Not Eating - Orange, CA

Such a tough one. Power struggles between kids and parents! I always believe that if you offer foods kids like (not junk, but yummy nutritious meals) they will eat. This sounds more like willpower then not liking the foods you offer. I would show that you're upset or frustrated because then he will feel he won and will try to control what he eats and when. Just be patient! -www.weelicious.com

We go through the same thing with my three year old from time to time. What's worked is that we don't offer snacks or dessert if he doesn't eat at least some of his meal. He must ALWAYS finish his milk before he leaves the table, regardless of it he ate a morsel or not. I also remind him that when he leaves, if he hasn't eaten there will be no other options. Sometimes he just decides not to eat, but I have to say, more often now, he's at least trying things he previously said he didn't want to eat. A lot of the time, he's eating way more than I thought he would. I think he's finding he likes them!

-M

M.,

Okay, so here's what I've learned about kids and eating...if you give them too many choices they get confused and go for what they think is good...hence the sweets. It tastes yummy and must be good, right? But, of course in moderation it's fine but not as meal options and toddlers just don't get that.

From some of the suggestions on this site, I've started doing a few things...

I make my son very consistent meals, and stick to things I know he will eat. So, breakfast is usually basics...pancakes, sausage, eggs, oatmeal or something easy that he can help with. Like pouring the water into the pancake mix or measuring the oatmeal.

(got this one from on here)Make a snack tray for the day with different veggies and cheeses...he can eat from the tray whenever he wants to and he also gets to help me pick out what goes on it. We keep it in the fridge and he can get it when he's hungry. I've also started doing a fruit plate too, and he loves it.

When we go grocery shopping I let him pick out things he wants try in the produce section...two things each time. Then, we go home and try them...he tells me what he thinks and we go from there.

If I'm offering new foods I do it alongside something I know he will eat...my son is a huge fan of hot dogs, homemade chicken nuggets and baked fries...also, I pick up finger foods from Whole Foods that are healthy and fun for him to try. He loves Foccacia bread with spinach, and now is a huge fan of hummus (which I'm not huge on)! If you're excited about it, then he'll get excited about it too.

Talk to him about what he DOES like. Sometimes, we forget that food is tough for kids to make choices about and they will go for what they KNOW will taste good...like sweets.

I put the sweets out of site and out of reach. And, make sure everyone in the family and household knows the rules and follows them. No sneaking the kiddo sweets or caving to his whinning when he does want them. Everyone has to be consistent. Cookies and ice cream are only for dessert.

Let him help set the table and serve himself...portions are so daunting for kiddos this age and sometimes their eyes can see more than is really there.

Kids, especially my son, loves being a part of meal prep. He has his own little apron and cutting board set with plastic knives...Ikea has cool sets and stuff for cheap. So, he gets veggies to cut or stuff to mix and prep for me and he loves it. Try making your son a part of the action and see if that improves his mood about eating. I make a huge deal about him helping me and how he cooked dinner...he eats it up.

There are great sites with some cool ideas for meal prep...

www.weelicious.com
www.marthastewart.com
www.rachelray.com

Good Luck and I hope some of this helps!!

Deanna Leigh had great suggestions. And like Julia M. said, it's how you have the food available for them. I also have cut up fruit for my kids...then they are more prone to eating it. My daughter LOVES nectarines, so I always have this on hand, for example.

For us, we don't buy sweets. The only time we have it is if we get it as gifts. Or, if my Mom buys sweets, she hides it.

The only treat that I do buy, is sugar-free popscicles. That is what my kids like. So, that is the bargaining item I have, with them.

If you don't have sweets in the house, then there is no begging for it, by the kids.

My daughter has a BIG sweet-tooth. But, my Dad had diabetes and died from it... we explain what Diabetes is to my girl, and what happens from it. And she understands. Or, we make smoothies for her. Or, offer her sugar-free things. Like those tic-tac breath mints, which she likes.
We just try NOT to make it a 'daily' thing.

Some sugar-free brands are (which you can find in the grocery store):
http://www.nabiscoworld.com/sensiblesnacking/ (Snackwells)
http://www.russellstover.com/jump.jsp?itemType=CATEGORY&a...

Don't worry, he will eat when he is hungry. He's holding out until YOU give in.

