Night Time Breastfeeding One-year Old / Am I a Pacifier?

There is a great book called the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley that has some great suggestions for this situation. I have the same problem with one of my twin boys and crying it out is not an option for us (not for lack of sleep for a few days but because of what I feel are the long-term ramifications). What ultimately works for us is co-sleeping, "sh-sh-ing" and back rubbing. I do wait until he is asleep or almost asleep for this to work. Good luck - and know that you can do this without them crying it out!

Hello!

I'm a mother of four and it sounds very similar to a situation I had with my fourth and last child.

I went to work but had a live in nanny/housekeeper and Jessica (13 mos) started crying and was inconsolable as well. She was off the breast by then, but reverted to the bottle and NEEDED it all night long. She was OK in her own bed but wanted to suck all night long. She outgrew it after a year, at which time she was two but understood that I wasn't going to buy anymore nipples!.....funny, she actually lingered with the last one. My nanny was great but it was still a very new experience for JEssica and I believe she was just insecure at first; and bcs I commuted to LA from the IE, and worked for a very demanding atty, I needed my sleep, so I gave her the bottle.

Good luck!

At the risk of being blunt- yes, you are a pacifier. There is absolutely no nutritional reason for a one year old to need to feed at night, and by this age the need to suck is also much less- more generally she is using you as a tool to sooth herself. In general what you are doing is not bad for her, except for the longer you put off ending it the harder it will be. But in regards to soothing, I also work in daycare and in my experience the children who have the most difficult time dealing with stress are those who never adapted a transition item (hence mom or dad becomes the transition item, and mom and dad can't always be ther). You need to think about your goals- how long are you okay with this going on? What do you want to happen? It may be too late to sub a binky, and she will probably fight you if you do. But one to three nights of screaming (and crying on your part) could end in peace for the whole family. But ultimately it is your decision- what do you think is best for your family?

I can totally relate to you, as I am having the same problem with my 17-month old son. I, too, would like to wean him soon, although I cannot lie and say that I do not enjoy nursing him. I have weened him from one breast already. I thought that would make things easier, but in actually, it made things worse because now I have two different sized breasts throughout the day! At any rate, I stay at home with my 17-month old while my 7-year old son is at school all day. I nursed my first son for 13 months and it was pretty easy to ween him. Of course, he slept through the night starting at 4 months, unlike my 17-month old. However, my 17-month old son mainly seems to want my breast when I am either putting him down for a nap, at bedtime, or in the middle of the night--just like your one-year old. I, too, feel like a pacifier, and like you, I bring him to bed with me. For one, 6 am comes way too early every morning to have to be awake half of the night. For two, even though I don't get much sleep when he is in my bed, I must admit that I enjoy the closeness it brings. So while I have no advice to add, I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT alone in this situation. The only way to probably ween our children is to let them cry it out for three or four nights to break the habit, having our husbands go to them. It is just so hard and I am not sure I am ready to do that. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to ween him, but I still feel he is my baby and love being able to comfort him. Ultimately, it is our decision as their mother to make the decision when to ween them--noone else. Best of luck! Stef W.

Hi M., I went through that with my first born, and also failed the crying out routine. And SO glad I did fail at that; research now shows how bad that can be for babies. I think you are right that your baby needs Mommy/cozzy-time; that was the case in my home. I'm surprised you are actually getting a period if she is nursing as frequently as she does. May be she is not really nursing but making sure she gets the most time with you possible? In 10 years from now, you will remember this stage as a precious time with her. Good luck, soon enough she won't even wish to come into your bed... and you will miss that! :) Alicia

