of God's children and God hurts when we hurt. A little story about a friend of mine might help. She too wanted a girl very much. It was not to be. She had 5 yes I said 5 boys! She cried when each one was a boy but loved them all dearly after they got here. NOW, she has 5 grown men who adore and love her so much!! They all take great care of her and When she shows me pictures of them all around her I cant help but smile. You Too will be adored and love by all your boys. What a blessing to have these boys grow into great men. Take care and Hang in there.

1 mom found this helpful

B.,

I have read every single response that has been posted, and there is some really great advice. There are alot of ladies who truly care and are authentically empathetic to you and your situation. That said, there are a few that have allowed their passion about their own views and beliefs to bleed into their responses. Being able to be passionate and vocal about one's beliefs is one of our greatest rights as Americans; however, sometimes we allow it to go too far. So, hopefully, even in these vulnerable times, you can filter these few posts out. I think in general, everyone here is trying to help, although it may not seem like it.

As for me, I can't give you any better advice than what's already been given here. I can't imagine what it must be like to be in your shoes. It must be tormenting! All I can say is please keep reaching out until you find the answer you need. Be persistent with your doctor or seek out another one. I know how a lot of doctors can be...dismissive, unempathetic, don't listen! (I have been through six different doctors in three years trying to alleviate shoulder/neck pain from a car accident, and it is so frustrating when they just don't care.) I truly hope you can find some relief from your sadness and depression soon, and that years down the road you are able to look back and be happy with whatever decision you make. One thing that I didn't see anyone else bring up is that nine months is such a short time compared to the span of your life, so keep that in mind when making life-changing decisions. I wish you all the best!

-B.

1 mom found this helpful

Your question breaks my heart. You are depressed and need someone close to you to guide you to get the help you need.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Christine, abortion is NEVER an option. I know of several women that have made that big mistake and have regret it since. Their lives are changed and most importantly they will never be what they once were. Think of possible adoption if you really don't want your baby. Kids are a big blessing! Do you know how many kids are dying of cancer? Think of those poor parents that have to really suffer seeing their child die. God obviously think you can handle another boy so he is giving you one more. Please think about it and pray too, that will help you.

The best of luck,
E. M

1 mom found this helpful

Believe it or not it is God's plan for you to have a boy. Be glad the baby will be healthy. Love the baby no matter what the out come is . Luck don't have anything to do with it. God will help you thru the situation. Pray for God's guidance. Abortion is wrong in God sight.

1 mom found this helpful

PLEASE get help immediately. Your depression could be caused by hormones, similar to post-partum depression. Tell your ob-gyn how you are feeling and ask him/her to refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

1 mom found this helpful

Being prolife, I am obviously going to say that having an abortion is not the answer. If you don't want the child, that is what adoption is for. But I feel like you do need to seek some counseling. It sounds like you have more going on that just not wanting another boy.
It makes me wonder what your home situation is though. If you are married and how old your other boys are.
I have many friends who have been trying for years to get pregnant without success, and I have those who have had children with disabilities. They didn't ask for that. Just like you may not have asked to get pregnant. My opinon has always been, if you don't want to get pregnant, don't have sex. And if you are having sex, then expect to get pregnant and be willing to acceot the consequences. You are an adult and you know them. I really don't mean to sound harsh. I just feel that if you make your bed, you have to be ready and willing to lay in it.
Personally, when I was pregnant I was just praying for a healthy baby. I didn't care what sex. But I was also willing to accept the fact that sometimes for reasons we don't know, God chooses special children for special people. So I was ready and willing to accept whatever He laid at my feet.
Please take into consideration your other boys and how they would feel if they knew that you aborted their brother. PLEASE get some help. If you can't afford it, many churches are willing to provide you with a counselor that will listen and help no matter your religious views.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't have time to read all the posts so forgive me if I am repeating what someone else has said. When we get depressed it is because we turn everything around to see how it affects us. It is very easy to do. Any time I have been depressed about something, I have tried to find someone else who is in a worse situation than I am in and focus on what I can do to help them. It is very normal to be depressed about a dream that has not come true. You can work through it. Don't deny it and pretend that it isn't hard. It is hard but like all of the frustrations you have dealt with in your life time, you have gotten through them. You will be able to look at this child and tell yourself that it wasn't your plan but good will come of it. Yes, the odds are that you should have had a girl, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. Now you have the chance to make life special for that little guy. It's really all about him now. I bet your other two boys love you to death and you are the most important person in their lives. Way to go! That means you are the best mom that could have been chosen for them. There is now another little guy who you get to be his first love! Picture the kinds of things you will do when he comes into this world. He will win your heart. Congratulations on your pregnancy. You truly are blessed, just in a different way than you had planned.