Diabetes is a prevalent problem among children in our country. Their diet is a major cause of it. So... it is very important to modulate what we give them.

Kids eating phases are not always easy... but with sweets/sugar... it can also be a dangerous health problem, later. So, that is what I try to remember, with my girl. With our son, we just don't accustom him to sweets or give it to him. He views it as something only his sister is 'allowed' to have sometimes. So he doesn't ask for sweets.

You could try and explain to him what eating 'junk' food does to the body and how it can cause diseases. Show him the food pyramid or pictures etc. Or make a cute picture chart and keep it in the kitchen... of 'good' foods and 'bad' foods etc. And each day he can check off what he ate, versus how many 'sweets' he ate. OR, limit him to only 1-2 sweets a day... and on the chart, check it off, daily. That way, they have a VISUAL way of keeping track and maybe it can encourage him or discourage him from eating sugar.

All the best,
Susan

You put down 3 healthy meals a day, and allow for healthy snacks - fruit/cheese/yogurt, there are so many! He will eat when he is hungry. Don't bribe. If you eat this you'll get that. Don't NOT let him have fruit if that is what he wants. Fruit is good for him. If he wants an apple, let him have it. If he says I want candy!!! Don't just say, "NO!". Say, "you want candy don't you? Candy is good, isn't it?, well, I know that sounds like fun, but let's eat this first and maybe we can have some candy later". It would be better to remove the candy and not have this on his mind to begin with, but baby steps. It's important that he believes you understand what he wants, so validate it rather than just saying NO. It's the word NO, that can set off a tantrum more than the fact that you aren't giving him what he wants. Be consistent and have a routine. In our house, since the kids were toddling around, I made the bottom shelf in our pantry their GREEN LIGHT GROW FOOD shelf. The next shelf, might have YELLOW LIGHT FOODS and if we had any RED LIGHT FOODS, they were out of reach. To this day, my kids don't pig out on junk food, they eat when they are hungry, they stop when they are full. They make really good choices. They KNOW what is grow food and what is junk food and how it makes them feel. They are allowed junk food - we don't stock it here, but they get plenty at school/parties, etc.. Plus I do have the occasional treat here but they never expect it or ask for it. If I had candy here and they got it pretty regularly, like your son, that is what they would want (and so would I! LOL!!). Strawberries, watermelon, pineapple - yummy treats to have with a meal or afterwards. I guess I'm just trying to say, kids will eat what we give them. Your son is holding out now, hoping you will cave and let him have what he wants. My son is 3, I could totally see him asking for chocolate for dinner, but he'd only ask once. He knows that would be silly and knows how important grow food is. At this age your son has control of very little, so give him some control. Stock up on healthy choices. When he asks for a snack, say do you want an apple or a bannana? Give him access to the bottom shelf in the fridge and have apples, baby carrots, yogurt, cheese, etc.. at his reach. Let him help make the meal, set the table, only put a little food on his plate, a little protein, carb and a veggie/fruit, then in the center of the table put the foods in little bowls with spoons so when he wants more, he can serve himself some more. Make sure the food looks good/fun - I cut toast/sandwiches/cheese/lunch meat with little cookie cutters in to fun shapes (not at every meal, mind you). I cut morning toast in to a gingerbread man, put raisins for eyes and a cheerio for a mouth and spread peanut butter on for clothing, etc.. they always eat this fun (yet healthy) food. I listen to them, if they really dont' like something, I don't expect them to eat it. But if it's more of a don't want to try it. I ask them to please take one bite - if they don't like it they don't have to eat anymore of it. Sorry, I'm rambling now, I have so many more ideas but I need to go. ☺

A great book on nutrition is The Healthiest Kid in the Neighborhood by Dr. William Sears. LOVE IT! I've loaned this book out so much that I don't have it anymore and I don't know who does! LOL!! It's a great tool - for everyone. Actually, you can get a lot of nutritional advice and food ideas at www.askdrsears.com.

Best wishes,
M.

