New Baby on the Way in April

I think I'm in the minority here, but I don't think I would do it. I was in the delivery room with my sister when she delivered her first child and I was traumatized hearing her cry and in so much pain! I was 21! Hers was a very tough, stalled labor ending in a c-section. Would it be possible to bring her in right before you're going to deliver--once you're dilated and know that everything (as far as you know) is going normally? I agree that it would be really amazing for her to see the actual birth, but the hours of pain might be hard to take. Just my thoughts.

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I don't think it is such a good idea because if something goes wrong and she leaves, she will know that something is wrong and it could upset her. You don't want to have to worry about her and neither does our husband. Maybe she could stay with you while you labor but when it is time to start pushing then tell her it is time to go. Let her be the messenger for the rest of the family and let her hold the baby before anyone else does so she feels involved still. Good luck!

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I only have one child so I have not been in this situation but I have a close friend of mine who was in a similar situation. She let her older daughter watch and she was really excited. At one point, my friend wasn't dilating and it was a really long tedious labor so before it got bad, they escorted her little girl out of the room. They assured the little girl that her mom was ok. She brags to her friends now that she was there at the beginning of when her brother was born. I think it's a great idea for her to be there.

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First off, CONGRATS!! Second...I think I am in the minority with my opinion...so please take it just as that, my opinion. I am sure you will make the right decision for you and your family!

I would not let an older sibling into the delivery room becuase as mentioned, something could medically go wrong.

Also, won't YOU be distracted? What if you have to make a critical decision? What if you want to rest in between contractions? Do you want to spend hours answering questions you arent capable of answering? Do you want to have to make sure your daughter is "entertained" during the down time of labor? Even if everything goes totally smoothe during your labor, what about the woman 2 doors down screaming like she is being tortured and cursing a blue streak? Do you want to explain those things to your daughter?

Plus, arent we letting our kids grow up way to fast. I mean, does a 9 year old really need to see what we go thru to know we love them? Do they need to see/hear what happens in the delivery room to feel part of the family? I think there are 100 other ways your daughter can be excited and feel part of the birth without being in the room w/ you.

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Hi J.,
I don't think it is such a good idea to have her there but let me tell you why. I have 5 kids, a 13 yr. old, 5 yr. old, 3 yr. old, 2 yr. old, 1 yr. old and one on the way. As you can see my oldest is quite a bit older than the rest and we have considered having her there several times. If things were guaranteed to go good it would be a great idea but they are not. My 5 yr. old when I was having him his heart rate kept dropping, they almost c-sectioned him, my 3 yr. old after hours of pushing ended up being a forcep delivery, her heart rate kept dropping, they had to give me medicine to stop contractions which made me throw up everywhere and my room was FULL of people because of the complications, and then my 1 yr. old came, she ended up being an emergency c-section. Within 10 minutes her heart rate plummeted, they had to put me under since I didn't have my epidural yet and get her out immediately, when she was born she had to be rushed to the NICU because they thought there was something wrong with her heart, it was very scary for me and my husband, I can't imagine if my daughter had witnessed any of it because it happened so quickly that she would've known something was wrong. I would've loved for my daughter to witness an uneventful healthy birth but you always have the chance of complications. My mom is a labor and delivery nurse and says that if people decide to have another child there you always need to have another person there just to take care of that child in case something happens so your husband can stay with you. There are so many ways to include her without her actually being there for the birth, like maybe just the beginning of labor or being the first one to visit. Good luck with whatever decision you make!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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J.,
I am a doula and and I have had quite a few clients labor and deliver with their older child in the room (ages ranging from 2-13). Each time it has been a wonderful experience for the whole family, including the older child, with the exception of the two year old who slept through most of the process!
The best thing to do might be to talk to your daughter and see how she really feels and if you do have her with you, make sure there is someone to be with her or a place for her to go if she or you decide that it's enough.
Best wishes!

