I know it's been asked before but here it goes.
I live on a street with about 15-20 houses. There is about an acre between the houses. the street does not have a double yellow line, or any lines, painted on it, but doesn't have a marked speed limit either. Therefore the speed limit is 55. There are about 10 cars/hour that go up and down the street. Most of them go rather quickly and about half of them are teenagers. There are only 3 boys my sons age, two boys a couple years older and then some girls at random ages. We moved here a year and 3 months ago and just now getting into playing with the kids.
My son is in class and enjoys playing with one of the boys his age. This child lives pretty far down the road. The road curves, so I can not see their house from ours. I usually walk down there and visit with him the few times we have made it down there. The other boy his age is ALWAYS out in the street, riding his bike. Him and his brother come over EVERY DAY and ask if my son can play. When they are here they push limits. They ask to do things they know they are not allowed to do if I'm out there watching, if I'm not visible I can hear them asking and trying to encourage my son to do the things I have just told him not do. I feel like I have to stop whatever I'm doing and watch the boys. Tonight the two troublesom boys came down while we were on our way down to play with my sons friend. They did go ask if they could go down to the other childs house and they were told no--but followed me anyways because their mom wasn't watching and at most they get yelled at. The other child wasn't home. We came back home and the boys played in the yard for an hour and half. No parent ever walked down to check on the boys and they can not see my yard from their house.
The boys question every rule--why does he wear a helmet? why can't we all ride the quad (which is not allowed out when friends are over at all!)? the list goes on. They get all the toys out of the garage and rarely stay around to clean up--normally mom is yelling for them to get home now b/c she has no clue where they are or pulling up in the driveway with the truck yelling at them to get in.
I understand there are only 3 kids on the street, and I really don't want to leave anyone out. But my son and his friend can play well together. Both his mom and I are out there watching or taking turns watching. We both find the third child (and his brother and even the older sister) very overwhelming. Today they said something about "O we are allowed to do it as long as we are with an adult we know. So we are with you." GRRR! I don't want to be a babysitter! I work full time and am a single mom. My son knows the rules so that I can accomplish things while he is here. With these other boys, I can't, I have to stop and watch them or at least check on them every two minutes or so--and normally they are doing something "wrong" by my standards.
I have talked to the mom of the boys, just small talk, when my son was in their yard playing. I was near by watching, talking with a different neighbor when she came out. She said that she is always watching her boys, but they are honorary and keep at it. I wouldn't trust her to take turns watching the boys play because of that conversation.
So, what do you do about the neighborhood kids that aren't being watched by their parents?
Thank you ladies!! :) I will stick to my guns even with the friends. I love the idea of the rules in the garage. That's great! I'm still not sure how to not be late on dinner since I'm outside watching them and not in cooking but we shall see how this goes!
:) The last two nights haven't been horrible...although the kids have been down here for 3 or more hours each night--never seeing one of their parents. Although we have had to eat dinner late because I can't be in the house and watching at the same time it has not been HORRIBLE. I did have to intervene when they decided a mallet and a metal spatula were weapons of choice for sword fighting. :-/
Hi, we live in a similar type neighborhood. It amazes me how many of the parents let their kids play outside without supervision. There is a 5 year old girl who lives across the street from me and I watched her older brothers tie a plastic trash can lid to their bike and proceed to pull the girl around in it even on the paved road! Needless to say, I don't let my daughter play with them. I would definately set rules.
I can tell you what I did. I just flat told the kids "I'm stuck with my kids, I'm not stuck with you. Mind, follow the rules or go home. I don't take back talk from my kids and I sure won't be taking it from you. My house, my rules. If you don't like it, go home."
Don't be afraid to be blunt, and don't be afraid to send them home. They will learn to either behave or stay home. If their Mom doesn't like it, tell her to keep them home.
It worked!!
Set limits and boundaries for your own child. For your own property. For other kids who come over.
I hear it's the newest fad.
Pass it on.
There is an untrustworthy girl in my neighborhood and my kids are just not allowed to play with her, period. But I think we may have different issues, because questioning your rules and not cleaning up after themselves is not as bad as the issues we have with her (she has been caught stealing from a couple of neighbors)
I agree that it takes a village to raise kids. No, it's not your responsibility to be the babysitter, but when you have kids over at your house, they absolutely need to follow your rules or leave. Period. Lay down the law, The next time they are over, sit them down with some cookies and say you need to have a talk. Explain to them that you have been concerned with specific issues you have seen, plus the idea that they question the way you do things and let them know that is disrespectful. Let them know your basic ground rules and some things that you hold dear, and let them know that you love having them over to play with your son but the only way you can allow them to continue to come over is if they follow your rules, and whenever they break a rule they will be sent home that day. Also, any time they come to your house, you should make a new rule where you hand them the phone and INSIST that they call their mom to tell her where they are.
I'm totally in agreement with Lets C. As the "adult in charge" by default, you do want to set the tone and the expectations when your son is playing with other kids.
