New Puppy Despite My Wishes

Sounds like he wants to make sure you are too busy to find something "better" to do. While he's travelling, I'd probably be taking the puppy to the pound.
Sounds like you need to try a little harder to actually stand up for yourself.

8 moms found this helpful

I would come absolutely unglued if my husband did that to me! The first thing I would do is find a new home for the new dog and then I'd let hubby have it! I agree that there are other issues going on. This is absolutely a marriage issue. That is a complete lack of respect for you and your family. I think you need to call him out and find a good marriage counselor. He's being a total turd.

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This is a real marital problem
The addition of more pets, is just him being a total jerk.
He doesn't even listen to you.

This is a marriage problem.
And he is hardly, ever, home.
The home, is just his weekend "hotel."
And who knows what his life is like. Really.
No one really knows, because he is never home.
He is a "commuter." To his home.
Not a resident... in his home.

The home... is actually just a storage place and a repository for his things.... but he hardly ever lives there.
And he never takes care of things, at home. Not his pets, not his child, not his Wife.
He is a jerk.
He must be having a nice life, living in hotels.
And, at the hotel and his home, he has maids doing his cleaning and laundry, and a cook making his food, and all his collection of things/pets, are being cared for by his Wife.
He is not a participant, in his own family or home.
He is treating everyone in his home, as a "doormat." Except for his pets.
The pets are like royalty.
He has a family, child, and a Wife. Does he know that?

If that were my Husband... I would be way BEYOND, the level of being nice. I would not be, nice anymore.
And, I would give my Husband an earful.
A BIG... earful and tell him my POINTED opinions... without even hinting at it.
Time to be, point blank blunt.

8 moms found this helpful

Unacceptable. Find a good home for the dog and relieve yourself of the duty. Sorry that he did that but no need to continue to be miserable!

7 moms found this helpful

My daughters and I have been *dying* to get a puppy for about 6 months now, but my husband has said to us - in no uncertain terms - that now is not the time and we'll get one next spring. I'm bummed, but respect his decision and am telling the girls that getting a new puppy is like bringing home a new child - everyone should want and love it. But you would not BELIEVE the number of women I've talked to that just said "oh, just get one anyway...he'll get over it".

I think what your husband did is wrong, disrespectful and hurtful to you.

6 moms found this helpful

what really sucks about all of this is now you have to be the bad guy to the kids who probably are having a grand time with the dog.

get it gone quick and get yourself a counselor

6 moms found this helpful

Marriage counseling, and quick!

6 moms found this helpful

There is no way I would take in one more animal and truthfully, with his schedule, I would begin finding new homes for all of the pets, if I was not wanting to care for them.

He is not allowed to make you care for all of his pets, 99% of the time.
This is your life too, and you need to approve of what you will end up caring for.

I agree that if he has a problem with this, he needs to agree to go to marriage counseling with you.

5 moms found this helpful

If he got the dog from a breeder if you can contact them and tell them it was not a family decision and that you would like the puppy returned. A reputable breeder will take the puppy back to avoid the puppy being tossed from home to home or shelter to shelter. If he got it from a shelter or friend or such try contacting them and explain again it wasn't a family decision. Odds are even though several have suggested he be the one to return the puppy you know he isn't going to. He has already proven he wont listen to you.
I would also tally up a bill for all the work you have done for this puppy and if you can the amount the puppy itself cost. Then present that to him or treat yourself to something equal to that amount. Sounds petty but maybe if he sees you doing his behaviors he might see that he has been wrong.

5 moms found this helpful

What S.H. said. I'd be very suspicious of a husband that went against my wishes like that and wasn't home to be responsible for his behavior. Must be nice to not have to deal with the consequences of your actions. New pets ARE a family decision. I'd bring the dog to a shelter or find a home for him by advertising. I love my pets, but I would not a love a dog that had be unloaded on me like that.

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I would very patiently explain to him that:
A. since he's ignored you
B. since he completely overrode your wishes
C. since HE is not there to take care of the dog

That he take it upon himself to find a new family for the dog. We do not get to have what we want, whenever we want, all the time. He is not behaving like a mature adult in this. Respectful, caring spouses don't just do whatever they want and leave someone else to clean up the mess because they feel they 'deserve it' or it's their 'right'.

