Newly Wed Advice

I feel for u. I can only say what I would do in this situation. I do know that u and your son deserve respect. Being a mother, children must come first. Children have a long life ahead of them so giving them all the unconditional love and flexibility to learn in a good environment is crucial for them to learn to be a good husband and father in their future. I would try to find a good marriage counselor and let your hubby in on deciding which one to go to otherwise if he doesn't like what the counselor says then he will say that u picked her/him. Sometimes when men feel trapped they become different and/or callous. A counselor will help u 2 discover if the marriage can be saved. The counselor will also help you 2 decide if it is time to buy a house and enlarge your family. Pls do something very soon.

There are alot of issues going on here but primarily I want so say, please don't have another child until these
major concerns that you have are addressed. Whatever you
think and feel, is your reality , and until they are addressed between the two of you, are not going to disappear. There is no quick-fix, but communication, and
working these issues out between you and your husband can make a difference. I think both of you can benefit from therapy and by being honest and trusting to each other, address these concerns before you can move on in your relationship to the next level, and then both of you choose to have another child together.
N. Dinerstein, Psychotherapist

First of all your husband has to know his role!! A man a father jealous of a child. Focus on being a GOOD FATHER.As
far as sex goes some women can not find joy in sex if we are angry!Certain words and behavior turns us off! It takes two to
enjoy sex!! Men are sometimes like kids we have to teach them what make us feel goodor turn us on! Make sex in a game tell
him BABY IF YOU THIS IT WOULD REALLY GET ME STARTED or IT TICKLES etc. Marriage and Sex requires UNITY. Working together
is something both have to do. You might be the one who has to
be first. GOOD LUCK!

You need counseling. If he won't go with you, then go alone. Don't settle! You are worth so much more than being put down. You should be the one who disciplines your son, because you are his only parent. If you ask for your husband's help, that's one thing, but do not let him tear down your son's self-esteem the way he is tearing down yours.

This sounds exactly what I went through. And now me and my husband have been together for 8 &half years!! I never thought that with the way things were going that the relationship would last until I got strong enough and just had a serious talk with him about everything about the way I felt when he would discipline the child to the romance and I was willing to let go if thats what he wanted. Some times guys have alot of pressure raising other guys children not knowing if hes doing the right thing going back on how their own fathers raise them!! you need to understand that and let him know that you understand the position he is in! But when you talk to him let him know that you are not coming down on him you are just wanting to tell him how you feel!!

You have lots of problems that you won't be able to settle alone. My only question is, "if you knew up front that he was jealous of your son, why did you marry him. Surely you had sex with him before the wedding. Was it "are you gonna give me some" then too? You and he need to see a family counselor, and soon, and expecially before you have another child. Just remember Ann Landers question: "Would you be better off with him or without him?"

Dear Terri, It amazes me how so many people go into a marriage knowing some pertinent facts before hand; did you get pre-marital conseling? What will you do if he decides not to get help for your relationship? Hopig everything will eventually workout is a fairy tale. Everyone does not live happily ever after. Marriage which is a relationship takes work, trust, honesty, and effective communication. An adult male that is jealous of a child got issuses of immaturity. Where do you go as a couple to receive spiritual guidance and encouragement? What you are asking for is not hard, impossible or too much in your marriage. But, some serious soul searching on your part will begin to set you on the right path. Until you know you, and know how how to love you; the universe wil reflect back your fears, insecurities, and confusion. We can't change other people, but we can start by being the best we know how to and with ourselves. God is a major componment of that plan because He is Love.

It is only gonna get worse. And your son will suffer the most. The reasons to stay are all wrong. You and your son deserve unconditional love. It's not gonna happen with him. I'm sure he's a nice enough guy, I wouldn't stay though.

I can't make a decision for you but I would seriously consider what your son is learning. He is learning to disrespect you. Which would be worse, learning to disrespect women or losing his father figure?? Be careful what you teach him. What he learns now will stay with him for the rest of his life.

No one can make this decision for you. I have been in exactly the same situation. We tried the Marriage Boot Camp and it seems to have helped so far.

Best of luck.......

http://www.marriagebootcamp.com/

Hi Terri, I would definitely seek counseling immediately, not only as a couple but as a woman, mother and wife. You have many issues within your relationship that aren't uncommon, but could, can, and will be detrimental to yourself but most of all your son if not resolved. From experience i do know that having a child will not help things, it will only escalate things and bring another innocent life into tension, strife and unhappiness. It will also tie you to this man for the rest of your life if he decides he doesn't want nor need to change and grow within your relationship. I will pray for you and your family, and that you continue to seek God in all that you do. Please don't ever think that you are expecting too much from the person that has vowed before God to love you unselfishly and unconditionally. You deserve this and so much more. Peace and blessings to you and your family...

Your issues can be worked out, but are too complicated for message board advice to be enough. If both of you want it to work, it can, but you need professional counseling. Look in the phone book or on the internet for a counselor who you can be comfortable with, or if you go to church as about it there. Let your husband know you are serious and without counseling you have considered leaving him (as you said you have).

Don't have another child until you work this out. You need to give yourselves more time as newlyweds anyway. Kids do NOT make problems go away, they make them worse, especially the problems you are having, are custom made to make having children problematic. Don't jeopordize yourself, your son, and your future children by letting this go.

Good luck and I'll say a prayer he will go with you. And if you are worried about the money:

1. many counselors are sliding scale (look for that in their ads) to adjust to your income and
2. Divorce is MUCH more expensive. If you are a Christian, as you are, you want to know you've done everything you can.

And I agree your problems are valid, but I think they are somewhat typical. But typical problems like these can frequently lead to divorce also. I think counseling could definitely help and bring you two to the marriage you desire and deserve.

Good luck and take care.

Hey Terri,
It sounds like you guys do have some things to work on, but none of it sounds lethal to me. It sounds like you have a relationship with God which is awesome, do you guys have a church home and a pastor? Some counseling can really nip a lot of these problems in the bud, especially when it comes to blending a family, that is hard for everyone. My best advice to you is to stop worrying about your needs in the marriage. I know it sounds crazy! But the only person you can change is you. In fact you can't even change yourself. But by giving your heart to God and asking him to make you into the wife your husband needs and praying that he become the man God has made him, some great things can happen. I am not in any way saying he's right you're wrong. But his wrongness will never change by you acting wrong too. If you work on your heart and become that wife that honors and respects her man, you may be surprised at how your house changes. Regardless you will still be a better person and happier. Best wishes to you and your family and hang in there!! :)

Have you discussed all these issues with your husband. if so Does he recognize the mental injury he is subject you and your child to besides the situation is teaching your son disrespect for you as his mother and as a woman. Have you discussed counseling. i will say a prayer for you and your family, and do encourage you to seek counseling.
Divorce is difficult on all parties involved.

A.

You need to nip this in the bud and get rid of him now, while your son is still young. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially your son.