1 mom found this helpful

Please know that being able to conceive in the first place is a blessing! Weather you believe it wasa God's plan or not; I would be trilled that you were able to have a baby and almost 3 babies; as I have friends that could barley get one and another having to pay out lots of money with help to have a baby. I know right now it is disappointing but I believe it is God's plan and that you were ment to have this kiddo. I don't think having an abortion (killing a child) over "the wrong gender" is a good move; adoption is an option if you are set on trying to make it be a girl. Hang in there! I bet when he comes; ALL will be happy. You could always adopt a girl if that is something you really want! Or try for #4 and be prepared either way. Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

Have you discussed this with your husband? HOw does he feel about the whole situation? I am also pro choice and feel that you need to weigh all your options and do what is best for you. I am not you and have not walked in your shoes. I do not have a right to judge you or tell you what to do.

I would suggest to talk to your husband, talk to your doctor and do what you feel is right.

But also if you decide to continue with your pregnancy, is it possible that once the baby is here you will see how wonderful a blessing he is? Plus there are other pros, you won't have to buy all new clothes for the baby. You will know how to handle potty training, washing, diapering etc, all which would be completely different with a girl!

Some day you will have wonderful daughter in laws, and maybe you will be blessed with a grand daughter. All is not lost!]

Another option, have you considered adopting a daughter?

So sorry you are going through this, I really hope it works out for you and that you find someone to talk all this through with!

1 mom found this helpful

Definately see your doctor ASAP about what appears to be depression. Do it for you AND your baby. Your baby needs you to take good care of yourself so you can love your littlest boy. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

My heart breaks for you! I'm not sure what to say and I'm sure nothing I can say will make your situation better, but I do hope that you give this baby a chance. I remember being disappointed with my second and wanting him to be another girl, but I never felt as though I wanted to end the pregnancy because of the gender. My son is such a handful, but I also could not imagine my life without him. I know that you don't want to hear that your situation was in God's plan, but I do believe that's true. I also believe that Satan is working on your heart to create this disappointment and sadness. I will pray that God will give you wisdom in this situation. It can't be easy to carry these feelings with you, but I also believe strongly that if you abort this baby, you and your husband will spend the rest of your lives regretting it. I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I hope you are able to come to terms with your fears and sadness. Many blessings to you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful

B.,
my heart goes out to you. I had two boys when I got pregnant the third time. We prayed for a girl big time and was granted one. Although not until she was born I just knew she was a boy!!!. In the ultrasound she was kicking and throwing punches so I thought for sure it was a boy, and the technician was not sure that it was a girl. I told my husband this was a very special child to us, because it was either my last boy or my first girl. Eventhough I really wanted another baby after that one, I knew that we were better off with only three rather than 4 as we had originally discussed.
I loved that baby unconditionally, really thinking it was a boy! my pregnancies were all THE SAME!!! Good pregnancies thank God, but I heard that they are different if you are having a girl. Well, when my girl was born, I didn't even know how to act!! I was so sure it was a boy that I was happy, thrill and all but didn't know how to handle it. My aunt had three boys, she was looking for that girl so bad! and yet her last one was another boy! Let me tell you that the bond that is between that youngest boy and his mother is unbelievable!!! She loves them all the same, but you can see a mile away who loves her the most!!! :)
Don't feel sad, unhappy or depress about another boy!!! Yes I know you don't want to hear that it's God's plan, but even if it wasn't God's plan the reality is that it's coming. Having an abortion will only take a piece of you away that you can never ever get back, no matter how hard you try. Mentally and emotionaly it will eat you up and you will never, ever be the same. You will always think about what you did, and allways think of what it could've been.
This is your baby, boy or girl, it doesn't matter what the sex is, but it's yours! he is part of you, a piece of you becoming one separate little person!
Try going to see a therapist, not a regular doctor. If you have a pastor or a priest, talk to other mothers that can understand you from where you are coming from. Remember that everything you are feeling your baby feels! even your other children can feel that.
How will you feel if you find out that there was a mistake and you are having a girl? I'm not saying to put all your hopes in that, but mistakes do happen.
I know you are hurt and depress, but try to seek some help for yourself. I can tell you that an abortion is not the answer, why? because it will bring more pain, physically, emotionally and mentally to you than you can ever imangine.
Worse case scenario you can always give the baby up for adoption.
If you need to talk or someone to write to, feel free to contact me.
Many blessings to you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful

