Newborn & 14 Month Old

Two of mine are the same age for 20 days every year. I was still breastfeeding the first when the second was born. He was eating real food, but still got partial nourishment and lots of comfort from our time together.

Be sure to bring the 14mo old to the hospital to meet the new baby, and talk about them sharing their mommy with them before the date comes.

I will never forget seeing the look on my sons face when he walked in room after we got home and saw me breast feeding his new sister. He was truly stunned. He came over and said "My Booby"?, and I had to assure him yes they were still his, and now hers too. Morning feedings got interesting, as we did family bed. I breastfed him until he was two, and his sister until she was one and a half. Needless to say, I was very busy. They are both happy healthy adults now, and I would never have changed a thing.

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Everyone is different but I had a "c" and came home to an 18 mo.old. You have to give yourself some time to heal. I was lucky enough to have my mom and husband help for the first week & 1/2. We live in a apartment w/ no stairs which helped because stairs are hard after the surgery. One of the hardest things for me was keeping my 18 mo. off our newborn. Now they are 9mo. and just over two and are starting to interact more. Take it easy and if you can enlist help for at least two weeks it will help. Remember you are not supposed to drive for a few weeks and you will probably be taking pain killers still.

A.,

If you have the option of help, take it. Four months ago when my youngest was born, his brother was 13 months. The big brother wasn't old enough to understand the change, but old enough to know that he didn't like it. He became very needy and demanding. The behavior only lasted for about a month. However when you have your hands full with a new born that month can seem like much longer. My mother-in-law stayed with us for 1 month and it made all the difference. First, you'll have a tough time just moving for a the first several days home, so lifting the older just to change a diaper, feed or love on will be tough of just impossible. Also, you're going to be tired...which you know all about.

i just had my 2nd in dec and my daughter was 17 months old at the time. my hubby took two weeks vacation to help out and trust me it helped a lot!!!!! I would see if you can find someone to help you out some. In my case, my 17 month old didnt want nothing to do with me or anybody else if we were holding or responding to the new baby but now she is 19 months and she is getting intrested int he little one. hope this helps!

My first two are 15 months apart, and my last two are going to be about that close as well. (My two middle girls are over 2 years apart) First of all, I think it is more than fabulous to have babies close together. I LOVE it!

Part of what helps me really love it is that when my husband comes home, he does just as much as I do- if not more... Also, when I came home from the hospital he took off of work to do ALL the work with the kids and at home until I felt good enough to help. We are NOT wealthy, AND he's self-employed, so when he doesn't work, he DOESN'T get paid (no sick-leave, no vacation)- but we managed quite nicely because him being there was our priority- we MADE that arrangement work.

It also helps him understand what SOOOO many fathers we know don't understand- all the ins and outs of real parenting, how hard it actually is to be a good parent, and he can get in touch with his kids and really know them.

My point: if at all possible get the husband to do all of the work:)

Hi A.,
My son was 21 months old when my daughter was born in May. I can't tell you how grateful I was to have my family in and out to help me with both kids while I was recovering those first few weeks. Is this your first C-section? From my experience with 2 C-sections, line up help for your 14 month old, rest when you can, take the drugs they prescripe, and just remember it doesn't all have to get done right there and then. That for me was the biggest lesson, to just relax and heal. You won't be able to lift your oldest for at least 3 weeks if not more, depending on what your OB says and how fast you heal. Good luck and congrats on your soon-to-be arrival!
H.

YES, YES, YES..... take any help that anyone will offer. People love to hold newborns, let them hold yours while you spend some quality time with your 14-month old. Not being able to dedicate 100% of my time to my older child was the hardest adjustment for me. The good thing is that now you know what you're doing with a baby. You'll just have to find that fine line of balancing the two of them. Again.......take ANY help that anyone will offer, you'll need it.

Good luck and congratulations! I had a c-section with my second when my son was 16 months old. I did have my parents here for a couple of weeks & that was great b/c they are great! ;) I know in some families that would not be the ideal situation! But just to have other sets of hands esp to help with my 16 mos old was great. I was definitely slow going the first several days but was fine....as long as I took the pain killers for the first few days as directed, I was ok with my newborn - lifting her, etc. The worse part for me was just getting up from a laying down position, but the healing was pretty fast. And funny enough, I really don't remember much about it now that I'm trying to remember and my daughter is now 21 mos! Amazing how fast one forgets! :)

Hi A.,

First congratualtions on the new baby coming in April! How exciting!

