No School Because He Doesnt Know How to Wipe?

We had the same problem when my 4-yr-old started Pre-K. He's been in school this whole school year and has done fine. He's learned that he can wipe himself, unless it's a very messy one. In that case, he asks for help. The teachers don't really like to do this I think, but they will if they have to. Also, we get up early enough to let him try to go before we leave for school. Because I've made this a habit, I think his body is sort of trained to go in the mornings. He usually does his business in the mornings, that way I can help him wipe and he doesn't have to worry about it at school. Occasionally he can't go in the am and does have to go later at school, but not very often.

Good luck! These are the parts of mommyhood no one tells you before you have kids, huh? Lol!

It's not inappropriate. I am not going into the bathroom and wiping the bottom of a 4 year old child. I already do many dirty and disgusting things in a given day! LOL. I fully expected my own children to wipe at this age and they would have to take more baths or showers sometimes because they were learning. Just keep telling him how to do it and by all means STOP doing it for him or he has no reason to do it himself.

Tell him he might not properly wipe until he is 13. I'm exaggerating, I think, but really most kids that young don't know how to properly wipe. And it can take some years of practice before they do.

Send him to school and give him baths nightly.

I agree that he'll be fine. My son is 5 and I still "assist" from time to time. And as other have pointed out, lets be realistic.....many of us doing the laundry know that even grown men don't always get the job done super great.

Tawnya---I think the reason that she commented about her husband not teaching him is because its crappy when someone (her hubby) tells her something needs to "be done" yet then sits there like a lump and makes not one attempt to help rectify the situation. Lighten up! Its so wonderful that you're super mom but dads need to get in the game too and its pretty unenlightened of you to think that its "her job" just because you feel its yours.

'Mom, mom, come wipe me' my 5 year old calls from the bathroom. 'You do it, you know how to wipe,' I say, 'what do you do at school when you go to the bathroom?'. 'I don't go poop at school' he says.

So your son too will work it out. Actually I know the teachers at his school do help them learn how to wipe too. I don't think they actually wipe him, but i know they have talked him through it a few times when he plays the helpless card.

But he won't get it perfect for a long time so it isn't a reason to keep him home.

Hi Maria, I've worked in preschool for many years. Perfecting that wiping is just another area of maturity and development. I've helped wipe the butts of MANY MANY children. It's all part of learning and growing.
He'll get it (I can't say WHEN though, based on the track marks I still find on MY boys underwear, 18 and 16, sigh)!

Print this all out and hand it to your husband.

:)

Your husband is embarrassed that his child might stink after using the bathroom.No he is looking after him not an inappropriate request I would never think to send my children to school without them knowing how to do this themselves I would hold off as long as possible if he isn't ready.Ask dad to teach him show him how a "MAN"cleans.Everytime he goes to the bathroom show him how to wipe don't do it for him he still has time to learn.Around here you need to be potty trained there is NO ASSISTANCE from the teachers to help in the bathroom that means you must know how to pull on & off you pants zip & button your pants wipe,flush & wash hands.If an accident happens they will call you to either bring clothes or take the child home.

Our preschool will not let me attend if they cannot wipe. They need to know because it is not the preschool teachers job to wipe the kids butt.

Why don't you do it?
best, k

My son is 4, and has been in preschool for over a year now, and of course he still doesn't wipe properly. The teachers understand and you just expect that all kids will learn eventually. I can think of no reason why this would be reason to keep your child home. Maybe have your husband go to the school and talk with the teachers about expectations, and he will probably realize that that is an unreasonable expectation at this age.

I'm sure you could teach him... you don't have to wait around for your husband to do it. Get him some of he flushable wet wipes to practice with until he gets good at it.

And when it comes right down to it, how often will he actually poop at school anyway? I have two kids in school right now and neither has ever pooped at school.

He needs to go to school! Keep working with him about wiping and get him some wet wipes -those help immeasurably! He'll still miss spots just like a lot of adult men ;-) And yes, you should tell your husband if he's so concerned, he should make it top priority to help your son with his wiping skills.

Um my nephew still has problems and asks for help. He's been in daycacre since 6 weeks. . .I think he'll be fine. The teachers will be used to things to it.

This is not a good reason not to send him to school. No little kids wipes himself well at that age. And besides...there is a great chance that he won't have a bm at school anyway. My boys never did.

Momto2princesses has a point :)
My 13 year old still has "issues" with this some days evidenced by his laundry...yuck....lol
School can actually help because they know other kids do it and don't want to be seen as a baby so they will teach themselves.

4 yr olds wipe like 4 yr olds and 30 yr olds wipe like 30 yr old. When our butt is sore because we didnt wipe well, it teaches us to wipe better. Tell your husband that kids arent adults.