seek a therapist ASAP. Being depressed isnt good for you, pregnant or no. You wont be much good to your sons if you're having these thoughts.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so proud of the women on this site. When I read this request, my first thought was oh my, this could get really ugly. I mean, this was the perfect opportunity for women to stand on their precariously built soap boxes and spew hate and judgement on this woman for her thoughts and feelings. But the huge majority of you wrote with such compassion and love. That is what she needs right now and I so appreciate reading these comments. This was proof that this site can be a safehaven for women to seek advice and not judgement even if we do not agree with their feelings. I hope this woman gets what she needs before she makes a rash decision and now I believe she is well on her way because of you all.

1 mom found this helpful

I strongly suggest you see a new dr, your feelings are out of balance. While it can be hard to take not getting the gender you want, considering abortion when you already have two kids is strange to me. I do want to say that an abortion is an excruciating experience to the baby and I truly recommend against it. Also as you are dealing with some tough things psychologically I think the after math of abortion could be devastating for you. I have two baby boys and would love a girl but another boy will be special too. This baby is not responsible for your feelings or for his gender so please don't make him pay for either. He is already alive and already has a future, if you'll let him. You are his mommy and he needs you, please seek out more help. You can get online and look up Crisis Pregnancy Centers and find on in your area and talk to someone and get some help and perspective. You can do this and this little boy will grow up and really thank you one day. Who knows who you are carrying in there, a doctor, and astronaut, a future father....please consider this and don't do something so permanent that you can never undo. I know lots of women who have aborted and none of them are glad they did after. Hang in there and please get some help. Sending you hugs and prayers.

1 mom found this helpful

I love what Carli S. said about using this as an opportunity to dig deeper and see why this is affecting you so profoundly. It is definitely triggering issues for you and needs to be worked through. Abortion will not lift the emotional burden you are feeling, it will simply compound it. Tons of studies now show that babies 16 weeks and on are extrememly aware of what's going on both with you and family life. In other words, they know very well if they are wanted or not, which can cause life long issues for them. So this has got to be worked through, there is no running from it. I was really struggling with depression my first trimester (I am due in 3 weeks) and I highly highly recommend giving these people a call, it has really assisted me. http://www.ihaofutah.com/contact-us/ They do phone consultations and the process they use to get to the root issues really work. Also know that you can take this problem to your Heavenly Father and beg Him to help you with it, He cares intimately about the feelings and struggles of your heart and will assist and guide you if you ask. My heart feels for you.

1 mom found this helpful

You have a lot of answers and a lot of things to think over. But as a mom who was surprised with a 3rd boy, I was angry and in denial until well after he was born. I gave him all the love and care I could, and he never suffered. I nursed him just like my other 2 . We made it through. We are a happy family of 5, but it took me, personally, a long time to get there. To this day I sometimes let the thoughts run through my head of where we would be as a family if #3 wasn't part of it. Just as I wonder what my life would be like if none of my children were in it. Not someplace I like to dwell.

But, someone said something to me while I was pregnant that took me a while to digest and take to heart. "You may regret not having another child, but you will never regret having one."

I am not telling you what to do, but please consider all your options. Abortion is not the easy out everyone thinks it is, and neither is adoption. It is very hard to carry a little person around for 9 mos and then just give it up, whether we want that little person or not, as it is to arbitrarily end a life. Your family dynamic will change no matter what your decision, so I encourage you and your husband to go to counseling. You cannot leave him out of the decision.