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You don't know if something will go wrong. What if they have to suction out the baby's lungs? What if the baby needs to be intubated? What if you have more pain this time and start screaming? How will you feel if she wanders, um, south of the -- on the other side of the -- where she can graphically see everything? Who will pay attention to her when she gets bored because it takes a really long time/she's hungry/wants to know what *that* button does? You're going to be wiped out at the end. She's going to want her Mommy after all of that and you're going to want to eat, sleep, eat, sleep, try to sit on the donut [repeat].

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Hi, I don't know if this will help or not, but I am the mother of 5 healthy children my youngest being 3, my daughter was a bit older than yours when the baby was born, she was 13. We are very close, and she told me all along she wanted to be there with me, so when she found out she could we brought her in. I won't tell you it was easy, because I did have a very difficult labor, and my son had to be stimulated for a while after he was born, because he didn't want to cry and breath, but she really didn't realize what was going on. There were points where she was nervous, and put the hood of her jacket over her head and face lol, but to this day she and I both are very happy she was there. I've noticed a very tight bond between her and her little brother, she's like a second mommy to him, and this might sound cold, but we live in the wilkes barre area, and more and more girls are having babies in high school. I personally thought it would be good for her to know that those cute little bundles aren't the easiest thing to get here. all in all I think what i'm trying to say is if you feel your daughter is ready for this, the closeness that develops between her and the baby and the lesson learned was well worth the risk. and don't forget, that most delivery rooms have cable tv, and what 9 yr old isn't entertained by that lol. I't is a good idea if your not sure to have someone there that can take care of her when she needs a break, maybe a walk to the cafeteria, gift shop etc., but it is a wonderful experience. good luck with whatever you decide and congrats!!
S.

Actually, just two days ago, my friends almost two yr old girl was in the room to see her baby brother be born.It was great.I think it is a wonderful idea. You are right, she doesnt have to watch, she can just be there to get you whatever you need. She will be great.

That's a tough question. I would say if you had a normal delivery there should be no problem but since you had complications it may be traumatizing for her. Have you talked to her about what could happen? Does she seem ok with it? Honestly, I think if you talk to the doctors and nurses beforehand they will let you know when to get her out of the room. I think if things get crazy they would tell you to have her wait with the rest of your family. I don't think they will allow her to stay if things could possibly get bad. You can just simply tell her that there is a possibility that there may be some problems and regardless at one point or another the doctor may ask her to leave. Explain to her that she shouldn't get upset about it and it's possible they may let her back in. Let the doctors know ahead of time what you want her there for and what you would prefer she not hear or see. It should be fine.

hi J.,
perhaps you could have her in the waiting room with another family member(your mom maybe?) and come into the room when it is time for you to push? as long as someone is there to explain what is happening/keep an eye on her/usher her out if need be. i think it would be a wonderful experience for her. she is old enough to understand and not be traumatized by the fact that its called "labor" for a reason, and it is a miracle.
and don't worry about her seeing you in pain...just prepare her for it.
good luck and congratulations!

Hi J.. I just had a baby in December and my 12 year old daughter was in the delivery room with me for most of the time. She didn't want to be in the room for the actual pushing so she waited in the hallway with my sister for that part. That was her decision though. She could have stayed in the delivery room with me and my husban had she wanted to, although then my mom may have had to wait in the hallway because they said only 2 people could be in for the actual delivery. Not sure how strict they would have been about it though. Good luck with the new baby!

I think it would be a wonderful educational and bonding experience for her. If you're planning a highly interventive birth with lots of tubes and wires sticking to you, an epidural, being confined to bed, pushing on your back, maybe an episiotomy, then I wouldn't advise letting her watch that. Too much of that on TV causing young women to be terrified of the birth process. And it increases the likelihood of something going wrong. Then again, I wouldn't advise planning that anyway. ;)

I would suggest reading some good books on natural birth together, and hire a doula. The doula could help her out if she needs anything during as well; take her out of the room if things get scary, or take her out for ice cream if it's dragging on.

