Needing Support with Cry It Out Method

I'm going to take this from the opposite approach, not to flame anyone who chooses the cry it out method, but just for food for thought that there may be a different method that will work for you and some rationales behind it.

First of all, speaking as a pediatric nurse, I would want to make sure there isn't anything medical going on (ears, teething, reflux). Could he be hungry and just not getting enough before bedtime?
How strict is your bedtime routine? We found with our kids that routine was key. And my husband and I had to do things the exact same way. The routine gave them predictability, which finally helped them sleep.

I used to be really anti co-sleeping, pro crying it out, etc. That was until I adopted 2 babies -- one came home at 5 months and my dd who is now one and came home at 10 months. With my son, it took 8 months before he slept through the night, so believe me, I know about the sleep deprivation!!! It was AWFUL and we didn't function well. But we also learned pre adoption and since that the cry it out was not recommended at all and discouraged becuase of their emotional needs. They had been through a lot, transitioned a lot, and they needed to build trust for us. And if we didn't respond to each cry, how could they do this? And honestly if you look back at child developmental theorists (back to Erik Erikson), the first developmental stage of an infant is to develop trust and that is largely done through a caregiver meeting their needs consistently and responding to their cries. As hard as it is, realize it's NORMAL for your baby to cry and for you to want to respond at this stage! While that's normal, we also have to figure out what to do so you can get some uninterrupted sleep so you can function (and I agree, mommies need their sleep to have happy babies!).

We took things one thing at a time and having a single goal at a time helped. For our kids, it was important to us to have them sleep through the night before teaching them to fall asleep on their own. We would rock them completely to sleep. We had a crib beside my side of the bed so I could comfort my dd if she cried (neither one needed a nighttime bottle). Slowly but surely the sleeping through the night got better. We moved her to her room and one of us alternated sleeping on an airmattress. She got to the point if she woke all we had to do was quietly say "shhh" and she'd go back to sleep. By alternating nights, at least every other night I'd get a good night's sleep. Now she sleeps through the night. She's only been home 3 months. For my son, we had discovered this method WAY late and wish we had done this sooner! Now dh and I are in our room, dd is in her room and we use the monitor but she sleeps soundly. Now we are working on her falling asleep on her own and we're doing this by a strict bedtime routine, then we put her down in bed after rocking and cuddles but she's awake. Then one of us lies down on the airmattress. It first took an hour for her to fall asleep, then 30 minutes, now it just takes a few minutes. I know probably in a week or so I'll be able to just put her down and she'll go to sleep on her own. But if she were to cry and get really upset, I would still respond. She needs to build that trust for me.
We did this method with our son (and actually he was older when we implemented it, so for naps I'd just sit by his crib and read-- no eye contact and no talking). He never got upset, but if he were to I would've just given a quick "it's okay" and a quick hug but no picking up and just continue to sit by him. To me, if he cried (not hysterics)as long as I was there and reassured him once and continued to sit there this was not the same as leaving them in a room alone to cry. He know his needs were met, I was there providing the security and he needed to learn to go to sleep. And he did learn to fall asleep on his own within days.

With that said, my son (now 4.5) never developed any bad sleep habits at all. He came home at 5 months and slept through the night at 13 months (equivalent of an 8 month old if you take away the time spent in another country) and fell asleep on his own very shortly after that. He's been a champ sleeper since.

If you wanted to cosleep, I would recommend a crib next to your bed rather that the baby in your bed.

In the end you have to make the choice that will work best for you, but this is what worked for us and it never created any habits. It took a little time, but it was worth it and it also met my kid's needs.

Good luck and I hope you get some rest soon!

Just wanted to add: sometimes wearing the baby during the day has helped both my kids sleep better at night. Don't know why it works exactly but it does (maybe the extra snugglies during the day?). I highly recommend a chunei carrier, it's the most comfortable one I've worn. Also, wearing the same scent every day and putting a little bit of it on their bedsheet, blanket, or lovey helps as they associate the scent with comfort. I wore lavendar lotion and put a little on my son's wrist each night.

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Hi K.,

I feel your pain my third child was like that. Please don't let anyone tell you that you will spoil your baby by picking up when she cries, it is impossible to spoil an infant it will only create mistrust as this is their only means to communicate. Once of the things I try out was to have an extra bed in the baby's room (like a guess bed)and I would lay down with her at nap time or night time. Wait til she relaxed and naturally fall stleep then I would just leave her on the big bed with a bed rail or something to keep her from rolling off. If you think she would not wake up then transfer to her crib. She needs the security to have you near. I worked at a daycare in the infant room and I could not resist those babies crying themselves to sleep it was more than I could bare (and they were not even mine). Sometimes swaddling works too. Good luck ! and try to remember that this is not something she's doing on purpose and be patient, it will pass.

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Hi K.:
First, I don't believe in the CIO method. Never have and never will.Its not only stressful for you, but for your baby.You didn't mention anything about introducing stage one foods for your baby. I realize, that your nursing your daughter,but it sounds like she isn't satisfied after four hours.That would be normal for her to wake,for nursing. If your allowing her to cry it out,when shes waking at 4:30,then your ignoring her cries for milk.If you are getting agitated,because she continues to wake after 4 hours, I'd begin her on a little cerial and fruit before bedtime. Not in her bottle.Drs. frown on that.Its not safe,and at 5 mos. your baby needs to (learn how to eat solids).then nurse her.See if that carries her over for a longer sleep. The best to you and your darlin daughter

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Hi K.,
I have to respond to this as it was a major issue for me too. I have 3 kids and I don't know any magical trick, but I will tell you, with my 1st son this method backfired terribly. There was a popular book at the time, not yours, but same method. That method was basically, let the child cry but you can go in the room so he or she can see you but you can't pick them up and must keep leaving for longer periods of time. Only problem was my son was a sensitive little person and I didn't know it at the time but because of this temperament it was just like torture to him and caused him to be so afraid of sleep that it ended up making him very scared and insecure and that's NOT what you want to do to a new little human. Now some kids can take it, know you're there, feel secure, and go to sleep. I only did this one horrible night and it stands out in my memory as a traumatic event for us both. The second night, when I started the process again, he was in such a panic when he saw I was going to do this again to him that after I shut the door he threw up all over from sheer panic - that was when I picked him up, hugged him tightly for a long time and took him right to bed with me. I regretted doing that to him all these years. Remember, you can't spoil kids within the first 12 mos. (at least!) by responding to their cries. They are helpless and you are setting them up to be secure individuals by responding to them. By NOT responding, you build up "mistrust" and some scary behaviors can be the result. So my advice - if the temperament of your baby can handle it, they say go for it. But if you see that it makes her panicked and scared, don't continue. It's a hard phase of life when a mom can't sleep (God knows we all know that!!!) but time will go by and it will get better and they sleep longer and longer and then you'll get to sleep all night long. Hang in there and get some good coffee!! I sympathize, and I wish you good luck. I hope this helps.
M. C.

