Neighbor Boy and My Son

HI D.
THAT IS YOUR SON,YOUR ENVIROMENT, DO WHAT U FEEL IS NEEDED TO KEEP A PEACEFUL HOME. I LEARNED THAT I WAS THE ONE RESPONSIBLE, SO WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT HE'LL HAVE FRIENDS JUST NOT THAT ONE, AT LEAST NOT FOR NOW, WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR CHILDREN AT AN EARLY AGE IS WHAT WILL STAY WITH THEM THOUGHOUT LIFE.
CHARITY

I am shy also so I can relate. we have issues with the child across the street, how about they need to play over at your house

B.

D.-
I've been where you are-
We had a neighbor who was the only boy near our son's age who started out as a great playdate and turned into a problem. We started "not being available." This is where is has to be ok to tell a little fib as a parent in the name of protection. If the boy comes over, you just tell him your son can't play right now. If you feel better offering a reason, tell him you're about to run an errand or you are making dinner. Remember, it doesn't have to make perfect sense- he's 8 years old.
Also, if you want to have him play with your son where you can keep an eye, only allow them to play together at your house. If he's mean or inappropriate, tell him "we don't use those words" or "We don't do that" at our house. Your house, your rules!
As for looking for other playdates, there are so many MOPs groups in the area- I'd suggest looking for one and see if you or your son hit it off with anyone. Also, local libraries hold story times, you may run into someone who lives near you if you go to the story time at your local branch.
Good luck!
L. H.

My suggestion is either over see the playtime or maybe get him into a play group. I wont allow my kids to play with others who are bullies or talk bad. Thats just me though. I would maybe tell the child while playing at your house, if he is going to continue not playing nice or talking bad, that you won't allow your son to play with him anymore. I have had to do this. I don't think I would go to the parents/ grandparents they usually think their kid does NO wrong! If that doesnt work I would put an end to their playing until the lil boy straightens up.

D.:

You mentioned that this boy "does and says some things that are not appropriate"........such as?? Also, what types of games is he teaching him? Not to be an alarmist, but these details are very important. Before advising further, need more info.

A. L

Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and seek out play groups. You know how impressionable kids are at this age. My own 5 year old is a school bully and the older kids are training him well. I can't tell you how many new phrases I've heard lately.

MetroTulsaMoms on Yahoo Groups are mostly from BA and there are a lot of them in the TulsaMomandToddler group on Yahoo as well but they're just not active right now.

I had a similar situation with my daughter (who was 4 at the time), playing with the 7 year old down the street. This 7 year old would ride her bike down to our house, not look for cars, and ride in the middle of the street. She would also tell my daughter that she wouldn't come down to play if they didn't do what she wanted to.
I listened in on their play sessions and would interupt when I heard things like this. I would tell her that if she wasn't nice that she could go home, and my daughter would not be allowed to play with her. I think that this child was wanting to be friends, but thought that because she was older that things would always go her way. Once I set her straight, her and my daughter played very well together, however, I still stay close by with an ear on the conversation when she is there.
Good luck with this. I know from experience that it is extremely hard to deal with this. You try to let your child have independence and make their own decisions, but to think that someone is mistreating your child is unnerving!
Good luck,
J.

I would hate to say it but if the lil boy isn't playing nice and not using nice language I wouldn't let him play with the other boy.

I agree about talking with your son and reinforcing to him what is and is not appropriate behavior and language. He will be hearing somewhere regardless, and you are the best example he has when it comes to what is okay for him.If the other little boy continues the behavior that you disapprove of, try limiting the amount of time that your son is allowed to play at his house. In your own home, you can tell the boy what is not okay to be said and done. If nothing else works for you, you may unfortunately have to put a stop to play time together with the boys. I had to do that with my neighbor's children. They were always allowed by their parents to play at my house, but their kids started repeating the parents, telling my kids that "My mom and dad said you can't come to our house anymore" with no reason as to why. The parents quit talking to us, would tell their kids that they could eat dinner at our house without first seeing if it was okay with us, etc. To this day I have no idea why they suddenly had a problem with my family. But my kids would continually get their feelings hurt by what their friends said to them, and I finally had to tell the other kids that it wasn't a good time for my kids to play. I only said it once to them, and their parents no longer sent them over. It can be upsetting, but looking out for your child's feelings comes first, andif other kids, or their parents, aren't willing to teach their child good manners, then they aren't friends you will want your child having later on down the road. Good luck, and hopefully things will work out to the best scenario for you and your son.

I'm shy to an extent as well... however as I get older, I'm coming out of my shell more. (I just got tired of caring what others think of me)

We moved to a small town close to 2 years ago and I know how hard it can be to meet other people, esp w/ kids your child's age. But here's what we did... I began talking to the K teacher, other parents and we joined a really great church. My kids have a selection of friends now. And one of my older daughter's best friends decided not to be friends with her anymore. It goes back and forth on any given day, but I just started getting her together w/ a different little girl. I also made the point of telling her to open up more and introduce herself to other kids. Start eating lunch and playing at recess with DIFFERENT kids. She's been making more friends lately and seems happier.

Bottom line is, with the age our kids are at, it's more up to the parents to "pick" their kids friends. For now at least. And if this neighbor boy is that much older and disrespectful, you're going to just have to end it. If you've talked to his grandmother and that hasn't gotten you anywhere, maybe you haven't made your point. Or if you think you have, then I'd just cut your son's losses. It's not worth your son having a friend whose parents/guardians don't respect you and your rules.

Best of luck!
~K.

Unfortunately if it's not the neighbor kid, it'll be kids at school/daycare that will be "schooling" your son on new neat words! I would just explain to your son that those words are not ok to say. Also, that he can stand up for himself when friends are being bossy and doing things that he doesn't think is right. (good early lessons in peer pressure)

I would also talk with his parents/guardian like you did and try to have them play at your house or encourage your son to pick friends at school that he likes to come over and play.

That is a substantial age difference between your son and the neighbor. I would find some friends for him closer to his age. My 3 yr old grandson has a neighbor that is 7 and he told my grandson he has to do what he says because he is bigger and older and some things were not appropriate or safe so my son stopped allowing him to visit at their home. If he enjoys playing with this boy, maybe you could only allow it when he visits your home so you can oversee the playtime. Good luck.