New Pregnant Agin

M., I can relate 100%! I have 20 month old twin girls and am about 9 months pregnant. When I found out I was prego again, I cried. It took me a while to get used to the idea, and really it is only recently that I really want him to get here. I wouldnt say I was excited until about 7 months. I also, was going to go back to school, I am 1 year away from being done. I also have 3 friends who we all did our firt pregnancy together and they are all pregnant again (it must have been in the water :) ) and every one felt the same way. We all want our babies and have taken care of our bodies through out the prenancy but it doesnt mean we were ready. Take a deep breath and wait until you feel them move, and try to find the good points. You will warm up to the idea, but it might take time!

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When I became pregnant with my daughter, I dealt with all the same feelings of sadness and depression that lasted quite awhile until I became accustomed and alright with the fact that my life had taken a turn that I was not expecting.

I was 23 years old, and on birth control when I conceived, and three months pregnant when I finally discovered that I was carrying a child. I had just made a career move, was planning on entering graduate school in the fall, and had all of these hopes and dreams of my career finally turning into what I had always dreamed. The baby ended all of those dreams because I had always promised myself that, when I had children, I wanted to stay at home and raise my own child as opposed to putting them in daycare for someone else to raise. The decision to have, and stay home with, my child was a basic, essential belief of mine, and so it was never a question whether or not I would continue with my own personal career.
While I was overjoyed about the idea of a baby, I was still sad and depressed on and off throughout my pregnancy.

But once that tiny, perfect, beautiful baby was born, all of those feelings left me, and I was overwhelmed with the sheer joy of being a mother. You are a mother already, and have experienced that feeling of pure, unconditional love that happens when your child is born, and have faith that you will feel all of that all over again when your new baby comes. Suddenly, all of the things that you worried about or regretted or were depressed about during your pregnancy will seem silly and inconsequential in the face of this tiny human life that YOU created.

So don't fret. Its normal and healthy to have feelings of fear and frustration, but know that in the end, your own body and mothering skills will overwhelm all of those negative feelings and replace them with happiness. You are an adult, and now can decide how to feel about things in your life - make yourself feel happy, and comfortable with what is happening. You are an experienced mother, and know that you will always be able to handle anything a child throws your way.

Perhaps you might feel more comfortable with this baby and pregnancy if you talked to your hubby and decided to have your tubes tied. No more worries about birth control, and a near 100% guarentee that this baby will be your last.

Good luck!

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Congrats on your pregnancy, even if it was unexpected!! I know it may seem like everything has been turned upside down right now but think of it this way... 2 (or even 3 or 4) years is such a small frame of time when you really think about it in the scheme of "life." I made the decision to put off the rest of my schooling and my career, working a night job while my husband works days in order to avoid daycare as we can not afford it and have no family close by. My daughter (the youngest) is almost 2 now and the time has gone by SOO fast. At times I have gotten a little frustrated that I have not yet finished my schooling etc. but then I remember how short the time frame really is. So don't worry about having to hold off a little bit on your job and school - although you are anxious to reach your goals, the time will go very quickly and you will soon be able to accomplish everything that you want to. On the subject of having another baby, my husband and I had also agreed to stop after our first but then changed our mind one day and I got pregnant that night (literally). You will find so much joy in having your kids close together and your son will forever have a playmate. As soon as my son and daughter began playing together I couldn't believe I ever thought of having just one child. Don't get me wrong, they do fight sometimes but ultimately they are best friends. Plus at least you got pregnant now and not 5 years down the road when your career was in full swing. Everything happens for a reason. Try as hard as you can not to be resentful of your pregnancy, after all, if nothing else it will give you a little more time to be with your son and I guarantee that you will fall in love with your new baby once he or she is here. Best of luck to you!! :)

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Give yourself time to grieve because it understandable that you are scared. Then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and change your perspective.

I can't have more children. Actually I have the option to try and miscarry...over and over and over. I didn't really want to have more because I'm scared and tired from the first but I still thought I'd have the option.

This child was meant to be yours so much that despite your plans, your birth control, your decision, God said...this child is so important that I will make sure he/she is born and not just born, but born to these parents for these parents have the special touch to raise this particular child.

It can be scary. Don't feel guilty for your feelings. Just keep the right perspective along side them. It's okay to feel what you feel but I have a feeling you will be blessed for having another child.

I wish you the best...M.