ok, M.....sorry, i REALLY believe in breast feeding. I am a stay at home mom who had to work with my first two and didn't get to breast feed. My 3rd son i breast fed until his 4th birthday...yep, WAY beyond what you would expect. There was a lot of pressure to stop and a lot of pressure to make him "weaned". I am a stay at home mom and have quite a bit of time to meet his needs. My son seems to be well adjusted and grounded and much more self sufficient than his older brothers...i like to think that it was because of the breast feeding and the closeness that we shared. My son and i would talk a lot about "nuk-nuk" and how it would end on his birthday. He stil wants the cuddles and special time, but, i have to tell him that that's gone, now...no more. Your daughter is one year old and at that age, i'm not so sure that it's communicable that you are stopping the breast feeding. so, "yes" you ARE a pacifier....but, that may be a good thing, for you both. I know that i missed my 2 eldest horribly when i had to go to work...maybe this is good for the two of you?...not just your daughter. i have NEVER been a proponent(sp) of "crying it out"...sorry, just can't stand it. At 40...you may or may not have another child...i know that i will miss/am missing my baby as he becomes more and more independent. I don't know...i'm not child trained...but, i really enjoy the closeness and special bond that breast feeding can and does give. you are the "special" one for your daughter and as long as you keep your body healthy and your thoughts warm i believe that you impart very necessary "things" to your child. if you decide to not let her latch on...you may want to start talking to her. there are a lot of kids who have "binkies" and blankets and teddy bears and other cuddlies...i remember a toy that i had when i was little...*sigh* we all grow up...we all HAVE to learn to be self sufficient...but, i think that around 6 years old or around the time that your child goes to kindergarden is the time for less personal cuddling..but, you have to decide that for yourself...and watch her. OH! and was there an event that made your daughter feel less confident or safe or strong? you may want to check with the day care. NOT anything sinister...may even be something that no one noticed...one of the other children yelling at her may have done the trick. good luck. *hugs*.

M.,
It sounds to me like your "cutest baby on earth" really needs to be close to you. And yes, you are being used, as was intended, to be the most natural kind of pacifier. Since you're away from her for a good part of the day, she's trying to get as much of you when she can. And doesn't she deserve this? I promise you, she will outgrow this, but obviously needs it right now, to become a secure little person. I remember when my son was going through a similar stage, people (my inlaws) would always say to me either, "You're still nursing!?", or "You're nursing again?!" Somehow people don't always get it. You need to do what feels right to you, knowing that this stage will not last forever. You will get your life back, kind of, but not for a long time. And when you see how bonded the two of you have become, and how secure she is, you will be will be grateful that you nurtured her so well. But don't listen to me, anymore than you listen to others on this site. You are her mother, and inside of you, know what's best for you both. Just know that it all goes SO fast. And "mothering" is the most important job that you will ever have.

Kudos to making it to one year. Although I did not night ween at one year I did feel comfortable setting limits that made it work for me. My dd still wanted to nurse every 2 hours at night and it was making for a very grumpy mama. I can't tell you what will work for you guys, but for us daddy took over some of the wake-ups and slept in the spare bed with her for awhile. We gradually took one night nursing away at a time over a period of 2 months. I would guess the cause is likely a lot f the developmental changes aroung 12 months or those pesky teeth.

OMG can I tell you how happy I am to read this... I too, am the human pacifier. I don't mind it, untill, my 14 month old continues for HOURS... I seriously start to feel crazy, I begin feeling increased agitation and I swear there has to be some kind of chemical change going on in my body. I am a DOTING mother and I feel so guilty trying to escape from his latch and hearing him cry so then I let him latch again but it's like torture for me and last night I cried for an hour while he nursed... at this point I'm glad I am not alone... people chastise me so much for co-sleeping and nursing him this long, I just feel like that it's the right thing to do, he feels secure, safe and comfortable and that's MOST IMPORTANT to me at this point.

hello,

I have three children. all are older now... ages 14 to 6. I breast feed all them until the age of almost two.
dont worry about your baby being a pacifire. babies breast feed for mild but also for comfort.......... you allow the baby to continue............and you will have a strong bond that will never break. my kids are still close to me today because of my nuturing and breaskfeeding.
if your baby is goofing off during the feeding, you can get up and go do things and then allow the child to come back to you. that way the baby knows the reason for breaskfeeding... i hope this helps............
____@____.com
M. luna
rancho cucamonga, ca.

I have four childeren and only my last did I breast feed for the whole year. YES! you are a pacifire , as was I, but you know,,,It only last for so long and then they are off in their own little worlds, not needing their mommys any more for comfort. I am so glad I let my last baby use me for all the comfort he needed, Yes it was very anoying not to get any sleep, and not to be able to sleep with my husband and not to be able to go away on weekends, but now that he is two, Im so glad I did. I can see the difference between my other 3 childeren who didnt get that same comfort and connection. You will be happy you did it. So hold your baby in your arms and stare dwown at her little sweet face and enjoy the comforts of mommyhood!