Hi M.:
I like a lot of Deannas ideas. I have always kept cut up fruit in the frig. I've found,that kids,no matter what age,have a tendency,to grab what ever is closest to them or more convenient at the time.Whether they are toddlers or teens,when they are in a hurry but they feel like a snack, Cookie bags,chips,crackers from the pantry,are all FAST and EASY for them.They don't have to hunt,there is no necessity to ask for assistance. This saves them time,not to mention taking the chance they could be denied,if they ask permission.I did my own little test years ago.I stuck a bag of Oreo cookies in the frig,right next to a clear tupperware bowl of bite size fruit.They went for the fruit every time. I was shocked! Whole fruit...They wouldn't go for.They didn't want to bother with peeling or trying to finish an entire orange or pear. Bite size,they never felt overwelmed with,and it was just more fun to eat.A Dr. will tell you,that at your sons age,he is doing more experimenting than anything else. His tastes are changing and you need to be flexible,as far as his meals are concerned.Toddlers are active,and need to snack and eat several times, in the course of a day. They aren't mature enough physically, or mentally,to wait for three square meals like us adults.They need fuel to keep them going all day.Its not a good idea,to play battle of the minds when it comes to nutrition. Punishing,by withholding food,or forcing them to eat something ,they obviously don't find tasty will create poor eating habits in your child.Food should be enjoyable,a good experience.I'd suggest trying to be more creative and introducing a few new foods. A lot of toddlers,won't try something,simply because of how it looks. Make it fun.Make his food appear smaller to him.Cut small pieces,give him a dip to dip veggies in. Toddlers love to dip.Mac and cheese,or chicken nuggets,like Deanna mentioned.If he doesn't liked cooked veggies,then give him raw. They're better for him raw anyway. Try not to take his preferences as an insult,rather,see it as hes growing,and will have different tastes as you.He's entitled to have likes and dislikes at this age.I wish you and your growing son the best. J. M

Hold out. my 2 yr old will not eat meals. she could live on milk, raisens and pretzels. So, she is offered what ever we are eating. and she does get a snack after her nap. Last night for dinner she ate carrots, cucumbers and broccoli. It helps that I rarely have treats in the house (because I would eat them all). She ate lots of carrots. None of my kids will eat any form of meat (unless it is a crappy kind, like hot dogs, pepperoni, chicken nuggets) The whole kid diet thing is annoying.

Hi M.,

I'll put in a second suggestion to get and read anything by Ellyn Satter. Her books are wonderful, and you will feel better, use less energy and worry less about feeding your child after you read one. I like Child of Mine and How to get Your Kids to Eat, both.

you are in charge of what you offer your child to eat, he's in charge of how much to eat. 3 meals and 2 snacks a day should serve him well. Certainly offer him fruit, just make sure that you're putting other foods on the table for him as well. Then let him eat what he wishes, as much (or little) as he wants.

The food is put away at the end of the meal, and at the next snack/mealtime you give him something else nutritious, yummy and child-appropriate.

Don't bother with bribes, threats or bargains. That will just frustrate you both and escalate the power struggle. You DON'T want to go down that path! :-)

As long as he's not ill (check with your Dr.), you'll both be fine.

Get the books! you'll be glad you did.

good luck
C.

M.-
I had a similar problem when my daughter was 3 y/o, and I found these awesome kid friendly cards called SNAC CARDS. (http://www.snaccards.com) You can let our child see the cool pictures and you read to them about the different foods and how to use them to run, play, scooter, etc. (Muscle builders, Brain builders, etc.) It worked wonders with both my kids and today (three years later) they still are interested in how food makes them move and do things and what are healthy foods.

Go to: http://www.snaccards.com/

These cards were started by a mom with young children going through the same thing.
Hope it helps.

We grew up in a household where we ate what was prepared for the whole family. We did not keep junk food in the house, potato chips were a summer barbecue thing. We didn't keep candy or soda. I never missed it. On Sundays mom would bake a cake and as soon as I got old enough I would help. When the treats, cookies/cakes are homemade they are more fun and less often. Your son will not starve himself. Candy and cookies are empty calories, that is, no nutritional value. Sugar is the worst enemy of the immune system. Keep offering him healthy options and he will give in. Hang in there, you are doing great!

Choices - choices! He needs choices. It sounds like what he is really asking for is some say-so, some control. If I were you I'd at least try not saying too much, but at meal time put out some real kid-friendly (yet nutritious) finger-sized foods. Cut 'em real cute, cheese sticks, little sandwiches, whatever, and put out like 3 things. Tell him he "gets to" decide which one he wants, and then just let him say it or not and leave the room. I'd bet he'll eat at least one of them - and then of course, lots of praise for whatever he eats (and maybe a treat of some kind of likes) but no pressure for what he's not eating. This should get him over this little phase. Just take that pressure off and give him some control.
M.