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CIO is not always the best method. if she is not making it from teh 12:30 feeding to 6am or 7am, then perhaps she is half asleep for the 12:30 feeding and not getting enough milk to last until the morning.
you may also want to try doubling her up with an extra feding between 7pm and 12:30am so that she if full and can do a longer stretch.
my 5 month old was sleeping through the night from 10 weeks, but after a month of traveling, having house guests, and then catchng his first cold (which required lots of nursing but cleared up his cold in two days) he is back to waking up in middle of night. So i am starting all over.
try not to follow exacty what any one book/method recommends - adjust teh feedings and the schedule so that it works for you and your baby.
one last suggestion...when i found myslef getting frustrated, i would smile and sing the baby lullibies - it really helped to soothe the baby AND me.

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I totally understand how you feel. I also have a 6 month old boy. he is a good sleeper and doesn't cry much, except when we put him to sleep. and Boy can he scream..

The most important thing I have learned is to listen to the way your baby cries... Wailing cry, mumbling cry, crying with eyes closed, crying with eyes open. My baby is communicating to me through his cries. Sometimes he is crying because he also is having trouble sleeping and wants to sleep but cannot. Also my doctor advised me 5 mins for every month.. so its okay for your baby to cry for 25 mins.. after that.. go in and check.. reassure her with your voice.. of course she will be crying.. but she sees you and try your best not to pick her up (I know this is also very tough)

My husband and I often have to restrain each other from going into the room... we sit together and hold each others hand while listening to our baby cry it out..

He now only cries less than 5 mins and has gone through ezcema (really bad itching), teething (he has 3 teeth) and now a little cold. All with the cry it out method. Each obstacle made the method a challenge, but somehow he still fell asleep.

oh.. on more thing I noticed you don't have... I give my little boy a bath as part of his routine for going to sleep. Its almost like he knows when bath time starts.. next is lotions and Ezcema creams, a little breast milk and then off to the crib. He sometimes falls asleep will drinking, if he wakes up after that, I let him cry it out at that time. Its better to put him in the crib when he is awake, so that he learns to put himself to sleep.

I know its really tough.. sometime so painful, but again. Listen to the way she cries and that will comfort you a little. Either way, your baby loves you for all the concern and care you a taking for her.

You are a good mom.

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K.,

If you are really determined to use cry-it-out, then I can't help you. But there is a happy medium between the two styles you have tried. I read The Baby Whisperer and there are a lot of fantastic ideas in there about sleeping (and other baby issues).

Best of luck and happy sleeping!

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K.,
I understand what you are going through. I have had a similar experience. I allowed my daughter to co-sleep with us until she was just over 6 months old. I didn't want to start sleep training her until I was off work for the summer (I'm a teacher). She would wake up at least every 3 hours to feed and even more often at least 4 nights a week. I read the books and listened to the CD's on sleep training but none really seemed to work with my and my daughter's schedule. Finally, I was ready to do it my way which was very difficult. I put her in her crib when she fell asleep and she'd wake up about 2 hours later, I went in to soothe her back to sleep after feeding her. Then 3-4 hrs later she was back up to feed. This went on the same way for about a week and I through my hands up. I had to do something before I went back to work, my commute is almost an hr each way and my job is very physically demanding. I couldn't do it anymore, not only was I sleep deprived but my daughter was cranky.

I felt as if I had no patience for her her occasional fussiness and even less patience for my husband. I called my twin sister for advice since she went through the same thing a year earlier. I asked her what she did. She let her daughter cry and when it was necessary for someone to console her, my brother-in-law went in. Unfortunately I don't have that luxury as my husband works from 10 pm to 7 am but I did what she did. It worked for me. I felt a bit guilty like I was hurting her but in the end I realized I wasn't. If I don't get enough sleep I am not a good mom and if she doesn't learn how to get her self to and back to sleep she will have sleep problems for the rest of her life. So I buckled down and stayed consistent and let her cry.

The first night was really difficult, the second night was better. She woke up once but by the third night she slept through the night. I woke up at 5 am thinking did I not hear her but I know I would have as I can hear her on the other side of the house with her door closed. I put her Summer video monitor right by my head at night. Now a month later she sleeps through the night and will get herself back to sleep all night long. I think in the last month I have gone in her room 2 times in the middle of the night and she went back to sleep in my arms within minutes. She uses a Pacifier so I have scattered 3-4 in her crib so she can always find one. She puts it in herself it's wonderful!!!!

My advice to you is know that teaching her (she's teaching herself) how to sleep and get back to sleep independently will make her a happier baby and child. What we do and teach now will be their foundation for the rest of their lives. It will be difficult but in the long run you are giving your child the opportunity to thrive for the rest of her life!

Good luck and stay strong - you are a wonderful mom!
M. P

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I see you've received some book suggestions - I'd like to suggest The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. ( http://books.google.com/books?id=dkKi6t308iMC&dq=the+...) We had some pretty extreme sleep issues and this book had some fantastic ideas and really made an improvement.

In the end our issues were too big and we ended up taking a modified Ferber approach, which worked wonders. It's a gentler form of CIO (we modified it to be even gentler) and a lot easier on parents and babies. Obviously, you know your baby the best, but methods like the one described in Babywise have been linked to failure to thrive, and seem very harsh to me, so I'd stay away from those approaches. This is such a hot topic, but that's my opinion!

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Hi K.,

My heart goes out to you........I remember those sleepless nights very well.....however, mine are now 10 & 8, so it does end.

At five months old, I think a baby needs to know that someone will come when she cries. I know there are "experts" who believe otherwise....but, if mom's feel heartbreak over it, maybe there is a reason.

You said you have a very supportive husband...maybe he can take a couple of nights a week with a bottle?? or, maybe with the help of a babysitter or family, you can get a nap sometimes??

Its hard, but your baby needs you.

I wish you the best,

N.

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We did a modified version of "crying it out" at 4 months. My son had gone about 8 hours one night so I knew he could go that long (plus he was big) so I know that he didn't need to eat. It took some planning and serious discipline for a couple of days but it was WELL WORTH IT! I know that people might think it is cruel and it is counterintuitive but I was in the same boat with being exhausted and really crabby/somewhat depressed. Here's my philosohy (from reading and experience). Kids need to learn to sleep. The earlier the better. The better rested, the happier and healthier child.So I felt that a couple of days of serious crying were truely going to benefit him and me in the end. I feel like because I designed a routine and was consistent he is now a MUCH better sleeper and he has very healthy sleep habits. He is not afraid of his crib. At certian points he has actually tried to climb in. This is all because I picked a plan and stuck with it. My only advice is to be consistent about whatever you do because that is how babies learn fastest (and it will cause the least amount of grief for everyone in the end). Good sleep habits are so important and you are only teaching your child how to sleep not abandoning or neglecting.

