Normal Tween?

My sweet, even tempered child became an overly sensitive, sad and mopey tween. I remembered what it was like, body awash in hormones, that seemed to amplify every emotion. Anger flared at the drop of a hat, sarcasm seemed to drip from his every word, and he'd flat out refuse to talk to me sometimes. A little understanding on my part, explaining about the bright intense and new feelings....he's MUCH better at 16. Middle school was the worst. (Not that high school is wonderful, but it's miles better than middle school)

Well, they're all drama tweens.... ugggh

I have found that my tween responds better to "I know it's xyz (frustrating) when 123 (you feel like your dad is mad at you)"

sometimes a little validation is what they need - that it's ok and not scary to feel the way they feel.

Remember that everything is exaggerated for them. so when she expresses that her dad is mad and you (basically to her) come at her with the reason why her dad is mad - what it does is reinforce that her dad is, in fact, mad at her. Which is what is stressing her out.

So, validate that it must be frustrating to feel like dad is mad at you. You can also add in "it must be frustrating to have forgotten about the apple and peanut butter when you know it's important to your dad" or whatever.

See if dad can tell her he loves her more.

Remember that their brain has grown really rapidly for the past 10-13 years and right around 11 it gets wonky in terms of balance.
You almost have to parent the same as when she was 3 - not a toddler but really really really lacking the words and impulse control to articulate what she needs. Once I started looking at her like she was 3 again I had more patience!

hang in there!

Shrugging it off and telling her to talk to Dad was the right thing to do.
Her conflict is between her and Dad.
What does she expect you to do about it?
Did she want sympathy? Did she expect you to say it was ok to waste food and her Dad was wrong to be upset about it?
She's trying to dump it in your court and you refusing it keeps it in hers.
Learning to deal with conflict directly rather than trying to deal with it evasively is a good life skill and she needs to work on it.

ugh. Where was this post and all the answers to it yesterday afternoon when I was at Staples buying a replacement surge protector for the computer in my tween's room? We got an airport express for Xmas and I decided to move our computer... which required having another surge protector. The computer in his room is "out" right now (he locked it up with a password change he shouldn't have done and is waiting on his fav aunt to come fix for him), so I unplugged it and brought the surge protector out here, since I knew it would take me a few days to get the extra one purchased, and we are on this computer daily and his isn't even working at the moment. We were at the store comparing surge protectors and power strips before he even realized I was getting it for HIM since his was now in the family room. He had a fit about which one to buy. He didn't like the way the one I chose looked. He wanted to go to another store and see what they had. Well if that's the one you're getting I don't even want it in my room. blah blah blah... it was ridiculous. I finally told him that if he didn't want to use it he didn't have to, he could let a power surge fry his computer for all I cared. ( I know... pretty childish, but I was worn out!). But should he choose to use one, he would be using the one I was buying, or else he could open up his own wallet and pay the $25 for the one he wanted (my choice was only $17). He pouted until we left the store. As soon as we were back in the car, he was fine, like nothing ever happened.
???? I plugged all his stuff into it this morning, and he saw it and it didn't even seem to register that anything was changed.
But he doesn't go into a funk or talk about anything. It is always anger, never sadness. The "sigh"s only happen when I have imposed too deeply upon him, by say... asking him to pick up his wet towel from the floor or make another trip to his room to put away the OTHER stack of clothes that he left the first time.
It's bizarro world. One minute they are angry, tantrum throwing 3 yr olds (he never threw anything like these when he was 3, however) and the next they are the epitome of aloofness and above it all, and then if you blink too long, they are the sweet, vulnerable little child you remember from the baby pics.
They say girls are worse. I don't know. I hope not though. I have one of those coming along behind him....

Im pretty sure that is just her age. Hopefully she will grow out of it soon. You are not wrong for having her talk to her dad about the way he treats her. But maybe because of her age, you might cut her a little bit of slack, just because that is the age where the drama begins lol. She might if not has already be ready to start her period? That may be adding to it as well.
Maybe she also isnt getting enough sleep, that could be adding to it too, and it could cause her emotions to flare up and act like this.

A nice, calm sit down with her may be what is needed. Ask her why she thinks and feels that he "yelled or was mad at" her and what you can all do to make it easier for each other.

It's pretty normal. Tweens, like Teens, will do weird stuff for any kind of reaction.... and with parents they seem to like us to be pissed off or totally shocked. Spending more time really talking to her, both you and dad, could help solve the "pitting against each other" syndrome. A tight family unit squelches the urges for kids to get disrespectful. If they dont have ammo you wont be their fodder.

It's the age, and it's not just a girl thing. I am a stepmom to teenage boys and I got it even worse - it was very easy for them to complain to their mom about me, about how I "yelled" at them (when really I just spoke more sternly), or was "always mean" because I actually expected them to listen to me and do as I asked. And it all started when they were 10 and 11! And their mom ate it all up! All teenagers exaggerate, all lie to some degree, and all make excuses. With your own daughter, you could tell her you knew she did not mean to, but it still happened and she needs to remember and do better next time. Let her know her feelings do matter to you without getting sucked into the whole tween/teen drama scene.

Don't let her pit you against each other- she'll test to see if she can-you did just right last night- just stay w/ that. Welcome to the teen years, and yes it is possible to live thro them- present a united front.
best, k

Could she be PMS'ing?

You are not wrong! Don't let her try to pit you against each other. Teens and Tweens are all about drama, especially girls.

You need to support your husband in his discipline and he in yours. Don't let her try to ruffle your feathers about what dad told her. Instead say "If that is what your dad said then that is how it is" even if you don't quite agree or "You know what the rules are" Don't ever go against what he has told her and he shouldn't go against what you tell her. If you disagree with each other about a disciplinary action taken, discuss it in private and not where she can hear you.

They are all drama queens at this age!!! They are also, excuse the
expression, "ditzy" at this age. They are forgetful, self-centered. Half
young woman, half child. You are in for the ride of your life, but in the end,
you would not have changed a thing. Enjoy! Before you know it she will be
off to college.