Newborn Only Sleeps on Me

You don't want to hear what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway...You have to let her cry it out. You have made her dependent on you for sleep and now she can only sleep with you. This pattern will not break itself on its own. I know she is tiny, and you feel guilty leting her cry, but it will only be harder on her the longer you let it go on. The first time I put my son in his crib and walked away, he screamed. It went on for about 20 minutes, then he fell asleep. The next time he cried for about 15, eventually it got down to 1 minute or even less. Babies have to learn to self soothe, they have to learn to feel safe, even outside the physical presence of the mother. I have a friend who "just could not bear to hear him cry", her son is 14 months and still sleeps with her !!! She is the most sleep deprived woman I know, and the relationships in her life are suffering for it. Please don't let your child fall into the this trap, do the hard work now, and you and your baby will feel the benefits for the rest of their life : )

PS You can do preety much whatever works with a very new baby, but around 3 months you have to start "weaning" them off whatever "bad habits" have been established i.e. sleping on mom/dad, constant holding, pacifiers, etc. These so called bad habits are really the habits of the parent at this point, and can be changed if you want. Think about what you really want for yourself and your family, and then do it. If you want the baby to sleep somewhere other than with you, then make it happen on your own terms.

You shouldn't have your baby sleeping on you because sonner or later you will go through hard time having her stay in her own bed. If you are married, your husband needs you with him. If you are a working mom, long nights without sleeping will affect your mood, etc.
Your baby is one month old and will take the habits you give her. In fact, she is not really the one who wants to sleep on you.
Let her sleep aside. She will cry some times but will get used to it.

I just went through the same thing. It was horrible. I thought it would never stop! My daughter is now almost 3 months old and I am making progress. I had to continually put her down whenever she fell asleep on me. She is better at night, but still does not nap well when not on me. Another thing that helped me (and my sanity) was that I pumped a bottle in the morning and my husband would give it to her at night. This gave me a break and for some reason she actually slept 4 hours away from me.
Good luck!

Hmmm...does your baby have reflux? Does she spit up a lot? Mine didn't actually spit up a lot but did have pretty bad reflux. Does she want to eat a often? Cry a lot and/or cry in pain? Many babies have reflux and their esophogus muscles are too immature to hold the food down so when you lay them down the food comes back up causing it to burn. Try putting a towel under the head of the co-sleeper to elevate her head and keep the food down. You want a 45 degree angle. I put a box under one end of my son's bassinet to keep his head elevated and it made a huge difference. Also hold them upright or at least at a 45 degree angle after she eats for about 20 minutes before laying her down so she has time to digest. Call her pediatrician. Acid reflux can be very painful and damaging. My son was on zantac for a year and it made a HUGE difference and he was so much happier and not in pain! Also, if you search for "miracle blanket" online you will find the best swaddle blanket, that also helped my son sleep well.

Hi Catherine,
I had the same experience with my daughter. She was born premature and had moderate acid reflux. I was told to keep her upright for 30 minutes after feedings. Because of this she became accustomed to sleeping on my shoulder. When I would try to put her in the crib or bassinet she would fuss and wake up. Eventually we purchased a reflux wedge for her crib and that seemed to help at night. I still had a difficult time getting her to nap anywhere except on me for several months. I just kept trying to put her in the crib for naps and eventually she got used to it. If it's not a reflux issue I'm guessing she will outgrow it soon. Good luck!

I had the same problem with my son. He will be three tomorrow. The only way we could both get sleep was for me to sleep with him on my tummy. We finally tried Nutramigen on the advice of our pedicatrician. But still nothing. They then recommending trying the other manufacturers formula Alimenten, that finally worked. He was able to sleep by himself. It was the formula causing reflux and gas and we finally were able to get him on the right one. It also helps to raise the head of his bassinet and put him in one of those sleeper sacks. Good luck and hang in there. You will find the right mix. (He also likes his ocean sounds box, he still sleeps with it on now, it plays heartbeats, birds, ocean sounds, rain.)

Your baby sounds EXACTLY like my now 6 year old daughter. Your message brought back memories of a very trying time. I don't really have advice, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. She was my first, so I didn't know what to expect. I had several friends who had babies at the same time, and none of theirs were as "needy" as mine. I swear I was living a nightmare that I thought would never end (exhaustion tends to make everything a thousand times worse!) I ended up sleeping in the guest room with her until she was about 7 months old. All of a sudden it ended. I will never forget the morning at around 10am she seemed really tired. I thought, OK, I'll try the crib for the millionth time. When I put her down she fell right asleep, and when I checked on my sleeping baby a few moments later I knew I had made it. You will too. Just keep your chin up! Oh, and one more thing, my second daughter slept in her carseat on the floor next to my bed for the first 3 months of her life. Maybe I should have tried that with the first one..... Now they are 6 and 4, and I get more sleep than I need!!