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Check out www.sleeplady.com she's got great advice and a great book. You can also do phone sessions with her too. Also check out www.askdrsears.com
Normally you wouldn't want to let a child under 6 mo's old cry it out, at least not for a long time. They are still really little and need their mom's and letting them cry may instill a sense of abandonment.
Here's an article re: too much crying in infants:
www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
www.askdrsears.com/faq/az38.asp

I also co-slept and nursed our son, by the time he was 9 mo's old, I stopped nursing him during the night. He was still in bed with us, but just gave him a pacifier. It wasn't too difficult to get him to stay in his bed when a little older. You can also try one of the co-sleeping play pens. Baby is next to you, but not in your bed. Good luck and hope you find something that works. ;-)

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I know what you are talking about, but crying it out is counterintuitive and not necessarily healthy for the baby ( Dr. Sears). Try another way! Possibly Baby whisperer who I love and I too have not been consistent with , but when I am is really the best! She has a great way of coping and does believe the baby sleeping in her own room is best. Another way I have adopted is continuing to put my baby in her own room, but feed her a little food. I have been giving my daughter avocado and an egg yolk ( both of which give the baby much more fat than my milk is producing)- The cookbook Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon( it is more than a cookbook, but a bible on
eating healthy in our society)
The third method that I heard was amazing and wonderful, which I have the video, but have not tried is , the sleepy planet , sleep solution and they have techniques for putting the baby to bed.
Good luck, I know what it is like to not get sleep, want your bed back and be sick every two weeks because you have two kids younger than 3 to take care of! It is and can be hell-

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Have you checked into a book called On Being Baby Wise? (I think that's the full name of it). It's a great method that we used with our daughter from 2 weeks old on that helps to schedule them & get them sleeping through the night & taking good naps during the day. It also helps to schedule their feeding times which really affects everything else. It focuses mainly on the order in which you do things such as feed, play, sleep rather than letting the baby fall asleep while they're eating, for example. Some people have criticized it as being too harsh b/c it is more of a crying out method, but the book is very specific that you taylor their suggestions to the baby & your families needs, not just let the baby cry for crying sake. It has been a real God-send for us b/c our daughter literally started sleeping through the night with only one feeding at 7 weeks old & then gave up that one feeding to sleep completely through the night at 4 months old. I truly believe that because of us using this method & being consistent through the years is the reason why we have never had problems with putting her down to sleep (tantrums, calling for us over & over, etc), she has always been a good sleeper & at 5 years old, still takes naps/ rests everyday without problems. I have several friends that felt they wanted to use the nurse on demand method with co-sleeping, but their children are still struggling (in elementary school) with bed/ nap times being consistent & have had to go through the trauma of trying to exit the children out of their bed (because they had another baby to add to their bed). Be encouraged though because putting in the hard work now will for sure payoff later :)

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K.,
I totally feel for you, I am in the same boat! I've been sleep training with my 8 month old for 9 weeks and it's killing me. I also feel myself getting angry with my little one and I feel awful. My husband works a lot and doesn't understand, because he's rarely around and gets his sleep. I run on 4 hrs of piecemeal sleep a night. I have been working with a child psychologist that specializes in sleep, but not so sure it's helping. I never know if my baby will sleep 10 minutes or 7 hrs. or if she'll cry 2 minutes or 1 1/2, which keeps me anxious. I'm not sure if it's because sometimes I'll nurse her and sometimes I won't. The trainer had me going slow with her instead of letting her cry it out all night. On top of it all I have a very demanding baby who can be very whiney. I also have to hold her and nurse her to get her to nap, so no breaks here either.
I don't really have any suggestions for you, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone and that your feelings are normal. The psychologist said that after one month of sleep deprivation you go into depression and longer than that you suffer from Post Traumatic Syndrome. So we're beyond our limit. We just need to give ourselves a time out and be patient with ourselves.
Best of luck and if you find anything that works wonders, I hope that you'll share!
S. G

I loved the "Sleep Lady Book" I think its by Kim West. Worked well with both of my youngest boys. Good Luck

Hi K.,
I am a big supporter of Healthy Sleep Habits...I say stick with it! I live by that book and my 13 month old is a good sleeper. It wasn't always this way but I didn't start those methods until she was probably 4 or 5 months old. There were rough patches, so I know what you feel like! But I really feel it's worth it.
Don't let her cry for more an hour..and just keep reminding yourself that you are helping her become a better sleeper..by going in, you are just hurting her and holding her back. Kids need that sleep to help brain development so if anything, think of that!
Really, she shouldn't be nursing at all anymore in the night time. I would try and cut both those feedings out at night. The thing is consistency is the trick..without it, it will never work. That broken sleep in the middle of the night isn't helping her get into a good sleep pattern. Dose she nurse for a long time or just quickly to soothe her back to sleep??
I also have some friends that co-slept and it just seems not the right fit for me either..so I completely understand that. However most of my friends have used Healthy Sleep Habits approach and it seems that it's worked for them all..me included!
Just stay with it and stay consistent!!!!! It will work.
Keep me posted..
Good luck!
J.

Will your husband give her a bottle if you pump? Even like every other night so that you can get some kind of rest.
I hated letting my baby cry. The doctor said to try it. It never worked for me. My girl is 11 1/2 and very strong willed. Anyways maybe you could talk with your husband to help you in the evenings to feed her. Do you have a breast pump? It might give you some sanity back.
Good Luck

I think you made one pretty valid point, while you would love to do it one way, it does not necessarily work for YOU and YOUR baby. I wish that more people, especially fellow mothers, would acknowledge and appreciate that what works for them and their child may not work for another...and that what they deem unreasonable, might be what the doctor ordered for your family.

Consistency is a major key in any method you might choose. And after trying one thing for a while, with no results, we might have to change it up a bit.

Here are some routes we took with my youngest. I started feeding him cereal at 6 months, in addition to nursing, just before bedtime. I found that he slept longer when we gave him cereal. But that was not the case with my youngest daughter. So once again, what works for one child may not fly with the next. But by the time he was a year he was still waking up to 3 times a night. We decided it was time to try something different and went with CIO.
But we had our own twists, rules if you will. This effort was only to encourage STTN. And we made 10 minutes the max time.
Wonderfully, he never made it past 5 min. It worked like a charm and my son was STTN in just over a month.
Sometimes those 5 minutes seemed FOREVER. But we stuck with it, were consistent, and things worked out!
Here is a side mention. When we first decided to do the whole 'bed time' thing, we picked a time and started winding down before then. We had a bedtime schedule. Baby gets used to that schedule and eventually knows what is coming next... When we first started, we would put him down, he would start crying and we would pick him up, hold him for a bit until he calmed down, and put him back down about 10 minutes later. But we only did this once. After about 2 weeks we stopped the double sooth attempt. Then 4 weeks later he was going down without crying at all.

He continues to go down for his naps and for bedtime pretty consistently without any problems.

