New Wife!

D., my sister went through this with her ex! My advise is to file for child support immediately! When this goes to court, make sure you bring up that he has never met his 8 month old and has not seen the 2 1/2 year old in "X" amount of time. They most likely will not allow the children to have overnight visitation. As for the new wife, there is really nothing that you can do about that. Try to be the bigger person and "kill her with kindness". She is obviously insecure and jealous of you since she won't allow your ex to even speak to you unless she is around. Maybe she is just worried that he may still have feelings for you.

1 mom found this helpful

I went through something similar with my ex-husband. He stopped paying child support for our 2 kids for over a year. I asked, I demanded, I cried, I pleaded and even begged for hiim to give me something( mind you, this was a court ordered support) and he refused. I finally had no choice but to call Child Support Sevices. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. He now is paying a third of what had originally been ordered but at least it is something. It wasn't about the money , it was about being responsible for OUR children.I don't know what state you live in, this happened when I lived in California, but if you aren't sure where to start, look in your phone book. I know it is hard and scary, I cried my eyes out about this, but it is important. Good luck and if you need to vent, drop me a line.
L.

1 mom found this helpful

Few points:

1) If you can arrange safe visitation then you should. Children need both parents.Is he asking to do thing with the kids? If you have joint custody I think you have to allow him. If you have sole custody then I believe it's up to you.

2) Your children deserve support don't feel bad for going to court to get it.

3)Assume that this women will be in his life. Unless she is evil she will not harm your children and in fact will treat them well to show him how great she is with kids.... Be the bigger person and reach out to her. You don't have to be her best friend but realize if this marriage last then she will be in your life.

Good luck on this. My heart goes out to you.

1 mom found this helpful

First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Second, what an inspiration to others that you are so focused on caring for your sons!

Now, about your question...
If he hasn't ever seen your little one, I would question why he wants to see him/them now?! All of a sudden he wants to play daddy for his new wife, it sounds like. The difficult part is, since he is their father, he does have legal rights to see them. Would he want to take your other son that is not biologically his, also?

If there was a divorce decree, shared custody should have been addressed and will be legally binding no matter what.
My concern would be that, if she's so jealous that he can't be around you if she's not there... she knows something's not right in their relationship. (Go figure after only 3 months of dating!) How is she going to treat your children since they are a part of you?! On the other hand, she may be perfectly wonderful to them because they are a part of HIM! Maybe start with supervised visits?! Meet somewhere and you sit off in a corner or with them, even.

Since he's not paying child support, you could pursue that. (Even though I know you said that's not what you're after.) Your children deserve that financial support. He chose to have these precious little gifts too and should take care of them. There can be a positive and a negative side to this,however. If he pays child support...he has a right to see them. If he doesn't, it will give you legal grounds to keep them with you and away from him.

Most important of all, I would like to encourage you to be prayerful about all of this and seek God's advice. Listen to whatever He puts on your heart. I'm sure this is hard for you and the children. We will lift you in prayer.

Blessings,
M. S.

