Night Waking

I am the mother to an 18 month old boy. We recently moved him to a toddler bed and I began having some sleep issues. I had plenty of people tell me to let him cry it out and he would get over it but it just did not feel right. I read the No cry sleep solution by Elizbeth Pantley. The whole book is great and should provide you with some gentle solutions.

I hope this helps.

My daughter is almost 23 months and we are going through the same thing right now. It isn't every night, but it is happening. To me it seems to be almost night terrors. She does fine once we comfort her. Depending on the temperment of the child I would not recommend letting her cry it out. If it is happening more than once a night and seems more behavioral then maybe try the cry it out method. Both my kids have had huge sleep issues that we are slowly resolving, so if you ever have any questions feel free to ask.

Hi L.,

I am a SAHM of three; 7, 4, 2. My seven year old still wakes up often cause of a bad dream, or will want me to go to the bathroom with her because it's dark. She is my imagination girl, so I understand that she can wake up scared at night. I just go and tuck her back in. She'll ask me to lay with her for a while, but I just tell her I'm right down the hall if she needs me. My 2 yr old will wake up calling out my name...I think she just wants to know that I'm there, cause it's more like a question.."mommy, you there"? I'll go cover her up and tell her to go back to bed. She'll try the rounds, asking for water and all, but again I tell her it's nightime and to go to bed. My 4 yr old, my son, is actually the one who sleeps like a rock at night. This is suprising because he was the worst of the three as an infant as far as sleeping habits go. As for me, I think it's important that my kids feel safe and secure if they wake up in the middle of the night, but I am firm if they try and take advantage of me checking on them.
Good luck to you!

~Jenny

Oh, boy, can I relate. My almost three year old is still waking up most nights. I feel like I haven't gotten a good nights sleep in three years. Some nights we get lucky; most nights, not so much. My little guy has never been a great sleeper. When he was an infant, 45 minute naps are all we got. Now he wakes up crying for me, never my husband. And I've never been one to let him cry it out, which is my own fault, I know. I just can't do it. He wakes up when he wants more milk, when he wets himself, or just when he wants me to lay down with him. To top it off, he's going through some separation anxiety right now. So, I'm sorry I don't have any super advice for you, but I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain and, from what other people tell me, it's not all that uncommon. I have also been told that if you can manage to let them try to work it out themselves for a little bit, they eventually will and in a shorter amount of time than you'd think. Maybe I'll try to take that advice myself!

L.

So, just so you know this isn't something abnormal, no one sleeps directly through the night, most of us don't notice that we arose a little, but it's much more dramatic for children. What you need to try to work on is self-soothing/falling asleep, so when she awakes, she'll put her self back down. My son learned that if he cried we would come in and they of course want you around, so they do it every time they wake up. We tried letting him cry, but I gave in which made it worse, he learned that he just needed to keep screaming and I would come. Finally we decided to let him just scream. Eventually he stopped and went to sleep, he tried crying the next night, but it only lasted maybe 5', now he only cries at night if there is something wrong or he has to go potty!! my best advice is if your going to let them cry through it, just do it, if you give in it will get worse. Good luck..oh and make sure you have someone supporting you through it, it's too hard alone, especially that first night!!

Everyone wakes up periodically throughout the night, even you. It's a normal sleep cycle. Usually you do not wake up enough to remember it, and go right back to sleep. If she is used to a nighttime routine to go to sleep, she will want the same routine when she gets up in the night too. Try putting the music on repeat option, so if she wakes up it is still playing. If all she's wanting is a quick tuck in again, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

I've found that DD (2.25 years) wakes a lot just for the comfort of knowing we're here. It's exhausting for me, but I want her to know NOW, before she can get into any real trouble, that we're here for her. So one of us gets her from bed, I usually nurse her back to drowsy, and then put her back in her room. (The doc also said kids this age get night terrors, and then they can't get back to sleep, so I'm all for comforting her through that!)

Lately, though, DH has been going into her room and just talking to her calmly, reminding her to go back to sleep, telling her we'll see you in the morning. (If I go in, she'll just wake more and want to nurse.) It reinforces what I tell her when I put her to bed: Sleep through the night, we'll see you in the morning. More often than not, she'll at least sit down and get quiet, and eventually she falls asleep. Sometimes she will talk herself to sleep.

YMMV, of course, but good luck!

First, we assume that children sleep like we do, and that isn't true. Their deep sleep is much lighter than ours, and their light sleep is lighter than ours. That means that when they are in light sleep stages, they are more easily wakened if something isn't right.

