New School for "Slow-to-make-friends" Child

Do you absolutely have to make this change? If so, I really, really recommend waiting until next September. The summer before, you can enroll him in a day camp that a lot of local kids attend, so he won't really feel new. Being the "new kid" mid-year can be traumatic for grade-school kids, and friendship groups get pretty cemented by mid-fall -- meaning kids are often reluctant to let a new guy in.

The good thing about being so close to a school in your area is that it is much easier to make friends, than moving across country (as we did a few years ago). You have time -- reach out to the principal and ask for names of boys in his grade. Then you can set up play dates beforehand, so that when he starts school he'll already know a few faces.

He will be fine. Just make the change. Everyone worries so much about
things like this and forget that kids are pretty incredible little people. If you
do not make a big thing about it, he will be fine. Here in NYC we have a
program called BOCES for special ed kids. They rent out classrooms
throughout the various districts. My daughter was in this program. She
had learning disabilities. Well by the time she came back to our regular
school in 4th grade, she had been to 5 different schools. She did fine. So
don't underestimate your son.

i would wait until the new year starts. it was always weird when the new kid showed up in the middle of the year or even just randomly. if he already has a hard time making friends then that might be tougher on him. encourage him that this is a new school for him with a new start and he can be the best he can be. then relax momma he might just not need ppl and be happy as he is. i am super selective in my friends and usually have a small group of three to five. my best group of friends (3) i have known since jr high. i think the only time they were together was at my wedding. i enjoy small groups of people.

We had to switch schools when my son was in Kindergarten and I was very worried about the same thing.
One thing I did was arrange for him to go and visit the school two different days before the switch. He was able to go through the motions of the new room and with the new kids; then he knew what to expect and so did they.
Another thing that we did was we had a classroom party at our house. Now, granted, our son's class was small, not sure we could have done it for 20+ kids, but it was a really fun time for all the kids. Plus the parents had a chance to hang out and talk - something that we rarely have time to do these days!
For the first couple of weeks, it WAS hard. He would cry and I would cry and feel awful, but he settled in and thrived. And, 6 years later, LOVES his friends and his school :o)
Good luck!

I think he'll be fine. Maybe you can coach him a little (in a relaxed setting making it fun for him) on how to make friends. Have him practice saying "Hi, what's your name? My name is ...." Just for fun... it might help him. =) I've done that with my kids. I remember when I was a kid in Pioneer Girls, our book had us practice things like that and it really helped me as a kid on how to handle different social situations. Good luck!

Are there children your sons age in the neighborhood? Maybe he could meet some of them before school begins.

Do you know any of the adults with children that are your neighbors?
I would get to know them and their families beginning now.. Maybe do a Halloween type party this month and invite neighbors for "Pizza before treating."

Dear Robyn, your kids sound exactly like mine! I suggest that (irrespective of whether you move them after the Xmas break or in the next school year) you start "preparing" your son for the change by telling him all the positives of the move and (ideally) visiting the new school before he starts attending it. My son was so bad as a toddler that even changing class teacher was enough to upset him! He is now 18 years old and my daughter is 15 years old. She is still the "social butterfly" whereas my son has a few good friends but prefers staying home to going out (the exact opposite of my daughter)! Do what you feel is best and don't fret too much about it - whether you move him sooner or later, he'll still go through a bit of an "adjustment period" but will eventually settle and be happy! Good luck! :)

If you don't absolutely have to make the change right away, I think you should let him see out his school year at his current school. I think it disrupts kids to move them halfway through the school year.

hello
we had to switch my son from a school where he attended K thru 4th grade. the school closed so we had no choice.

What we did initially before attending another school was to have him shadow at another school to see how he liked it and how well he adjusted.
I don't know if you have the luxury or not of doing that in that, sounds like it would be the current school or just one other. in our case, we had three different from which to choose so we asked our son which of the three new schools he liked and he got to choose.

now, since he has begun full-time at the new school it hasn't come without some concerns... mainly that of my son making new friends and fitting in.
at his old school, the kids all knew one another from Kinder so it was easier at that school,. With this new school, he has good days and then not so good days..a good day of course is where he plays at recess and is invited to join in, a bad day for him as he says is when the boys don't want him to play or they are playing some sit down game (things my son does NOT like) also, my son had a set routine with his old buddies which was to play kickball, tag and lots of running around, at this new school, the kids seem more sedentary... That, although not a concern for some, it's a big deal for my son.. on the plus side..his grades are still up, they are very well organized at the new school and while he doesn't always feel that he fits in, he is having more good days... I think it will never compare in his mind to his old school, but it's also important that my son realize change is inevitable...
as for when to leave .. consider this.. you are already into a new school year, maybe let them stay. Also, this will give you a chance towards the END of the year to allow your child to shadow at a new school (before it lets out) this way, both you and the kids can see how it goes.. If it were me, I know I would let me child stay until the end, being as he liked his old school and all.. but thereafter, I would propose the change..

I would absolutely not switch mid year. You would be putting a terrible burden on him both socially and academically (as you have no idea if the curriculum is identical). Seems unnecessarily disruptive to both aspects of his life.

It is not clear how far away the school you are at is from your house. I would seriously evaluate the pros and cons before making a move -- and if it is not substantially inconvenient to go to the school you are at -- I would stay there.

But there is no rush with this -- so please let him see out the year. Starting at the beginning of school -- when everyone is new to the teacher, the room, etc -- is one thing. Starting mid-year, when everyone else has adapted, knows the teacher, and knows their way around -- just seem really like asking for trouble.

How much further is the current school? It doesn't sound like you really HAVE to change schools, do you? I would keep them where they are.

As a kid who was moved around a lot, I wouldn't make a school move unless it was ABSOLUTELY necessary.

Hello, I worked in elementary education for many years. When we would have a new student, we would buddy them up with someone who we knew would be a positive influence and would help them through the "new student" phase. I now volunteer in my grandsons' elementary school and we do the same thing there. I would go to your son's new teacher and explain how sensitive he is, and ask if she could do this for him.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

As a person who went to 8 schools in 10 years I speak from lots of experience. If at all possible keep him where he is for this school year. During that year spend as much time, in as many different ways as possible to get to meet the kids in his future school. Go to community activities at the school, go to a church or synagogue where the congregants send their kids to that new school, join the local rec center, maybe there is a scouts type group or a sport he might like and get to know families with children attending the new school. Maybe they have enrichment classes after school or a winter camp or summer camp that is open to neighborhood kids. Any time there is an open house at the school or play or any chance the school is open to the community, be there, then when the time comes for him to be an enrolled student at the school, the buildings, the hallways, the leadership and hopefully some other students will be familiar to him and all this should make that transition easier for him and you.

Good luck.