Good Luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

To be pregnant is a blessing from God, even if it is 3 boys, as long as they are healthy. There are couples out there wanting to have children and can't because they probably have medical issues. So you are blessed with having another boy, and then maybe a girl next time. I know a lot of couples wanting to have babies and would do anything to have a healthy baby. I don't know why you are unhappy with a third boy. Babies are precious, boy or girl.

wow you have a ton of answers already. i havent read any yet. i hope you can find a counciler that can help you deal with the hand that was delt to you. sounds like your wanting to fold when you might not even realize what a great hand you really have. majority of people i have spoke too are depressed over the third child. i was the third a girl after two boys and my mom wasnt trilled about the third. my mom was third of three girls her parents were bumed not only about the third but also about not having a boy. most churches have some one that you can talk to and they are usually free. if money is not an issue please go talk to someone about your depression. even if you do decide to keep your son. they will help sort out your feelings. i hope the best for you and yours.

I just want to say that I had a very hard time excepting my current pregnancy in the beginning, This is also my third and although I have both a boy and girl already I couldn't handle the thought of putting another child in the mix. My pregnancy was a surprise not sure if yours was. I can't really give you an answer as to which way to go but I can say that knowing that I will be induced tomorrow makes me so happy. It took a long time to become comfortable with the idea of having another but now we can't wait. I know my cousin who has 4 boys went through some depression with her last two because of the fear of having another wild boy, but now that they are 8,6,4,2 she wouldn't have it any other way. She loves seeing all their different personalities. Yes, she admits it can be very, very hard. But worth every moment of good, fun times.

This is a hard decision to make and remember that your body and hormones are not what they usually are, coming from someone who has suffered from pre delivery depression with all of her children.

There are a lot of people that this happens too but I am sure you will love your 3rd son just as much as your other two and I am pretty sure you would live with a ton of guilt if you aborted this baby...its not his fault he is a boy! I would ask that if you are really upset with the fact your having a boy that you look into adoption before abortion there are so many couples who can not concieve that they would give anything for a child rather it be a boy or girl!!! You might try looking at the postives of having another boy!

Please get yourself some help. I'm sure there are some free centers you can find if you can't afford it. I know our insurance doesn't cover therapy. It can be hard to wrap your head around the whole thing. Just figure it out before your beautiful boy is born so you don't blame him just for being born. We are struggling to even be pregnant so I can't possibly imagine what you are going through but it must be miserable. I truly wish you the best of luck.

I always wanted a girl. I had a boy, tried again, another boy. Tried again, another boy. Never had that girl, but I was the queen bee of the household. My boys married and gave me three wonderful daughters-in-law and each of them gave me a granddaughter. One even gave me three grandsons. The second boy was killed before his daughter was born. That was thirty seven years ago. She has two girls and one boy. I am surrounded by girls and boys. And that third boy; he is fifty one years old and checks on his dad and I almost everyday. So does my first one. I would have probably felt just as you do had I been able to have known I was carrying another boy, but God knew what I needed. I have never missed having that girl. You will love that little man with all your heart.

Admitting you are depressed is the first step. There is help out there waiting for you. Know that you are loved and remember the bad feelings won't last forever. Best wishes!

I am not in your situation but I have had an abortion. It was the #1 mistake/regret/choice I made for myself. I was extremely depressed with my choice and prayed and prayed for God To give me a sign of what to do to get over this or to move on with my life. 6 months later I was on birthcontrol having protective sex and I still got pregnant with my baby girl. To me it was gods plan.

I am prochoice and can't tell you what you should do but I know that especially after having kids I could never ever ever do that again. It was very emotional. Gender doesn't matter. You will love that little boy as much as you love your first child. He will be so different and fun in his own way. God gives you what you can handle. He won't let you down I promise!

Please explain to your doctor again about your depression. It is soooo serious. Depression can change your thoughts dramatically. If he won't help than find a therapist or another doctor.

Good Luck!