I've had 3 c-sections. My first two were 18 months apart and then I had another one 7 months ago (2 years from the second c -section) and we had twins. So I know a little bit about what your going through. 4 babies in 4 years!

I definitely think you should get help if you have it! First, like you know this is major surgery. It will be rough for a few weeks. My second and third sections took longer to heal because I had to care for my other children as well, not just sit and stare at a beautiful new baby! :)

Secondly, you are in for a HUGE adjustment! Second babies coming into a family can be a lot harder than the first. Yes you know what your doing as far as caring for a newborn but are you ready for caring for a new born and a baby at the same time??? Going from one child to two was hard for me and I consider myself a pretty "tough" mommy with the "I can handle everything" attidtude. Well shock... 2 babies were hard!!! When you have one baby getting up all night long was bad but you knew that hey tomorrow I can sleep when the baby sleeps... there is none of that when you have another child. Even if that baby is up all night come 7 in the morning when the 14 month old is up and ready to go so is mommy! Plus your other child is going to still need you for everything. There are very few breaks and you will be torn and pulled like you can not imagine!

My suggestion is if you have the help take it. Atleast for a few weeks!!! I think you will be a much happier family if you do! :)

Good Luck!
A.

Honestly, take all the help you can get. I had some families from church that offered to take our oldest for playdates and that helped out a lot. We also had dinners brought in.

My boys are 12 months and 9 days apart. I had c-sections with both and my recovery the 2nd time around seemed a lot longer. DH had to go back to work, but my mom stayed with us for 2 weeks.

After my mom left, my oldest knew that when I was feeding his brother, he could do whatever he wanted because I was stuck on the couch. That got old really fast. We tried all sitting on the couch and reading a story while I was feeding and that seemed to help.

Hi A.! I too had a c-section and a 13.5 month old. My husband was home with me the first week, then I had my mother's help. I thought the recovery was way easier than my first c-section. But I was still exhausted and adjusting to having two kids now! I mostly needed help with my son (the 13 and a half month old). He did just fine with the baby, but I wasn't supposed to lift him... so getting him in and out of his crib/high chair etc. It's also helpful to have someone there so you can nap. Good luck!! And congrats on baby number 2!

A.

Hi A.: I was in exactly the same position. My girls are 19 months apart and I had c-sections with both. When I returned home with the baby, my older daughter just wanted me to hold her, she missed me while in the hospital. I had my mother come over during the day to help with things while my husband went to work. I made my older daughter a part of the goings on with the baby and I came down to her level literally. I had her sit with me, on my lap, played games, etc. That way it wasn't a big strain on my stomach. Hope this helps.

Yes-- you will need help, mainly because you will not be allowed to lift up your 14 month old for a few weeks after the C-section. It would be nice to have help anyway, while your family adjusts to a new schedule. Good luck!

My 2nd section seemed much less painful than the 1st and I recovered more quickly, for whatever reason. However, my daughter was 3 1/2 when my son was born, so she was much more self-sufficent than your 14-month old will be. I would recommend that you get some help if your husband won't be available. The toughest part was abiding by all the restrictions, such as no heavy lifting, going up the stairs, driving, etc. I was lucky enough to have my husband home for a month; he was a lifesaver!

I have two girls 14 months apart -- and had two c-sections. I had a tough last month with my second pregnancy so lined up help to come in two nights a week from 6-9 pm that last month. (I worked full time and coming home at end of a day to a toddler who was just learning to walk and getting into everything was difficult given some of my complications). That was the best gift I ever gave myself. She came in two days a week for the 4 weeks following my delivery (helped with laundry and my toddler while I was breastfeeding new baby.) I only kept her 4 weeks following the birth but it was really worth it. Two kids this close together are wonderful but hard at first. Note-- when your oldest hits about 22 months, life starts getting a little bit easier. But with one just walking and a newborn who needs to eat all the time, you are going to need some help. Best advice I can give --- childproof the dickens out of your house before delivery. when you are nursing or feeding the baby, your toddler will want attention and try to get into everything. Good luck,
KKT

You need to line something up because you will only be aloud to pickup the newborn and the 14mo old will want to have you pick them up and you won't be able to for at least 4-6 weeks and remeber you will have an incision to keep from getting bumped. I know you don't like not doing for your children but this is a time that you need to take care of you self because no one else will. Hope this helps.

