Hi,
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I read the other posts and agree with them. Something else to consider is that most attorneys will talk to you on the phone and answer your questions and give a limited amount of advice without charge. Some will give you a free initial consultation up to an hour to give you options and strategy and give you the opportunity to weigh your options and make a decision before laying out money. I did this nine years ago after 15 years of marriage. You will be amazed at the different advice you may receive and the comments that are made that give you a new perspective on the process and what you might be encountering down the road.
Another thing I learned is that sometimes even in extremely contentious divorces cases, a good mediator is all that is needed to get a fair settlement. Our mediator, which is mandatory in Cobb County before a jury trial, opened my eyes to issues that I or my attorney had considered. He was also able to give counsel to both of us and saved me from conceding a few things that I was willing to do at the time (in the name of amicability) which would have destroyed me down the road.
I advice you to sit down and picture yourself and what your life and your daughter's life is going to look like with your husband out of the picture. Think about what your expectations will be (and hers) in a fractured family environment. Imagine every scenario and potential difficulty and then make a list of questions. Try to cover all the bases and then start calling attorneys and speaking to women who have gone through divorces. Having to go back to court later is expensive and stressful so it is best to have everything addressed in the beginning.
Cobb County has a mandatory class for any couple filing for divorce that has children. It is an excellent class and goes over the things they see daily in the courts regarding the aftermath of divorces where various things have not been addressed legally. Some of the issues regard issues that are not spelled out in a divorce but are interpreted by the former spouses. One of these things is the purpose of child support. Their classes point out that child-support is to sustain the residence of the custodial parent and child(ren). It is to keep the residence and assist with the expenses of the household. It does not represent the full extent of the non-custodial parent's financial obligation. They point out that Santa Claus, birthdays, special outings and events may require financial assistance. Surprisingly many dads feel that they need not contribute to any of these things because they are already paying child support. I am sure you can get information from Families First (Cobb County) that you can look over. It may be that you can enroll in the class even though you are not a Cobb resident. They also have classes for the children which I found to be helpful.
Make sure you have it spelled out clearly who will be responsible for maintaining health insurance and medical, dental and vision expenses. See if you can get something in the decree regarding an agreement for college or any specialty education that might be needed down the road, tutors, etc. If possible, see if your attorney can do something to lessen the expense of the two year child support increase requests. I have never gone back for an increase because it costs around 2,000.00 a pop and the laws have changed in Georgia (I am told). It costs a friend almost 3,000 to get a child support increase hearing in Cherokee County!
If you have been a stay at home mom, ask for rehabilitative alimony for 5 years to give you time to go to school and transition back into the workplace. Work related expenses, clothes, gas, child care, missed wages when a child is sick, lunches, car maintenance, etc... can really add up.
The courts no longer seem to honor a woman's full time commitment to children and home and some punish women who have chosen this path. I was shocked at how the jury treated me for having been a full time homemaker throughout my marriage. Often judges have gone through one of more divorce and have an ax to grind.
Something else to think about is what you would do if something happens to your ex after the divorce. Request a life insurance policy of at least 200,000 (ask a financial advisor) to be assigned to you in lieu of child support. If it is made out to you as owner of the policy, you will be able to know if the premiums are not being paid. This insured that should he die prematurely, the policy will provide a sum that would take the place of any child support being received so that you have no disruption to your household and financial foundation.
I almost forgot . . . if you are to be the custodial parent, even with joint custody, ask to be able to claim your daughter as a dependent until she ages out. Often a man will request this citing that since they are paying child support, they are entitled to the deduction. However, you will learn as a single parent that in most cases, your ex will be paying less that 30% . . .as low a 20% of his income to raise his child while you will using 100% of your income to do the same. You need the deduction and any other tax break you can get.
Divorce is a poor option even with a good settlement if it can be avoided. I wish you and your daughter well.
D.