1 mom found this helpful

I am so sorry for you, sounds like a real jerk sounds like he got what he deserves a young chick that is jelous. No you don't have to let them go. Remember the law is on your side. Everyone I know who has been through this the courts wont let a child leave your care and visit with the dad without you there till the child is 18 months. Let me also tell you this hunny your kids need you at your best and being stressed with bills is not what they deserve so yes you do want his money you have the right to his money 20% each child then it goes down with each additional child. He will also be responsible for Health Insurance and he has to pay 50% of medical bills. The thing is you have to take legal action to get the law to help you obtain these things. Now if it scares you about visitation rights listen to this the law will not confuse the two if there is a court order you cant keep the kids from him because of lack of payment. If you don't have court orders and you don't want to stir the pot on the chance of him getting the kids and putting them in danger you can still go to the Attorney general who will help you get child support they can garnish his wages and you never even have to talk to him the money is taken out of his check and mailed, direct deposit or put on a debit card for you which ever you choose. If you do want court orders or have court orders that will be set up for you but also visitation will also. Now if you think you have sufficient evidence to prove that he is unfit or the kids will be in unsafe conditions then you can take it to court and have monitered visiting rights where he comes to your house and visits a few hours or the kids are with his mother or a family member where he visits them there. Everyone I know who has been through that had some alcohol issues going on with arrests to back there story, or witnesses among worse things said. my ex brother in law could not be with his daughter from some terrible rumors his ex made up and he could not have a all nighter without another female family member present. Anyway if money is a issue the attorney general thing is free. I don't know your husband though if he's not one who takes care of business then he might not go himself and try for visitation sounds more like he's living the high life and doesnt want kids to get in the way of his house and cars. That girl being young and not her kids, you never know what they will do. My ex's wife was young 25 when she thought she could prove to him that she was idea and the more perfect mom for our kids. Trust me these men get brain damage over these girls. You'd think my ex forgot what a good mom I am. Anyway you ex hasnt saw the baby, and we don't know what the deal is if he all of sudden wants them or if your just speculating for the future so if you can it would be best to get a lawyer if you can. I just wanted to let you know you need some money from him you didn't get pregnant by yourself and believe it or not your kids need their dad its just too bad when they arent good role models. My kids hurt where they don't even see the damage not having a good dad role model
has done to them. You need to follow through on the support thing though for he'll know you don't have dumb stamped on your head and that he can't make kids and decide its to expensive and its not what he wanted and walk away. We can't walk away. He will respect you more for that than if you dont do anything for whatever reason. Some women want to prove that they are not just after men's money. If this is the case its not just his money he owes it to you for supporting your kids. Oh yes and believe it or not but I know men who actually have told their children's moms when they got old and partied out thanks for making me pay child support. My ex isn't there yet, he's so stupid and full of himself I don't think he ever will be lol but it took alot to learn that I deserve to get my money without being afraid that him and his family thinks I spend the money wrong or that I'm just money hungry. When I woke up and saw that no matter how nice I'm being when I strike them wrong I'm still just a witch, and when his wife is to have a chocolate phone and a brand new car every couple of years and I was still driving the same car then I wised up and learned he actually is nicer and more respectful that I stand up for myself. Good luck and I hope I was helpful spite of all my rambling.

No you are in total control--make wise decisions based on facts and not emotions. Saying NO is not always easy but many times very right. You said he left before the last child was born-why does he want to see him now?-does your divorce papers allow him visitation?? did you make provisions for child support?? You are right never give up--but also never give in--Stand firm on what is right for your children--not what the world may tell you. Pray without ceasing and trust that God is holding your hand.

I have been in a similar situation and you hold more cards than you think. My ex-hubby left me when I was 4 months pregnant with my now 2 yr old. I let him see the kids a couple of times, but I either was present since they are so young and really did not know him or I have a good relationship with my ex-mother-in-law and let her who knows the kids well be there with them. Also the Attorney General for your county is who you need to contact for child support. If you get a good case worker they will help a lot with the process. Did you not have child support dicated in your divorce? My advise as far as the new wife is men usually don't change that much, so what happened with yor relationship will often repeat itself. Try to make her a "friend". I beleive there is a saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies even closer." If you get her on your side you will be suprised how much easier your life will be.

I agree with a lot that has been said about this but do want to mention one thing. Visitation and child support are mutually exclusive. You can't keep him from seeing the kids just because he's not paying support and he doesn't necessarily get to see the kids even if he is paying. Having said that and especially since he hasn't even seen your 8 month old - get some kind of custody order in place. I personally would do everything to keep them from a man who has shown by his negligence that he isn't a good influence. Definitely contact the attorney general for child support and don't feel badly about it. They've been known to drag their feet, but I found out years ago when I was first divorced that if you call every other day they get to your case relatively quickly. Good luck!

~whew~
There's alot there!

1. Contact an attourney-Ik now of a great one here in SA, but I'm not sure if that would work for you or not. Feel free to contact me if you're interested.

2. Make sure you're getting child support for BOTH children. If not, again, see #1 above. You can also go through the Attorney General's Office, that's free but can take longer.

3. Meet this lady he married. She may be very well capable of taking care of kids-you never know! I was only 20 when I had my fist child, and was away from all family(except my then husband) in a foreign country no less(alright, it was Germany-not Canada or Mexico). I did just fine...my oldest is now almost 21 and in the Navy.

4. Be the better person here and think about what sort of visitation you would be willing to deal with(if he doesn't get the general visitation straight off). There is no reason that a 2.5 year old can't go with Daddy, though agreed, 8months seems you(heck, what if you're a nursing mother?), but I don't know all the laws. I do know that we get my fiance's daughter for full weekend visits, and no, she's not in kindergarden yet.

5. Do NOT bad mouth the father or the step-mom around the kids, it only confuses them and makes YOU look like the bad person.

And lastly? Please do not turn this into a major battle, for the sake of the kids. They deserve BOTH parents, despite what you might think. Don't be bitter about it, just think that you'll be able to have a small break from the kids here and again, hopefully with someone you trust to take care of them. But you do have to give your ex and his new wife a chance...a fair one.