Thank him when he shares that the other kids are teasing or tempting him to break your rules. Assure him that your rules are reasonable, and you feel sad for kids whose parents don't provide that kind of loving oversight. He may appreciate that a great deal more than he lets on. Kids crave knowing what their limits are, and sometimes appreciate having a "tough" parent on which they can "blame" the rules they secretly appreciate.
It might be helpful to let your son help set some of those limits. When he's out of your sight, he will still be more likely to keep to limits he's helped establish. And when the kids are in your area, be clear that you'll end the games if you have to ride herd on them because they are constantly pushing safety rules. "Sorry, but that's life, kids. Think it over, and try again tomorrow."
Good luck, mom. It sounds to me like you're doing a good job.
okay so i looked at your profile and i saw your son is 6 - at 6, yes i would want to be there watching or have someone i trust watching. that is so young! i would make a rule, first of all, that your son can only play with them at your house. no going to their house. S., i would lay down the law with the other boys and expect them to follow the rules or they can't play at your house anymore. third, i would try to talk to the mom (this part sucks i know - i would have a really hard time with it) and let her know, her boys are welcome to come play, but (in a sympathetic, i hear ya sister kind of tone maybe), "my husband and i have a little stricter rules than your boys seem used to following, so they will have to stick to our rules when they come over..." give her a heads up. and for your own sake, hold your ground. sounds like soon these boys will be taking all kinds of liberties they shouldn't on your property. they have to know you'll reign them in. it's a tough situation. be strong mama you can get through this. just don't compromise. your house/yard, your rules.
Goodness gracious! Please don't base your trust of her off of one conversation. You are not a babysitter, you are a mom in a community. With that comes being a positive role model for your children's friends. Period. Set up your rules for company( put away toys before you leave, etc) and stick to them. If the boys can't accomplish that, they can come over when they are able to. Touch base with their mom on your expectations at your house. Be nice to her. ps I think you meant "ornery", as "honorary" means "with honor":)
You can't parent them (and if you speak to their mom she will most likely go all defensive) so I would stick to parenting your own. I would sit your son down and be frank about your concerns that these kids are jeopardizing their own safety and possibly his. You should reiterate that no doubt (of course!) your household has many, many rules that they don't have, but they must be followed at your house by your son and by any guests. Maybe you and the other responsible mom/kid can make this a 4-way conversation so that both boys can sing off the same song sheet.
It might be helpful to post some "house rules" in the garage with the very most important ones.
I would also be very clear with the troublemakers next time they say that "it's ok to do things with an adult we know" that you are not and cannot be responsible for them. If they do break an important safety rule (again the quad) and then cite THAT as a reason for transgressing, that IS a reason to speak to their mother. Because you CANNOT be responsible for their safety, and you can't guarantee that they won't get hurt. Nor can you be responsible for uninvited guests because you may not even know they are there! Frame it as concern for them rather than annoyance because otherwise you will meet a deaf ear.
I had an issue with my son where the neighbor kid was just a bad influence and his mother never paid attention to what the kids were up to. I would catch them looking at/listening to inappropriate things on the computer. I would find them sword fighting with fence pickets, with nails. She just didn't watch them at all. Then she would ask for me to watch her son while she "ran errands" for an hour. And he was a kid that you couldn't allow independence. I literally had to check every few minutes. She would not pick up her cell phone and would finally show up hours later. The last time she did this was on Christmas Eve, she left at 1pm and finally came home at 7:30p. Can you imagine? Sadly, I think most of us can. My son really didn't like the kid, but he would say yes to playing with him. Then I told my son to tell the boy, "My mom says I can't play." Then I would get the blame and my son had an out. If it was me, I would just tell your kids that they cannot play at the neighbor's house and the neighbors can't come over to play. They're not safe and don't follow the rules and you are not going to have something happen to your kids.
S.
This is a very tough question. I have been in a similar spot before with my kids and neighborhood boys. We lived on a street where a family had 10 kids and these boys would come over all the time too. Their mother rarely seemed to know or care about where they were. They too would cause trouble.
I found that after a while I simply had to "make-up" excuses as to why my kids could not play. I would take them out to parks, ect. to stay away from those boys. After a while they stopped coming around.
If talking to the mom does not help and she does not teach her boys morals and respect then you may have to get creative or simply tell them they cannot play with your kids because they do not follow your rules.
Remember it is your house and your rules and if they do not like it they can leave.
Good luck I wish you the best.
If you don't mind getting right to the point, send the parents a bill for your babysitting service.
We had a similiar situation at our old house. I am so glad we moved lol. As hard as it is, you may need to start telling them that if they cant obey your rules at all times when they are at your home, they wont be welcome back to play.Its annoying and unfair to be stuck watching kids that clearly the parents dont supervise. And who clearly have little boundaries. I got extremely tired of it myself, and it got to the piont where I was immediately sending these kids right home. They never listened, were rude and pushy and I got tired of dealing with someone elses headaches. Their parents never even knew where they were half the time, and their youngest was just turning 4!!! Its a bad influence on your child, and honestly if somethng were to happen to these kids at your house, how do you think their irresponsible mother would deal with it? That was always a fear of mine as well. I know its hard because they're just kids, but dont let them walk all over you. Its not fair to you or your son!