I wouldn't worry about it. My third, a girl, spent the first 6 weeks of life sleeping on her daddy. It was actually very convenient for me. Recovering from the 3rd c-section I would lie next to them while they slept. When she woke to eat (which was every 2 hours) he would roll her over, we would change her diaper, she would nurse, and I would hand her back to him and we would all go right back to sleep. Now at 14 she still loves to come in and cuddle with daddy before going to bed for the night. Think about it, you are warm and your heart is beating in the baby's ear. How comforting is that. Enjoy the baby. He will grow up way too fast and won't want you to hold him.

It could be she gets cold and wakes up or that she is comforted by your heart beat. Try keeping her warm and put some soft music or one of those heart-beat sound toys in with her. We used mood music cd's, nature sounds, water, etc. and turned the player to repeat also bundled ours up with warm blankets right out of the dryer, using blankets that hold body heat.

Yes and its normal.

It is one reason I gave up the co-sleeper and bought a bigger bed and a bed rail. Baby senses the body heat and wants to share to stay warm.

As for waking up when you put her down, there are different levels of sleep. She needs to be in a deep sleep (pick up her hand and it falls back down) to put her down to sleep. As for waking up in 30 minutes, babies that young don't sleep very deeply yet. They wake frequently. Try soothing her by rubbing her belly to get her back to sleep (it often works). I got a wrap and wore my baby. She slept a lot and I could get work done around the house.

I'd put a heating pad on a pillow,warm it up then REMOVE IT and put the baby down. Sometimes they aren't comfortable on crib mattresses. And heat up a blanket at the same time and put it on her belly when you lay she down, assuming you are doing the back sleeping thing. I never did that with my 5 babies but most drs. want it. I think they are more comfortable on the bellies!!
What you allow they will take too!!
If you have a bear that has womb sounds play it, or get one!
I understand but they have to get used to their new envirnment.
It takes a while but she will learn if you give her the oppurtunity to! If she wakes up soon after you laying her down,then so be it,she might be more tired later to sleep longer, like it night when it counts!
Be at peace, play sweet music and relax!!

I read a lot of responses that you got to this and I have not seen this one and it worked for me. I definately say do the burrito baby thing. Something about that tight feeling with newborns is a saving grace at least until they can kick out of it. Also I did a couple of other things. I personally lived in t-shirts in the first few months after all three of my children were born. I wrapped one of the shirts I had worn either on top of the burrito wrapping or placed it flat on the crib under them. This shirt has your scent on it so they can continue to smell you. That seemed to work for me, I have also heard of using warmers (not too warm) the ones filled with rice or corn and wrap that up with something that smells like you. Good luck.

Does your baby sleep upright when on you? or laying more flat on his/her back in your arms? Acid reflux could be part of the problem. I have a couple friends who's little ones had reflux really bad and sleeping flat didn't go over well for them. I don't know about you but heartburn is painful to us, reflux to them could be, too. You could try getting one of those elevation wedges and put it under their mattress, or their sheet as long as the sheet secures safely under the mattress still. Hope this helps! Good luck :)

My daughter did the same thing for a while, though not quite as severely as it seems your daughter does. I actually read in a magazine that for an infant that tends to fall asleep laying on you and then wakes up the moment you put them down, if you place your hand on their chest as soon as you lay them down on their backs, it makes for an easier transition for them...I guess the pressure from your hand makes them still feel the comfort they find while laying on you. I tried this with my daughter and it wasn't a fool proof solution, but it did work some of the time. Maybe it will work for you.

Swaddle me blanket. We used it on my son and it worked like a charm. Because he was all wrapped up it made him feel secure. We used it until he was about six months old. My husband call it the baby burrito wrapper. It worked for us, give it a try. You can find the swaddle me blanket at Babies r us, and baby depot at burlington coat factory. Good luck. I hope you find something that works for you soon.

S.

Have you tried swaddling your baby when you put her down for naps/bedtime? Our youngest was the same way. We had to swaddle her for naps and bedtime for her to sleep on her own.
We had to do the nightime swaddling until about 4 months old (she was getting out of it by then) and i think the naptime swaddling until she was 3 months I believe.

