No motivations...Help

Instead of jumping to the assumption that it's depression, I'm going with sleep deprivation. The symptoms are the same as depression.

You need to break yourself of your lack of sleep. For starters, drinking is probably the cause of waking up. Once the booze wears off, you wake. Second, the body gets lazy if you don't use it. Try the 10 minute solutions series. You have 10 minutes a few mornings a week, don't you? Have your coffee, and then do 10 minutes.

The wine. Limit yourself, or it will take over.

For starters, don't give the wine so much power in your life. That could be a slippery slope that will only add to your problems.

Instead of the gym, because that is no fun, how about getting active with the boys? Bike rides, walks, tag in the yard, run through the sprinkler, throw around a ball, hopscotch, etc. Kids can be good motivation.

If you like the gym try and make a friend and have a gym buddy. You can motivate each other.

Lastly, do your meds need changing somehow? I know thyroid issues can affect mood and energy also.

Im not a doctor. Just my take.

Your low thyroid causes depression, too. Are you seeing a doctor for it? Are you taking meds and having regular blood tests to determine if your levels are appropriate?

Depression causes exhaustion and the inabiliy to concentrate. You are stuffing feelings. You are self medicating with the wine.

You can see a psychiatrist. He can help you with your thyroid, and depression. You are on the edge of addiction.

You have the wherewithall to write this. Another couple months and you won't. Your kids deserve a healthy mom.

My first thought was the wine. When I have a couple glasses, I don't sleep as well then I'm tired and no way am going to work out.

Before you jump to depression or something, make some lifestyle changes. Give the wine a break for a week - drink something else you enjoy. I know, the wine takes the edge off and you get into a habit - not addition - but a habit of "kids off to bed, time for a glass." and that can be hard to break.

Don't drink the wine, then decide to work out for 15 minutes - 15 little minutes. It will be something and change your perspective. It's a decision. You may feel like you have more energy and are sleeping better.

It's easy for us to dish out this advise, I know, but this is what has worked for me - maybe it will help you too. If not, then see the Dr. If you are thinking about your glass of wine all day and can't wait to get home to it and it's a priority, then see your Dr. too. I've also seen addictions start with life changes.

Two thoughts for you:
1- You sound depressed. Lack of emotion, and generally feeling lost are signs of depression (not just sadness). You might look into that more.

2- Motivation and determination are not the same thing. Motivation is something that comes and goes, and helps you be inspired to get things done. Determination is deciding that you are going to change things, and then sticking to that choice (independent of inspiration). Decide what you want, then don't let anything (including yourself) stand in your way. :)

(Note, depression will make #2 above less possible, only you know where you are with things though.)
For a website that has an upbeat message, with lots of ideas on things to do, you can take a look at www.sparkpeople.com - I have found it greatly helpful. :)

See a doctor about the sleep issues. It could be a medical issue. Also, the alcohol will disrupt your sleep. Exercise will help you to sleep better if that's a motivator.
I like going to the gym, but when I find it hard to get there (due to logistics or motivation), I use a little stair stepper I have at home to get my heart rate up. I also find that it is easier to exercise if I pack my bag and put it in the car the night before. That way, I stop at the gym on my way home from work/picking up the kiddo. Even 20 minutes on the treadmill helps. It's the only time I watch "junk tv" so I have to do 30 minutes if I want to keep up with celebrity baby bumps and breakups.
Try having a single glass of wine (or less) instead of two. I basically had to stop drinking due to a chronic medical condition. In 3 days, I saw a real difference in how I slept. In two weeks, I had lost 3 lbs.
If you can, get a "healthy changes" buddy. I walk with the mom of a classmate of my younger kid. I belong to an online support group for a chronic health condition I have so I stay honest about what I am eating.

I can get into those phases too where I feel down, and absolutely lazy to do anything at all. I feel everybody can go through these phases. But some of us are more prone to these mood swings. Wine seems to be your comfort, and for me it is food. I was always slim but now I am 15-20 lbs overweight.I just can't stop eating, and food is the one thing that makes me feel better most days:(
So I want to tell you, that you are not the only one. Taking care of 2 kids is not easy and working full time is very stressful indeed. I don't know how everybody else does it, but I decided to quit my job and stay home with my son(he is 3). All the stress was getting too much for me. I wanted to spend all my time with my son. But in your case, quitting does not seem like an option. So you need to find ways to relax with your full time job.
Exercise is one thing I would totally totally recommend. Not because you need to lose weight, but because it helps you with your overall mood. You feel so much better and energized after exercising. You really wouldn't need caffeine and energy drinks to keep you going. Few mins of exercise could be all that you need.
I am guilty of not being a regular at the gym as well. I get into phases where I exercise regularly and then there are times where I do nothing but laze around at home. I see a lot of difference in how my day goes when I exercise versus when I don't do any exercise for months. Trust me, you will see the change too ... almost immediately in a day or two.
My suggestions for you -
1. Start with Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred(google this, there are free videos on youtube for the whole workout.So no need to buy DVDs). There are short workouts and level 1 is easy. You really need not move up to level 2 or 3 , just continue with level 1. You only need to lose 10 lbs, so regular exercise can help you lose that. And I recommend this because you can do this at home, no need to hit the gym at all.
Also, watch what you eat. You can eat pretty much any food , just choose low fat ingredients, use very less oil/butter while cooking and reduce your portion size.
2. Running - I love it. It really really uplifts your mood. Running outdoors is great for my mood or even a brisk walk helps too.
3.Your kids are old enough to do some activities along with you. How about biking?swimming? hiking? with your sons.

And also I would suggest listening to some peppy music ... while cooking, cleaning at home or while running , walking too. Music makes a world of difference on how you enjoy any activity.
So if you really can't get yourself motivated enough to do any of the above activities, just put on some loud music and start dancing. You don;t have to be a great dancer. Just enjoy the music, and move to the beats. You can do this with your kids as well , it would be fun for all.

