Need to Get My 9 Year Old and 6 Year Old Boys Sleeping in Their room...ALONE

Do you ever watch Supernanny?
She tells the children that they are big boys and that they will sleep in their beds at night.
At bed time, you read a story and tuck them in.
The first time they come out, you tell them that it's bed time and you bring them back to bed. No more talking than that. Do NOT engage them. No cup of water... No story... no nothing.
The next and subsequent times they come out you bring them back to bed without talking. You must be firm.
The first night it might take an hour or more.
Every night will get better.
It will be hard, but you let them do this, so now... you have to fix it.

Good luck.
LBC

1 mom found this helpful

One good thing about children this age is that they respond to rewards. Choose 1 toy/thing that each of them wants and then let them know that this costs them 20 sleeps in their respective rooms. (Would it help if the boys shared a room perhaps?). By the time they get their rewards, they would have gotten used to sleeping on their own and at that point simply announce that they are old enough.

We are just tacking this situation with my 3 year old. He had a few nights where he cried for 2 hours but I firmly held my ground. Kids know when you really mean business.

GOOD LUCK!

I would suggest three words: lock. the. door. Obviously I wouldn't ignore them if they come banging on the door at night, but that gives you the opportunity to intercept before they cross the doorway and get them back in their room. When I was a kid I wasn't allowed to go in my parents bedroom during the day without asking, much less at night. My brother who is younger would get scared a lot at night, and I remember my parents would let him sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor but not on the bed. He got sick of it after awhile.
Very occassionally, my four year old will wake up in the middle of the night and come in our room and just sleep on a blanket on the floor. He doesn't wake us up, so I'm usually surprised to find him there in the morning. Now that he's learned how to use the remote, if he wakes up, he just turns on one of his cartoons until we wake up. One time we found him watching Planet Earth at 4:30 in the morning, but we sent him back to his room without issue.

I have a 4 and 7 year old who were having the same problem with not wanting to sleep alone...I finally figured out that they were afraid of the dark. I let them sleep with a bedside lamp on and though I think I'd get no sleep that way, they seem to be doing fine.

Another suggestion is that maybe they're going to bed too late? If so, then both of them may be keyed up and overtired when bedtime does arrive...I'd try pushing bedtime back a half hour (or an hour, depending on how much trouble you have with them) and see how it goes. Maybe if they are more rested, you won't have as much difficulty.

Either way, they're both old enough to sit down and talk with you about the reasons why they behave this way. Talk to them about ways that they think you all can make bedtime easier. If nothing else works, tell them both that they are expected to stay in bed at night and not to come into your room unless they're bleeding or vomiting - and enforce punishments if they disobey.

This is a tough problem - I hope it works out for you and you can get some sleep!

The boys are old enough to understand it if you mean what you say. What do they respond best to in other situations? You can try punishment and/or rewards. What motivates them? Money? Time with you? Special outings? Make it worth their while to stay in their rooms, and make it VERY unpleasant if they don't. hope this helps. Good luck! N. B.

I was having the same problem with my 4 and 5 year old. They would go to sleep in their beds then before I went to bed one of them would be out in the hallway (behind the baby gate) calling for me. It was kind of my fault that the coming into my bedroom started....I would just bring the child that was up into my room and make a bed on the floor because I didn't want their crying to wake up the other two. I was having several nights where both of them were in my room on the floor! It was getting old and becoming a habit!! I had to stop it!

I was firm about telling them "no more sleeping in my room at night even if they wake up and come in the hall I wasn't going to let them come in my room".

I also made a sticker chart and told them for each night that they stayed in their rooms (not sleeping in the hall!!) that they would get a sticker and when the chart was full they could get a toy. My son(5) enjoys the competition with his sister (4) and he has more stickers then her....whatever works. No matter what I have not let them back in my room. My daughter has had a few night where she has slept in the hall way (behind the baby gate), but at least she is not in my room.

I don't know how well the stickers would work for your 9 year old, but maybe you could think of some other way to keep track of the nights they sleep in their beds and make it a competition between the two boys to see who will win the "prize" (something they could work towards) first......

Just a thought??? Good luck!!

J.

Why are they afraid of their room? I teacher once told me that he scared his step son at a birthday party, because he dressed as a clown. The parents didn't know, but the boy had seen a scary movie about a clown. Maybe some Friday or Saturday night, you can all have a stay up party in their room. Find out what they are afraid of. Maybe moving the beds around to show them there is nothing hiding there, might help.
Good Luck
Jen

Hi B.,

Dr. Katharine Leslie is a Parent-Child educator and assists parents with behavioral symptoms in their children.

Write her and see what she says.

Good luck. Hope this helps. D.

it took years for it to get to this stage, and you're not going to undo it easily. consistency, consistency, consistency. decide what the consequence will be for giving you grief at bedtime, and make it something that matters. then apply it without fail until they get it. these aren't babies. be firm. be loving.
be firm.
khairete
S.

Try the nanny JoJo method. Put them in their room, sit outside the door and put them back in their room each time they get out. It will take a few nights but w/ a 9yr old and a 6yr old, they completely know better and they understand what is going on. They only do it because you let them.
Sit down w/ them one evening and explain what you are going to do then do it. As for them staying in their room ALL night, you can take them back when they come in your room or you can lock their door or yours. HOpefully you will have your room back in less than a week.

i just saw this same problem on nanny911, and i liked how she handled it. She created a bedtime routine for the children- dinner at 6, bath or shower at 7, story and/or quiet talking with mom and/or dad until 8, then a timer went off and lights were out. each child got personal attention, then mom and dad left. the kids, of course, fought this, and every time they wandered out of the room, mom or dad escorted them back to their bed, kissed them and said goodnight, without saying anything else, beginning a discussion, getting angry, etc. they basically gave the kids no reason to want to be awake, and refused to allow them to sleep anywhere but their own bed. it turned out one of the kids was afraid of the dark, so a nightlight helped him, and i think it took about a week of calmly walking each child back to their bed, tucking them in and leaving before they "got" it. THe nanny said consistency is the key- if the six year old wakes up, quickley and quietly address any needs he might have, then tuck him back in. they'll eventually learn what to do once they understand what is expected (and it'll probably have to be repeatedly ingrained in their heads) good luck!