Maybe this is one of those times to print out the answers you are getting here, just so he doesn't think you are being unreasonable.

If it were me, I would be calling up a marriage counselor because either his ears (and eyes) don't work or he doesn't care that this is more of a burden on you, not him. If my husband did this, he'd be sleeping on the couch. For a very long time. And the couch is a loveseat, so good luck with that.

And if he just refuses to find a home for pup, you do it. Don't *let* this happen.

4 moms found this helpful

you are absolutely right. who travels for work and has that many pets? a 130 lb tortoise, really??

sorry, that wouldn't fly at my house. yes, you are the maid and pet sitter. it's not in your head. yes, he is disrespecting you and taking advantage of your "yes" nature. stop being the nice guy.

i ABSOLUTELY think it's within your rights to thin the herd. whether it's old pets or the new one. YOU are the one doing all the work. absolutely wrong for him to dump more on you when you specifically spoke out against it.

4 moms found this helpful

It's time to start downsizing the animals.
Few at a time, find them new homes till you are down to a manageable number.
You have a say in how you live your life.
It's like you telling Hubby - "we're having another baby" whether you like it or not.
If hubby wants to run a zoo, he can stay home and manage it himself.
As far as puppy management goes, confine him to easily cleanable areas of the house.
He's just a baby and can't help he wasn't wanted.
Find him a new home soon as you can.
Hubby will be mad - but so far he doesn't seem to care how mad he made you.
Marriage counseling would be nice but it would be hard with his travel schedule.

4 moms found this helpful

My hubby did the same thing but was sneaky about it. In our case, his brother had it and he claimed his brother needed someone for the dog temporarily but then I got the feeling it wasn't temporary and found it was all their way of sneaking it in. My daughter and I both have allergies (and it was an outside dog), we have a busy schedule which was even busier then. With other issues we were having it was straw that broke the camel's back and we had a serious heart to heart. In an attempt to make things right, he gave the dog back and we are working on other things now. I should probably mention it isn't the first time...a few years ago my FIL found a puppy, never found the owner, but sent it to us temporarily. When the owners couldn't be found...it was our problem and hubby was attached.

What I would suggest is that you look up local kennels, get pricing, and give him the list and ask which once he is taking the dog to when he leaves to go out of town. Tell him that you can't stop him from having the dog but he can't make you take care of it. If he leaves it with you to care for, you will call the pound for an abandoned dog or find it a home while he's gone. Clearly you have bigger issues and need to address those prior to adding to the chaos.

4 moms found this helpful

PS....Try not to take it out on the pup and find him/her a good home...It is your husband that should be held 100% responsible.

I am an animal lover, but your husband is way out of line. If you can afford to get some help with your "home zoo", please do and do it right away. Get a crate for the new puppy and get him/her crate trained. Puppies need to be trained properly and on a schedule. I understand you are angry (I would be beyond angry and consider finding a good home for any of the pets you don't feel you can care for.

It's time to ask your man what is more important to him, you and your child or his animals. If you are still in love, I hope you will be able to come to a compromise.

Best wishes.....

4 moms found this helpful

He sounds like a spoiled brat who is used to getting his way. Is he this way with everything?

As for the dog, let him know you are not going to take care of it when he is out of town. The dog leaves when he does. He can kennel the dog, find a friend, etc. His problem. If he does not take the dog out of the house when he goes for the week, you will have to handle the problem.

I also want to add, make sure you do not take care of the puppy when he is home. He can feed, walk and clean up after it.

3 moms found this helpful

I would be livid and finding a new home for the dog when he was gone.

3 moms found this helpful

You husband is a child. I'm sure he hopes that you'll just fall in love with the pup so he can get his way. I seriously doubt he thinks this thing is a done deal. Tell him "nice try, but the pup cannot stay". Then put certain sanctions in place until the dog is gone . Also please make your husband read these responses. I'm sad that i even read this post, because I'm seriously pissed off and its not even my problem. Poor puppy, he does not deserve to be in the middle of this.