I THINK IT WOULD BE AWESOME TO HAVE HER THERE.IF THERE IS A PROBLEM THAT DEVELOPES THERE WILL BE ENOUGH TIME TO HAVE HER LEAVE THE ROOM. MAKE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT SHE IS ONLY ABLE TO BE THERE AS LONG AS THERE ARE NO COMPLICATIONS!

Hi J., congratulations on your soon-to-be new arrival! I was in a similar situation when I had my daugher. My 11 year old daughter wanted to be in the labor room with us when I had my baby last September. I didn't think it was a good idea, I thought it would just be too much for her to handle but I also didn't want to make her feel left out so I agreed. Let me tell you, the moment they put the IV into my arm, some blood squirted out everywhere (sorry for the gore) and she almost fainted! To make a long story short, the nurses ushered her out of the room & she had to go into the waiting room with the rest of my family. During the time that she was in the room (we came into the hosptal while I was in active labor) I could tell that it upset her that I was in pain with the contractions. Labor is hard enough on it's own to have to worry about how everyone around you is doing. Based on my experience I wouldn't recommend it but labor is different for everyone and you need to do what feels right for you. It is an incredible experience to be able to share with those that you love. The right answer will come to you!

I don't see anything wrong with having her there if she wants to be there as long as your hospital allows it. Just make sure that someone is there for her in case she needs to leave the room so your husband doesn't have to leave too.
H.

Prior to being very pregnant now, I worked as a doula. I've attended births where children as young as 2 years were present. The important thing is to prep them for it with books and later video. Respect their wishes if they don't want to be there. Also don't expect them to be there for the whole birth. Usually the kids are there for crowning. Make sure you have someone to be with your daughter throughout the whole process who is comfortable with the birth experience. I remember a 2 1/2 year old who asked me why his mommy was screaming. I told her she is just working really hard to bring his brother into the world just like she did with him. He seemed to be okay with that answer. If someone is fearful of birth, she or he will make the child fearful as well. Since your daughter is older, she can actually be more helpful to you during labour. Since you had a hard labour it's important for you to deal with some of the fears you might have as well. If you are having a hospital birth, some hospital policies won't allow a child to attend or it depends on your doctor. If you have more question or would like to talk more, feel free to contact me.

Y.

hi J. if my oldest daughter was old enough to have her in the delivery room i would have.just so she would feel a part of the experience and know what you went through to bring her into the world. how much love you had for her that you went through all that for her. and now your doing it again i think it is a great learning experince and at the age of 9 they are really smart they would understand and not get scared as easily. i know my oldest daughter is 9 but acts like she's 20 good luck with your decision and i hope this helps.

HI J. MY OLDEST IS 12. SHE WANTED TO BE IN THE DELIVERY ROOM WITH HER LITTLE SISTER. SHE WAS ALSO 9 AT THE TIME. SHE HAD WAITED A LONG TIME FOR A LITTLE SISTER. I HAVE A 16 YR OLD STEP SON AND TWO BOS OF MY OWN THEY ARE 9 & 6. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE WAS VERY EXCITED TO HAVE A GIRL IN THE FAMILY. I HAD A ROUGH PREGNANCY WITH MY 3RD CHILD SO BECAUSE OF THAT I DIDNT WANT HER IN THE ROOM IN CASE SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN WITH THE 4TH CHILD. WHICH IT DID MY CERVIX RIPPED. SO I AM GLAD SHE WASNT THERE. I WOULD SAY ITS NOT A BIG DEAL TO HAVE THEM IN THE ROOM EXCEPT YOU SAID YOU HAD A DIFFICULT BIRTH WITH HER. SO I WOULDNT LET HER IN JUST IN CASE YOU HAVE A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE. GOOD LUCK ON WHATEVER YOU CHOSE AND MANY CONGRATS TO YOU LET US KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING AND WHAT YOU HAVE. STEPH

I think that you need to trust your instincts. Most first labors are bad but that is rarely a two time ordeal. I think that if you sit down with your daughter and explain it to her she will understnad. Let her know that things may happen and she may have to leave the room. You may also tell her that you may be in pain but it is worth it to get to bring a new life into the world.
if she does come in the room be sure to be flexible and remove her if necessary. Have a family member their that she is close with to stay with her and that she feels comfortable talking to what happened.