Hi Catherine, my daughter was/is exacly the same. She is now 5 months old and still sleeps with me. She has gotten better in the bed as far as me getting up and leaving her to sleep but most times she is on me during the day and next to me at night. It is difficult for both Mom and baby not to mention the hubby but I am finding that its getting easier and I hear that its not a bad thing for now.

My baby likes to be held a lot too. When I put her down for a nap during the day it often doesn't last long so I hold her while she naps when I can and I just put her down for several short naps when that's not an option. During the night I've found she will sleep if I nurse her to sleep, put her down and then let her suck on my finger as she settles to sleep. I have her in a cosleeper also so I can let her suck while lying down. This way she sleeps until she's hungry again. Sometimes I let her sleep on my chest and I prop up pillows so I can sleep comfortably as well. Good luck, I hope this helps some.

If you havent already, invest in one of those mommy bears and or some other noise maker that makes sounds of a heart beat- it worked for me!!!!!!!!11

As a former nanny (and mother of two) I often had parents who experienced this, and could not figure out why their child slept for me in a cradle or crib. Here are some tips I have used -- first thing to recognize is that in infants that are feed, dry and warm, crying is a way to sooth themselves. Infants as young as your child like the feeling of still being in the womb -- and hearing your heart beat. When you hold them they get these feelings. So when you want your little one to sleep on their own -- swaddle them very tightly in a blanket of appropriate weight for the weather. Usually a light recieving blanket works well. If you struggle with the swaddling technique invest in a good swaddle blanket - this does not need to be expensive. Target offers a version for under 10 called SwaddleMe. The next item I would suggest is a "heart beat bear" -- this is a battery opperated sound device (often shaped like a bear or other animal) that provides the comforting sound of a mothers heartbeat. And yes -- it is perfectly safe in the crib with your child.

As a last resort you may want to try a "crib vibrator/sound machine" that will provide a soothing motion and sound for your child. First years offers one at a reasonable price.

And the option that many will discourage you from, but that I have found comforting and effective is a pacifier. Often times infants just need another way to sooth themselves. A pacifier offers this and a way to get out extra energy. Many will say that your child will have "nipple confusion" -- I never experienced that as a nanny or mother. Both of my daughters were preemies (one 10 wks early), both were offered pacifiers in the hospital -- and we NEVER had an issue.

The last option -- put your child in her crib. I know it is great to have them right next to you -- but many parents miss interperet the signs of a restless sleeper with a baby that is "up". With a good monitor -- your child will do well in their crib, you can still hear them and you may find that you get a quality sleep (I realize with a newborn you never actually get more sleep :-))

Hope these ideas work.

I think sometimes babies wake because they here us move or smell that we are close and wake to feed. And it sounds as if your baby isn't falling into a deep sleep if she is waking after 30 minutes.
I haven't read all of the other responses, so I apologize if this is repeat information, but maybe you could try a bassinet of some sort on the other side of the room. Maybe add some white noise (white noise and/or music playing has been our savior with both our children, now 4 years old and 4 months old) so your little one doesn't hear mom and dad tossing and/or snoring!
Also, we bought those wedges (the ones that are to keep baby from rolling over). They are GREAT! You can adjust how close together you want them; they are nice because they give the baby a felling of "pressure"/being held because you can position one wedge on each side of the baby. GREAT investment.
Oh, and swaddle, swaddle, swaddle! Our infant needed to be swaddled fairly tight in order to sleep longer than 45 minutes. He eventually outgrew the swaddling around 6-8 weeks, but swaddling was very helpful. I was too concerned with our first to swaddle; I couldn't imagine how it could be comfortable! Sure wish I would have tried it with her!
Also, remind yourself (every time you feel confused, worried, frustrated) that this is all temporary. Our babies grow so quickly! Before you know it she will be sleeping for many hours straight through!

Hello! I too had a baby like this. We tried everything and went to several ped. thinking something was wrong. Nothing was wrong. Don't worry! I finally just calmed down, let him sleep on my chest with pillows all around me. We then slowly transitioned to the cosleeper with my hand on his back. The third step was a cosleeper but his feet had to touch me. It eventually does get better. He is 5 now and can get himself to sleep in his own bed and sleep through the night. He just really need to know I was always there those first months. Good Luck!

dear catherine,

its time the little one sleeps in her own bed. she will fuss for a minute and go right back to sleep. if she doesn't check her diaper but don't speak with her during the night and put her right back in. if she fusses again, and its her feeding time, well then feed her, burps and back to bed. i think you just love your baby so much you can't part with her.

she will be just fine....and it is dangerous if she is in your bed too.

night night catherine, and sleep tight,
L.