Have you taken him to court? They will see to it that he supports his children and will determine visitation. If you can convence the court that he and his NEW wife are unstable, it will restrict their time alone with the children. GOOD LUCK!

Texas law is 20% of the HOUSEHOLD income. I'm not sure if that is from their income tax or paycheck stubs. Ask your lawyer or legal aid. If I am not mistaken, Lonestar Legal gives legal help based on income.
If he has not established a relationship with the youngest child, it may be better for both to have day visits until a real relationship is developed. I don't blame you for not wanting them to go with "stepmom" until you have met her and get an idea of what kind of person she is. "Nothing personal but these are my kids, my heart and soul." Meet both without the kids first, in a public place and talk about visitation before it goes to a judge. If that goes well, meet again with the kids so you can see how they interact. If that is going well you will feel better about the kids going with them, for the kids benefit.
If she is not allowing him to be "around" you without her, she may not be overjoyed about his kids coming around, especially as young as they are and the care required.
See how it goes. Always think, even if I don't like this, what is the best thing for the kids? And it is hard, but like you said, NEVER, EVER, GIVE UP!

Hello D.,
You really should be glad when she comes around, because it will give you the opportunity to get to know her, and see what she is really like. You might be surprised, and find out she is actually good not only to the children, but for the children, and if she isn't, you will be able to address that issue in court, when the custody, and child support hearing take place. Make sure you have all of your facts straight, and not just discomfort based on your emotions. Your relationship with your ex-husband will affect your children whether you want it to or not, so it is best if everyone in your childrens life gets along. The Attorney Generals Office handles child support cases.

Well I feel not as bad anymore. I am in the same situation. I have a 5 year old and a 8 month (who his father has seen 2 times).
My ex and I were together for 10 years, off and on. When my 5yr old was born he was around, then we split up. Well then my 8 mth old was born, but he told me he was going to get married while I was 5 month preg. I refuse to let MY kids go with him, 1st of all the girl is 17 and he is 26. He is on child support for the 5 year old, but he does not pay anyways. He is supposed to pick her up on certain days and weekends, and never has. They are supposed to be buying a home and has purchased an auto. So it is not like he does not have money.
Now for my 8 mth old, I will not put him on child support, I think Me as a Single Mother will do a better Job than an idiot like thier father.

Just remember we the mothers are a lot strong and wiser than the father. Don't want to sound ugly, but it is the truth.

Hi D.,,
If he is remarried i,m going to guess you are divoced,,or you just livbed together if you just lived to gether .then go to The Dept of Childern and Human Resoucre's ,,they will help you get the ball rolling on how to get child support and schulded vistits with the children they will check into new wifes back ground there home and so on ,,,,,,,,as your lawyer if your divored should do so either way you just need his SS# or full nane age employer the STATE of Texas Attery Geranal will handle this
good luck L.

hi D., i have a daughter who is 9yrs she see her dad at a place called kid share. since my daughter was small at the time we broke up i ask the court for supervistion. kid share has people watch over my daughter as she visits with her dad. kid share has toys games ect.. kid share ph# ###-###-#### or ###-###-#### hope this helps!! M.

First of all if there is not a child support order in place I would get on that ASAP. If he is to have another child with his new wife I think that will change the amount that you would get. Also he has not seen your youngest since he was born 8 months ago??? Is he requesting the visits or is his mother?

I am a single mom with two boys and I have an order in place. I rarely get a payment and he has not see my boys (10 & 4) for at least 2 years. He does call about once every 6-12 months and wants to talk to the boys. They always say no. He gets upset and I have no control. I have never said a bad thing about their dad. And I have never denied him seeing them.

But my boys are happy and Grandpa helps out a lot!

Good luck with what you decide. It gets tough, but know that you don't have to do it on your own strength. God Bless!

Hi,

First of all, if he's never seen the little one then why send either of them to 2 complete strangers? No, don't let them go. Secondly, YES, you do need to be after child support. I don't believe in draining a guy. (my brother pays $2500 month for 2 kids he doesn't see and only brings home $500 week). However, in order to keep living a respectable life, you need financial help. Contact the AG's office in your area. And do it quick!

Good luck!