Hi M.,

She spends many hours away from you during the day. Let her come in and sleep and suckle. Relax and you will be able to fall asleep and you will both be happier. She is only one and needs this time with you. I have 3 children and as I look back, I believe that feeding and bedtime is where you really cement that enduring bond forever. Be patient and enjoy it. She will only be little for a short time.

D.

I LOVE the other comments you've received...so supportive! I just want to say there could be many reasons for this change in her night nursing, as you and others have mentioned. Whatever the reason, she obviously needs you right now and nursing seems to be taking care of her need. So relax and let the situation be. Side-nursing in bed, if you're not already doing so, can give you the rest you need while comforting her, as well.
If you're meeting her needs and giving her the love and time she desires, she'll grow out of this sooner than if you don't meet her needs or neglect her somehow. In the moment I know it's hard to think that's true, but she WILL move on. You're doing a great job, mama!
~N.

I found both my boys went through periods around 1 year where they were really into nursing, which was worrying to me because I was thinking of trying to wean them in the coming months. I think it might be some age-related developmental thing. They both (with some help from me by distracting them or letting them cry sometimes) got over it and were weaned by 15 months or so.
By the way, I'm currently going through the same thing with my almost 4 month old, who now wants to be attached to me seemingly all night. This is after sleeping almost through the night at 2 months! Some babies just need the sucking and comfort more it seems.
Good luck!

You are doing a wonderful job! You are not doing anything wrong. I too do not believe in the cry it out method - it's not for me. Our baby's cry distresses us for a reason. My son just turned 13 months and he too was breastfeeding all night for a while. I found it was due to teething or when he had a cold. I just stopped nursing him during the night, but this is a personal decision. Also, your period DOES affect the breastmilk. My lactation consultant told me that it causes the milk production to decrease, and I think she said it changes the taste too? Maybe this is what is upsetting your baby. Since you are away from her during the day, she also probably just misses you and wants to be as close to you as possible during the night. You are meeting her emotional needs right now. It sounds like this is what she needs. Remember, when you meet a need, it will go away. Best of luck! :) M.

Hi M..

First of all, I want to give you kudos for nursing your daughter. I EBF'd my daughter for a little over 2 years and though I wouldn't do it any other way, it wasn't always easy. Now that she's 4, I think fondly of our time together.

The first thing that popped in my head is to ask whether or not she is teething. I know that my daughter was especially clingy when she wasn't feeling well or teething. She could also be going through a growth spurt. They tend to nurse more during this time.

Hang in there, mama. You're doing great.

Wow I can totally relate! My first child, a girl, was super "clingy" about breastfeeding and did as your girl did. Although I breastfed, until she "self weaned. It was my choice. And indeed she did self-wean... at about 2 to 2 and a half years old. Yes, I got chided for breastfeeding this long, but this is what I believed in for me and her. I know it's hard.. .and it's a personal choice for each woman. Sometimes we will not know why there are going through these episodes and "clingyness" with breastfeeding. But I know it's hard and tiring. My friend had a girl that was the same way. The minute she took her nipple out of her girl's mouth, she woke up shrieking. Mine did too. It could or could not be due to you getting your period. Who knows. Each child is different with different personalities and temperaments. My second child on the other hand, a boy, just did his business and un-latched himself and went to sleep and he was more independent about it. Then, as he got older, he had an enormous appetite and I had to supplement with a bottled formula along with breastfeeding.

Just a thought... sometimes, a child suckles for emotional reasons. Sometimes they are not getting enough milk coming through. Perhaps your flow is decreasing??? And maybe this is why she is clinging to you for breastfeeding at night. It can happen. If their intake is not enough per your milk flow... this can affect their intake. Sure she is on regular solids by now.. but perhaps, as each child is different, her breastfeeding intake is lessening and she wants more. This also happened with my friend and her girl. Just an idea. You got your period... perhaps this MAY affect your flow or even the taste of it. I don't know, as I"m not a doctor.
Or perhaps provide her with a "transition" object... a pacifier etc. My boy loves his stuffed cow to sleep with.. it comforts him. But my girl on the other hand would not take anything else except me. Somehow I endured it and breastfeeding.

I hope this helps. I know I don't have an "answer" for you... but just some thoughts and what I have experienced myself.
Take care and good luck,
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

Hey M. :)

I also commend you for breastfeeding. I know how hard it can be, especially while working. I went through something similar with my oldest son. I was able to breastfeed my oldest for one year and once I started my period he wasn't quite satisfied. I found it was due to my milk drying up so he was not getting as much as he wanted. He eventually quit breastfeeding altogether. That may not be the case with your daughter, but you may want to try to pump and see if she is getting what she wants. I hope you are still able to breastfeed as long as you want. I missed it once I had to quit.