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Hi,
I totally know how you feel. I just found out I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my second child and it was totally unexpected to say the least (I was on the pill) I cried for days trying to figure out what I was going to do. I thought about my 5 year old and how it would effect her, to how we would financially afford it, even how I had spent the whole winter getting ready for bikini season now to only miss it!! But in the end, I realized that the baby really is a gift and that regardless of any apprehensions I have now, things will work itself out. Congrats to you and your fam!

I had some of the same feelings as you. I am now 27 weeks pregnant and due in July. I already have a son and found out that I was having ANOTHER boy!!! I remember how tough that first year was also... When it's all said and done though. Your baby is in your womb for a reason. You may not be able to figure out that reason right now. When that baby is here and looking up at you grasping your finger you will say to yourself " I am SOOO glad that you are here." Try to remember all the GOOD things about Motherhood. First smile, First giggle, First "Mommy", First "I LOVE YOU" Hang in there. I will keep ya in my thoughts :)

Hi,
Its normal to feel disapointed when things don't go as planned. You had plans as to how your life was going to be and now all of a sudden you have to make new plans. Its ok to feel bad about postning some things. Every child is different and you will love this new one as much as the others. Why don't you make a list of the things that were really hard and see if you can do something differently with this baby, Maybe you would be happier if you got a parttime job and got out of the house a few days a week. Or maybe you need to start an excerise program, like walking, or could you take a night class at school. its only a short time when they are tiny and need you and then its gone in a flash and you will miss it. This baby is a blessing and a gift.
Take Care
J.

Hello,

My heart goes out to you - - - I am in a similar situation - I was engaged 6 months ago - I didn't want to have any more children I already have 4 from my previous marriage and my youngest is starting school in the fall - so I was planning on finally finishing my degree and getting us ahead in life since my oldest is graduation from HS next year... My fiancee convinced me to have 1 more baby - one we could have together... shortly after I became pregnant - he threw me against a wall - now I find myself a single mother of 4 kids making way below poverty level and with another baby due in July....

My advice to you - - - this baby was created for a specific purpose in your life... Embrace the baby as the blessing and miracle that he/she really is.... Stay focused if you can not on the pain of pregnancy and childbirth - not on the difficult first year - - - try to keep your focus on the smiles, giggles - and all those hugs and kisses... Keep in mind in 13 years - the sleepless nights and pains of labor/breastfeeding will all me long forgotten..... keep the focus on the wonderful playmate your one year old is going to have - all the love that the two children will share....

For you - - keep in mind that this baby is putting your life on hold for a bit - - - and with that hold you will meet an entirely different group of people in school and at work - you will have a different job.... There is a reason for this delay - - - in time you will come to really appreciate and love those that will come to touch your life - those that would not have come if your birth control had been effective...

I know it is hard, but there is a lot to be thankful for and a lot to look at besides the sadness... If you feel sad - you are welcome to shot me a line anytime - I am struggling with the same thing - somedays are harder than others, but support really does help - - - feel free to vent anytime.

HAVE AN ABORTION...QUICK! Sorry if thats not the answer you were hoping for.

Dear M.,

Well, you need to use these next months until the birth to do something special for yourself. Go back to school, and give your 13 year old babysitting money for when you are out of the home. I had to go to school at night and in the late afternoon, not my favorite time of the day, but it was all I could do at the time because of the children. She can baby sit when the new one is born too, and it will give her so much good experience for her own children. Tell her that I said so. Maybe she can get some extra credit for it at school for a class - like write a paper or give demos, show pictures of her sister's developmental growth in her health education class. Big Sister is an important part of the family and raise her spirit up to feel it. I am sure that she could be pretty upset by all of the babies unless you can get her to 'own' some of the family togetherness. Give her extra presents and clothes too when you can. Brag about her and show her that you need her, and you, for sure do. Do special things for her to show your appreciation.

I pray that the new baby will be a great love in all of your lives. The one year old will not be such a lonely child now, he will have a partner for life and make his life better too. We just had a surprise new baby in my grandson's family, and they really cannot afford it, but she is here now and doing well. She was just born about 2 weeks ago. I was the last to find out that she was coming, of course, (gr grandma) and so I just sat down and let them all know that this baby was welcome and an important part of our family, and I didn't want to hear about step sister or step daughter this and that. She is a full sister to our beloved 4 year old girl and 2 1/2 year old boy, who just loves being a baby and is just now starting to want to talk. He held onto babyhood for as long as he possibly could.

Good luck and remember you come first right now.
C. N.

