No Cry Sleep Training

Hi D.,

Do what your instinct tells you to do.
Me, I would never let either of my babies cry. One is 21 on Thursday, and one is 10. They are highly sociable, intelligent, and funny people. They all grow up! There is nothing wrong with loving, hugging, taking them into bed with you and giving them all the attention they want and need. Love love love, and communicate with him. They will grow up anyway, go to college and move out.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi D.! i haven't tried Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" but from what I've heard, it works pretty well. The book gives several suggestions like establishing a bedtime routine (like feed, bath, book, sing), using keywords to associate with bedtime like "it's time to sleep now", stroking your baby's back, etc. but i would say that just like any other book out there in the market, it wouldn't work for everyone. i have 3 kids, and i'm on the way with our 4th. all my kids were trained to sleep through the night at 8 weeks by the parent-direct feeding method, but this too i know wouldn't work for everyone. my suggestion is to read up, and just get the tips from the different books that will help your child. eventually you wil come up with your own regimen that's catered to your child's individual need and personality.

It doesn't hurt to give it a try! I found a lot of helpful things in the NCSS book. I got as far as the napping suggestions in the book and my son never really continued to sleep past the 40 minute sleep cycle on his own, as Pantley said would happen eventually. Every child is different. It turned out I was already doing the things she suggests to help them to sleep, so I just used my own gentle methods to help my son to sleep. People say that the NCSS can work if you are extremely consistent, but in can take a few months. I think it's worth a try, because I also do not believe in making them cry it out.

I am also against the cry-it-out method and read the book by Elizabeth Pantley. The book is easy to read, but it did n't add anything new-we were already doing the things she suggested.
Much of written in that book is common sense, and I didn't get anything out of it beyond the pat on the back for not rying cry-it-out
sorry there are no easy step-by-step solutions for moms trying their best

Don't use the CIO method if it's not for you. Parenting does not end at night and helping your baby go back to sleep is part of it, IMO. I have used NCSS for both my children. Sometimes I nurse my son back to sleep and other times, it will help if DH just pats him or one of us jiggles his bottom very gently a bit. I think my son started sleeping on his tummy at that age and he slept much better - he rolled onto his tummy on his own. For support in using the NCSS method, you can join their yahoo group. What works for one baby may not work for another so it's good to share ideas and get support when everyone around you is telling you just to let him cry! You are right to follow your instincts. Nice to meet another home-birth mom.
Good luck!

Our pediatrician does not believe in any form of sleep training until the baby is over one year... and then only gentle sleep training. Hope this helps:

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I tried "NO CRY" and it didn't really work for us. We did however have amazing success with "The Sleep Easy Solution". It is more of a cry it out method but, you check on them frequently and it wasn't traumatic at all. In fact my daughter (11 monthes) is a much happier kid now because she's finally getting enough rest and knows how to fall asleep on her own. I kept telling myself that teaching her to fall asleep on her own was a gift I was giving to her (it helped in those weak moments of wanting to scoop her up) and I truly believe now that it was. Good luck!

after a 1 1/2 start the calming routine and then put the baby to sleep while awake but drowsy. The trick is to go by the clock and the baby's cues. This has helped us tremendously

I haven't read it/used it personally (my son started sleeping through the night on his own at 13 months, thank G-d!), but I've heard wonderful things about it. Good for you that you want to use the "no-cry" method (especially with an 8 1/2-month-old, who still needs his parents to help him do stuff)!

I haven't tried that exact method and my son isn't as old as your child, so my advice might not matter, but sometimes you need to let them cry and figure out how to settle themselves down to sleep especially when you've exhausted your resources and their still upset. Even though there is much controversy with Baby Wise, I felt like it had some good advice in it that I used with my son whose almost 4 months old. If you don't want to cradle and cuddle ever time your baby cries you could try putting them down when they are tired and if they start crying don't go in for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes go back in and pat them, stoke their hair and say "good night" and walk out. If they are still crying wait for 30 minutes before going in and do the same thing over again until they fall asleep. The time can be adjusted to whatever you feel comfortable with, but that gives you an idea. I also have friends that let their children cry and don't go in until an hour, but they say their kids typically settle and fall asleep within 30 minutes. The most important thing is to be consistent with your sleep training method. You either need to do whatever it takes for you to put your child to sleep or you need to keep them in the crib and sooth them without picking them up. I personally chose to do #2. When my son gets tired I sooth him in my arms by patting his butt and swaying and when he starts yawning I put him down and say "good night" and walk out. Sometimes he cries for awhile and sometimes he goes right to sleep. Another great book is "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth. He covers everything from infants to adolescence.