Wow that is a tough one, you are feisty! Good job for just hanging in there! You know he sure can take care of those kids. If he won't do it on his own then you can sue him for child support. Of course as it stands now you have say over if he sees them, so that is the trade off. If you go through the court I believe he will have visitation that you cannot deny which of course hasn't been too much of a problem but I read you didn't want to let them go with the new wife. I know, it feels powerless to have to let your kiddos go with a perfect stranger. I had a friend go through this. Whatever you decide, they will be OK. Just pray over them and give them all the love and support you can. You will all make it! I will pray for you and your family. Have a great day :)

If you file for child support you will have no choice as far as allowing your kids to go with them. The Attorney General will set up child support payments plus visitations which means they will go with him every other weekend. I have been through this same thing. My son was 6 months when he took him for his Wednesday visit (6:00-8:00 p.m.) and decided he wasn't brining him back till his regular visit was over. I was devastated and there was nothing I could do but cry! The Wednesday visit is also included in the visitation and also holidays, and Spring Break when they are in school, etc. If you go through an attorney, there are chances that you may be able to add stipulations as far as your visits go, depending on how your Ex feels about the whole thing. It will be hard at first but trust me you will get through it all. I did, and now my kids are grown (17 & 12, and don't have to bother going with him anymore if they don't want to. Once they turn 12 they have a choice. I went through "hell" with his wife but all in all we survived all the mess!! I hope and pray that your situation will be better than mine was. Good luck!!

WOW... your situation must be very hard for you to handle.
My advice to you is be the stronger woman and sit them down together, get to know who she is, besides the woman you is married to somone you were deeply in love with. Find out if she likes children, how she acts around your children, ask her questions that you need answers to that pertain to your children.

I know it is really hard for you to do this, but it takes a strong, independant woman to take these steps.

Speaking from experience, the kids need to know their father and you dont want to wait too long. If he is interested in being in their lives, take advantage of it.
Remember as they spend time with him, that is time for you to have "quality time".

The more effort he sees in you; trust me, he will have the utmost respect for you and see you as a different woman.

I wish you the best in this time of life. Keep your head up and believe in the man above. Trust in him...

If he is paying child support and has court ordered visitation for his children then the choice of whether they go spend time with him or not is not yours to make. If he is not paying child support and does not have court ordered visitation then I'd say you are well within your rights to deny him access to the children. If he's not paying child support I'd hit him up for it, tell him if he wants to see the kids he'll start taking care of them financially. If he already is and you just want more $$ b/c you see him buying things, my feelings are that above the child support he pays you, the money he makes is HIS to spend how he chooses. Just because he happens to be the father of your children doesn't entitle you to the same lifestyle that he enjoys financially. The court determines what is a fair amount for him to pay you, above that it is completely up to him. What I would say is, this is their dad and they need him, so regardless of your personal feelings about his choice of spouse, as long as he is living up to his paternal obligations the kids should know their father

Child support services:

www.supportkids.com

Good luck with your children. Stay strong and positive. Things will get better. Your children will love and respect you so much more in the end.

First, let me say you poor thing ! What a dog. I left my first husband when our son was 10 months old (he's 16 now) and never received a penny of child support. It was very hard, but I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with the jerk and his multiple girlfriends/wives and my son wasn't exposed to that nonsense. As young as your babies are, I would set up the ground rules now. None of his ho's get to play weekend mama and until they're older, I wouldn't let them stay over. Maybe he can take then for the day and bring them home at night. They need their mommy and they need consistency and you can't be sure if one of these girls is some kind of fruit cake who might harm your kids. Safety first. Good luck to you and take him for every penny you can get.

Does your ex pay child support at all? You mentioned he hasn't seen the youngest since he was born...8 months correct? Why, now, does he want to have visitation?
Is his new wife really a bad person, or is she the one getting him to do the right thing by his kids?
There's alot of unanswered questions? It'd be, in my opinion, unfair to the children to keep them from getting to know their biological father. They don't need to stay overnight, at this tender age, but, they do need to get to know their dad. (They may have health issues in their future (God Forbid) that only their dad has the answers to)...no one knows what the future holds. All I can say, is keep your feelings in check; Think about the kids! And Remember: GOD IS IN CONTROL...KEEP THE FAITH!!!

Sounds like you need to get in touch with your divorce lawyer and work these things out - custody, visitation, child support- especially if you have some sort of restraining order out already. You need representation for your young family's sake.