It's not your baby's fault that you did not want a boy. Why not consider adoption? There are many couples that would love to raise your son as their own. Some may even help with the delivery expenses. Please contact an adoption agency before you decide to end your baby's life. He's more than just a fetus. He's a living little boy that deserves a chance at life.

Give your baby up for adoption, if you don't want it. There are a lot of couples who can't have any children.

Hi, B.. My first child was a girl and she unexpectedly died at birth from an undetected lung disorder and undetected complications during labor. I was desperate to have another girl and did have a healthy girl from my second pregnancy. When I got pregnant with my 3rd child, I still wanted another girl, because in my mind, I couldn't have too many baby girls to try to fill the hole from my first daughter's death. My 3rd child is a boy and he is more than I ever expected. I also think I have issues with men in general because of my father and past relationships but my son is clearly helping to heal those issues as well. When we went to have one more child, I couldn't decide what I wanted because I love my children so much, but I still leaned toward girl again because of my first daughter's death. Turns out, I'm having girl twins... and oh how I would love one of them to be a boy! I will love these babies equally to my other children and pray they are healthy but I have learned baby boys are fabulous and once I had one of each I realized there's no difference in the way you love them which so many people told me prior to my son's birth. They are both wonderful and in some ways my relationship with my son is easier than the one with my daughter. I have never had an abortion but I have a friend who terminated a pregnancy in the 5th month because the baby had an unsurvivable birth defect and it is surprising to me that she grieved the death of her baby as much as I have grieved mine because I always thought if I knew for certain that my little girl's birth defect was not survivable without the other complications to add to it that I would have more peace. However, I think there's something about knowing that your child didn't get their best chance at life and then making the choice to prevent their life that is so counter to nature. I think having an abortion as a teen unwed mother etc is a different scenario than the one you are in. I was also adopted. My biological mom was 21 years old and I am so glad she chose to give me up for adoption rather than have an abortion. There are so many people these days that want children but are having such difficulty having them and would love a baby boy. You never know what this little one has in store for you but my sense is that there may be some major healing some growth or an importance in the world that you can't predict... I bet it is something great and maybe that thing is to be raised by parents who don't know how or when they will be able to have a baby... or maybe it's to be raised by you with 2 older brothers. There is a great need for great men in this world which means you have an awesome opportunity to provide the next generation with 3 great men. I hope you start to feel better soon. I will be thinking about you.

First off my heart goes out to you. I have never been in that position as my children were all wanted no matter what the sex was and I had daughters and no boys. Then I had granddaughters and finally my daughter told me she was pregnant with a boy and my first thought was "What?" What the heck are we going to do with a boy since I was so use to raising the girls, but you know I was still so proud that we were finally going to have a boy in this family and what a wonderful joy and darling young man he is. I am so concerned that you say you have spoken with your doctor and he is no help. I don't think you are telling your doctor what you typed here. It is so hard for me to believe that a doctor would hear this and not help you in some way as I truly think you need some counseling and help. It isn't bad that you do, we all go through things in life and sometimes those things require addtional help. Nothing to be ashamed of, however abortion is truly not the answer. This child deserves your love and deserves to be wanted. I had an Aunt who went through the exact same thing you did and was pregnant with her third son and didn't want it. That child was born to a mother who didn't love it, want it, nourish it etc. and the poor child has grown up to be a wonderful man but with so many issues. Please do not do this to this child. As many have said below, if you do not want this child there are so many out there that do, but think about what you are saying. I do not think you are truly a woman who would want to give up a child just because it wasn't the right sex. At least I hope you are not. How does your husband feel about this as he has much say so in this as you do. What would your children think if you got an abortion and they found out their mother aborted a baby because it was a boy? They probably would never forgive you and would not think highly of you in the long run when they are old enough to realize what you did. Please talk to your doctor or find another one that can help you. If you go to church, please talk to your pastor or a good friend, your mother anyone who can help you through this. You will look back and be so thrilled with your three sons. All children ask for is to be loved and taken care of and in return the rewards are tons. Please get help and good luck to you.

Hi B.. I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling about another boy. It sounds like you have had your heart set on a little girl. I don't think your doctor is taking your depression seriously. See if you can find a help group in your area. Good luck. I hope things change for you soon.

L.

