New Baby with Older Sibling

First so sorry that your hubby is going to be deploying. I got pregnant just before mine left for Afghanastan too. I was only a month in. It was hard but you can do it. Hopefully he will be able to call you and email and such.

Good things that will happen because they are a little further apart, is your daughter can be helpful. She can help with everything you need, such as shes old enough to understand can you get mommy a diaper? or hand me the powder? Things like that. And shes old enough to pick up her own toys, be self occupied when you are dealing with new love. Things of that nature.

And she will be so excited when the baby gets here. Just make sure hard as it sounds to make time everyday for just her. Like at nighttime read a book and have a few quiet minutes of her time to let her know that you havent forgotten her. Simple special things will make it easier for her to deal with having a new one around, and it not being all about her.

Get her a big sister tshirt she'll probably love it.

Congrats on the upcoming new love, and best wishes for your family. Also, I hope that your hubby comes back safe and sound!

My oldest son is 6 my middle is 3 and my little one is 2M. I have to say I compleatly dissagree with TB. My oldest is a great babysitter for me!!! When His little brother was born (he was 3) I really tried hard to make it feel like he was an imortant helper. This helped and there was no Jealously between them at all. I left the two of them alone all the time and had not issues what so ever. So now that he is older he is awsome! I don't let him pick the the baby up, but I can put her in a swing or even the infant car seat and give him the bottle and paci and he is good to go. He is awsome at knowing when she needs a diaper change or something he can not give her and then he comes and gets me and I take over. This way I can quick take a shower or do a load of dishes. My hubby works overnitghts so I feel like a single mom most of the time since he sleeps when I am at home durring the day. So I know how hard it is to get anything done with an infant. oviously you have to look at how marure your child is to. My 6 year old is in 1st grade and is very mature so he does good. Good luck! Sorry to hear your husband will be gone to Afganistan. My hubby was also way for 8 months in the army when I was prego with our first. It can be tough, but just now that it goes by vey quick!

My kids are 4 years apart.
They are really close and 2 peas in a pod.
The age difference, for ME... was perfect.
My daughter being older by 4 years... and then having another baby around.... it was perfect. Developmentally, for her, too.
She adjusted WELL.... and never had any jealousy. AT all.
She loved her brother very much... and once he was born... she told everyone... how lucky she was.....

From the time I was pregnant with my son, I spent time on my pregnancy...WITH my eldest child, my Daughter. Incorporating her INTO it all... not making it 'my' pregnancy.
We took photos each month with her and my growing tummy.
I talked with her about her baby brother in my tummy.
She held and talked to my tummy and sang 'him' songs.
I took her to ALL my prenatal visits, which my Doctor encouraged, and he even taught her how to use the Doppler heart monitor on my tummy, which she loved.
We 'napped' together... I explained Mommy will get tired sometimes... she understood.
I made everything, including her.
I explained everything, in a way she would understand... about my pregnancy.

From the time I was pregnant... I "prepped" her about it and her upcoming little brother... so that once baby come home.. .it was not a shock to her.
I explained what a baby is/does: that it cries, it wakes at all hours, I have to breastfeed, change diapers, that baby cannot do anything by himself... so MOMMY will do that. I explained, that she does not have to 'worry' if her baby brother cries... that is normal. But Mommy, will take care of him. I did not want her to feel 'responsible' for it.

I ALSO explained: that once she is a Big Sister... that HER things are her things. I do not EXPECT her to share 'everything." Her things are special. That she need not worry. She can decide, what she wants to share or not. Its okay. A child... needs to know that. That is.... important to them.

I also explained: that I do NOT "expect" her to be all grown-up and "perfect" once she is a Big-Sister. That I know she is still a child herself... and to ALWAYS know.... that she can tell me anything and how she feels... good or bad... and that it is okay. That SHE is "still my first baby..." and always will be.... Mommy loves her still... the same.
I also told her, that if she does not feel happy, to tell me that too.