I hope that you are able to find something that works for you both! Sometimes a good nights rest makes a world of difference for both baby and mamma. :)

We did the Cry it Out method after trying several different options. I read the Healthy Sleep Habits, and it has great ideas in it. Typically it will take three days to break bad habits. It will be the hardest three days of your life, but it will also be worth it in the long run. Your child might not even cry that long. Put your baby down to sleep when they show the sleepy signals, rubbing of eyes, etc. Try and have a routine if you can, like I would change the diaper, tell my daughter I loved her and kiss her a bunch of times after I layed her down in the crib. I then walked away and watched from the baby monitor. My daughter was 4 1/2 months when we did this and it really works. I would write down everything I did and she did, like if she cried, then stopped, how long she slept, etc. It helped me through her tears and mine. Also remember don't go in there unless it has been an hour of crying. Feel free to contact me for more.

Hi K.,
You've received a lot of responses already, I hope you don't feel so alone now in the way you have chosen to help your daughter learn to sleep on her own. I know how you feel, co-sleeping could never have worked for me (and at times I have felt all alone in a "co-sleeping world"). I've had enough trouble sleeping ever since my first baby was born, without co-sleeping (I did try briefly but I couldn't sleep at all). There's some good advice here and specific details from moms who have been where you are. I will just reiterate, it is best to put her to bed awake and let her go to sleep on her own from the start of the sleeping period. That way if she wakes up, she is not disoriented, she's right where she was when she first fell asleep, and she can get back to sleep on her own more quickly. Soon she will not even fully wake up, but just go immediately back to sleep. I had such a hard time with the crying, too. What worked for us was a 15 minute rule-of-thumb. If the baby cried for 15 minutes, one of us would go to him, pat him (not pick up) and gently tell him it was time for sleep. I don't remember exactly how long it took, but both of my babies were happily going to bed with no crying somewhere around 3 or 4 months old (we did try to start from birth, but it was difficult because they would fall asleep so quickly during feedings, so I don't remember exactly when the sleep training process began).
I support your decision not to go to her right away when she wakes in the early am. At 5 months, she should be able to get enough nutrition during the day so as not to need night feedings.
With both of my babies, we would put them to bed around 7 pm then I would get them up for a feeding just before I went to bed around 10 or 11 pm. Then they would sleep through the night until 7 am, and everyone in the family was able to get a solid block of uninterrupted sleep. It was right around 5 months that we dropped that late night feeding and neither of my babies have any trouble with it. If you do decide to start that with your daughter, and it works out well, I would say to stick with it for at least a month or so before you change the routine again and try to drop that late feeding. (Both of my babies thrived on routines and you don't want to change routine too quickly - they do enough of that on their own through all of their growing and developing at this stage in life).
I'm sorry I don't know much about the "Healthy Sleep Habits.." book. I did start reading it, but never got into the specifics. I've heard it has been very helpful for a lot of moms. I think the approach we used was very similar to what is in the book. Consistency is the key with whatever you choose to do. I find it very difficult to be consistent at times, but it always makes it worse because your baby can never get used to the "plan" if it's always changing. So if you can come up with a plan that you are comfortable with, stick with it, and she will adjust to it.
Don't listen to critics if there are any. We all get to choose the parenting methods that work for us as individuals, and they will work for our children because they are our children, not someone else's.
Best wishes to you and I hope restful nights find you again!

K.,

Congratulations on all you are doing to make it as a mom! I had extremely good success with my son using the book "On Becoming Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. The main thing to realize is that a mom KNOWS her children so there has to be a happy medium. I don't believe in letting the cry go for extreme periods (I'd let my son go 20min and eventually it got down to 15, then 10, then 5 and before long he was used to the routine) Let's face it, she's only 5mos old she is NOT gonna sleep thru the night just yet. Although my son was sleeping through the night by 8mos so it could be just around the corner for her. This book covers a lot of scheduling to help make a routine for her to be able to eventually fall asleep as part of the routine, not because she's being fed. Anyway, wish you all the best!

C.~

http://www.ToxicFreeFamily.net
http://www.HelpUStayHome.com

When my babies woke in the middle of the night and they were big enough to not need to eat I enlisted my husband for help. If I got up to soothe babies it was all over until they nursed back to sleep. But Hubby doesn't smell like dinner so he would do the soothing and sometimes even give a bottle of water. This stage didn't last long at all. Once my kids figured the best they were going to get was water they taught themselves to roll over and go back to sleep. I have to say that I nursed on demand with my first and scheduled my next two and the scheduled babies were generally happier and everyone else was happier because we all got enough sleep! Stay the course Mommy, but remember each child is different and has different needs. Don't turn off the Mommy radar, you know what's best for baby!

I'm sure you've received tons of advice just wanted to say I used Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks and it was a wonderful book on sleep training. The woman who wrote is a sleep coach who travels around the country going into homes using her specific techniques when the parents have given up. If sounds very similar to the techniques you described from HSHC but she doesn't use CIO for any amount of time over 20 minutes. She more about cry and console.

I personally don't believe in co-sleeping because sleep deprivation is used as form of torture. Studies have shown it can turn a person psychotic, I don't feel the need to do that to myself! My son was sleeping through the night before he was 2months old everyone in my household benefited from it. Brain development for him and sane mommy & daddy for us. It made dealing with the colic in the late afternoon so much easier when I wasn't sleep deprived.

Your daughter may not be ready yet. We tried my son at 4.5 months (not ready - cried forever!)...then ended up waiting until he was 7 months and it went as well as it could (with baby crying) I know it's hard...but it's only temporary. Smile.

I can totally relate to what you're going through. My daughter would be up to nurse around every 45 minutes through the night - I was getting up 6 to 10 times a night and would average only a couple hours of sleep and not in row. This went on from the time she was 3 months till she was 5.5 months. I was so desperately exhausted. I wanted to try some sort of sleep technique but couldn't read the books I had because I couldn't remember what I just read right after I read it.

I read a post from another Mamasource Mom about the 3-Day Sleep Solution (Davis Ehlrer) in San Diego. I procrastinated on calling her because I thought that the right thing to do was just to suffer through it. Plus she's expensive. My only regret was waiting so long. The $ was totally worth it!

The long and the short of what she did for us was the following: 1. Start the nighttime routine of eating, bathing, changing, bottle, and then bed at 5:00pm. 2. At 6:00pm she was in her crib to go to sleep. Imperative that she put herself to sleep. 3. Have to wait a full hour of crying before going back in to soothe (no bottle). 4. Day starts at 6:00am (if she cries at 5:45am she has to wait until 6:00am because these are life long skills she's learning). 12 hours of sleep each night.

There are a lot of people who would balk at this method and think it cruel. I was totally skeptical at first too. Davis had to stay with us until 9:30pm that night to support us through the first night of crying. So hard on a mom. Plus I checked with our Pediatrician just to make sure babies at that age could sleep 12 hours without food. He gave me the thumbs up.

What I can tell you though is it totally worked and right away. By the 2nd night, she only cried for about 10 minutes, went to sleep, and slept till 6:00am the next morning - And the best part is that she's been doing it ever since. A total miracle because I went from the most sleep deprived mom I knew to life-changingly rested. She's over 10 months now and she sleeps every night 12 hours. By the way, this is only recommended for babies over 5 months.