Personally, I would not let a child cry. You don't know what woke her, and if you don't go to her, you cannot know if it's something as simple as needing a drink of water or something more serious. Plus, children need to know that their parents are there for them. Sometimes, children whose parents work during the day will be a little more "needy" at night, simply because they miss their parents and think they are gone yet again. Going to your child will nurture a healthy sense of security.

If you are married, you can take turns with your husband going to her, or switch off nights. My husband did much of the nighttime parenting because he could fall back to sleep more easily than I did.

Sounds to me like "night terrors" as my pedi once told me( he has seen me, mt brothers and my sister when we were growing up) and now my kids 16 yrs later.... he said to just check on them and make sure they are okay....

I had this same issue at around the same time with my daughter. It got so bad at one point that she was waking up every 1-2 hours, asking for a drink, or to be covered with her blanket. I finally started giving her "firm" sit-down talks, drilling it into her that she is NOT to call Mommy in the middle of the night--only in the morning. I literally repeated this "mantra" many times during her nighttime routine, and even during the day, so that she "got it." It worked!! The night calls decreased immediately to 1-2 times a night, to none at all. She has been a great sleeper ever since (often 8pm to 8am). When I first starting "teaching" her that she is not to call Mommy to cover her up, I was able to watch her process the information. She would wake up from her nap, and recite (to herself) what I told her. The key is repetition. Keep reminding her or the new rules, and hopefully, she will follow them.

My son (18 months) has the same problem - he wakes up about every 2-3 hours during the night crying, wanting me to come to his room and lay him back down. As soon as I lay him down - he usually falls right to sleep. I am not sure how to fix this, but I do know that he is a restless sleeper (moves around alot) and maybe this wakes him up. I will not try letting him cry it out, because then I would have to shut his door so he couldn't come to my room, and that would probably frighten him more. If you find a good answer to this problem - let me know.

Yes! My daughter will be 2 years in march...just a few weeks away. She has been waking every night for the last month. One thing I did end up doing is transitioning her to a toddler bed. she had been climbing out of her çrib very occasionally. So I put our daybed mattress on the floor in front of her çrib. It gave me peace of mind to have a soft place to land in front of her çrib. But she had started to show signs that she wanted to sleep on the mattress, which was made up as a bed, with a pillow and blanket. I ignored it thinking she wasn't ready. Every night she would wake up and I would lay down on the Mattress while she fell back asleep. But during the third week she would stand in her çrib and just cry. She would not go back to sleep. So one night I pulled her out and laid her down on the mattress with me. She fell right to sleep. So I ended up getting a toddler bed from potterybarn kids. The first night she ended up wanting to go back in her çrib. But, the second night she slept in the toddler bed the entire night. This was about a week ago and every night she has slept soundly. I was shocked bc I thought she was too young for a little bed. But, this transition bed is fabulous and my daughter loves it. I just had to look for the signs. When she was fed, changed, music on, etc and still no sleeping. I really had to look for the signs of what she was trying to tell me. For us, this was the answer. Maybe not the answer I necessarily wanted or was ready for, but my daughter was obviously ready.
Hope this helps,
D.

Hello L.,

I am sorry to hear about the crazy nights you have had. I have an almost three yr. old daughter, and believe me when I say I totally understand what you are going through.

While, I believe that the biggest problem our little one had was night terrors (much much different than nightmares) we would still have random occasions of her awaking for..no real reason. The things that I have found that helped were: making sure to change her before I went to bed, (eventually, when she was fully potty trained it seemed to cut all night awakenings up-- but of course do potty training as your little girl is ready) I gave massages with California Baby calming massage oil (can be purchased at target) I also use lavender oil in a diffuser, or potpourri pot it does seem to help.

I have insomnia myself, and have found that warm milk or chammomile tea are both great for allowing the body to relax and prepare for sleep. Becareful though, my daughter has SEVERE seasonal allergies and there are studies that show that Chamomile tea can cause anaphalaxia if given to allergic children. Perhaps a flashlight and calm music would be beneficial too! Hope it helps, just some of the things that we have tried that seem to help. Also, if you are interested two possibilites that you can get at the health food store are Calms Forte for children (again some has chamomile) it is a homeopathic approach, it worked well for calming our daughter when she seemed high strung, or unable to relax to sleep. Melatonin is the other alternative, but speak to your Ped. about the amount to give.

K.

My son (almost 2 also) still wakes up through the night, too, so I know your pain. However, I would hesitate to just let her scream or cry. Screaming and crying means, to me, she's scared or sad and is reaching out to the people she knows will help her. I wouldn't want to teach her that you won't come when she's scared. One place I've found good advice is the Dr. Sears website. They have a whole section on sleep problems and suggestions for how to handle them, as well as what to expect babies to be able to do at different ages. The site is https://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

Hope this helps.