We made up a special 'hand-shake' and head-nod with each other, that we could do anytime... just to 'bond' with each other.... and that even if we were across the room from each other (say if I am breastfeeding her baby brother) that she can give me that knowing 'nod' to me... and that that was "our" way... of acknowledging, each other and that we are 'okay.'

ALL of these things... helped my daughter adjust... to me being pregnant AND to her baby brother, once he came home.

It is PREPPING, the elder child... beforehand... all during the pregnancy.
Thus, my Daughter was well adjusted during the whole pregnancy and when her baby brother came home.... she knew... what to expect.

I had a c-section, and I was in the hospital for 3-days. I also prepped her about that, that Daddy will be with her for that time.... I wrote down my daughter's 'routine' for my Husband.... and they would visit me and call me at the hospital, any time.

all the best,
Susan

I'd do whatever you can to enlist your daughter's help so that she feels this is her baby too. You have time to work with her on this and make it fun. You can get special books or other things for her to do with you as you sit and nurse your new baby. Most hospitals have a class for siblings that you can take her to before your due date. Reading stories from the library about being a big sister and caring for a baby would be great. Talk with her as your ally and helper. The helplessness of a newborn is something she will need to really "get" because a baby's needs have to be met quickly. Maybe a special baby doll for her to care for or some big girl stuff to underline her advanced age would be good. It's going to work out. If you sense any hostility when your baby is home, don't leave her alone with the baby until you're very sure she won't do anything mean.

Dear K.

Your elder daughter will help you so much. Just make sure that she gets her attention. We had a same type of gap and it is so good. That way you can give proper attention to both of the kids.My elder one was so happy and responsible. Your husband will be away best wishes and so your elder daughter will be a gift to you. Try to give her time and engage her.
Take Care now.

One word of advice: NO matter how much you love your children, no matter how much you believe your oldest would never hurt the baby, never ever leave them alone together. Not ever. One time I left my two daughters alone with my husband to run a very quick errand. I had stressed to my husband to NOT leave our oldest (she was about 2 1/2 years old) alone with the baby who might have been around 6-7 months old at the time. My husband understood my concern....but he put the baby in the play pen outside of the bathroom so he could use the bathroom but our oldest attacked the baby, scratching her face quite bad once daddy was out of sight. My husband DREADED having to call me, which he did right away and I was honestly so disappointed that he did not take what I said seriously: Do not leave them alone! Jealously is a very natural part of who we are as human beings and it rears its ugly head when you least expect it. So, never leave them alone, at least while the baby is so young and defenseless. If you have to use the bathroom, take the baby with you...or lock the baby in a room so the older child does not have access to him/her.

I think everyting will be fine and work out congrats!! One thing I would look for is having your little one repelling or not wanting to do anything i would start right now with having the little one help you in certain thing especial if it has to do with the baby. Don't ban them from the baby either like when you go in to have the baby make sure they get to come and be a part of it before and after and make that one feel very special that not only did they help you with stuff but also that how big Sister they are. I think everything will be fine

My sister and I are 6 years apart. The con was that when growing up we were at such different stages we weren't close. We didn't become really close until we were adults and now we talk everyday. The pro was that my sister was able to help with me A LOT. She would drive me places, babysit me, and was always there to give me guidance. Congrats on your pregnancy!

Congrats, Mama!

My two nieces are almost 5 years apart, and the age gap has been great for them and my BIL & SIL. The girls are VERY close, even today (13 and 8). The big sister was and still is a BIG helper and never had any issues with jealousy. She was very involved in the baby-preparation process, on her own terms, and nothing was "forced".

Also, my BIL deployed to Iraq a year and a half ago...granted, the girls were 11 and 7 when this happened, but it was a big adjustment for them. They did Skype often, talked on the phone as much as possible, and did their best to send cards, letters, packages. My suggestion would be to find a support group (could your husband's military division help with this? the VA? church? local playgroup?) for you and for your kids to have a sense of "normalcy" while your husband is deployed. Also, do you have family and/or good friends in the area? You will definitely need physical and emotional help from them!
The biggest adjustments I witnessed with my BIL & SIL was the weeks just prior to the deployment, and the weeks just prior to his return and following his return (this might be an example of worst case scenario - my SIL has pretty severe anxiety, which was mostly untreated during the deployment...). They got used to living a life "without" him physically present, so it was a big adjustment to figuring out how to incorporate him back in. Added to the fact that he spent a year + in Iraq.....and who knows what kind of stuff he went through/saw there. A year after his deployment, they have since relocated out of state. They are all doing great though, and life for them has returned to "normal".

