J.M. asks from Asheville, NC on October 31, 2007
I have a 13 year old son,and got divorced about a year ago. He had grown up in the same area his whole life and was established in his school and with his friends. We had to move to a different school district and it so happens to be his freshman year in high school. He is not adjusting well and hates it. Any suggestions will be appreciated. Thanks
2 moms found this helpful
So What Happened?™
Thank you all for your input. He seems to be doing somewhat better. He has found a friend who likes to skate, so they go to the skate park. He also visits his old friends, and hangs out with them at the YMCA at least once a week. He still has a hard time at times, but I quess thats his age. Thank you all again.
K.R. answers from Raleigh on November 01, 2007
This is a tough one especially because of the age. I have a 13 year old boy and he can be very trying at times :) It's like they reach this magical age and they start to want more independence and I think they have so much emotional stuff going on. My suggestion would be to try and encourage him to be involved in his new school as much as possible (sports, band, clubs, etc.) If possible maybe you could also keep in touch with his friends from his previous school. Maybe a youth group at church (to maybe give him people he feels like he can confide in and talk to about what he's going through) It sounds like with a fairly recent divorce he was probably already going through some stuff, so lots of love, patience and understanding. Good Luck!
1 mom found this helpful
R.K. answers from Raleigh on November 01, 2007
I don't have a teenager but my youngest brother when my parents got divorced had to go from being home schooled to public school his freshman year and that was a major adjustment for him. And if you knew him you'd know why. But in any regard he was not happy at first there were suicide attempts and fights. But my father just keep encouraging him and talking to him and now in his senior year he is a principle member on the drama team with a tons of new friends and really loves his school.
My advice would be to encourage new friendships by getting him involved in school activities. And to still cultivate the relationships he had at his other school. Let him go to a friend from "home's" house and hang out or meet them at a mall or whatever they like to do.
As a homeschooler I desired to be "normal" and get to do the "normal" things that high schoolers do. My mother spend a good deal of time getting me into different school events. I was in the band I went to the school for lunch sometimes. I went to all the dances I just had to have a "date". I went to all the football games. I am sure that he will adjust in times just be patient.
S.J. answers from Greensboro on October 31, 2007
T.H. answers from Seattle on December 29, 2007
I'm a little late, but hope to help anyway.
I am called the Famous Jeff's Mom becaused I was the mother who fed, drove, fed some more, and gave incentives the boys didn't even realize. I raised an only child, Jeffrey, as a single mom. I recieved my nickname in a peculiar way: The boys always called me "Jeff's mom" to be funny, cute, awnry, etc. One day, I met a mom for the first time, and she said "So, you're the famous jeff's mom." And it stuck.
My son and his friends loved to skateboard, and even dressed in anything too big, too black, too old, and too ugly for too long. But one day he showed up at the dinner table with a light blue shirt - it even had buttons - and he had gotten a hair cut. Well, I don't have to tell you my jaw dropped open.
He, too, hated his freshman year. Had trouble, felt like a big zit on the face of school, like the world would end if he had to keep going. Entering his junior year, he had the credits of a freshman. Oh, yes, there was work to be done. He decided to go to summer school that summer, and ended graduating with his class on time.
But no matter what, I was there. To keep an eye on them, I was the driver. No matter where, what for, or/especially to parties, etc, I drove them there, and picked them up. Be there. I would leave a A B.I.L.Y. buck for each boy on the table to come home from school to(Because I Love You buck.). Use a bily buck for everything from coming home from school to doing homework, to chores. A young boy will do anything for a buck to get a soda. I would fix snacks to keep them from going somewhere. I was famous for fixing cakes, and leaving them on the table with 5 forks in it just for them.
My boy is now 25 years old, and has a good career as a virtual machine engineer at Microsoft in Seattle, Washington. He lives with his girlfriend of 9 years. They are waiting to get married before having kids.
My moral of the story is, Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it. That comes from Proverbs 22:6. And it's true. My son was many things, but turned out to be a well balanced young man (and he can pass a pee test!). :)
Hang in there, Friend, and remember to be there, even if you're shocked, and prove to him everything is going to be alright.
I hope I helped.
Love, T. the Great,
C.C. answers from Parkersburg on November 01, 2007
being that i am not much out of highschool i dont know how much i can help but my thought is he should get into something at school. like a sport a club or an organization... i know in highschool most of my friends were my friends because we had something in common of course... if there is anything he is really into he needs to jump on that bandwagon... or even find a place after school to go like a boys and girls club or activity center... or go to the school functions like games, dances, etc. I am sure a new school at the turn from child hood to teen years isnt easy, so just give him time too i guess... i duno if that helps but best of luck...
L.H. answers from Greensboro on November 01, 2007
Both of my boys were in the marching band in High School and this way they got to know and make friends with students in all grades. If you can get your son into a group or team at school where he can begin to form new friendships would help him in forming his place at the new school.
K.S. answers from Raleigh on November 02, 2007
Well, being a grandma, I can really feel for you and him. I had it happen to me- in 5th grade- 2 mo before the end of the year. I was absolutely miserable. I never made a good friend the yr and a half I went to that school. Kids are really clicky.
Here is just a few sugg- get him involved in an extra curricular activity, so he focuses on something else. Music lessons, karate( this is an excellent one) track, how about looking for a volunteer position in a hospita, or the animal shelter. The most important thing is not letting him sit around. I made a move with 3 kids, from Ala to NC, when they were 12,9 and 6. The 2 I expected to have prob, didn't. The social one had a real hard time, and it affected all his school years.
S.O. answers from Houston on December 29, 2007
A little late I don't know how I missed this one. I to went thru a divorce and moved my daughter's junior year. Ga a first she'd drive me crazy. We moved here in July of 04 her junior year. She was a cheerleader at her old school. She was the last one to pack her room thinking that she'd change my mind if she threw big enough fits. We moved from an area that had gone down from when I grew up there to a much better area. Every weekend she'd drive over to see her friends after school started she'd still go but as she made friends it became less frequent. She'd tell me it would have been okay if we'd moved over hear when she was little. She'd lash out at me because I'm t he one who's there. Her dad doesn't hear all the stuff because basically she knows its useless. So number one remember its kinda a compliment that he feels comfortable with you to let you know how he feels. She now has made lots a friends over here and she keeps in touch with all her old friends. I felt really good about my move after I found a paper she wrote for school about how enviroment shapes who we are. She wrote about how this area we live in now is a more positive impact on her. My son on the other hand was in 3rd when we moved so he always has loved it. I agree with what others has said about extra curricular activities that is what pulled my daughter out of her rut. This week she spent alot of time with friend from the old neighbor hood, tragedy struck several families so she lost 2 friends to a car wreck. So in two weeks we had two funerals and today a wedding of one of the girls over that way. They were all on the same high school cheer squad so its very sad and hard but we were all happy to end the year with a wedding.
Hang in there, also if its not to far your son can use his father's address. It was too far for me to do that and I wasn't going to let her win.......well there were several mothers telling Lauren she could stay with them. I wasn't going to break my family apart anymore than it had been already. So if its too far for you to do the same, I'd let your son do like my daughter do she has some life long friends over that way but she has found at least two for sure this way. I count it a blessing.