3 moms found this helpful

I would light into him so bad!! I got mad reading it. Very disrespectful. He has no concept of life in your home, nor does he care. Sounds like he lives elsewhere. He needs to get his selfishness in check. You two need to re-connect cause things will get worse. I'd withhold sex too. Without question! Then that would cause other problems and you don't want cheating. This is more than the dog. Go see a counselor ASAP. I'd suck it up and be the bad guy and also give away the dog to a good home. Poor dog is in a house where he/she is essentially not wanted by the main caregiver. You know what, scratch you being the bad guy: Make your husband give the dog away so he can clean up his mess and be the bad guy and he shouldn't tell the kids it was mom's idea. He really needs to own up that he was wrong on this one. Let us know how it goes.

3 moms found this helpful

OMG, flashback city! Your story reminded me of when my DH & older son brought home a puppy without consulting me.

I had just managed to get our infant son into a pattern of sleeping at night, my older son had just been scheduled for reconstructive hip surgery (at age 9).....& my husband was out of town/traveling with work occasionally + working 50-60 hours/week. Oh, & during this timeframe - once our son went thru surgery, my FIL passed away (out of town) & I had to do it all... wheelchair transfers & all for our son while he was in a body cast + + take care of a 9 month baby & a puppy. OMG...OMG....How did I survive?

I could have killed him. I can laugh about it now...but back then - nope, he was on the endangered list! My vote is to get rid of the pup, which is something I rarely/rarely recommend. The pup needs a "forever home" where he will be truly loved. :)

3 moms found this helpful

I would tell him that a dog sitter was going to be required since I was going to be going to work. That way you could get out of the house for a few hours per day and someone else would be responsible for the animals.

If this is too much for you get rid of the dog while everyone is gone and tell them it died from being neglected.

3 moms found this helpful

I'd take the dog back if I were you. Then again, I'd be up for that fight. What on earth is he thinking - is he 12?

If he were home during the week, it would be something to work out between you two, maybe compromise on. However, this isn't the case and he is totally in the wrong.

D.

2 moms found this helpful

I am so angry for you!!!

We had a dog we both loved...however when she passed we agreed that there would be no more dogs in our house for a long while and never again a puppy...oh the amount of work to house break...oh the poop and pee and poop and pee and poop....argh!!

It would be better if he had brought home newborn baby than a puppy.

The puppy has to go back...or to a new home...can you give it back??
I am so sorry!!

2 moms found this helpful

Oh, heck no. I seriously freaked out when my husband brought home a goldfish for my daughter's 5th Birthday. (I had a bad experience with a fish jumping out of a tank when I was little and I'm seriously afraid of all fish tanks).

My husband and daughter campaigned for a dog for a couple of years. I really didn't want to add anything to my schedule either. My husband put the idea on the back burner until this past January when an adorable rescue dog found us. We kept the dog overnight to try her out and the next morning WE ALL decided to keep her. Best decision - we really love her.

However, if I were you, I'd be livid. No way would that dog be staying and I wouldn't worry that I was making hubby out to be the "bad guy" in this situation which will be hard because of course, you're the one who doesn't want him. I might be inclined to line up another family willing to care for the dog. When I was little, our dog mysteriously "ran away". It wasn't until years later that my father admitted that the dog didn't run anywhere, he gave it away. Just sayin'.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh HELL no.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I got divorced when my kids were little. We had all kinds of pets, but I put my foot down when it came to a dog. Luckily, there wasn't another adult in the house to get one against my wishes, but I would have been furious.

A) I'm not really a dog person. Dogs are great and fine, but they are more trouble than kids. They have to be walked and paid attention to, you can't just pick up and leave to travel without someone taking care of the dog or taking the dog with you (which would never happen with me, by the way).

Personally, I have to agree with you that this should have been a family decision, and by that, I mean a decision between YOU and your husband.
Kids want all kinds of things and they don't need 90% of them. Plus, your husband isn't there to help out with any of the care taking.

I'm not trying to fuel the fire, but I would be super upset. You expressed, quite clearly it seems, that you did not want another dog.
It's not "majority rules" when a 5 year old is one of the voters. The 5 year old has no say in such important and impactful decisions. Dogs are an investment in time, money, attention, etc. It really is like having another child. They require a lot. It's not fair to make an arbitrary decision of that magnitude, especially if you won't be the one doing all the work.