Naps are equally important. At 5 months old, she should be having two decent naps (1.5 to 2 hours) during the day and a light one in the afternoon. Same process as night sleep - she has to put herself to sleep in the crib (except for the afternoon one when she can sleep in a stroller or car seat). The naps were a lot harder to get down - took over a week and I wanted to quit several times. Then one day it all came together. Now at 10 months she has two solid naps a day in her crib.

We are able to vary her schedule a little now, too - we can put her down later and she'll still sleep 12 hours, or mix up her nap schedule, but that came only after following the sleep solution pretty consistently. I believe in balance - her well-being and health are most important but occasionally if we need to keep her up late or I have to run errands during her naptime then I give myself a break.

My little girl is so happy and energetic. Before, she would be wired, cranky, and irritated from lack of sleep - and so was I. She would sometimes go from waking up from a small nap at 10:30am to not sleeping again till 2:00am - that's not right for a baby. I did everything I could to get her to sleep including having her sleep in a moving swing until she was 4.5 months old because it was the only thing that put her to sleep and kept her that way for over a half an hour. I was depressed and desperate and many a night at 3:00am or 4:00am I hated her for it. Now I feel so blessed and so grateful and she is truly the best, most easy going baby. All the issues I had before were her just being majorily sleep deprived.

Good luck and please contact me if you have any questions.

K., I let both my girls cry it out and it worked the best for me. I started at the very beginning though. I know it is hard to hear and you want to rush to them. Just think of it as a tantrum. They are just doing it (most of the time) to get our reaction. I always did the 10 min intervals. After 10 minutes if the crying was still strong I would go and check make sure there was no dirty diaper stuck arm or leg. Then I would walk out agian. After about three days of doing this with out fail they both started falling asleep right when I put them down with maybe 1-4 mins of crying.
Good luck to you!

First let me tell you that I understand where you are right now. As little as one month ago I too was very frustrated with my sons sleep patterns. Let me begin by saying that my son was premie and spent his first month in the hospital. So I was terrified to let a baby with so many health issues to begin with cry on his own. It literally broke my heart to hear him cry at all. So I never did let him cry. I had him co-sleep with us for his first 4 months home from the hospital. But I was not getting any sleep and literally began to lose my mind from exhaustion and stress. Eventually my husband and I used the Ferber method for sleeping and a modified Baby Wise approach for scheduling to get things under control. I know many people are against Baby Wise in it's strict scheduling format. I did not follow it strictly and did find that some sort of pattern helped our days flow better. When the days went better our nights were better. I can now put my son down to nap or for bed when he is still awake (though showing sleepy signs: rubbing eyes, etc.) and he will fall asleep on his own. We built our loose schedule around his natural sleeping times which we tracked using the method in Dr. Ferber's book. For the first week he would cry and cry but I would only let him go for at most 20 mintues (with frequent timed checks per the Ferber method). My pediatrician said that 20 mintues of crying was ok for my son at his age. As I wrote at the beginning this was a month ago. Within a month he is now napping 3 – 4 times a day for 1 – 1.5 hours. He goes to bed between 7:30 – 8:30 pm and wakes between 5:30 – 6:30 am. Occasionally we wakes up 2-3 times in the night to give him his pacifier but that is it; no additional feedings or rocking. Just put the pacifier in, kiss him & close the door. Our life is significantly improving. I hope this helps. Please call me if you need support. I know how difficult this can be as I really though I was going through a major depression and losing my mind. But it gets better! Please call if you need anything ###-###-####.

You're going to get a lot of conflicting advice on this one. I'm just going to share what seemed to work for us. I have a really hard time listening to my son cry and am committed to being there for him if he needs me. At five months, he was still waking every 2-3 hours to be breast-fed and it was driving me nuts. On the advice of our pediatrician, we started supplementing with formula in the night. She actually recommended that being his before-bed bottle, but since that's one of the few times I was able to breast-feed him directly (I work full-time), we decided to send my husband in with it when he woke the first time in the night instead. This gave me a much-needed break and seemed to help make his next sleep cycle last longer. I guess formula is harder to digest and "sticks" a bit better. But before we'd rush to him, we'd give him 10 minutes to put himself back to sleep. I'd look at the clock at the first peep and make myself stay put for the whole 10 minutes. More often than not, to my surprise, he'd fall back to sleep on his own. If he started crying harder, then we'd go to him. It wasn't long before we had him down to - pretty consistently - only waking once per night. It wasn't until he was nine months old that our pediatrician recommended cutting out that feeding (we had seen her at eight months and she said the once-per-night deal was pretty good at that point). I continued with the same pattern of getting up if he was crying hard, but would just rock him back to sleep without offering the breast. It took a few nights of not-so-pleasant squirming in my arms until he'd fall back asleep, but now - a month later - he's consistently making it through the night. I don't know that this will help, but at the very least, I hope you know that you're not alone. Hang in there and best of luck!

Can't you bottle some of your breast milk so daddy can get up with her ? you should try getting her also used to taking a bottle with breast milk, or why she is waking up maybe wet, then daddy can get up with her change her hold giving you at least a few more mins sleep, then he can try and give her a bottle of breast milk, if she won't take it then you have time to sleep a little more, My hubby got up for all the kids late night feedings, and he worked also, I think its why my kids are so close with him, he bonded with them feeding them. You sound tired and frustrated I do not hear that Daddy is helping with this, you have to get some sleep. so when dad comes home hand the kids to him and say good night for at least an hour or two, your sleep should go back to normal after the breast feeding is done. I know so many people say breast feeding is the only way to go, but I did not breast feed mine, I hear so many women who have such a bad time with this, sure good for the babies but what about the moms. If you don't have a health mom, then who takes care of the babies. See your doctor about the aweful thoughts you dont want to hurt baby I am sure, it might be a little post partum depression going on there, its better to get help then not to, no one will think less of you needing help.

Blessings MOm

Dear K.,

I think that you already know what to do. The crying it out is a great way to give her confidence ...it sort of sounds goofy...but it is true. Also, she will learn that the world has rules, and be a happier more open person. I am so proud of you for changing with the second baby, it is better for the whole family for mom to be rested. ...and crying doesn't hurt, you know, that is what babies DO very well... they cry.

You are so lucky to have a supportive husband, they are hard to come by. Go along with him, it gives him courage and confidence too to be able to be your confidante, help mate, and advisor.

C. N.

I agree that she might still be too young. I tried the cry-it-out method a few times, and not until my little one was about 9 months was it effective. I do remember that months 4-11 were terrible nights (worse than months 2-4), and he didn't start sleeping well until 11 months. I finally used my own version of crying it out. I let him cry for 1-2 minutes (screaming!), then pick him up for a minute before putting him back down to cry again. There was no point in crying longer than a few minutes because he was so worked up, but the minute I pick him up his head is on my shoulder asleep. Just this morning (he's now 14 months) I did this since he has been waking up between 4 and 5 am lately, it took only 2 pickups before he was back to sleep. Good luck!