My daughter has always been a very difficult sleeper. We bought Pantley's book and started implementing her ideas at 4 months. We worked hard at it for about 3-4 months, and made some pretty good progress. Our daughter started falling asleep more easily, and only woke up 3-4 times instead of 10+ times. However, we never moved past that, plus most nights she would be up for an hour or more in the middle of the night. We were so exhausted, we finally had her cry it out. It took about a week and was very hard, but she began sleeping much better. I too was worried about her feeling abandoned, but she woke up the same kid every morning. In the end, you've got to do what's right for you. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for any decision you make.

I agree with you about not wanting to let my baby cry it out! I read the book and am using some of the ideas about setting consistent routines for sleep at night, etc. I haven't made the actual sleep logs, but mentally keep track of her patterns. We have been doing baths every night and going through the same routine and it seems to be easier to put her to sleep for the night and she sleeps longer before stirring. We still have to rock her to sleep, but its not always as difficult as it used to be to put her down for the night. My daughter is teething right now and I can't stand when she cries for more than a minute or two. I just couldn't bear the thought of letting her cry for 30-60 minutes! Hope it works for you. (Oh yeah, FYI-my daughter is almost 6 months old)

I love the fact that you are not buying into crying it out. Sometimes you HAVE to do that if you have tried every other option, but I believe in 95% of the cases it is unnecessary. I am reading the book "The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems" by Tracy Hogg, and she has a no cry solution as well. I tried two of her techniques the first day I read the book with my 5.5 month old and 2 yr old, and they were both asleep within 15 minutes without nursing, sippy cups or anything. MIRACULOUS! Each child has a unique personality that will change the nuances of how you do it, but the truth is every child needs guidance on how to fall asleep as well as comfort from a loving parent during the process. Especially if you are training them to do something new. Keep at it and you will be rewarded!

Wow you got tons of advice on this one!!!! There's the pros and cons of CIO method.. some great, some not so great.. but.. truth be told, the earlier you sleep train the baby, the better off you two will be. I sleep trained my son at four weeks old.. I have two older children, and as a deaf mommy, I need everyone on the same page. I used the Cry it out method.. for TWO nights.. and since then, he's been a 12 hour a night sleeper, with two naps a day. And he's still the same great, well behaved baby. He's NOT traumatized.... he learned to self soothe, and is the best baby on earth, I swear.... With my oldest child, I couldn't bear the CIO method, and it took me 9 months and finally in the end, making her cry it out, again for TWO DAYS.. until she too, slept thru the night. So, I'm not for or against anything, except what's best for baby. It's a gift to yourself and baby, to have a well rested child and well rested mommy. Whatever your decision is, we all support you! IN the end, it's your baby that you know the best... Best of luck!!!
S.

Go ahead and try it and adjust it to your needs. You can get the book from the library if you don't already have it(In ventura county you can have books sent to your local library for pick up from any library in the county- other counties tend to have similar programs). No book has all the answers for every child. Each child is different so read the book and use what parts of it seem to make the most sense for you and your family.

Hi D.,
Go to www.sleepyplanet.com. I am not familiar w/ that book, but I used the book from Sleepy Planet. Their website is helpful too. Is your baby on a consistent nap schedule/ bedtime schedule? If not, it is helpful to put your baby on one in order to sleep train. It takes 3 days-5 days depending on the baby. My babies adjusted in 3 days. The book says to put them down to sleep at the same time every day even if they don't go to sleep and to leave them there for a full hr w/out picking them up. You can go in and check on your baby 1-2x, but then that is it. They will learn to comfort themselves and learn that this is sleep time. I let mine cry for 10-15 mins but checked on them 2x. It was heartbreaking at first, but eventually they cried less and less. But make sure that your baby is not hungry and is burped, has a clean diaper so you know that your baby isn't crying b/c of gas pain, etc. My twins were sleeping on a schedule by 6 months, so it does work. The first 2 days will be tough, but it does get better. If you go to www.sleepyplanet.com, they have sample schedules for your baby's age group. Also, I highly recommend their book, not DVD. It is worth every penny! If you have specific questions, you can call them from the # on their website. There is so much helpful info in that book, that I can't write it all. They do charge for a full consult but you probably won't need it.
Good luck!
E.

I know nothing about that method, but I never let my daughters "cry it out." They are now 10, 8 and 4 years old, and they all sleep beautifully.

Yes, I did try the book you mentioned and found it helpful. I do not believe in CIO and sounds like your instincts are absolutely correct that he will not understand why he has suddenly been abandoned when he cries. What I liked about the Pantley book was that she makes you do a lot of charts so you can document what is working and what is not working. I found this really helpful and so have other families I have recommended this book to. If your instincts are against CIO you should also read Dr. William Sears' thoughts on this subject since you will probably like what he has to say. I have a 5 yo daughter who was not a good sleeper at all, but we never did CIO, and she sleeps perfectly now, and is also very confident and happy, and has never had separation anxiety from us, which we attribute to the fact that she trusts the world because when she cried when she was an infant we responded to her cries. This is Dr. Sears' argument against CIO, and from my experience it is borne to fact.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you are making the right choices for your son.