25 answers

Newly Pregnant, 42 Years Old and Terrified....

I just found out last night that I am pregnant (naturally) at 42 years old......We lost a baby last year at 18 weeks and found out through testing, that the baby had Down Syndrome. It was a devastating experience and I've been grieving that loss all year. Since the loss, I've wanted to try for another baby....Or so I thought....now that I am pregnant again, I am so scared....Am feeling like we made a huge mistake in conceiving again. We have 2 and 1/2 year old twins who are healthy and happy. I've been reading all the horror stories about how dangerous pregnancy at this age can be - both for mom and baby. I'm already so nervous that something is wrong....I just feel sick about it. It's already causing tension between my husband and I....He took a long time to come around to the idea of trying again....I don't think either of us thought it would happen so quickly, but we conceived our first month. I know I should have thought this through a little more carefully, but honestly....at the time, I really believed this would not affect us again, and we could do this. Now, I'm filled with only negative thoughts and fears. Any words of encouragement or advice? I really need someone's opinion besides those so close to the situation. Thanks!

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More Answers

First of all L., CONGRATULATIONS!!! and i am so sorry you went through such loss before this. I had my first child at 42 and my second at 46!!! Both were fine and I know tons of moms who have healthy little ones who conceived in their forties. FIrst things first, STOP reading the negative stuff and the statistics right now. You will make yourself crazy. Thats like reading all the horror stories about childbirth right before you deliver. The stats show that 3.6% of the resulting births to 44 year old moms result in downs. What this means is that over 96% have babies without the chromosomal abnormality. You have been through a severe trauma with the loss you experienced last time, so it is very natural that you would be freaking out and having anxiety and fear. I had three early miscarriages and when I conceived my daughter I had so much anxiety it was awful. I got a lot of help and support. Working with a therapist who specialized in birth/pregnancy and trauma was incredibly helpful to me. Please feel free to private message me and I would be happy to give you more info on what i did to get through. Additionally, I would be glad to lend support and "talk you down" when you get caught up in the fear. Take care of you and read tons of stories about women having healthy babies in their forties. What you feed grows, so please, feed and nurture yourself with happy stories and positive supportive people. Big hugs.
J

5 moms found this helpful

L.,
Congratulations!
Wondering what you are afraid of exactly? Your age at pregnancy (I was 39 when I delivered my son--and it was uneventful, healthy and fabulous!), the possibility of a special needs child or your husband's reaction? Try to focus on WHAT it is that is causing the fear.
I had 3 miscarriages before my son and it is VERY scary to be pregnant after that, so I know that is a concern.
When I was 25, if anyone would have told me I would deliver my one and only child at the age of 39 it would have told them to put down the crack pipe! LOL
Fact is, things don't always happen in our own time and according to our own plan. They happen in His time and according to HIS plan. Trust in the fact that God is giving you exactly what you need when you need it. After all, if it was not the right thing, you wouldn't have conceived, right?
Enjoy this exciting phase of your life and enjoy your kids! Being a "mature" mom totally ROCKS! We have so much to give, so much to share and so much to teach our kids! God bless!

2 moms found this helpful

I am 25, my youngest brother is 6. My mom got pregnant with him in her 40s, and he is just fine. He's a little monster, and spoiled rotten, but he's happy and healthy. There are always risks, always statistics, always close calls. I am so sorry for your loss, but you are pregnant now and there's nothing you can do to change it. Go out and celebrate, you're going to be a mom again! Worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere. Don't put those negative vibes out there. Sometimes worrying too much makes the things we worry about happen to us. It's normal to get cold feet, but just try to focus on your health and on the day that you have your beautiful new baby in your arms for the first time. Everything will work itself out.

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with Wendy..stop reading stories! Haha! When I was pregnant I just couldn't watch all those birthing shows, even though every other pregnant woman I knew did, but it just made my mind race with craziness!

It's scary, but you can do it! Your twins are going to be thrilled. I posted this on someone else's question recently and I truly believe it...atlhough your twins have each other, I believe that the best gift you can give a child is a sibling. You are going to have 3 beautiful, healthy children. There are many women out there who have been in your shoes so stay strong!

2 moms found this helpful

Hi, L.:
You will do fine. We have all the new medical advances to
help you through it physically.
We do not have the emotional advances. People still have to grieve their
losses one step at a time. Sometimes there are replacement for things that we lose.

My mother lost a son before I was born. When I was born, I believe that she was disappointed that I was a girl and we never bonded.

Think about your feelings that are being transferred to your unborn baby.

Life is painful. We have so many losses. Look at being gifted with another chance to have a baby. You wanted anothe baby. You now have that opportuntiy. See how you can make the best of it.

You have alot of courage. You will be the best Mom ever. Be proud of yourself.

Good luck. D.

1 mom found this helpful

Congratulations! I understand the loss and the fear. I had 2 babies in my 40s and lost two babies in a row in between the two I had. That was a VERY difficult thing to go through! But I'm SO glad we did, because these two children we have are absolutely wonderful! We have some much older children, too, and then a long break before the last two. I LOVE being an older mom...finally feel like I have the maturity and experience to do it well...and am enjoying every minute!

Peace,

C.

1 mom found this helpful

My sister had twins at age 48 through IVF both healthy and normal 3 yr olds now. I fell pregnant unplanned at age 42 had my boy at 43. I too was very nervous at 1st, but embraced it as a gift from god and was meant to be! I too had infertility problems for 5 yrs and 3 miscarriages. My boy is nearly 3 and healthy. I now feel complete with my family.
Stop reading these stories it only upsets you. I know so many positive stories.
Keep believing that good things are mean't to happen!

1 mom found this helpful

First, I am sorry for your loss. I too had a miscarriage and no matter when it happens in the pregnancy, it is devastating.

I think it is important to find peace inside. This will lead to a healthier pregnancy. Share your concerns with your OBGYN. They can monitor you closely. Ask to be considered a high risk pregnancy. I always find that when I have closer monitoring, I am more relaxed with my pregnancies.

My very healthy, very strong willed 10 month old daughter is napping upstairs. I am 42 years old. Healthy babies do and can happen at this age. My own birth mother (I'm adopted) was 40 years old when she had me.

I know it will be tough (I have two other children too) but you need to find family or friends to babysit so you can rest and get mentally and physically prepared for the months ahead.

I wish you the very best.

1 mom found this helpful

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