There are multiple sites on the web which can answer your custody and child support questions. In Texas child support is pretty simple. It is a percent on what he earns that increases 5% for each additional child and maxing out after a certain %. He also gets to take a deduction on child support if any thing applies. I am not sure on all the deductions possible for him but I know one is if he pays for their medical insurance. Your lawyer at the divorce should have explained all this to you. As for not feeling comfortable with them going I completely understand but if he is not endangering the children in any way or is not neglecting them then he has the right to see them. My ex husband left when I was pregnant with our 4th also at your age and the laws will allow you to where they do not have to spend the night until they are 3 years old. But I am not sure you can enforce this now. I had it done in the divorce to make sure that my little ones would be taken care of as they haven't always had every good care with Dad. There was cases of neglect and a wild girlfriend that caused a lot of trouble with my girls but I had to collect a lot of evidence before something could be done. Fortunately she is no longer in the picture and their father is finally coming around to being a better father and easier for me to work with him. When you can work together it makes a big difference. Not just for you but for the kids. As much as you hide to hard ship they always can feel it no matter what age. All I can say is take the best care of your precious children (I know how hard and overwhelming this is)Try not to look at what they have and how hard you are working it just makes it harder for you to have happiness. You are the one who gets to see all the new experience your children have so you already have the best. If you don't think your child support is right you can go through the state and they will take the right % and it will come straight out of his pay check and straight in to your bank account. There is a web site with for this.As hard as it is to let them go if he is taking care of them try to work with him it will make it easier for ALL of you. You don't want the children to suffer to consequence of what has happened.Find support from other single parents or a church group. Being a single mother with no support is very hard. it's hard even with support but they can help when you are overwhhlemed.Best of luck to you. I know it is very hard. It has been 4 year now for me and it does get easier. Have faith. God will take care of you and your children.

At this point I am sure you have read enough and are overwhelmed with responses but I just had to respond. First off I will pray for you because that is a lot to be going on as a mother. Instead of getting a lawyer(depending on your financial situation) you can go to the attorney general's office or if you know his info such as social, address, etc you can go online and file on the attorney general website. http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/index.shtml. As far as letting him see them, Ithink you have to do what is best for the kids and that is to know their father unless he is abusive, now in the child support especially since he doesnt know the 8mo old at all you can request supervised visitation. Let the child support people you meet with know that he has had no interaction. the 22 yr old is just a hurtful situation but if they are married it is a possibility she isn't going anywhere so you will have to learn how to do deal with that. I feel your fustration, my daughter's father isn't paying his child support despite a court order and he is now living with a girl who has 4 kids, bought an escalade and a house and he won't even send her stuff...UGGGGGHHHHHHH but I still let her see him because he is not a bad father emotionally and I know it is good for her. She will have to see him for what he is but I dont ever want her to resent me or to give him the chance to turn her against me. it is harder for you because they are younger. Maybe set up a time where you all can meet in the park and he could spend time with the boys, of course the new wife will want to come, as hard as it maybe don't dispute it. agree, be cordial and you can get a feel for her yourself. I know that will be hard emotionally. my email is ____@____.com. Please email me inthe future if you need to talk. I am not one of those judgemental people. I am honest though. I wish you the best of luck. If you need anymore help on the child support thing..let me know. Many blessings to you and those princes.

I certainly understand your frustration, but you cannot keep him away from his children unless there is some legal document in place. You should petition the courts for such documentation, to be in effect until your children reach a certain age. Is he asking to see them? If not, that might work in your favor, too, with the courts. Be proactive in getting this ball rolling.

Hi D.! I pretty much went through what you are going through, except he didn't get married and I am only raising one child by myself. I just had my daughter's last name changed to mine, I now have full custody (I have to agree on him seeing her, which probably won't ever happen, since he's in NC and has a warrant out for his arrest here in Texas), and he has to pay $350 child support. He's already two months behind on child support, so after a year, if he's still not paying, then I can get his rights taken away, or if I get married, my husband can adopt her, and take his rights away. I didn't go through the Attorney General though... that was taking WAY too long! So my suggestion is to get an attorney. Mine was really good, and she works in Corpus Christi, Houston, and down in the valley. I'm sure she would go up to Hondo or wherever you are, so if you want her information, just message me and I'll give it to you. I hope things start to get better for you!

I can't say much about the new wife, although I'd wait to let him and the new wife have access until the kids are much older.

I can give some important advice about child support. Go through the state! Do not go through supportkids.com, they will rip you off for hundreds of dollars up front and then 33% on every check thereafter. They seem reputable, but they are in in for the big bucks and those belong to your children.

S.

If there is no child support order in place, you need to contact the attorney general and get one. (http://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/index.shtml) Also, a previous poster said him having a new child will adjust his child support...it won't. It is based on a formula using his income and your income.

