Need Weaning Advice for 1 Year Old

Hi there! Mom of four here. I would strongly advise against weaning at this age. Life can become quite scary around one year of age as a child begins to crawl, walk, and realize his/her autonomy. This can last for months and months. As you said, your daughter has become more demanding and needy. The solution is not to "crack down" on her. Trust me on that. Babies this age really need the extra comfort and security that comes from mommy and mommy alone. (Sorry, dad! your time will come.) Nursing is a part of that comfort for your daughter. Pat yourself on the back for that. You are doing the very best thing for your daughter, both physically and emotionally, by continuing to nurse her through this difficult stage of life. The fact that she no longer "needs" to nurse for nutritional reasons does not mean that she no longer needs to nurse. Hang in there, and know that in this instance, giving your daughter what she wants is giving her what she needs for her future independence and health.

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I am a mother of 5 I nursed all of them until they decided they were done. I worked full time with my first two, pumped at work, and then nursed when I was home. My oldest weaned at 17 months by himself (mostly because he was tired of getting kicked by my second one!), the second at 13 months by himself, my oldest daughter self weaned at 14 months, then came my last two!!! My middle daughter was 22 months she would only nurse at night and when she had some drama in her life, but I felt great that she would come to me for comfort instead of a blanket, a stuffed animal, or someone else. My youngest turned 2 in May and she nursed up until her birthday and then one day she was done. She used to wake up every morning at 4 or 5 nurse in our bed and sleep until 8. Just before she self-weaned she would wake up and then just sleep in our bed without nursing. She now sleeps completely through the night without waking up at all or if she does she finds her pacifier or sippy cup of water in her bed and puts herself back to sleep.

I can't help but feel that mothers who want to force weaning really need to look at the motivation as to why. For the most part the reasons are very selfish and really don't take into account the needs of the baby. Nursing is nature's way of taking care of young. I've watched several batches of baby birds this spring outside my kitchen window, and none of them left the nest at the same time, and when they do leave the parents don't just abandon them they keep feeding them and teaching them how to get food themselves. As humans our babies are much more in need than a baby bird, and some babies need more comfort and nursing than others.

I have been married twice and neither of my husbands got up at night, both of them though figured out how to put our babies to bed without me, was it easy? NO but they figured out what they needed to do. If you are feeling resentment because you are the primary caregiver and you feel like you have to do everything, talk about this with your husband, let him know how you feel. If you are like me with my first baby I alienated my husband because he did things differently than I did and I told him he was wrong, so he just figured it was easier to let me do everything rather than hear me complain that he did it "wrong". With all of my subsequent children I acknowledged that there was more than one way to do things and I got a lot more help.

Bottom line she's your baby and you need to do what you need to do, but look really carefully at your motivation, and then follow your instincts where she is concerned. You will be her mother for the rest of her life :-).

A. - Mother of 5 ages 16, 15, 6, 5, 2

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So... I wasn't sure, but did you "decide" to wean her... or is it just because you/Hubby want her out of your bed... or (and this is common) she is now 1 years old?

There are 2 things you will need to deal with if you TRULY want to wean her now. 1) she has to transition and get out of the "habit" of co-sleeping in your/Hubby's bed.
2) she needs to wean.

Dealing with the 2 "problems" at the same time, may be too much too soon at one time for an older baby, now young toddler.

MOST children do protest weaning. So this is common. Night time breastfeeding is often the "last" feeding to disappear. Yes, they have a habit, it is comforting, the Mommy is a pacifier etc. Aside from that.. a child is a child and any "change" in their routine/habits is a jolt to them.

Yes, they will tantrum/cry/scream if their "habit" is being taken away from them.

