18 answers

Neighbors and Favors...............

Hi I have a little situation that I would love to have some advice on. My neighbor whom I have recently developed a friendship with in the past 3 months has asked me to keep her 2 year old son. Heres the backstory: We both have boys 8 years old and 2 years old. Our older boys go to school together and we frequently carpool the older boys to school. However she recently decided to take her toddler out of full time daycare for financial reasons. She has her own business and teaches a 3hr class twice a week. Well she asked me to take care of her son one day this past week and I willing did so. I was afraid she would ask again and she did. I really dont want to, but I feel obligated to do so because she is so nice and would do it for me if I needed her to. BUt on the other hand I work from home overnight and I have my 2 yr old on a schedule and we wake up and nap at the same time each day. Keep her son on this one day interferes with our routine which throws of my work schedule because if my son is ate to nap that means he late to go to bed and that mean I have o start working later and stay up longer and in turn I cant get up to take my son to school the next day and I'm super tired and dont have the energy I need for the day for my toddler thats home for me. She has offered to keep m 2 yr old for me another day in the week but Im not comfortable with leaving him with anyone which is why he is still home with me. I just dont know what to do. I dont want to ruin this new frienship or hurt the frienship with our older boys. Please give me your opinion on what you think I should do. She does have the option to put him in a mothers day out near our home but I dont think she wants to do that because she doesnt want to pay for childcare but I dont think that its right of her to impose on me in this way.

What can I do next?

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Honey, you need to read the OVERWHEMINGLY WONDERFUL responses to a similar Q I asked last year. ((Love, love, love the women on this site!!!))

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/17804342602795974657

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If being honest with her and not being able to say no except ruining the friendship is how things are, she's not really your friend. Do you really want to be friends with someone who only wants to be your friend so they can use you? I hope not.

Tell her you cannot do it and why.

D.

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Just say that it doesn't work with your family or schedule. If she's the type to take offense, then she's not going to be a good friend.

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I think if it were me I would tell her it is just too much on me. Tell her you work during the time your son is taking a nap etc. If she wants to be friends I am sure that won't change anything. Good luck to youl

3 moms found this helpful

Be honest. It's ok if it doesn't work out, and if it has an impact on your friendship- is it really worth it? Her finances aren't your issue. Her situation is having an impact on your situation. Doesn't seem fair, and as a friend you should be honest with her. If she's your friend she'll understand and respect your position.

3 moms found this helpful

I have encountered this with the neighbors across from me. We were neighbors for about 9 years and he quit his job and then started asking people to pick up his kids, watch them, take them to football practice, you name it. Well, my turn came. I watched his son one time. He was about nine years old, so pretty self sufficient, however, I felt bad to walk up stairs and to my routine, as he lie on the couch. So the following week, called and asked again. I asked, who normally watches him, where is he going, will he eat before coming over, where is the mother, where is the step mother, what time will he be picked up, by who, does he have things arranged for the next week, and on and on, yet very polite. I received a call about an our later to never mind, he had it handled. The next morning, I stepped outside and waived and said good morning like I normally did.

They moved and he called my husband and asked what he was up to and said they would be right over and my husband played 20 questions and we never saw them.

It seems she never asked you, so ask her some questions about her intentions, you are entitled.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think your reasons (the whole nap/work thing) are something you need to worry about when you talk to her. It really doesn't matter what your reasons are and you don't need to justify yourself. You don't mind doing it in a pinch (like the first time) nor once in a while if something else falls through for some reason, but it doesn't work for you. period.

She certainly realizes that it can interfere with daily plans, as that is why she is having to find care for him during the day to start with. If you WANT to soften it, just be careful that you don't turn it into "excuses" why it doesn't work.. because that will just give her an opening to try to "fix" them and continue asking you to keep him. It would probably be best to just let her know that it just doesn't work for you, and that you hope the Mother's day out (or whatever else is available in your area that she is considering) works out ok.

Be happy and cheerful, when you have the conversation, and she should be the same. If you go into it with too much of an apologetic attitude, she will follow THAT cue and assume that you have a reason to apologize.

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I feel for you, this is a tough position to be in. If you give in you will be bitter and it will ruin the relationship, you will take it out on your kids and you will be very unhappy. After being a "yes" girl for so long I started getting so angry and not realzing why until it was pointed out to me by a councelor. After awhile it gets easier standing up for yourself and it is so freeing being honest with others and it always works out okay and no one is upset. It took me a long time to get this way and boy do I love it, when I can help I do with a helpful attitude but when it doesn't work out I say "sorry, no". I would be honest with her and tell her what you told us. Tell her how you don't mind helping her out when she is in a bind but she can't commit to a schedule like this because of your schedule. If you say yes I can see what will happen, you will feel so take advantage of. I encourage you to be honest in a loving way and I bet the no relationships will be bruised. Good luck, it will turn out ok and you will feel so free. You are not a bad person for saying no, it is hard enough being a mommy and pleasing our family all the time let alone the outside world.

1 mom found this helpful

Honey, you need to read the OVERWHEMINGLY WONDERFUL responses to a similar Q I asked last year. ((Love, love, love the women on this site!!!))

http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/17804342602795974657

1 mom found this helpful

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