As far as visitation goes, if there is an order in place, then you have to abide by that order. If not, and you have simply been playing it by ear, then you can technically keep the children...however, that's not the adult thing to do, and if he ever does take you to court for visitation, it will look bad on you. So I say, even if you don't like it, allow him to see his children...they're his kids too.

Now, as far his new wife goes, you say you do not know her, and in the next breath say you don't like her. Well, it then stands to reason that you have no idea if she's good for your ex (and subsequently your children) or not.

If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me. I started a non-profit called Child Support Awareness (www.childsupportawareness.org) which makes people aware of the situations you may run into with the TX OAG.

Good Luck!

Is he asking to see them? Did he give a reason? I would get a custody order in the work's ASAP. Use the fact that he hasn't even seen the 8 months old against him. Also, you should never feel guilty about getting child support from your children's father. It's not because you're out for anything, it's to improve the quality of life of the children. Personally, I would not feel comfortable letting my children spend time without me there, especially the 8 month old baby because at 8 months, he still need a lot of one on one attention and if your ex hasn't even seen the baby and the new wife doesn't sound like the type to be thrilled about caring for your child I doubt they will do the kind of job you'd be comfortable with. Until you can get the custody thing worked out, if he wants to see them tell him that he’s welcome to visit with the child with you present. That way you aren’t being unreasonable about him see his children, but you aren't take a risk with your children's well-being either.

I completly agree with everything Michell S said!!! Here is the link to the Attorney Generals Child Support Division. I suggest you start a file right away. It is your childrens legal right. What I do and this is just an idea for you. I put all the child support money I receive in a savings account in my sons name. Everytime it reaches a substantial amount I put it in a CD. I did fine for 5 years without the child support so why start using it now. Hopefully when my son is older and out on his own this money will be a huge benifit to him getting on his feet. But anyway below is the link.....

http://childsupport.oag.state.tx.us/index.htm

Good Luck!

D., You trusted him enough to have children with him and just because you dont agree with his decisions, you still have to trust that he will not harm his children. If you have a problem with her then go straight to her. There is nothing worse than your children seeing that you harbor all of this anger and animosity toward your ex and his new wife. What does that show them? It shows them that you are miserable and daddy is happy. Concern is one thing but control is another. It seems that you may be jealous in a way. I am not trying to be ugly at all. Communication is the number one thing that ALL relationships need. If you dont talk to him without YOUR emotions controlling the conversation, then you will get no where. Right now, its not about you, its about the kids. When you talk to him, if she is there or not, suck it up and be the better person, for your kids sake. Show the kids that its ok to love daddy and their step mommy. Dont make them feel that they have to choose. True they are young now, but they are very observant. Honestly, if when you talk to them, you let him know what you need, without emotion or threats, then you will get so far in the end.
Trust me, I know.

Your divorce paperwork should have something about child support and visitation. If you're having issues enforcing any of it called your attorney to get advice. If there is nothing in the decree start the child support paperwork through the Attorney General and request it be taken directly from his check. Until there is an order in place you don't have to let him see the kids but he does have as much right to them as you do.

Good luck.

D.,
I went through a divorce in Texas not so long ago so this is what I was told in regards to child support. If there is only one child you are entitled to 20%, however if there are two then it is 25%. I was told that you can no longer just walk into court and say I don't want anything because the court is there to protect the children. It's all done by a calculation set by Texas. In my situation, my ex was still paying child support on a child from previous marriage so these numbers didn't apply for me. I only have one child so his child support was calculated at 17%. I was told that I could go back to court after he completed his obligation to the first child and get the full 20%. He is also required to maintain health insurance on our son and if he doesn't he is required to re-imburse me for the cost. I was told that it is also standard the he has to pay 50% of all medical & dental after the cost of the insurance.

In regards to letting them go with their father, in my situation because my son was so young, visitation was set at very minimal. You might want to talk to an attorney asap. The courts can get temporary child support & insurance for your children until things are set in stone.

I wish you the best of luck. I know this is stressful. My ex doesn't see any harm in taking our son around any of his new flings and doesn't feel I need to know anything about them. Grrrrrrr

you really need to contact a good lawyer!!!