I just want to say I have the exact same problem, my son is 10 days old and only sleeps on or next to me, HATES the bassinet we got for him to sleep in in our room. I can't say I blame him, it's hard and cold! If I wait until he's in a deep sleep I can put him down, but then he makes those fussy noises in his sleep so i'll think he's about to wake up, and though he doesn't it wakes me up anyway.

We had a co-sleep for my daughter, by the way. She also hated it and I don't think she slept in it once! She just wound up in the bed, and at about 6 months we moved her into her crib in her own room and it worked out fine.

As for this guy I'm working on trying to get him into a little bit of a schedule by being active in the hours before bed so he'll sleep more soundly at night, that seems to help. The BabyBjorn is a big help, too, baby can sleep, you can move around.

We'll probably do the same thing with this one as the first-- at some point at about 4-6 months (when the SIDS risk starts to go down, and he's able to sleep for longer stretches) to put him down in his own crib in his own room. In the meantime, it's pretty much bed/Bjorn/alert time, repeat!

Hi Catherine,

My daughter is almost 14 months and last year when she was a newborn we had the same problem at night. She didnt want to lie in the bassinet or crib just on my husband or myself. She did this only at night fro the first two weeks of life then during the day she decided she didnt want to lay down and sleep so she slept in the swing or bouncer. Finally around 6 weeks she just got to heavy to hold at night. I had a c-section so this made this very painful. so my husband and i did a bedtime routine starting at 8 weeks. I had to let her cry a bit in her crib. I would go in and check on her often. I didnt like doing this because I felt she was so young but I had not choice because i could not keep holding her at night as she was getting way to heavy on the belly. After a few nights of letting her cry and going in to check on her she stopped. It took about three nights and she had begun sleeping in her crib without crying unless she woke up hungry at night. So that is what we did. GOOD LUCK.

I had the same dilemma with my daughter was that age. During the night I would sleep with her on my chest so we could both sleep well (though you never sleep well when they're that young as you are constantly checking on them!) Another trick that worked for me was throwing her receiving blankets in the dryer while she ate and then swaddling her in the warm blankets - tricks them into believing its a warm body near them. This would give me an hour or so before she awoke again. Good luck and congratulations!

Yes, both my boys are/were like that. I can put the baby down if he's in a deep enough sleep.

They do outgrow it. In the meantime, the best way to sleep is how every one gets the most sleep. If that's with her snuggled right next to you then there's nothing wrong with that.

My son was exactly the same way, from the moment he was born. He would only sleep on me, even at the hospital. I would try moving him to the co-sleeper for the first week but that was useless. So, he slept in bed with me for the next four months. Often we'd both fall asleep while he was nursing. At four months he started sleeping most of the way through the night and would fall asleep in his swing or car seat. I would just move the seat up to my room and sit it in the co-sleeper. I started getting more sleep then. When he was seven months I felt comfortable moving him to his own room and we "Ferbered" him. Good Luck!

My youngest was the same way. What seemed to work for him, atleast getting him to relax more, is that when he would go to sleep on me I would make sure to have a blanket on me and him on top of the blanket. That way is starts to smell like me and when I lay him down the blanket will still be on him. It seemed to soothe him alittle better.

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Hi - You've gotten a lot of responses already but wanted to share that I went through this, too. Up to about 6 weeks she only slept on or right next to me or my husband, OR, she would stay sleeping swaddled and in her carseat. I think the first couple months you don't need to worry too much about habits...just wherever she'll sleep, let her sleep. Swaddling did help us for the first 4 months. Then by 7 weeks I was tired of it and gradually started putting her in the crib. I started with the morning nap. I had to suffer through a shorter nap because she'd wake up sooner, but once she got the morning nap down, I went on to the second nap, and so on. Oh, and first we let her sleep in the carseat in the crib to let her get used to the environment. I also tried putting the blanket on me, letting her fall alseep, then transitioning her to crib with the blanket, so the scent, warmth, stays with her.
Later, I had to stay with her a bit and pat her back a lot to help her fall alseep. I wouldn't pick her up, I just stayed with her and patted. This doesn't work for all kids..for some it's better to just leave the room. But with my first I never had to let her cry too much using this very gradual process.
With my second I realized she didn't need all that hand holding and just wanted to sleep on her tummy. I let her do this by 4 months and that's just how she wanted to sleep.