I'll be praying for your family! May you all be blessed.

One of my good friends planned her kids 5 years apart on purpose. She wanted to be able to spend their first 5 years at home giving them her undivided attention. Her kids get along great (oldest is a boy, youngest is a girl and is now almost 6). Her son is very patient with his sister (no doubt this can vary! lol) for the most part and she seems happy with the way they planned their family. Good luck to you!

My 2 oldest girls are 5 1/2 years apart. I have 13 1/2, 8, 4 1/2,and 1 yo (all girls but 4yo is our boy). Its hard to tell yet how the relationship in age differences with the 1 yo is, but the 8 and 4 1/2 yo get along the best even though they're boy and girl. Now it could just be their personalities too. The 2 oldest girls (13 1/2 and 8 yo) have always had periods where I'd get so tired of their fighting and then they'd have periods where they were getting along great and the oldest would do her sister's hair and they'd play games together. Part of their relationship may also be the fact that the oldest is the first born and has that first born personality in how she treats the younger siblings. Also, she gets very frustrated with the 4 yo but likes and wants to help take care of the baby. Like I said though, it could just be their personalities too. I would say now that the 8 yo and 4 yo old have each other and the 13 yo is in her teeanage years and doing teenager things, its not so bad. I must say that when the 2nd was born that the oldest was great and didnt revert back to baby/toddler things. She wasnt jealous either, even though she was the only child for a long time. She was also in kindergarten and it was nice for me to have alone time with the baby. I guess I'll say it just comes and goes; there are positive times and not so positive times. I guess that's will all siblings but the not so positive times last longer (days rather than just moments). Your kids may be different though ...and I'm not saying its a bad thing; its just different than it is with the others. Oh, and the way you parent probably makes a difference too. You'll still love it all! :) Congrats to you and your family!

My kids are 5.5 years apart (They are 6.5 and 1 yr old now). I have found it to be surprisingly great. My son has had a lot less jealousy with the baby, although he does get jealous. He is much better at expressing himself now and handling his feelings. He can be super helpful and he just loves his little sister. It surprises me how often they play together now - they "chase" each other, or he pushes her on a ride on toy, etc. She just adores everything about him and wants to copy him. This is slightly a problem bc she is fearless and will try to copy whatever he does (like running down a small slide instead of sitting) and of course she is not able to do it yet. She just now has started showing frustration with not being able to do what her big brother is doing. If he is playing a computer game she wants to also...in her frustration she will sometimes try to hit him. We tell her no and move her and try to distract her with something she can do. He does get annoyed with her when she grabs his things, but I believe if he were younger he might have retaliated by hitting or pushing. Now he knows not to do this but he still will get angry. I remind him to just tell me and I will remove her if he is super frustrated with her. Our son tells me on a regular basis how much he loves his little sister and that he thinks she is fun. He loves showing her off to his friends. He will proudly help her down the slides at a play area and loves to try to help her. She loves his attention. One thing I really like is when our daughter was born it was right after our son started Kindergarten. His being in school has been really nice bc she gets my individual attention each day while he is gone. I now can take her to the toddler music and other activities around town in the mornings and she gets a lot of good quality time with me! I think having kids spaced this far apart is much more relaxing. I'm glad we did it this way! Those are just my thoughts off the top of my head. Good luck with your growing family and congrats!

My daughter was awesome from the beginning with my son. They are 5yrs apart. She helped (s) with all kinds of things. Your dd will probably be a Godsend on occasion since your hubby will be on deployment.

Now that my son is 2 and my daughter is 7, they argue sometimes, but she's still an awesome big sister and helps mommy out when I need her.