I hate to say it but 10 pounds is nothing. Your thyroid med is not working right, perhaps it's time to up the dose or something.

No one has to use drugs from coffee or energy drinks to stay awake at work.

Combining the wine, the meds, and the thyroid you are NOT taking care of your body, you are killing yourself with your bad habits.

The wine is not all bad, it's a good choice for an evening drink and it does help you relax and builds blood.

But it could be effecting other meds. Have you considered that mixing the wine with the Lexapro are interacting badly. IF you have to drink the wine then start taking the Lexapro in the morning. It might also work better if it's effecting you the most when you're awake instead of asleep.

I am also going to suggest that your psychiatrist do a med check with you. I believe that your depression is not lessening. It appears to be staying the same or getting worse.

So please make a couple of med appointments, one with the doc that prescribes the thyroid med and the psychiatrist that prescribes the antidepressant.

Be completely honest and tell them that you are having to use supplements during the day to stay awake, this is not normal for anyone.

Once the meds are better you should start feeling better and more awake all day.

Get motivated by working on your health. Firstly, the wine has a lot of calories. You're on a rollercoaster with the uppers (caffeine and energy tablets) and downers (alcohol). You're taking lexapro to boot. NO WONDER you can't concentrate or sleep.

If you don't want this to magnify by 100 when you hit peri-menopause, you had better straighten yourself out now. If motivation doesn't work, so what? Forget motivation and just make yourself change because you have to. Stop taking the energy tablets. Eat vegetables or drink vegetable drinks (LOW sodium) and eat lean meat for protein or beans as a substitute to meat for protein. Don't eat a bunch of carbs. Drink 64 ounces of water - half before noon and the other half throughout the rest of the day. WALK if you can't get to the gym. If you're moving around, you won't fall asleep during the day. If you're talking on the phone at your desk at work, stand up and PACE in order to keep yourself awake without the energy pills. After you get used to that, cut your caffeine in half. Yes, you'll have caffeine withdrawal headaches. Take Tylenol and endure it. Get to the point where you are ONLY drinking one cup of coffee a day and NO sodas. Give up your wine. You need to stop using uppers and downers. You'll never get your sleep straightened out if you don't.

Go to bed at the same time every night, without fail. Read a boring book before laying your head down. Use the same darn book everytime you wake up. Have a very low light to use for reading that book. Since you won't "really" be reading it, it will help you fall back asleep.

ALL of this will help you stop putting on weight, by the way.

If you don't do this, you're just going to continue to be miserable. It's your choice. If that isn't enough motivation, I don't know what is.

I have two suggestions:

1. If you can't do something for yourself, try doing something for someone else. Make brownies for the office, donate to a charity, volunteer, email an old friend or call an old, lonely relative. You will see your good deeds and how you are a positive force on the earth, and it might give you the motivation you need to realize that you are capable of doing more.

2. Gardening. I live in an apartment and I just have pots behind my back door. There isn't a lot of physical labor that goes into it but it is really relaxing. Like I said, I have pots and I have 6 ft tall sunflowers blooming and squash, pumpkin, zucchini, and jalapenos sprouting/growing. It is also something you could do with the little ones.

Just a couple ideas to help you before you are back on your feet and in your regular mood.

oh sweetie, you've got a bunch of stuff working against you right now. first off, being a single mom with no friends is a dangerous place to be. your first priority needs to be to expand your world. do one thing to make this happen. join a book club, a meet-up group, or invite one person from the gym to have coffee with you. one thing out of your comfort zone per week.
don't let the walls close in!
i agree with julie, it could be depression, but it could also be caused or exacerbated by sleep deprivation. you've got to give your body a break from the dangerous combo of ups and downs to which you're becoming addicted. alcohol disrupts the sleep cycle, and wrecks you the next morning. an occasional glass of wine is great, but wine + lexapro every night, plus coffee and energy pills in the morning are straining your adrenal system to the breaking point. you've GOT to get off this merry-go-round.
the hardest part is that no one else can tell you how to get motivated. no one else can motivate you. you've got two nice kids who need you, and there's no greater external motivation than that, but as any addict can tell you, external motivators don't work.
talk to your doctor today, and tell her frankly about your current daily round of self-medicating. you've got to stop taking anything you don't absolutely need, and you've GOT to get out of the house.
good luck, mama! i'm rooting for you!
khairete
S.

I've been in the place you are with divorce. It's hard trying to figure everything out starting over (eventhough you say it was amicable). It's normal and natural to feel depressed during this time. Divorce is very humbling. It can make you question yourself as a person, a mother, a partner, your sex appeal, all of it. It's a difficult place to be.

Do one thing for yourself. Call a friend. Go one time to the gym. Sitting home alone drinking wine isn't helping. You will get through this and come out better on the other side. When I felt like I had my stuff together, the house was totally clean, I had meals planned and cooked most nights. Just do one thing so you can feel good about it.

First thing you need to do is realize you are using your wine as a crutch and are becoming an alcoholic.

You could try thinking differently about the gym - instead of thinking of it as a place to exercise (which I hate doing), start thinking of it as a place for adult socialization and go with the idea of striking up a conversation with someone that might lead to a cup of coffee which would lead to whatever.

I find that if I just force myself to do something, I really enjoy it once I'm there. It's just the getting out the door part that's hard.

If you take the kids with you to play at the gym's childcare center, maybe they could help motivate you by wanting to go.

I suggest using something like OTC, non-narcotic sleep aids to help you stay asleep throughout the night. Poor sleep could be the cause of most of your problems.

Good luck mama.

You don't have to be motivated, you just have to do it. You can do this!!!