Wow - I really wanted a girl this time... we had a girl's name picked out early, but when I got my ultrasound the doc said it was a boy. I do have both boys and girls, my oldest (15 yr old girl) doesn't live w/ us & doesn't talk to us cause "we ruined her life" when we broke her & her 21 yr old boyfriend (who has a 1 yr old) up after she though she had misscarried a baby at 14 yrs old.

At home we have a 6 yr old girl and boys that are almost 3 & 5 yrs old... all 3 of my kids really wanted a little girl as well. All of us were bumbed when we found out it was a boy, I will admit that I haven't talked to my belly as much this time around & I don't feel as connected to this one as I did all the others - for that I feel guilty. But saying that abortion hasn't crossed my mind once.

My real dad dreamed of having a boy - he ended up with 3 girls... and now thinks it was the best thing that happened to him. We are now 36, 33 & 17... my 17 yr old sister is the smarts out of all of us - she plays 6 different insterments, has straight A's in school, is heading to Germany this summer to go to school for a few months & got her first scholorship for writing a book in the 7th grade, but it wasn't the last one she earned. Her mom wasn't sure if she wanted to keep her, but her & my dad did decide to give marrage a try - eventhough it didn't work out... my baby sister was born & is such a great person.

I do think you need help through what you are going through right now. I do hope that you find the strenght in your heart to keep the baby & start to get a connection to him in the next 23 weeks... you do know that ultrasounds can be wrong. Not that it is in your case... but honestly the most important thing when it comes to having a baby is that it is born healthy.

If you really don't think you can love this baby - start talking to adoption service & see if that is an option for you.

I do have a few questions though... is there something else going on here?? I know that mom's carry the baby, but how does dad feel about it being a boy?? Is dad still around - or is that part of the issue with the baby you are expecting?? Why was a girl so important to you this time??

Like I said we all were hoping for a girl this time and I don't feel as connected with this one as I did the others, but when I got sick last week & he didn't move like normal - it scared me to death! So, I do know I love the little guy & I know I want nothing to happen to him - I want him to be happy & healthy... but I am scard to bring him into our current situation. I'm the only income & unemployed, so we are living on unemployment... which won't last forever. The job market is still not the best & who will hire a woman who is 30 weeks pregnant?? Hubby is a good man, but he isn't the best at keeping jobs... he is trying to do odds & ends here & there to help out, but it is when he wants to not always when he needs to. So, it can be scary sometimes... but we have always seemed to make it & keep out heads just above water.

I truely am sorry you feel so badly about having another boy... I wish you luck! Please keep trying to get help - if need be call your doctor today & ask to be seen asap to talk about your depression... even if you do choose to abort the baby - you will need someone to talk to about your depression & dealing with that as well.

My heart really does go out to you!!! I hope you find strenght to make it through this no matter what the outcome is!

Can you Adopt a little Girl. Foster care or something like that. There are so many children out there who need love. And some one like you who has that love to give would be wonderful.

Maybe you will have to go for number 4

I totally understand your feelings, which is my main reason for never finding out the sex of my unborn kids. It is too much stress especially if you already have in your mind what you would prefer. I am currently 24 weeks pregnant with baby #2 and have contemplated the same things as you have up until I was 20 weeks (I could not stand feeling sick and not being able to eat, I was thinking anything is better than this even abortion), once my morning sickness stopped those thoughts went away. Don't expect anyone on this post to agree with you as far as your decision to abort or not that is between you and God and you have to make that decision and live with it, so who cares what others think in regards to it. I would suggest just taking your time and really soul search and vent and what have you to weigh your options and then decide, you still have time. I also, hated hearing that all my depression and feelings were hormone related but in my case evidently they were. Good Luck!!

Please do not have an abortion and please seek help immediately! If you do not wish to become a mother to your son once he's born, then please consider adoption. And there is no such thing as "luck" when it comes to the sex of a child. Ask God to help you with your emotions during this time. You're in my prayers.

Dear Christine, Bless your heart, how hard it must be to be thinking of having an abortion, please don't do that, if you can't raise that precious litttle boy, there are thousands of women that would love to adopt him, all babies are wonderful & a blessing. My prayers are with you. W.