Hi A., do you remember when you came home with your first baby and it was so nice to be able to nap when the baby slept and how much the baby slept? Your 14 month old has his or her own schedule and will need time from you when the baby sleeps.
Keeping up with a toddler who has just had his or her world invaded by a new little person who claims a lot of his parents time, tending to a newborn and recovering from a c-section is doable-but at your expense. You will recover quicker and better if you can get the rest you need and have someone to help out with both little ones and the housework and meal prep and......
for at least a few days. Remember, you'll be doing night duty, too.

S.

Yes! You will need help! Two children, getting up in the middle of the night, AND trying to recover from major surgery.........if you have help available, take advanatge of it!
N. B.

Don't you know if you're a Mom ... you'll be a "SUPER"! If you have to, you'll do okay. But if it's possible, and friends and family are willing to come in for short visits to help during the first week or two -- you may find it quite helpful! I know I would have after the second c-section. :-)

Hi A.!

I came home from the hospital from a C-section to a 16 month old...so I totally know what you are talking about. I had my sisters watch Kaitlyn for a couple days while I got adjusted. I felt that even without the c-section I would need some one-on-one bonding time with baby #2 before the crazyness began. :) (especially if you are planning on nursing)

I definitely missed #1 a ton, but I'm glad I took a couple days and didn't overdo it. My advice? Take all the help you can get! :)

Good luck!
(if you have any more questions, feel free to send me a message!)

Hi, I have two little boys, but they're more like 2 years apart. And even from that experience I'd say you should line up some sort of help. At least meals. Are you a part of a group or church that would bring you meals for a couple of weeks once your home? That would be my recommedation.
I know what you mean about thinking this go round will be easier, but from my experience it wasn't. I mean, I wasn't as freaked out about every little detail of the second one's day, but with a toddler running around, I couldn't sleep during the day as much (especially if their naps didn't line up), going anywhere was so much more difficult (2 carseats, 2 schedules) etc... So do enlist some help.

From my C-section experience, I think you really will need some extra help! The first week was very hard for me to get into and out of a sitting position, and hard to lift things. I would definitely ask for some help, or at least for friends to take the 14 month old out all day, to their house, or for outings. Your 14 month old will love the undivided attention!

You should probably line up some help. This time, you're coming home to a 14 month old after a c-section. Totally different.

My kids are 22 months apart and both were both c-sections. Because the 2nd surgery was planned, my husband and I planned to have his Mom stay with us to be with our daughter while I was in the hospital and for a week (or so) after. There are weight restrictions (becasue of stitches)and driving restrictions (because of pain killers) - I needed someone with me, according dr's orders. Even when I had my staples removed one week post-partum, I had to talk doc into letting me drive and lift my toddler (because she was close to 20 lbs). It was also nice to have a little help with the older child while I was busy nursing and trying to catch up on sleep. When Grammy left, the baby was 10 days old and I was fine by myself. Remember you are having MAJOR abdominal surgery - if someone offers to help, then use it. Good Luck!

My daughter was 23 months old when I had my son (who was also born by cesarean). To be honest, my recovery was harder the second time. They said it was due to the scar tissue they had to cut through from the first c-section. I would definitely reccomend having someone with you at least for a couple days. I know my husband stayed home probably about 5 days after we came home from the hospital. You will not be able to lift your older child for a while. Plus, in general, I think it is much harder with child #2 because you can't just nap when the baby is napping, since you have another child to care for. I think if you enlist help from the beginning and give your body a chance to rest and heal, you'll recover much quicker than if you push yourself. Best of luck!!!

I had a c-section for my second child when my first child was about 3 years old. Somthing that really helped me was that my o.b. prescribed and then insisted I wear a velcro, wrap around girdle-type thing. (Sorry, I can't remember the name of it.) It kept me from straining my incision as I moved around to pick up and take care of my first child. Psychologically, wearing it also helped me not "feel" like I was about to pop open the incision. It just made me feel secure. You might ask your doctor about it. My o.b. prescribes them for all of her c-section patients. Good luck!