1) you can grin and bear it... and know that there WILL be crying/protesting about it. Your girl needs time to adjust. It can take weeks, or a few days. Each child is different.
2) you can wait until she is older and more able to understand simple explanations....ie: Mommy only has milk at night (which some Moms say) etc. And by using "distraction" techniques or saying things like "not now... later okay?"
3) you can let her self-wean.
4) Yes, people say to wean a child at 1 year old, because no "nutrition" is derived from it later than that. But many child experts, personally, say that breastfeeding longer is fine. They just tell you 1 year is the limit... because that is the most easy. (try Google search & researching "extended breastfeeding" pro's and con's. It is enlightening).
5) you can work on getting her her own bed and bedroom... (I wasn't sure if she is in her own room now, or sleeping in your/hubby's bedroom in her own crib/bed). And then transitioning her to that first. THEN work on weaning her. Or, visa versa.
6) Change her night-time breastfeeding habit.. meaning: breastfeed her in a different location, BEFORE bed, not in bed until she falls asleep etc. & shorten the length of time you "allow" her to be on your breast. Then, get up and act like you are busy. Don't sit back down or she will probably climb up on you and try to reach your boobs etc.
7) Then, have Hubby give her a "new" habit after the nigh-time breastfeeding.. perhaps read with her and spend a little time with her... then he can lead her into bed gradually. (don't use treats or anything to "bribe" the child. This will only be another "habit" you don't want her to get hung up on).
8) give her her night time "feeding" in a bottle. Expecting protesting maybe.
9) give her water instead of the night-time nursing...in a sippy cup or bottle...

Just some thoughts. For me.. well my girl was harder to wean.. and I let her self-wean. I am a SAHM so I didn't mind. She did finally self-wean at about 2-2.5 or so years old. I did not mind extended breastfeeding, although many would probably chastise me for that. In our country.... weaning at 1 years old is adamant. In other countries, they believe in breastfeeding longer. It is cultural. With my 2nd child, my son.. .he weaned himself by 1 years old.

Of course I let my kids self-wean.. with my egging on. As my girl got older into toddler-hood, I would talk to my girl about it... and "tell" her one day she has to stop. Then, the frequency and length of it lessened until one day she just stopped on her own and she thought it was funny that she used to do that. LOL.

OH! I almost forgot. Some Moms I know, put a band-aid on their breasts... and "explain" that it has an "owie" or that there is no more milk etc. For them, this method worked.

Weaning will happen, and before you know it.. it will be all in the past. And, you will either feel happy about it, or wish you had breastfed longer or stopped earlier. It's a real personal thing.

With me, fortunately, my Hubby was very supportive of breastfeeding and it didn't matter to him how long it went on. He was actually "proud" of me for nursing our children and had no hang ups about it. He knew it was nurturing and tiring all at the same time. But he gave me lots of support and help with it. This is another reason, I believed in nursing until my kids self-weaned.

But, each Mom is different. Do what YOU feel is best for yourself and your girl. But yes, weaning is not a slam-dunk. It is not easy. Your girl is not the only one.
Take care,
~Susan

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I would say get rid of the night feedings first. Once you are getting a full block of sleep at night, nursing won't seem so overwhelming. Plus, it's sort of a compromise that will allow the whole process to go smoother. Baby steps, if you will. I have night weaned all 3 of my kids by telling them that there is no nursing until the sun comes up. If they still need to come crawl in bed with me, that's fine, but I will only offer them a sippy cup with water (nothing else) in it. That way, if they are thirsty, they can quench their thirst without calories. After a few nights, their bodies' metabolisms adjusted to not getting calories in the middle of the night and they decided it wasn't worth it to wake up just for water. That being said, I should mention that the World Health Organization, Unicef AND NOW even the American Academy of Pediatrics ALL recommend nursing for a MINIMUM of 2 years for optimum health for your baby. This doesn't mean nursing on demand. Just once or twice a day so that your baby can get the immunities and EFA's for brain development. I personally have found the first nursing session of the morning the most difficult to give up. My kids all nursed once a day this way for a long time because it allowed me to go back to sleep for an hour! Just make sure to stick to the "sun up" rule. Good luck, and don't rush nursing out too fast. Trust me, you will definitely miss it once it is over!

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Start using the spice/herb "sage" in your food or mix sage powder with water and drink it. It will dry up your milk supply.

Hi M.,
I agree with Laura A. Don't stop nursing just yet. I wish I had nursed a little longer. Maybe your daughter just isnt ready yet but she'll get there. Enjoy this time now. The fact that she only nurses at night is a pretty good step. I've known kids who didn't wean until 18 months so your little one is doing well:)

It seems we all reach that point at one time or another. I thought I'd stop nursing my first child when she turned one. Well, one became 16 months. My second nursed until she was 19 months old! We ALL (children and mothers alike) do it for "comforting" reasons.
Truth is, you'll stop nursing when you're ready. It takes as much committment to stop nursing as it is to "hang in there" when you first start. Committment is key. You have to explain to your daughter that nursing is for babies and that she's a big girl now. I recommend you "bind" yourself to stop milk production. Good luck, Mom, I'm sure it'll all turn out just fine!!!