No 4 yo does a "good" job of wiping. But the fact remains that if he can remove most of the debris, the undies can go in the wash when he gets home! :) Gross I know, but reality, nonetheless.

Only now, at nearly 8 (2nd grade) do I feel that my son can do a "good" proper job of wiping.

Definitely get the wet wipes for at home.

My son did not WANT to wipe his own butt til he was almost 5, so you're ahead of the game there! lol How did mine deal with NOT wiping after #2 at school--he didn't go there. Not once. We had 2 mornings/week nursery school, 3 mornings/week pre-school and half-day Kindergarten, so he dodged the bullet. :)

My son is 4 and still needs some assistance from time to time and teachers know this. I think your son will be fine. You also can teach him but I think your husband is a little inappropriate.

Updated

My son is 4 and still needs some assistance from time to time and teachers know this. I think your son will be fine. You also can teach him but I think your husband is a little inappropriate.

Tell your husband that's how your son learns which way his underwear go - yellow stains in the front, brown in the back. lol - just kidding It's very normal for a 4 year old to still need help wiping. My daughter is 4 1/2 and still needs help. She does her best on her own at school but at home she still wants me to help her. When your son turns 5 and still doesn't do a great job at wiping are you going to keep him out of kindergarten? Go ahead and send him to preschool - he'll learn how to wipe and everything will be fine.

tell him he knows how to wipe himself just not properly. i have to tell you, my kids are 6, and yes they know how to wipe, but if i don't wipe again they end up with what redness and itchiness. so yes, i still wipe them. i know a lot of moms who still wipe at 6, 7 and even 8 just to make sure they're clean. your hubby is wrong.

my kids would never poop at school. i have one in VPK and the other is in 1st grade. i would ask my husband if he was going to keep my child out of kindergarden also if he still couldn't wipe? i was totally in charge of the potty training. my husband didn't help hardly at all. only when i asked, and he maybe wiped their behinds 2x? my son (who is 4) was still having me wipe his heiny, but i just told him that i wasn't going to do it anymore. he does well enough on his own.

My girls attend a private school that starts with 3 yr old preschool. One rule is that they must be fully potty trained and independent with all aspects of pottying before school starts, so this may actually be something to ask the preschool you've chosen. Accidents will happen, but at our preschool his teacher wouldn't wipe him. If you've got a little time before he starts, you could work on teaching him and maybe try the flushable wipes for kids to help him do a better job himself. I actually sent those to daycare with my youngest because she'd get irritated from not cleaning herself thoroughly.

There's not a 4 yr old on earth that can wipe "properly" How inappropriate. That is what the bath is for at the end of the day. Your kid will live...we all seem to.

Unless you know that your son does indeed leave loads of #2 on his backside after his attempts to wipe, and has it in his underwear, and it does truly smell on a regular basis -- UNLESS this is all true most all the time, he can go on to preschool. They don't want a kid who is not potty trained and yes, they might speak to you IF he consistently had daily issues with a lot of visible/smell-able poop in his pants, but otherwise -- send him. He will be in kindergarten in a year and will your husband find a reason then not to send him too? Preschool the last year before K is valuable. Focus for a week or more on wiping and make it fun, a game with some rewards won with a sticker chart, etc. And tell your husband you're sending him.

Around here, it is a requirement for the children to be fully potty trained before they can even start preschool. The teachers have been known to assist a child on occassion but they don't want to have to stop teaching a class every 5 minutes to go wipe a childs poopy hiney. So I agree with your husbands concern.
What I don't understand is why you say "he has made no attempt to teach him." I am the one who has taught all of my children how to properly wipe, it's my job. Why haven't you taught him? Why does your husband have to?
BTW, my 4 year old has been wiping his own bottom for almost two years now and he does a pretty darn good job, so get in the bathroom with your son and start teaching him proper hygiene.

Tell him that is common for 4yrs. They forget, dont want to, or not quite enough. Some grown up guys do too. Maybe he had problems as a kid. Unfortuantely, moms get the dirty job of wiping butts and laundry. Try the flushable wipes. They really help get kids clean and in the habit. The schools know this and do help. There are a couple of kids in my daughters class that have accidents or need some help. All parents are required to bring extra clothes just in case.

Also, Remind him of the FREE VPK program through the state. Just google it. Kid has to be 4yrs by sept 1st and there is alot of places- some elementary schools have VPK programs as well as daycare places. I take my daughter to Ivy league Academy as they have separate classrooms and a wonderfull program set up for the VPK. They also have additional daycare available for a fee if need.

Finally, its worth it for both child and parent for said child to be with his peers. Nowdays kids are learning so much more at earlier ages and expected to be at certain levels by kindergarden.