Both are great sleepers now. So best of luck to you. Hope this helps a bit, at least to know that you're not going through anything all that unusual and it will pass.

Never start any thing you CAN NOT finish. The baby has her bed and you have yours.My friend could not get their daugther out of their bed until she was 10 or 12. She may cry at first but that's alright.I am a mother of one 31yr.old and have 4 grandchildren so I think I can speak on this. Good Luck.Oh P.S. WE have to guide our children.

Madea

I had the same problem with my daughter and what i actually found out that wound up working for me was that i could get her to sleep in her bassinet after a feeding if the TV was on but if it wasnt then she would do the same thing with me. I dont know if it was the sound of my heart beating that comforted her or what but it took me a few nights to figure out that was the issue. Try something with noise to see if that works like one of those womb sounds bears etc.

you can buy one of those bears w/ the heartbeat inside...maybe thats what she likes. and make sure her bed isnt chilly. and when she stirs just gently pat her back to sleep. it might take days and she might have to fuss a little but you have to try if you want some sleep. you have to train her to stay in her bed. good luck.

My daughter, when she was about 6 weeks, used to fuss every time I put her down to sleep. I'd pick her up, and she'd go right back to sleep. I noticed that when her head was slightly raised, she slept better. Because pillows are dangerous for babies, I put her in her car seat and put that in the crib for her to sleep. Sure enough, when I put her in that elevated position in the car seat, she slept soundly. Perhaps that's a solution to your problem as well.

Good Morning,
My name is Eyan (pronounced Ian)Williams and I am new to this site and even though we have not officially met, it is nice to meet you and to be able to give you little words of encouragement. My advice to you would be to start introducing her to the co-sleeper during the day as for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time. She needs to understand that that is a safe place and it is alright to fall asleep in there. It won't be an easy task but the more she gets used to being in there, the better your nights will be. Sometimes she has to cry or grunt but she also understands that if she makes those noises, mommy will come and rescue me. I hope this helps a little.

I went through that with both of my boys. It only lasted a few weeks. They like the comfort, closeness and warmth of you. Your scent is familiar as is the sound of your heart beat. I had one of those swaddle wraps with my youngest which helped "wean" him from me and they both LOVED their swing. Good luck to you and congratulations!!

Dear Catherine,

First of all, please ignore the fearmongers that your month old baby is manipulative and that any thing she does now will continue for the rest of her life. It just ain't so. What's next, in-utero umbilical cord clamps to regulate feedings in order to get the baby used to a feeding routine before it's born?

My daughter didn't sleep until she was three months old. I mean, she only slept a few hours a day, not the hours that books and "expert" say babies sleep. I think she had a sort of pseudo-cholic, because at three months she passed an enormous amount of gas (it sounded like Billy Crystal's uncles all at one, if you catch my drift). After that she started sleeping very well. And she continues to be a good sleeper.

Before that gas passing incident, she wanted to be held all of the time, just like me when I was a baby. Since I had been reminded of my infanthood everyday of my life, and how horrible it was, I decided to be more understanding of my daughter. She wasn't being that way out of manipulation or meaness, that is just the way she was and I had to learn to work with it.

I used a Nolo sling so that I could get some rest and she would sleep in it on top of me. I also put her in her swing, which she really liked. Once she got rid of the gas, she would sleep very well in her crib.

Some kids are just high needs, and that's okay. Try a sling so she can stay close to you, and you can mostly have your hands free. She may move into her crib when she is three months old, or she may need you close a bit longer. One month old is too young for "crying it out"; you can start that at six months. Also, by that time she'll be telling you what she wants her schedule to be as far as naps and mealtimes. You can follow her lead if it works with your schedule.

So, try a sling and don't worry about starting a bad habit that you won't be able to break later on. She's too young for bad habits, she just knows what she needs. And you'll be the closer for it.

A.

Hi Catharine,

Do you have a bassinet or crib for your baby? If the baby is fed, lay the baby down in the crib and just let the baby adjust to his sleeping area.

A resource for you can be the La leche league mothers who can give you some reassurance about your baby.

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Catherine,
I am not a Dr., but I have taken care of plenty of babies. I am a postpartum doula. Your daughter sounds a little like she may be bothered by something. You mentioned that she is grunting and fussing after she gets put down. Try elevating the head of her bed greater than three inches and making sure she is swaddled tightly with her arms down. If that doesn't help, go see your Dr.. She may have reflux that is bothering her too much. Call my company-Mothering Mommies, LLC ###-###-#### if we can help!