That was the exact age we had our two daughters (who are 4 years apart) cry it out. It's so hard, but you just have to let her cry until she falls asleep. Then each night it gets less and less until it disappears. For us, it only took 1/2 hour crying the first night, slept through the night, then a couple of seconds the next night, and like a miracle, that was all. Our doctor highly recommended it. I didn't co-sleep at all because I'm a light sleeper, and for a lot of people that do that, it works fine for them now, but some of them are sorry later when it's impossible to get them to their own room. 5 mos. is the perfect age to let them cry it out, and it does no damage to them at all. And by the way, you shouldn't go in and soothe them while they are crying - it just delays it and maybe they'll never stop crying. It sounds cruel, but it works. Good luck!

This is a fact most mothers miss.
THE MORE YOU SLEEP, THE MORE SLEEP YOU GET. In other words, the more your 5 mo old sleeps during the day, the more she will sleep at night. Going without an afternoon nap is not good............Give her a nap and then put her to bed at 7pm too. If she cries more than 20 minutes without a passifier or something to soothe her, it is not good at this age. To let her cry longer she must be older (like 1 yr). She is not getting enough sleep. Is your other child? He needs a nap too...........

when the 'method' goes against what your heart is telling you, go with your heart, love and care is the most important thing you ever give her. You are probably going to have to make it through the next few months with very little sleep, so try to be nice. Maybe grandma could come and stay a while (old people don't need so much sleep as young people)

I actually held my baby while he slept until he was 8 months old. He had horrible reflux and continually woke from his naps because of it. So I held him and it was the only way he would sleep. Finally, I just gave up and let him cry it out. It only took two naps of waking up and crying for him to get it. He has slept 2 hours per nap and 11 hours at night ever since. So be strong, be consistent, and your baby will get it.

Great job being a stay at home mom, it is a FULL time job and very demanding, BEST thing you can do for your child, other than nurse too! I don't know anyone who has truely been successufl with with co sleeping. MOst the people I know now have them in their cribs and have had success and you will too. When I went through this with my son I was told when he started crying to either not go in to his room at all or if I went in, not to pick him up or feed him. He only had to 'cry it out' for about 30min, twice. Just be consistent, otherwise it confuses them and they think they have to cry to get you to come in. She'll learn to self soothe herself and go back to sleep. I've read that if you let them cry, then give up part way through and go in it makes the crying worse later. It has to be what you're comfort level is though. I have friends that had to let their kids cry for 2-3 hours many nights in a row before it worked. Maybe give it a break so you're not stressed about it and try again when she's 6 or 7 m. You're doing a great job, keep nursing!

Hi K.,

Don't listen to the other responses who don't agree with your choices for you and your baby! You are the mother and you know what is best for you and your baby and your situation :) Trust yourself! What works for one mother and family doesn't always work for another!

That being said, with our first child (we now have 3 under 5!!) we had many recommendations to read "Babywise". My husband dove in and read the whole thing and then I did too, in between every other pregnancy, nursing, and what to expect book you read the first time!!! It worked wonders for us, and yes, I nursed all 3 of my children. Our daughter was sleeping from 11 to 7 by 4 months old. Notice I said 11 to 7. We would put her down around 7 PM, after I nursed her, not to sleep, but close to sleep. She would fall asleep easily and on her own. Then, we would do a "sleep feeding"...where I would nurse her right before I went to sleep around 11PM, without waking her, but trying to get as full as a feeding into her as we could. I would sit in a chair in her room in the dark, feed her, burp her and put her right back into bed. We started this when she was around 3 1/2 months, and by 4 months old it worked great. We also gave her a little lovey to take to bed with her (against all the advice that says DON'T DO IT!!!!) It worked for us, and we were thrilled with the results. She did cry it our occasionally, but it didn't last for more than 10 minutes, and once she was done, she was asleep on her own. She did take a pacifier at night the first few months, and then found her thumb somewhere around 5 months. To this day (she is almost 5) she is an EXCELLENT sleeper, can fall asleep on her own, and can sleep anywhere. But she does have to have her lovey (teddy).

Now, for our 2nd son, he had reflux, so the CIO method wasn't applicable until he was through the reflux. He grew out of it around 9 months to our grateful surprise :) So we had to start the method late, and believe me it was a BEAR!! He cried loud and hard and was relentless...it took about a week, and he finally learned to soothe himself to sleep, and now, at almost 4, he is an EXCELLENT sleeper too!! In fact, he is undoubtedly our best sleeper.

At the time we had our 3rd, we were living in a very small house for his first year, so he slept in our room with us. We used the "Babywise" method with him too...because he went to bed before us. I still did the 11 PM sleep feed, and around 5-6 months, he was sleeping from 11 to 7ish. We were thrilled again!! Unfortunately, when we moved out of the small house and back into our own home, he moved into his own room (16 months old) and wasn't too thrilled to go to sleep on his own, even though we had been doing it since he was 5 months old. Granted, it was a new room, etc. and I think he was used to having us in the same room. So after about a week in the new house, when we put him to bed, he would cry but it was very short-lived. I think it only took him about 10 minutes and 3 days, and he would go right to sleep when we would put him down.

This isn't to say that it was perfect every night...there were nights during growth spurts, colds, etc., where we would still have to do a middle of the night feeding or get up and soothe someone back to sleep (I say we because my husband was an excellent source of support, getting up in the middle of the night and doing whatever he could to help me because I was nursing) but overall, sleep in our home using the "Babywise" method worked for everyone and everyone got as much sleep as possible! Which is crucial to everyone's well being and happiness! Let's face it - we are just like kids...they get fussy and cranky when they don't get enough sleep, and so do we!!

For us, the younger we did it, the easier it was and the less amount of time it took letting them cry it out. So, I hope this helps a little, and good luck! Most importantly, be consistent and establish a solid routine that works for you and your baby...everyone will benefit!!

I think it sounds like you are combining a couple of methods and that may be where the frustration lies...I used several sleep books, when trying to figure out my son's sleeping issues. I loved Elizabeth Pantly's book and Tizzie Hall's take. Both helped me figure out my son was having a hard time because I was soothing him to sleep, and then letting him 'try' to sleep through the night on his own. Which would result in confusion and tears from both of us.

After lots of strained nights and talking to his pediatrician, I decided to go with my gut and not 'force it' and stick with co-sleeping. My son was happier and more alert during the day when I got to be home with him. While, co-sleeping might not work for you, as you've stated from past experience, you might want to take one solution and stick with that.

Since, your little one still needs to be nursed at night you might want to start with one that includes that as a part of it's plan.

Goodluck!

