48 answers

New Blended Family Struggling with Names vs Titles

My husband and I were together for 4.5 years before we got married in July. He has a 9 year old son that has stayed with us almost every summer and winter breaks. Now we are struggling with what our blended family titles should be. I have always been called by my first name, and never really liked it since I do not allow other children to call me by my first name. Now he has my parents as step grandparents, and we're not sure what he is supposed to be calling us. I would prefer not to be called by my first name, and I definitely don't want him to call me 'mom' unless he is really comfortable. Any name/nickname suggestions for new step grandparents and step moms to a 9 year old?

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A.,

I don't really understand why people get so upset over names. This is a big change for this little boy and whatever he is comfortable with...is what needs to be used (as long as it isn't disrespectful). Good luck and congrats on the new marriage.

My father was married 3 times and my mother 5 times. So I have quite a bit of "name-calling" in my family. Basically, I call all my step-parents "mamma-nat" or "Daddy-Al" to deliniate. It never bothered me as a child or as an adult. Grandparents have always been that way too: "GrandmaSmith" or "GrandpaJones" when referencing, but just Grandma/pa to their faces. Seems to work well to keep everyone straight.

FYI, I also have 2 brothers named James Michael, try thinking of ways around that, haha! :-D

My grandkids have several sets of grandparents due to my husband and I divorcing years ago. He has remarried and so have I. There are also grandparents on my son in laws side. My daughter solved that by callin everyone their name with Grandma or Grandpa in front of it. It would also work with step parents by just putting mama or daddy in front of the name. It hard when there are so many and steps also. Good Luck

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I had two stepfathers and two stepmothers with all of the 'extra' relatives like grandparents and aunts/uncles - I called all of them by their first name. What did he call you before you got married? I'm not sure where your going with this request, it seems there is a hidden issue. Maybe you worded the request wrong. But you chose to marry a man with a child, they are package deal. He is 'your child' now, your dependent not 'other children'. This is his decision - he will choose what to call you. This is a part of parenting.

1 mom found this helpful

I was with my husband for 3 years before we got married and when we met, my stepson was almost 2. He has never called me anything but J., BUT he does refer to me as his mom when talking to others. What's the big deal if calls you A.? You and he both know that you are his other mom. As for the grandparents. My stepson went from calling my mom and stepdad Sharon and Bill to Grandma Sharon and Grandpa Bill. Now that my son has come along, he calls them grandma and grandpa with no first names. The whole blended family situation has got to be a confusing thing for the little ones regardless of how often you have them. I know for me and my hubby it's hard to hear my stepson refer to his stepdad as Daddy, but that's what he's comfortable with. Why pressure them to call you a certain thing if they aren't comfortable with it?

1 mom found this helpful

my step kids call me M. and I have never thought of them using anything different. They call my mom nanny, because that is what EVERYONE calls her. They call my dad by his name and neither has ever been offended. Im not sure why that would offend your mom. I think you should let him call you and your family whatever feels comfortable to him. Its hard enough to be in a blended family, let him choose this one.

1 mom found this helpful

My mother was married 2 times after I was 10 years old. I called the husbands by their first names. Unless a child knows only you as the mom, there's nothing wrong with first name basis. It's not a sign of disrespect. He should be the only child that can call you by your first name because he IS family. All non-family children should call you Miss A. or whatever you prefer.

As for the grandparents, they are now his grandparents, so they can be called what everyone else calls them.

Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

My son on his own decided to call my mom's new husband Grandpa Frank and that stuck with all the grandkids. I think that is what he should call your parents grandpa and first name and grandma first name. As to you my step son called me by my name. You are not his mom and do not have to have that title plus it always makes the real mom mad. I would let him decide. If you do not like being called by your first name then tell him that and let him pick what he is comfortable. Just because you changed your marital status and nothing has changed then he should be calling you what he always has. Yrs ago we always called my parents friend by their names then one day in an adult discussion was brought up that the lady did not like kids calling her by her name. So Mom told us to call her something else and I could never get used to that. Turning around in the middle of what we are comfortable. I think he should be comfortable with what he decides to call you. If he wants to add a more formal by putting miss in front which does not seem to be what a child should call an family member. In the North West no on uses MISS anything unless they are a unmarried woman. It is no slap and should not be a real issue. What is more important is that he feels comfortable to care about you as being in his life. G. W

1 mom found this helpful

As a stepmom myself for 14 years; here's my opinion: I think the best thing is for your stepson to call you by your first name - but only he can do that; not his friends if you don't like that. That's also good because he has been calling you that for 4.5 years; so less change is good for him at this time. Unfortunately for us stepmoms; it's not really about what we want necessarily; but what's best for the child - and the smoother the transition the better. Or if you just can't live with that - ask him what nickname he thinks would be good for you - something special just for him to call you. Your parents should be called the same thing that their other grandchildren call them; no informal or other names needed there. I hope this helps; and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

When our family got together I became mama S. (my name)to his children & their mom was mama Becky when referring to her in our home otherwise she was just mom. After a while they just called me mama in our home but to distinguish between they still added our names when talking to someone else. My daughter even started calling their mother aunt Becky. My parents became papa paul & big Granny. If the child is comfortable doing this there shouldn't be a problem with the adults. After all whats in a name/title except hopefully love.

I had the same situatuion. What worked great for us was:

I was called "Mama C.". My parents were Gramma mary and Grampa Merv.

If you're not comfortable with Mama _ _ _ , ask him what he would like to call you. So long as his mother is alive, I wouldn't want him calling you 'mom' unless you'd raised him from an infant. At 9 years old, he's old enough to have that conversation. Explain to him that you're uncomfortable with him calling you by your first name and why. It may make him feel better to have a voice in it.

I was forced to call my step-mother Mama. I hated it. She was NOT my mom - I already had one!

If you don't like the step-grandparents, try something like MeeMaw and PawPaw or something - what does he call his other grandparents?

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