In this situation you should seek professional legal advice. You keeping the kids from him could hurt you in the long run. Never assume!! When my parents divorced, my mom assumed that I would stay with her, but my dad was older and took legal action for custody without her knowledge. She had no clue until she got papers. I'm now 37 and there has been a lot of hurt and grudge holding over the years for it. Not to scare you, but get the info you need and be prepared. Best Wishes!! ~K

Boy oh boy...that is some story. I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your kids. I believe your ex MIL is correct by stating the kids are too young to leave your care at this point. I bet an attorney would suggest the same. I also believe it is very important to allow your ex and his family as well to have a relationship with your kids on a regular basis. Would u feel OK letting his mom supervise any visitation? But right now, it is you and your attorney that can make that decision. Also, pls do not look at child support as anything but money for your kids. Your kids have every right to what the state law recommends and nothing short of it. Put the money in college funds even. Pls seek the advise of an attorney very soon. Good luck.

No, no , no. Do not let him take your kids that you are raising. Unless there is a legal document and he is paying child support there is no reason for you to allow that.

If this helps the law states that overnight visitation doesn't begin until the child is in Kindergarten. They are definitely way too young and the state would not allow him overnight visitation. Don't deny him being able to see his kids but if visitation was set up then he would have 2 hours once a week. When my son was an infant the state wouldn't allow him to have visitation away from me until he was at least a year old.
For child support it's probably best to get with the AGs office. I had filed with the AGs office and my ex thought he could catch me off guard and went and got a lawyer. next thing I knew I was suppose to appear in court the following week. I ended up with a not so great lawyer who basically kept trying to talk me into giving him whatever he wanted so we could get it over with. Don't do that. 6 years later I'm still trying to fix what he screwed up. If you do have to get a lawyer let your lawyer know ahead of time what you will and won't do and remember it's not the time to be nice or worry about hurting someone's feelings. I went in with the attitude that I didn't want to cause any problems or upset anyone and got pretty screwed over.
Don't worry I'm not bitter but have seen it happen with not only myself but friends who went in hoping to come to a fair agreement and basically got their butt handed to them.
If you go through the AGs office then what they will do is figure up how much he should be paying a month and then pull the 2 of you in for a mediation. If he disagrees then he has to state his case and he will have to show proof of expensives he has for the children. If at least one person shows up the then it can still be put into affect. If he wants to fight it then he would have to file a response or something and then it would go to the court. But if you go that way and it goes to court the judge will basically hand him his butt because mediatiion was attempted and the judge sees that as wasting his time.
Either way make sure you get child support set up. Don't deny him the ability to see his kids but you don't know this girl and you have a right to feel comfortable with where your children go. Plus they are really young and even if you go through the courts he wouldn't have overnight visitation this early on.
Good Luck.

Hi D.,

I understand your hesitation. 22 is awfully young to be caring for someone else's kids. Your ex-husband does not sound like the most mature, responsible person either seeing that he married someone so young which is stupid regardless of how long you have dated, but especially after dating for 3 months. You are correct to look into your options.

How do you feel about your husband? Is he a good father? It doesn't sound like it. Whatever the reason for your divorce, your husband should have hung in there with you, with the family, and if he just couldn't stay in the marraige, he should have made his life about his kids, not some very young woman he just met.

It does however sound as though you are looking out for what is best for your kids. I wish there were more parents like you. If you think your husband is responsible enough to ensure that his new little wife is capable of caring for your children, then you should allow your kids to be in their father's presence and I personally would contact the new wife and do everything I could to be friends with her. If not, sue for full custody - it's what's best for your kids.

I see that Dottie (previous poster) does have children of her own. Her comments "simply floor me" considering she is a mom. Wow. She said (child support yes, YES, YES) "But then saying don't allow him to have the kids... amazing. Children's well being depends on both financial needs AND emotional needs being met. And that means a good, positive relationship with BOTH parents."

First of all, child support is your ex-husband's obligation to the children he fathered. Second, children should only be around their father if he is a positive person in the their lives ie, someone who loves them, teaches them, encourages them, supports them. If he does not do those things and you do, you should get them. It is hard for me to believe that he has his children's best interest at heart when he leaves a woman with a what? 5 month old? and marries a woman 3 months later or something to that effect. This does not sound like a healthy person for your kids to be around. Father's rights (and mother's for that matter) come second to what is best for the kids.

Best of luck to you!

One of the things I didn't see addressed was the fact that your youngest child doesn't even know his father. If I have overlooked it, I apologize.

I think that if your husband wants to have a relationship with his children and he is not a danger to them, then he should have that right. However, I would NOT send my 8 month old with someone they had never seen/met, etc. I feel if the father hasn't taken the time to get to know this child before now, then I would make sure he only had supervised visitation for a while.

I agree with the advice to get an attorney, not just for the child support, but to make sure the best interest of your children is taken in thought.

Good Luck and stay strong.