I say, keep doing what you are doing but do it on a mattress on your floor or in her room. I'm sorry you didn't have success w/co-sleeping with your first. Did he move too much? Were you worried you were going to smother him? Was your bed not big enough? I ask these questions because I too co-slept w/both and got the best sleep of my life when doing so. It was when they were weaned and sleeping in their own rooms that I couldn't sleep! LOL (always checking on them!) If your little girl isn't right next to you, she might not wake up as often (not a promise, but it works for some).

A solution that just hit me like a brick! - I had two friends who nursed their kids to sleep and grew tired of it. They were lucky enough to have husbands that were able and willing to help. Both couples did the exact same thing (although they don't know eachother) hubby put baby to sleep and got up through the night to rock baby back to sleep for about 2 weeks. I know that must seem like forever to most men but if your husband could help you out there, that may be your solution. Both of my friends said this happened w/out tears. Dad's just started their own thing and babies responded. My husband was gone a lot so this wasn't an option for me but w/my second, I let go of some control (LOL) and "allowed" hubby to get our son to sleep on the weekends and he did such a great job. All he had to do was talk or sing in his deep voice and my little boy went right to sleep. (of course that didn't stop the all night eating at the Mommy buffet, but again, that wasn't a problem for us).

Whatever you decide, I hope you find a solution soon. You have support here @ Mammasource if not w/your friends. Your sleep is important!
M.

I have a 20 month old who just started sleeping through the night and I had tried everything. I kept going to him in the night and nursing because he kept getting sick or cutting teeth it seemed all the time. Now that he has been sleeping through the night for a week now I cannot believe I didn't do it sooner. The next one, if there is one, I swear will be sleep trained sooner! It's better for everyone I think. We used "SLEEPYPLANET". They have a book and a great DVD that you can order from their website or a store like the Pump Station. They do believe in letting them cry a bit ( you do check ins at 5 minutes, 10 minutes and 15 minutes) but it is so they can learn how to put themselves to sleep - it is a learned behavior. The DVD is so great because you get to see parents doing it. It is much harder, trust me, when they can say "Mama" and yell for you which is what my guy was doing. It usually takes three nights and gets a little easier each night although one friend's child cried for 20 minutes one night and that was it so you never know. Look them up online - SleepyPlanet.com I think. Good luck - hang in there - it will pass.

Hi K., you sound ehausted, First of all let me say I had 3 kids, all 3 slept in their own beds own rooms, my boys shared a room and my daughter had her own room from the time she was 2 weeks old, she still slept in our room in her bassenet, When you allow kids to sleep in your bed and your up half the night with another one, you are allowing that to control your life, and that is why you feel the way you do. Give your 5 month old rice cereal in a bottle, then rock him to sleep, the cereal will fill him until morning. I have all 3 of my babies on rice cereal at night at 6 weeks old so they could sleep through the night. Not to sound mean or anything, but if your husband in a hands on family man, then why are YOU so tired, also the sleep problem i see honestly is nursing, I know I will probsbly get a lot of flack for saying that, but I don't care, I bottle feed my babies, i put them in their own beds in thir own rooms, and we all slept peacefully through the night. J.

I have read the book too and "followed" it to some degree with both of my kids. What I mean by that is I have taken from it what I can use in my life and with my kids and ignored the rest.

I remember with both my kids around the 4,6,8,10, and 12 month stages they each changed their sleep and eating patterns. So there would be a week or two of "adjustment" before the actual change. However, I was a lucky Mommy because both my kids slept 12 hours at night from a young age (4months with my son and at 3 months with my daughter). God knew I wouldn't survive if I didn't get any sleep.

I have always had my kids sleep in their own cribs in our room for the first month or so and then moved them into their own rooms. I am a light sleeper so any noise they made would wake me up. And forget about them co-sleeping with me. I was always afraid DH or I would roll on top of them or that somehow they would fall off the bed. And that worrying would keep me up.

Getting back to the point, during those "adjustment" periods, I would try to stretch their sleep/eat times by 15-30 minutes at a time (which is what the book suggests). But I would also watch their "cues" to make sure it was really time to move things back. With my son (age 3), he changed his schedule like clockwork every two months with very little adjustment time. With my daughter (age 15 months), she likes to take her sweet time and adjustment times are long. We are right now trying to adjust her to take one long nap in the middle of the day. She would normally take a nap at 1030am and then another at 330pm each for about 1.5 hours. But every couple of days she won't fall asleep for her morning nap until 1145am. And when she does that she won't take an afternoon nap at all.

Can you tell the difference in your child's cries? If she gets up at an odd time and is doing the "I just want attention nagging cry" that is when you should let her cry for a few minutes (I think the book says about 30 minutes or so max). But if she is doing the "I really need something/I am freaked out cry" then you should go in after a few short minutes.

And one thing I have found with my kids and their sleep patterns is, I have to make changes according to their biological rhythm schedule, not what is convenient for me. Once I figured this out, dealing with their sleep schedules and their changes became easier for me. I mean if they are going to be early risers (both my kids have always started their day at 7am), it's easier for me to get started early in the day than to fight to change their natural body schedules. And I AM NOT a morning person. Never have been. But in the last 3.5 years, I have changed and have learned to accept getting up at 7am everyday. The good thing about them getting up so early is that they also go to bed around 7pm, so DH and I get about 3 hours of downtime at night. And now that my son goes to preschool in the mornings, we have no problem being there by 830or 9am.

And just remember, this is a temporary situation. Eventually your daughter will fall into a more normal sleep schedule. Her little body is trying to figure everything out.

To help out with your sleep issues, since you are up during the night with your daughter, can your hubby get up early with your son and get him ready for the day so you can get a little more sleep? Since my daughter was born my hubby gets up with both kids in the morning and gives them breakfast and gets my son dressed for the day. That allows me to sleep in for another hour.

I am assuming that you are breastfeeding your daughter? If so, could you pump and put breastmilk into a bottle so that your hubby could take a feeding to give you more time to rest?

With both of my kids DH and I took feeding shifts until they started sleeping through the night completely. DH since he worked would take any feedings from 7pm to midnight, and from 6am to 8am. I would take all the other feedings. I would just pump and make sure he had enough bottles and supplies all ready for him to go before I went to sleep each night. Having him share the night time feedings REALLY helped me.

Not everyone shares the whole co-sleeping, attachment parenting ideals. It just isn't practical for everyone and their lifestyles. I know for me, co-sleeping would have never worked. So maybe you could try meeting other moms outside of the co-sleeping world. I belong to a mommy's group called the North County Inland No Drama Mamas Meetup Group (through meetup.com). There you will find moms and kids of all ages, all beliefs, and all parenting styles. They have lots of meetups to fit all different schedules, everyone is really nice, and it's free.

Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Just stick with what your gut is telling you to do and be consistent. In a few months time, things will be better.

S.

After raising 5 children that I breastfed until they were 2, it is my opinion that the whole co-sleeping thing is not in anyones best interest.I know that having to get up out of your bed in the middle of the night sucks. But you sleep better, and your child sleeps better. A little crying, in order to re-train your child won't hurt them. Your baby will learn to soothe self, may take a moment, but she will. Co-sleeping, may work for some; but in my opinion it produces children that don't have to learn how to soothe self, and can be way too dependent on the parents. Really good luck!!!