I wen tthrought this same thing a few months ago. I have a 2 year old and a 5 1/2 month old son and I found out I was pregnant again (and we were done) when my son barely turned 3 months and I had just returned to work from maternity leave. I had days of tears and posted on here as well. I am ok with it now and we are getting excited although I know there are many challeges ahead with 3 kids under 3! If you believe in a higher power as I do, I know there is something special that is coming my way now and that is a gift. Just give yourself some time! Good luck.

All the responses are great> This child was meant to be for "some" reason. You should look into taking online courses at a community college. I did that while I was pregnant. History, Critical Thinking, Math, and even a speech class. There are a lot of classes that are offered online these days. I never had to attend school except to take Math tests about once a month, which were held on a Saturday. I had my baby a week before finals and still made it in to take the final. I've been there, done that and if I can do it anyone can. Taking one class at a time or two, but dont over do it. I read my son my history book while I was pregnant. It was a very joyous time, both you and baby can learn a lot from each other.

I felt the same way with my second (I'm still pregnant with him). I hated it. I was just getting into the swing of things at work and completely ready to be mommy of 1. I was so angry. My husband made it clear that he did not want me to get an abortion, and I could give it up for adoption, if I really wanted to at the end of the pregnancy. By month 5, things changed a little. Once he started kicking, I couldn't imagine giving him to another family. Although I can't say that I'm enthused about the situation, I know that I'll love him just the same. I'm still getting used to it. Alexander is due on June 3, 2007. I try not to think about the things that I won't be able to do and try to think of the things that I want to do. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes I cry. Either way, he's here to stay for me. If you want to chat more, let me know.

Hi M.! I know exactly how you feel!!!! We have a 10 year old son, an almost 8 year old daughter, and then there is our baby. He'll be 1 years old the day before our daughter turns 8years. After 7 year,actually right after our daughter was born, we were soooooo done having kids. So we thought ;o) It was a huge shock and adjustment when we found out i was pregnant with him. I was ready to go back to school, or go back to work as both kids were in school full time now...And now I have to wait.
From personal experience, it does get a little easier. Now that he is here, I couldnt give him up for the world. And when your baby smiles at you for the first time....well just think of when your son was born...Even though this baby is unexpected, it will feel the same as when you saw your son smile for the first time ;o)
Also there was alot of support on the webmd boards, under the pregnancy part... you could talk to them there also...They helped me alot!!
I hope this helps, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, lean on or an ear to listen, please feel free to message me ;o)
Good luck!

C.

I think you just need to except the precious gift that you have been given. I know that you are scared but for some reason you were able to get pregnant again and there must be a reason for it. Maybe you won't find out the reason for a long time but just knowing that it is meant to be . Should ease your mind in some way. I have had 3 miscarriages and would love to have another child so from my stand point you are the luckiest person in the world. Just cherish them and be patient you will be able to go back to school once things get back to normal and you could even take one class at a time until you are ready to go at it full time.
I am not at all saying that you have to be happy about it but it has happened so now you have to except it and get ready for the next baby. Once you have the baby you will look back and will probably feel bad for thinking this way. My best friend was feeling the same way when she found out she was pregnant for the 4th time.. She had just scheduled her appt to have her tubes tide. Opps! I guess that will have to wait..
Please remember that it happened for a reason..And only you and your husband can make the best of it. I wish your family the best of luck. I wish I could say it was me. I would take that baby and cherish it with all my heart.
Good Luck,
T.

The life inside of you is very precious. Don't concider this pregnancy a stumbling block, but more of a stepping stone. I hated my pregnancies (3), cause I was always throwing up and labor pains, stitches, yuk yuk!!

I truely believe that the fetus can feel your emotions, so chin up, talk to your family and decide right now that this child to be is a good thing.

I know how you feel. I just gave birth to my second child, and if I were to become pregnant again, I would feel exactly the same way. I'm wondering why you feel this way. Did you have a bad pregnancy or a bad delivery? If so, just remember that every pregnancy, every delivery, and every child is different. Just remember that this too shall pass. Time flies when it comes to children. There is a reason this has happened. You say you have a 13 year old at home. That is a great thing. She could be a lot of help. I was 11 when my little brother was born, and I got up with him in the middle of the night and everything. Teach her stuff, if she doesn't already know it, and involve her. It will make it a lot easier on you and give you some extra help. Just look back at how wonderful it was to see your first babies face, if it was. I just had a baby four weeks ago, and getting up a few times a night has been really hard on me. I just keep thinking that it will only be a small fraction of my life that this will take place, and then I will have a beautiful child to have by my side for the rest of my life. Good luck with everything. Don't forget that it is perfectly normal to feel this way and I'm sure the feelings of frustration will pass.