Dear M. I'm 55 and agrandma of 2 lovely girls.
since I remember, I ate sweets. when I became an adult I continued I tried putting sugar on everything and got away with it, lucky me.
Now let me play the devils advocate.
Through the years I have listened in the news sugar is not good for one's health. but I could never help it. But since you are in charge here you can have a say so.But in the best interest of your child you can have him eat that sugar, how much ? that is up to you. He only has to see it. but does not have to eat the whole sugar cup.
well for the morning I suggest cooked Oatmeal and do put the only sugar you would use right in front of his eyes so he could see it has what he wants. You can also cook rice pudding, maltomeal, Finely diced potatoes nuked (to save on time)and then boiled with milk and cinnamon etc. for the main mid day meal you can cook carrots with a little sugar they are already sweet, so they will require very little sugar added to them.try putting it on beans, peas etc. also you can ccok him honeyglazed chicken or turkey. there are many choices. you can have your child to eat all the fruit he wants that doesn't hurt.
By the way is he hypoglazemic It does not hurt to check with a specialist. when I was studying child development I learned there are persons who need to have high intakes of sweets. I have found only one more person like that. on the other hand, my two grandaughters can't stand sweets. Even if I try putting it on their lips they will spit it out.

Don't let this get into a power struggle. (You're probably aware that toddlers are big on power struggles, not fun.) You can't force a kid to eat, anyway. However, I would definitely take steps to prevent food jags. It helps if you don't have any junk food in the house. Beyond that, try to give him as much control as possible over what he eats. Try setting up a mini-buffet with healthy foods already cut into the sizes or shapes he likes. Then let him pick and choose what to eat and how much of it. Or let him eat with a toothpick or skewer. He may enjoy the nutritious items more if he gets to poke them onto a skewer! Toddlers love dips, too, so make the dip and what's going into it healthy. Good dips: yogurt, hummus, ranch dressing, lemon juice (he'll either love it or hate it), Greek dip, peanut butter, ketchup. Good stuff to dip with: baby carrots, whole-wheat crackers, very skinny celery sticks; and any kind of sliced or bite-size fruit he could dip into yogurt or peanut butter. ... my son is a carb freak and veggie-phobic. However, he likes eating pasta shells and doesn't mind if there are frozen peas cooked with them. They get caught inside the shells but he doesn't mind that. Also, try chunks of baked potato (OK to microwave a bit of cheese melted on top.) Try to anticipate when he's going to be hungry, and BEFORE he starts asking for any kind of food, set up eithr this little healthy buffet or a plate with a variety of foods on it and set it out for him. Tell him if he's hungry he can snack from what you've put out. If he resists those foods, or resists eating anything at meal times, don't make a big deal about it. Just tell him calmly that he doesn't have to eat any of it, but that the next snack/meal is XX number of hours away, or whatever time. Then don't cave and give him any junk food before the next scheduled meal/snack. He'll learn to eat at the appropriate times without a lot of fighting about it. Also make sure you limit milk and juice so he's not filling up between meals on these liquids. It's easy to overdo them. Good luck.

The book "How to Get Kids to Eat ... But Not Too Much" by Ellyn Satter was the "food bible" at my daughter's pre-school (staffed by awesome, experienced teachers; the classes were hands-on, requiring parents to participate in the classroom and to attend evening discussion groups without kids to learn about development).

The book is fantastic; it puts parents in charge of providing a variety of healthy foods for their family and the children are then responsible for deciding which and how much of the healthy foods to eat. When you remove the emotions from the eating process (enticing, encouraging, cajoling, bribing, worrying, making special meals) it becomes much more enjoyable and relaxing for everyone. It doesn't involve any "trickery" like hiding vegetables in foods or any extrinsic rewards; it simply promotes a healthy, hopefully lifelong, attitude towards food.

Good luck! This is a hard challenge.

Don't give in and feed him the junk, he will get hungry.
You can make it pancakes or eggs and toast, or something yummy. But they eat when they get hungry.
A hamburger can be a pretty balanced meal too. Try not to make it too tough to settle this.
Good luck! Deb

Keep it up and follow through. Be careful to keep it up when you're not at home. I have to do this with my three year old too. Good luck!