Sounds like you need your husband to help. I had a bit of post-partum depression when my daughter was 3 months old and I tried to switch her into the basinette from sleeping with me. I did not get enough sleep and became anxious because I was working full-time. My husband had to take over for a while. Also, from the beginning when she was born, my husband always did the 3:00-4:00 A.M. feeding so I could get enough sleep.

Hang in there K.!

My baby girl can cry for 2 hours, so I know it can be tough (and I told DH there is no way we can do that again). I saw someone else recommend, and I also like the method of letting them cry only about 15 min at a time. Then you go in and soothe them and try again. I think this was described in Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.

If you can get your husband to help out, that will certainly help keep you sane. I really appreciated mine taking a night feeding to bottle feed expressed milk. We only stopped because when I returned to work I felt like I was pumping all day and didn't want to pump at night too.

I also understand what you mean about not sleeping well with her in the bed with you. I've got a little fidgeter and she'll kick and keep you up. It was tough when we first moved her from our room to the crib (from bassinet/co-sleep), but now she is in her crib most of the night and I just let her nurse and roll over for the 6am feeding. This way she is only there a little while before I have to get up anyway.

Good luck!

Now that your baby is 5 months old... is she perhaps just going through some developmental changes or growth spurt? This can really throw a hiccup into their sleeping patterns and their intake level increases and they need to feed more.

If you are wanting your baby to sleep through the night... well, each baby is different and their "ability" to self soothe varies too. Some babies will not sleep through the night until later... my first child did not until she was about 2 years old plus. My 23 month old still wakes sometimes once a night.

I know it's hard for you, because of your insomnia et al. At the same time, I think all Moms go through this because we have to wake up at all hours to nurse our babies and it's naturally harder to fall asleep after that. I've been doing that for the past 6 years. With some babies, crying it out just does not work. I know, it did not work with my first, but I tried it because we were desperate. Needless to say, I figured out other ways to get my children to sleep...from co-sleeping to pacifiers (my son) to soothing them and just giving them what "they" needed. Each baby is different.

Or, at about this age, my son really took to a stuffed cow...which he likes to sleep with and cuddle. It really helps him to sleep and he just adores it. We see nothing wrong with a baby having a "lovey." Although some do not encourage this.

Also, we have a Fisher Price "Ocean Wonders" crib toy in my son's crib... he LOVES to put on the music before he sleeps and watches it. This has become his routine as well. We also put on a room fan, on low, for some white noise.

We also have a routine, pre-bed/nap, and stick to it everyday.. Same time for naps/sleep, and same routine. THIS has really helped in assimilating my kids to sleep. I've done sleep routines without fail since my kids were babies... even at their ages now, they still nap and go to bed fine. I breastfed both.. .so I know how tiring it can be, getting up for on demand nursings, and getting them to sleep and back to sleep. But this is the method I worked out for myself.

For my son, in his case, he likes having a few baby-safe stuffed animals in his crib... it distracts him, helps him to self-soothe, and he will eventually then fall asleep on his own. (He couldn't care less about his crib-mobile on the other hand). So this is what has worked, in his case.

Another thought, although I am sure you tried this too: but does she have gas problems? Teething? My girl was similar to this too... and she had gas problems too... (the Hyland's Colic Tabs, is great. My girl did not have colic, but it helped her gas problems....it's homeopathic and has no contraindications).

BUT as we also learned... she was also "sensory sensitive" to sounds, texture and temperature. (she is still sensitive to certain sounds/noise even at 5 years old). Thus, she was fussy and hard to put to sleep. Crying-it-out NEVER worked with her. She had more will than both me & Hubby combined. She would NOT succumb to that. So with her, I had to lay next to her until she fell asleep. Then as she got older, I just gradually made my presence less and less, and gradually got out of the room for her to sleep. But this was over time.

Another thought, as this happened with my friend. Her baby girl was next to impossible to put to sleep, and always wanted to be carried and was always fussy or crying. She took her baby to the Doctor... he examined her head to foot. What they found was a tiny blond hair (barely perceptible to the eye) which was tightly tangled & wrapped around her baby's toe...it was causing pain and was getting into her skin as she grew. They removed it, and her baby was just so happy and her "fussy" demeanor stopped.

With other friends, their baby was not getting enough intake. Thus, baby was always hungry, fussy, did not sleep well or for very long, and was never quite satisfied enough. For one Parent she didn't have enough milk. For the other Parent, her baby just was not suckling effectively. After they got that solved, their babies slept better, and was less fussy.

I don't have any miracle answers for you... but I know it's not easy. You are obviously doing the best you can and trying things that may work. Sorry for rambling, just some ideas that popped in my head.

take care,
~Susan

I think it is your instinct to go to your baby and comfort them for a reason. I did not let my daughter cry it out and she is now a VERY secure, healthy, happy 8 month old baby. Everytime we go somewhere everyone comments on what a good baby she is. I think tending to them when they are very young creates a healthy, secure baby that knows their needs will be met. Sounds like you go to extremes in both directions, maybe try something in the middle? Try going to your little one to comfort and let her know you are there, but don't pick her up. Just place your hand on her chest to let her know you are there and talk to her softly. That is what worked for me when I stopped nursing my daughter to sleep. Hope you find a happy medium. Try not to stress mama, either way you will get through it. : )

Well, for atarters, let me commend you on giving this a go!!! I did it with both my boys, 3 1/2 y.o. & 16 m.o. and I rcvd A LOT of grief from people. Most thought it was a horrible way to parent, but, what works for one may not work for all!! Anyhow, we started at about the same age as you did with your little girl with our first... I never really read a book about it, just browsed through a few articles on the internet & adapted my own approach from there. We did the whole before bed time routine - bath, bottle, quieted down the house. Then we'd lay him down @ the same time every night, regardless of napping schedule... In the beginning, it was hard!!! =( My lil guy would ball!! we'd go in after say, 5 minutes, soothe him & then leave him. At first those five min killed me & my hubby!! we'd actually set the timer so neither one of us would give in. After about 20 min or so of going in every 5 min, we increased it to say, 8 min... Those first few nights were tough!! Probably like 2 hrs of in & out, soothing... Butu never picking him up. After 2 days of say 8 mins of waiting to go in, we increased it to 10-12 min. We did this very consistently, which I think is part of the key to it, and no kidding, our lil guy was sleeping pretty well through the night after a week or so. The cry it out method worked for us - and the proof is in the pudding, so to speak... I can't tell you how much more sleep we were getting than a lot of our friends w/kids the same age!!! What really iced my cake was when a "I cxan't believe you let your baby cry" Mom FINALLY gave it a shot when her lil girl was about a year old!!! And it worked!!!
Best of luck to you & do what works for you!! You can tell better than anyone if this is actually "harming" your lil girl!! We tend to figure out those different cries quickly!!