I don't know exactly what to tell you to do, the dog is there.
I wouldn't be happy though, I can tell you that much.
I would be so unhappy that I might buy a dog crate and tell my husband he's taking the puppy with him on the plane when he goes.

Hang in there.
I hope you get some good advice and get it worked out.

Best wishes.

2 moms found this helpful

I'll say the same thing I said concerning a very similar post a while back:

You do not have puppy problems you have husband problems.

I'm an animal lover too, I'd love another dog, as long as someone else was going to take care of it and I could just "visit" with it when I felt like it.

Your husband is being insensitive & immature. If he blantantly ignores your wishes on something like this that effects your life and work load in a profound way what else will he do?

I'd send the puppy back to the breeder (hopefully not breaking his childrens' hearts in the process!) and lay down some ground rules for how you want to be treated.

2 moms found this helpful

is it a golden retriever? we're looking for one=)

I'd seriously be annoyed. he completely ignored you on a decsion that will impact you for 15 years. =(

2 moms found this helpful

Tell him that he will need to find a caretaker for the dog when he is out of town. It would be a bad thing if he did this and worked local all week. It is a truly terrible thing that he is not around to help. You are right to feel all that you do about this. It speaks volumes about him unfortunately.

Or....sell the puppy and tell him it ran away. It 'would' put you on his level- But then again he is not equipt for life on YOUR level so this is where you deal with him.

2 moms found this helpful

You have every right to be angry. A puppy is like a baby - they take a lot of time, attention and care!

When our dog died about 3 years ago, I told hubby that there would be no more dogs until HE was willing to put in all the work because I had done ALL the work for the last one who lived 13 years! He said he was; got the dog and I'll be darned but he has actually taken care of it's every need! However, it's only been aboutt 6 weeks and I keep telling him the true test will be in the winter when it's not so fun to go out for walks or it's rainy and the poo needs to be cleaned up.

I would be as angry as you but I don't really know if there is anything you can do at this point other than tell him to board the dog at a kennel during the week.

1 mom found this helpful

My first husband did that while I was potty training my baby. I seriously didn't know who was pooping on the floor...anyway, that was definitely a catalyst in my marriage breaking up.
Fast forward, second husband and two grown up children. Second husband lived through one 'family' dog and we loved it, but it passed away so then we were dogless for awhile and it wasn't too terrible, in fact we could go away once in awhile, it was quiet in the house and we didn't have to run in and out all the time when the dog was whining.
Well, my son (almost twenty two) returned home after a brief time out of the house and decided a great plan was to bring home a PUPPY. And of course, guess who watches it,, walks it, feeds it and just got it rabies shots today. MEMEME>so there is totally no point in this story other than I feel for you and luckily it was not my husband this time but my son (did I mention he paid for it when there are so many shelter dogs? grrr...but it is cute and we are learning to love it and I can't leave anyone. So I am saying I symapahtize with you and oh did I mention that s--x thing won't be happening tonite either because the dog doesn't like car rides and it gauged my arms and legs by mistake on the way home from the rabies shot visit-ugggh. And since my husband made me hold it (despite MY request to drive but he is a man and needed to) the dog hung out and scratched the side of our nice car. OH well. I guess we will all get used to this won't we?

1 mom found this helpful

try crate training for the puppy- clean up the mess with Nature's Miracle-it works well and reduces the chance of the puppy going in the same spot-"animal lovers" do not inflict helpless baby animals on people who do not want to care for them-sounds like someone trying to recreate, therefore, repair something gone wrong in childhood-if all else fails-hire a ton of help to care for the puppy around the clock-that ought to snap him out of this delusion.

You have every right to be angry and upset and disconnected from your husband. Frankly, I would re-home the dog. You not only didn't agree to it but you actively voiced against it.

I would also get marriage counseling.

If you are going to be responsible for a dog you must kennel train it. (look online they have detailed instructions) Otherwise your house will be ruined. If you do not want to do that, which is a lot of work then you need to return or give the dog away.
Your husband will not take you seriously unless you put up a real boundary.

Don't clean up after the puppy. When DH comes home and finds the mess, give him a copy of the "politely written" letter. In the meantime do some soul searching, and try to figure out why a new puppy against your wishes makes you so intensely angry (are there other problems??) and want to forego bedroom romance.