Hi M.,

Who says you need to wean her? Just so your husband can put her to bed? My daughter nursed for four years and my husband was perfectly happy with the separation of roles; yours probably will be, too. Just nurse her to sleep at night like she wants. My daughter is now 24 and from the day she started kindergarten teachers have said they can't believe how well adjusted she is. My advice is let her wean when she is ready, instead of on some artificial timetable imposed from the outside. This will not only meet her needs but give her a sense that she has some control over her own life. Just the stuff to build self esteem.

V.

I am having the same issue and was wondering about that as well.. I've only gotten 2 responses from family and friends and they were both totally different. 1 said you can't cut them off til they are ready-really...the other says cut down on feedings and then the last feeding will have to be cold turkey..it'll be hard for a week or so...i've not tried that..i don't think i'm ready for that stress..interested in seeing other peoples responses..

Sounds like you have some habits that will take crying to break. Hang in there. Great job nursing so long.

Just want to add my 2 cents - my son is 25 months old and still nursing. He can be put to bed by other people - just not usually very easily when I'm around. Nursing is about so much more than food or your breasts. If you're still comfortable nursing, please consider continuing!! Nursing a toddler is wonderful for their health (physical and emotional) There is no need to "break" a young child of anything, in my opinion. The best is to try and gently guide them into finding a variety of ways to comfort themselves, solve a problem, etc. It's ok for your daughter to have needs! Try to talk to her about your concerns and work on other ways of meeting her needs, but don't refuse to nurse just "because". Good luck!

your child sounds so happy! and you sound like a wonderful mom. i hope you get the advice you're looking for... all i can say is: follow your heart. you know deep down better than any one. my daughter weaned herself eventually and I didn't have to force anything. i know that's not common, but she also eventually relaxed enough to lie herself down to bed (i nursed, then snuggled her to sleep every night until she was 19 mos. and basically said she was okay by saying "bye" to me!). don't worry about your hubby getting her to bed - he will if he has to. (i had this problem too and it also miraculously resolved itself) it's exhausting, and sometimes frustrating... but she is sooooo lucky to have you to cuddle with at night. before you know it, these days/nights will be over.

about the 4am feeding... i honestly don't know - if you are ready to cut that one session out, you may have some success by introducing a snuggle toy or soother of some kind. try it during naps first. then see if she'll take it instead of bringing her into bed. it may take a few nights.

mostly, be kind to yourself. you're doing everything right. there is no perfect solution and you'll find the right path for you. i had yearnings to cut out nursing for several months before it finally ended, and i was happy that i had that time to ready myself and my daughter.

Good luck and keep us posted!

I sympathized with you as I went through this not too long agoo. My baby ended up being weaned at 13.5 months and it was the best decision as she became much more independent. I was suprised that soon she forgot about nursing and was happy without it. I understand the daddy thing too not being able to put baby down. That is important that he is involved without having to deal with the absolute fits. Just a little for you to encourage you! Hang in there!!

I weaned my daughter at 15 months and she was definielty attached to the boob. It can be done. Give up one feeding at a time...whichever one you think will be the easiest first. For example...4 am feeding...have your husband go in and put her back to sleep..after a few days she will learn not to expect you or the milk. As for nursing to sleep....don't do it...nurse her before bed but stop before she falls asleep...this will make it easier once you wean her from that feeding. Also, increase her regular milk during the day...make sure you give her milk in a sippy cup at every meal. I used to mix vanilla rice milk with regular milk while I was weaning because it made the milk sweeter and it was easier for my daughter to transition from breast milk (which is sweet) to regular milk.

Good luck and don't give up!

Hi M.,
I think there are a lot of misunderstandings in America about nursing. I have been reading up on it myself lately. In most other parts of the world babies are nursed until 2. It is absolutely instinctive for babies(especially at age one when they're taking in so much information and learning) to want to nurse for comfort. Yes you are her pacifier-that's the way God set it up. She is still forming that part of her little self that wants to know that you will be her comfort in this world. And at one year old, eating at 4a.m. is really okay. She's just hungry - the 4a.m. to 6 or 7a.m. is a deep sleep period that is very important. I hope this helps. I began to feel hasty during long nursings. Then, after reading in more detail about the importance of nursing for comfort as well as food, I decided to just settle in and enjoy the time when my baby is on my belly feeling completely cozy in my arms. It seems that it's all moving by so fast anyhow.