Trust your instincts.

i will let you know my daughter was 6 when my son was born and i was able to have in there while i was ok then once it got worse i really didnt want her to get scared or cry i wante dher to be happy so she went out the room for a little while but she could come in whenever she wanted to she wanted to be in there to but when it came to it i was like not now in a little while so i hope all that helped out
good luck and god bless

Check with the hospital before you make any decisions. There may be an age limit...as far as who gets to be in the delivery room. There was a policy that if a child is going to be in the room for delivery he/she will have to go to a class that explains, in their language, what they will expect. The limit at my hospital was age 6. You may also want to consider showing her a video of an actual birth so she can see what will happen.
Good luck with the new baby! Best wishes to you & your family.

J.,

Check with the hospital. I gave birth twice at a birthing center with midwives (no doctors) and they had a sibling class to prepare children for what they might see during the birth of the baby. They were able to evaluate the children and see if being in the room would be appropriate for them. It would be a wonderful opportunity for everyone, but given the history of your first delivery, I would make sure that your daughter is well informed and well prepared to be there if you do decide to allow her to take part.

You may want to consider a birthing center as well, if you're not considered high risk. Could make for a beautiful experience, and could lessen your chances of a difficult labor. There's one right in Bryn Mawr. They're website is http://www.thebirthcenter.org/. They are in network for Aetna US Healthcare, Keystone Healthplan East and Personal Choice. Not to mention about 25 others.

Your title says April and your post says August. If it is August you have plenty of time to decide what to do.

Good luck!!

I think it's an amazing gift that you can give your daughter. Just make sure that she has her own support person who can take her out of the room if she wants to leave or if you feel that she should leave. Talk to her ahead of time that you may have to ask her to step out if anything changes and that her Auntie or neighbor or someone will be there with her the whole time if she wants to leave.

Don't let the fear of something going wrong keep her from experiencing something truly miraculous and beautiful.

I came across this article today, and thought it might help if you decide to have your daughter there.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/157924/how_to_pr...

It has some great ideas to help prepare her. She is old enough to understand that sometimes things don't go as expected, but if she is prepared it wont be as tramatic. If you decide to have her there, have a support person there for her. Someone to tend to her needs who can explain what is happening, or to take her out of the room or even out of the hospital if needed.
My daughter was unexpectedly born at home, and my older children were across the hall. My oldest loves to talk about being there when his sister was born.

Congratulations! I haven't been in the identical situation, however both my brothers were born at home and I was present for both. I was only 6 with the first one but, I was 10 for the second. It was a life changing experience. I have never forgotten the "miracle" I witnessed. As for things going wrong, my brother was not breathing when he was born and the cord broke as well. So, the trauma you speak of can be very real...but not so scary that it takes away all the wonder of the experience. I would just say, the only real risk long term will be with your daughter once she is ready to have a child...by this I mean, I was unable to deliver naturally and had to have an emergency c-section which was really hard after experiencing the natural births of my brothers. Otherwise, I feel it really made me a better big sister. Best of luck to your family. By the way, I'm due in May with my second child. My other son will be 3 in May. My family is new to PA, we just moved here from Kansas City about 3 weeks ago. Are you new to the area, or just the website? If new to area, email me and we can learn the terrain together?! Best wishes.

Hi J., Congrats and best of luck. First and most important check with the hospital and also see if there are child birth classes for sibling presence. Alot of hospitals have those. If yes take her so she is prepared. Are you planning on an epidural? Did you have one last time? Having one can keep you relatively comfertable and thus less stressfull for all of you. Make sure whatever decision you come to is together with your hubby and with his full support.
Take care