When you make meals, don't dish them up. Just pput them on the table with the place settings on the table. Then when it's time to eat, you and your husband dish up your own plates and start eating. Kids are not going to starve themselves and yours will not like having an empty plate. Eventually your child will ask for something to eat. Don't worry about whether or not he eats everything on the table. And don't worry if he chooses to go hungry, missing a meal isn't going to hurt him. Besides it won't continue. This worked for my sister within a week of trying it. Her children were even asking for vegetables.

Just keep holding out, I have the same rule in my house right now with my four year old. He went to bed without eating any dinner - by choice - and understood that there would be no "reading time snack" (usually a cheese or apple or pretzels) until he ate his dinner. I left his dinner out for him so that he could choose to eat it, all the way up until bedtime and told him I will warm it up for him when he's ready (it's still sitting there this morning, I will, of course, dispose of it before he wakes up! :)) But he went to bed without eating, and we've been through this before with lots of tears, but last night there was no complaint - he knows the rule. Now, I'm all for healthy grazing and understand the way that young children eat, but unfortunately in this economic time I have to teach my four year old about meals and not wasting food. During the day I let him eat any healthy food at any time that he wants, he rarely eats breakfast or lunch as a "real" meal - I just make sure to always have an apple in the baby's diaper bag and pour a cup of milk in an insulated cup as we head out the door. By the end of the day he's had plenty of fruit, carbs, protein and dairy - veggies are still a struggle! :) Good luck!

boundaries boundaries boundaries

Hi M.,

My 3 year old is the same way. He has been since he was about 8 mos old. He doesn't eat sweets as he is allergic to processed sugars. I consulted my pediatrician and my doctor about my concerns and was told by both, don't panic. He will eat when he is hungry. They said to cut out snacks between meals and watch his weight. If he starts losing weight, then they said to bring him in for testing to make sure nothing medically is wrong. I still worry when he doesn't eat, but when he decides to eat, he will eat you out of your house. I was also told don't make separate meals for him. Fix a meal and sit down with him to eat it. Mine came around when I started eating with him. He still goes in phases, but they don't last as long.

C. N

Hi M., you have received some great advice here. It all sounds wonderful. I am a Family Nutrition Coach and, if I may, i'd like to share with you some family nutrition basics.

You are the parent. You COMPLETELY get to choose what foods your son will eat because you choose what comes into the house. You choose what you will put in your fridge and your cupboards. You get to set your family up for health. You are the leader of their nutritional journey today and in the future.

So many parents today are so confused as to what to do with their kids and their nutrition habits. That is why I left teaching after 15 years and started the Healthy Family Initiative. I am not selling you my program, I am telling you that I have helped over 300 families get off junk food, say no to soda, eat clean, set up their financial future AND be happier.

Kids who would NEVER eat veggies, are now begging for broccoli (and NO it is not smothered in cheese!). Kids who only drank juice, won't even ask for it any more. McDonalds/Burger King/ Taco Bell etc are not even even these kids vocabulary anymore. This is all a nautral process when you have the right information to feed your children.

I know it is hard to believe but when you FEED your kids the right stuff, THEY make better decisions. I coach a family that has a 2 year old who, when given a choice, will choose water over juice, fruit over gummie bears and yogurt over ice-cream.

M., you are the parent. The lessons you set up for your child today will stick with him forever.

If you are interested in talking more, feel free to email me. This invite is open to all.

Until then, be the parent. You make the decisions. Choose health for you and your family.

B., B.A.:B.Ed.
Family Nutrition Coach

I always have an array of friuts and nuts available for my 3 boys. Fresh and dried fuit. It's a healthy alternative. Let him eat that. I also always offer whole wheat bread with butter. Pick your battles. As long as its not sugared up-it's as healthy as any other meal.

my son is 3 and has days like that..i bought some granola bars w/ chocolate for emergencies..but i try to get him out of the house and not let him snack or fill up on juice..and then he'll eat a lot when we get home. It all started after Halloween...i tell him that its bad for him and he won't grow and his brain needs real food. Only thing to do is hold out like you're doing ..and let him get hungry enough to eat his food.