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. I may sound naive because my parents were not divorced (although they did separate at one time), and I have been married to my husband for 9 years in December. We have two children. I can only imagine your difficulties, both my sister have divorced and remarried, both new husbands had ex wives from **ll. I think that if you love someone enough to marry them and have children with them, that for your children's sake you should be able to get along. I realize that with the introduction of another person there will be issues. Have you meet his new wife? Can you for your children's sake meet with her to let her know that your only concern is for your children and their care. That although it may be difficult at times, you will always be apart of his life where your children are concerned. You would like to be able to communicate and get along with both of them. ( I know I do sound naive). But both of my sisters had such trouble with their husbands ex wives. Both Husbands raised the children with my sisters. The ex-wives made sporadic visitation and caused upheaval and heartache for the kids. Please avoid this at all costs. Children love there parents, need their parents, even when those parents are unworthy of that love. When there are problems children tend to blame themselves first. That is a lot to carry for ones so young. I hope this has helped. Good luck and God Bless you and your family.

First -- child support is his responsibility. Don't feel guilty about it. If he has to give up a little, oh well. And besides, it keeps you from having to fight with him when you need money. TRUST ME....and have it all handled through the attorney general's office....then you don't have to worry because they deduct it from his check. Men act like you are hosing them when they have to pay child support. It's CHILD SUPPORT....it's not MAMA SUPPORT! My goodness, you have to put a roof over their heads, feed them, cloth them, etc. Honestly!

Second -- you will have to allow him some form of visitation. HOWEVER, you need to get some papers in order ASAP and I would do this BEFORE I allow the visits. As it stands, if you don't have any custody orders in place preventing him from doing so, he basically has the right to take the children any time he wants because he is the biological father and nothing is in place that says he cannot. As far as the ages of the children and the fact that he hasn't seen at least one of them in such a long time (like ever), they may initialize supervised visits, which I would recommend for as long as you can, then move to day only visits.

As far as the wife goes, yes, she's young. And, she may think she has it figured out. However, unfortunately, it sounds as though she is going to be in his life for quite some time and you might need to get used to the idea. The hard part is that you have no control over what he does. You don't have to like it, but there is nothing you can do about it. The HARDEST part is being the bigger person. You just have to do what's right for your kids, and balance that with not using them as a pawn because you are mad at their dad. AND, I am NOT saying that's what you are doing.....I am just saying, it would be so easy to do and so many people get caught up in doing it. My husband's ex-wife used to do it all the time......we finally (after much hellish fighting) got that under control, but she does still try to manipulate quite a bit. I am fortunate that I don't have these kinds of issues with my ex-husband (although he resents child support and will not offer up extra for things like flutes, etc. b/c he says that's what child support is for). The bottom line is that you don't have to like her, but as long as she is good to your children, then you might have to try to bite your toungue.

As for finding out if she is good to them or not....just listen.....never let them tell you that they are not allowed to speak of her or the things that go on at Daddy's house.....this is how you learn.....mine tell me everything.....and I just listen....when they mention something that concerns me then I mention it to their dad.....

GOOD LUCK! Marriage is hard! Divorce is harder! Finding a peaceful ammicable solution to live after divorce can be the hardest thing you ever endure, but you can accomplish it!

If you have no formal custody arrangement through the courts and no child support through the State office of the Attorney General's office for either children, then those are the steps to take. If this new wife gets it in her head she wants to have her husband seek custody of his baby, seems like she'll get her way, if her controlling him already is any clue. And, unless she is the been-babysitting-for-years-nurturing type, I wouldn't entrust your children with her until she (and perhaps even he) took a parenting series (or two) and got a certificate. Call Collaborative for Children at ###-###-#### to locate some near where they live.

Domestic Relations and court can raise the support of your children to equal his income.
If he has not even seen his youngest why would you want to let your children go with him?
If he is asking for them and he and his life is much more stable and she wants to help raise them that may be something to consider.
His buying all the things you mentioned may not necessarily mean he has a lot of extra money...maybe he has charged it all. I still see your point and understand the desire to have your children supported emotionally as well as financially which is the most important factor.
Have you considered counseling to help decide? If your ex has a good job most companies furnish this service for at least 10 visits.
My ex married a much younger woman and the family was not allowed to even mention my name in front of her, she would throw a fit. He did not see our son for almost 5 years and when she had their first son, they wanted our son to come visit. I said I wanted to meet her and see where/how they lived first and have our son meet her so he could decide.
Good luck with your difficult decisions, keep the children first.