Its been a while since I have been in this situation but my advice is to suffer for about a week to help your daughter make this transition into sleeping all the way through the night. I did this for my daughter (who is now 8) and did lose some sleep but its totally worth it and it shouldn't involve hours of crying.
Around this age children just need a little kick start to let them know its ok to go back to sleep without being fed. Once your daughter comes into your room you quietly (the less talking and lights the better) take her back to her bed and just reassure her (quietly) that your are there and pat her back and tell her to go to sleep. Of course she won't just do it. You may have to stand above her or near her bed and keep assuring her whenever she looks at you but you have to be firm and not pick her up or feed her. She will fuss and not be happy because its not what she is used to. The first night you may lose up to an hour of sleep (so start on a Friday night if that works). And just do the same every night until she gets it. I know its not fun but it works. Once she realizes that she can indeed fall back asleep without feeding she will automatically go back to sleep without coming to you first. It just takes being firm. You are trying to break her out of a habit. And don't talk too much, no arguing about how "mommy needs sleep" -just a little murmuring and patting should do it. I would stand at my daughter's door and when she would stand up(in her crib) I would simply say "go to sleep" and she would drop back down only to get up again to see if I was there. Soon they get bored and sleep and you may fall asleep leaning on a wall but it worked for me. I learned the hard way with my son so when my daughter came I knew that this way does work with small children.

I hope this works for you and you should be able to get back to an uninterrupted sleep sooner than you think.

I would wonder whether or not she has an ear infection, especially with all of the colds and flus around this time of year! Ear infection pain is worse at night and a nursing baby would naturally feel more comforted by the breast and the mom attached to them! Just something to consider! good luck

Who Knows!!! Ok, not really. There is I'm sure some amazing way to wean little ones off of the breast..... I am still looking for it myself! I read through a lot of the comments and I agree with most of them. For me, the bottom line is what feels right in your heart. Kids are only little once, and with BALANCE, everyone can be happy. Maybe nurse her and put her back her into her bed... or offer cuddles and hugs... I have to agree most with the comment of a possible ' ear infection '...... Since this is just within the past week, perhaps SOMETHING is off. Growth spert... Teething.... Illness... Something different in daycare....Or simply missing you.... For me, follow your instinct. Hmmmmmm, sorry..... I don't know how much advise was offered here :)

I thought teething too. My daughter did/does this when she's have a particularly difficult time with the pain.

Also, when I got my period it seemed like my daughter needed more nursing time. Don't have any idea if one relates to the other...

Jen

I second Jocelyn, you are doing awesome with the breastfeeding! I also immediately thought of teething when I read this. It also could be due to hormonal changes in your breastmilk since you just got your period. I haven't seen much literature about the connection, but my gut tells me there must be some connection (the taste of breastmilk changes when you get pregnant, so it's logical there would be some changes if you're on your period). The thing is, it could be SO MANY things...yes, it could be just emotional too. All babies are different so it's really hard to say. The key is to trust your instinct, but also know your limits. You have to decide if you want to wean her now or continue night-time feedings for awhile. If you decide to wean, be strong and decisive and come up with a plan and stick to it. You cannot go back and forth or you will just make things harder for both you and your baby (she won't know what to expect, which is stressful for a child, but she will also learn to manipulate because she will realize she gets results). At a year, she is probably getting the calories she needs in the daytime, so it probably is a comfort thing, but at the same time that comfort is important too, so there's nothing wrong with giving her that if you're okay doing it. Again, it comes back to your gut. You know your child better than anyone, just remember that.

One more thing: you can try a healthy snack at night before bed to see if that helps. Sometimes it really IS hunger!

Hello, Break the habit of bringing her into your bed, I know its easier, but she has gotten into the habit of feeding in your bed, thats where she wants to be in bed with you , and not put back into her own crib. ( this is the worse habit to start and break.) Will she take a pacifer ? can you pump some of your breast milk and mix it half & half with cows milk. There might be some hormonal vibes going on there, although I feel this is a power struggle over the bed issue. It takes three days straight in a row to break habits with kids, it hurts the parents more than the kids Good Luck