Hi! I've never responded to any of these, but I really had to write to you. My children are 27 months apart, but both were delivered via emergency c-section. Lying there in the hospital, I was so scared about what it would be like when I came home. How would I chase, entertain, and care for a 2 year old and a new infant while in pain?? The first decision I made was to stay in the hospital the full time my insurance would allow. This gave me a much-needed extra day to get used to nursing again and regain some strength. It also gave my 2 year old an extra day with grandma. Another thing I did was sign up for a dinner-service such as Let's Dish. I spent the extra money to have them prepare and package everything and stored everything in my freezer a few weeks before my daughter was born. I also went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of little books, toys, etc. to pull out as surprises for my son while I was nursing or tending to my daughter. That helped. I admit, he probably watched a little too much TV during the first few weeks, but it all worked out ok. I think I healed faster the 2nd time around, but it helped to have my husband take off one more week when I first came home. The important thing is to ask for help when you need it. Don't think you have to do it yourself. Yes, women have done this for thousands of years, but they had their mothers, sisters, and friends to help them. Just know, you'll get through it, everyone will be fine.

K. (married, stay at home mother of a 5 year old and an almost 3 year old).

Yes, you will need some help! I did not have a c-section, but I came home with a newborn and my son was 2 1/2 and I needed help then. I know that recovering from a c-section takes a much longer time then vaginal delivery. If someone can help, I think you should get someone lined up.
I am a part-time working mother of three (6, 3 and 1).

Hi A.!

YES, you need someone there to help out when you come home. I had a 15 month old when I came home from the hospital after a c and let me tell you it was no joke. First you're going to have some pain, your doctor is going to tell you to take it easy and you really need someone to help you out with keeping the 14 month old occupied and helping you clean and stuff. bending, lifting etc. are OUT for the first couple of weeks. Especially if someone is willing to help, take advantage of it. As women, we try to be superwoman, super woman, etc. Take that time to heal yourself and rest.

Good luck and congrats!!

Hi A.,
Did you have a C section the first time? Follow your doctors direction. If your husband is not going to be home you may want to consider some help at first. Once you figure your limitations out your should be fine. The biggest thing is your 14mth old wanting you to pick them up or climbing on you. Be very careful with your incision. Congratulations and enjoy. Littles ones are such a joy:-)

Hi A.:

I had my daughter by c-section when my son was 23 months old. You will certainly need help for the first couple of weeks. Remember, you will be having MAJOR surgery and your body needs to heal! Your 14mth old will want to be picked up and will not understand that it may be painful or uncomfortable for you. Please realize that adding a second child WILL have a big impact on everyone in your household. I was blessed to have my sister come to stay with me for the first two weeks and I can't imagine what it would have been like without her. She helped with meals and my son. I was able to rest and bond with the baby as well as establish a good nursing routine. It's not impossible to go it alone, but I think it would be quite difficult.

-V.

I had a 13 month old and a C-section with my baby. My husband stayed home from work for the first week, and this was a lot of help. I would recommend someone else be ther to help you with the baby (mother, husband, friend) - just for those first few days till you're moving a little easier.It took several days for me to feel that I could move quick enough.
As a side note: My 13 month old wasn't overly distraught that I didn't pick her up, but I did hold her on my lap, I think she was a little confused, but I hadn't been picking her up throughout the last of the pregnancy anyway. Then with her dad home for that first week, it gave her someone to be with too.

Hi A. - I was in the same situation as you a few months ago. For me, recovering from a c-section the second time around was much more difficult and took longer. On top of that, you can't lift anything, climb stairs or drive for a few weeks after surgery. That said, if you can get extra help for the following week or two after you return home, go for it. My mother-in-law came to stay with us and looking back on it, I couldn't have made it though those weeks without her. Good luck and congratulations on your new addition.

It is doable just different. I have 3 14 months between the first two and 16 between the second and the third. I work my husband stays home . Planning is key. Give yourself extra time to do things and don't worry about the house etc rest when they do. Also a pack nplay or play pen was great because you can set the baby down and it will be safe from the other.

Just like Dianne said, you are having major abdominal surgery! Yes, you definitely will want help. You won't be able to lift your 14 month old and you will want to get all the sleep you can so your body can recover. You'll be glad to have an extra hand, at the very least for a few days. I had my mom stay with me for two weeks and it was a blessing.