I have a 19 mo old and I'm right there with you. He has never been a good sleeper but I am EXHAUSTED and a single mom so I just want to sleep! Just this week I finally decided that I am not getting up anymore. I put a bunch of binky's in his bed (that is usually what he wants) and just let him cry. Usually he only cries for a minute or two then either drifts back off or wakes up enough to find a binky. If he cries for several minutes and is not trailing off then I go in. But for the most part it has shortened the time he is awake and it is happening a lot less frequent. From what I have read it is a very important skill for children to learn to put themselves back to sleep so catering to their every whine during the night just makes them wake up more to see you instead of putting themselves back to sleep. Hope you get some sleep soon!

My daughter did this when she was 2, but she usually got up and came to my room rather than screamed or cried. I would wonder if she's having nightmares and if something she's doing during the day when I'm not there could cause nightmares. I would be more concerned about the screaming or crying and talk to my daughter about that - screaming usually means your afraid of something and crying usually means you're sad about something. Kids need to learn appropriate ways to communicate. Ask her what she's afraid of or what she's sad about.

I can remember distinctly that even at the age of 3 my daughter had trouble sleeping and now my granddaughter does sometimes, too, but usually a little calm conversation and they'd go back to bed and be quiet at least. I would put a cassette recording on for my daughter sometimes. I don't know if they do that for my granddaughter, but when she's here, knowing where we are and a stuffed animal usually helps her to feel better and lay back down quietly, eventually going back to sleep.

I hope this helps.

- J.
http://www.joycedowling.com/

Hi L.,

I have no experience with true sleep walking so if that is the case I am no help. However, if this is something other than that i am an expert.

I have two children, a 6 yr old daughter and a 4 yr old son. Both of my kids have had episodes where they woke during the night for various reasons. A very wise friend of mine told me when my daughter started this around 9 months that it is just a habit. Their little bodies get into the habit of waking at the same time each night and their minds seek satisfaction (ie: covers, music, a cuddle, a drink, etc).

My husband and I have been through numerous rounds of this night waking and each time it truly has just been a phase or habit that they need help breaking.

We used all different tactics to remedy the situations so not one will work for everyone. there are times when we just let them cry themselves back to sleep and there are times when we explained - works only with older ones of course - that this is sleep time not wake up time. Anything in between works as long as you are moving forward toward breaking that habit.

Good luck! Hope this was helpful.
A.

I recently had a problem like this with my daughter, but I also had an issue getting her to bed. I created a calendar and for every night she goes to sleep like a big girl and stays asleep, she gets a sticker. She gets a certain number of stickers and then she will get a treat (for her its a trip to chuck e cheese). When she does wake at night when I hear her, I just tell her it's still night time and that she must go back to sleep (Sometimes I throw in something about getting her sticker in the morning, just as a reminder). This works for her. She gets the reward of a sticker in the morning and then the big reward at the end, which keeps the stickers interesting. I don't know if something like this will work for you, but it helped us.

Hi, L.! Our daughter is 21 months and we spent the past few months having the same issue - we were never "cry it out" parents and Louise was such a great sleeper as an infant AND I, too, had the bedtime routine down to a science. Here's the catch - she's playing you a little now that she's older - she knows you'll come in when she calls and it's OK, but this is the time you need to put a little bit of a foot down. Let her fuss for a bit and go into her room after about 5 minutes - hug her and tell her that you love her, but it's bedtime and then lay her down. Do that in 5-10 minute intervals if she keeps crying and be consistent in your words and actions. Trust me! Try it and let me know how it goes. It's also just the time in her life (teething, growing, learning) so it's normal for her to have a restless night when her days are so full of wonderful new things. Good luck!!!

I have 4 children, ages 15-5mo, and have found periods of night waking are common at different developmental stages. I would NEVER suggest letting a child cry it out, but would simply respond to her night-time needs, without making it a fun time, and put her back to bed. Studies show that children who are actively nighttime parented grow to have healthier sleep patterns.

L.

I would not suggest letting her cry herself back to sleep. I know some parents live by this, but a child really needs to be nurtured. They rely on us to soothe them. I know it can be frustrating, and I am not sure why your child is waking up in the middle of the night. My son went through that phase, and I just put him in the bed with me, and he would fall right to sleep. I know that is a bad habit, but it worked for him and me.

I have 8 children and 7 grandchildren. You may not want to hear this. Your daughter will continue to call out to you in the middle of the night if it illicits a response. If she is not sick, scared or hurt, it will not hurt her to cry. She will get the message that you are not at her beckoned call and stop. Good luck to you and your family.

Hi L.,

She may be having gas pains. D.