Okay---

There is nothing wrong w/ wanting your body back! I nursed all 3 of my kids. I was done at a year. I cut out feedings, and at 13 months they were all done. And, they each had a different feeding that was hardest to cut. If you want to be done nursing decide what feeding you want to cut-night or bedtime. and then have Dad put her to bed at night. Nursing to sleep is such a bad habit (that we all do) and breaking it will be hard. and, you will all survive. and, Once you do it-they adjust quick.

As they say, it is easier to take off than it is to land a plane and babies are like planes that don't want to land. They looooooovvvvveeeee their comfort zones and they should, yet they can also learn to love to grow. If you can accept that babies will resist and that your tender cultivation will lead to success, then you will be fine.

That said, I can honestly say I have never heard of a baby that didn't protest changes associated with growing up. What I have heard of though are parents who made it a wonderful experience for their children by being creative, patient, and well informed. Which you are wise for seeking!

One area not enough parents are informed about is that by 6 weeks old their little baby's brain has develped to be capable of REM sleep. That means they are not only old enough to be trained to sleep through the night, but they will immediately reap the benefits of night-long undisturbed sleep, that being neurotransmitter repair and growth hormone. Too many babies are growing up without this until they are well into their 2nd and 3rd years of life. Yes, they need the nursing (which should transition to day), and they also need their sleep. Ironically, also at 6 weeks old is when Post Partum Depression tends to set in and it is due to the mother not returning to the repairing sleep she also needs.

So, why nurse through the night during the first 6 weeks? The uterus needs the extra help in recovery during this time. Once the lochia stops flowing, this magic transition needs to be taking place for the mom and baby where the peace associated with undisturbed sleep sweeps across the family.

So, what stands in the way? Well, for most of us, we grew up being praised for doing what was right. Once you become parents the tables turn. Your children cannot help but resist most of what you do to help them grow up. As children, we grew up drawn by the nurturing influence of unconditional love, but as grown ups, it is our turn to become the ones modeling that love. Of course, that means landing our plane of the child role and boarding the jumbo jet of excellent parenting. Hopefully your parents modeled that, if not, you will get to pioneer it. Thank goodness for the resources today.

The best ones I can suggest are The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute (this is one of the best books in the whole world), Total Nutrition for Breast-feeding Mothers by Betty Kamen, PhD., and Si Kamen-goes over the whole weaning process too, Raising Self-reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World by Glenn and Nelson, and the whole four book series Teaching Your Children Values, Sensitivity, Responsibility, and Joy by Richard and Linda Eyre. Without a doubt though, make sure to get the first two I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph, if you can. They will assist you best with the situation you have at hand right now. God be with you!

M.: I certainly understand your concern. My children are 18 and 12 now but I only nursed both of them. And they pulled off on their own when they were at 11 months for the oldest and 13 months for the youngest. I know she is using it for a pacifier.

My oldest did that too. I was nursing her up until 6 months old almost every 2 hours until my Dr. told me I was a pacifier. I had to stop the nighttime by letting her cry. She cried for 18 minutes the first night for the first feeding I cut out. And less each night for two more nights then quit crying. A week later we eliminated the other middle of night feeding and she cried one night.

Have you tried just nursing her in her own room and putting her back to bed at 4:00 am in her bed not yours? Maybe the comfort is more going to your bed when she wakes. Unfortunately it's not a proven method with these things. You have done the right thing in nursing and I would not stress over this. Take each day and try to do something different. Like either eliminating the nursing at 4:00 am. Remember, they have strong wills even at that age and she may throw a fit but she will fall asleep and while it might take a few nights, I would eliminate that one first and still allow her the comfort of nursing to go to sleep. She is still young enough that she can nurse to go to bed unless you are ready to be done. If you are ready, my Dr. said to eliminate 1 at a time and then the next.

If you still nurse before bed, then have your husband put her to bed. That way she is comforted from the nursing but sees that daddy is putting her to bed.

I hope you are able to get some good advice and are able to try something that helps.

All the best. J. Walter