E.B. asks from Miami, FL on December 01, 2011
Need Support! Pregnant and Unsure of the Outcome.
Let me first say: if you're going to send negative thoughts please do not respond. I am only asking for support and maybe your own story. That is what we are all here for any how right? I posted last week after thanksgiving that I found out I was pregnant with no. 4. Yay!!!! So i was at first. Then I told my husband. Then my husband wasn't himself for four days. On Sunday night we talked. We both agreed that eventually we wanted to have a fourth baby. I've always wanted to have a big family. And even though the economy is tough if you have the love it should be strong enough to hold up a family. Right?!? Well he didn't ask for an abortion but asked that I please consider it. We have three healhty boys. I am unemployed. I don't have insurance. However, I did apply today for state medicaid and hope to be approved. He's very content with his three boys. Which makes me question over and over again what happened to the talk about the 4th? It seems that is being thrown out the door. My youngest is 13 mos, the second is 3 and the first one is 7. He has plans to have them in sports and do many things with them and only wants to concentrate on the 3 we already have. I have no idea what to do. I don't want the abortion in fear that this will end the maternal stage for ever. But I feel that bringing the baby will only cause a lot of harm to our marriage. A marriage we just fixed. I love my husband dearly and I don't want to add extra stress to him. But I'm considering my emotional and mental state here. I can't imagine having an abortion just because of financial status. there is help out there. please mamma's share some light on this situation.
So What Happened?™
Let me ad, this was an oops. I was on birth control but because of ins was not able to continue. He knew that, there was only one time that we had sex not protecting. I was also on the hcg diet and have just learned it van make you very fertile. I was unaware of that.
Thank you all for your advice. We're doing a lot better now. We spoke about a lot that had him worried. Let's just say he was so eager last night to invite his family to share the knews. I'm thrilled about it and believe it or not he is too!!!! Thanks again for all the moms always giving helpful advice.
C.V. answers from Miami on December 02, 2011
That is a hard situation to be in and I really feel for you. Have you thought at all about giving the baby up for adoption? Maybe an open adoption so you'd know he/she went to a good home and then they could help with medical costs? Just a thought. Hope it all works out ok for you.
M.. answers from Detroit on December 01, 2011
If your husband was perfectly content with his 3 boys then he should have thought about permanent birthcontrol and went through with it.
Abortions are not birth control. I cant imagine you having an abortion for anyone but yourself, if your husband cannot support you and your unborn baby that he helped you create at least emtionally, then maybe this marriage isnt worth fixing????
10 moms found this helpful
J.W. answers from St. Louis on December 01, 2011
How can your marriage be fixed when your husband is only thinking of himself.
I hope this doesn't feel negative to you but if a marriage cannot withstand a baby I just don't feel like there is much worth fighting for there. Thing is if you go forward there is a good chance this will not destroy your marriage.
I guess I am saying give your husband a chance to show who he really is and continue with this pregnancy. My god if economically he cannot handle another child they put the child up for adoption, then the medical bills are covered.
I could never be with a man who asked me to abort our child. Maybe that is just me.
9 moms found this helpful
R.M. answers from San Francisco on December 01, 2011
I agree with Molly. If he was so dead set against a 4th child that he would want to abort it then he should have gotten clipped.
I'm pro-choice, but at this stage in my personal beliefs (about me and my life) no one could talk me into aborting one of my children.
It's your marriage, and you just fixed it, so our opinion shouldn't matter. But considering he had discussed having a 4th, and didn't bother to use birth control!!! I think it's way out of line for him to suggest doing this.
This is where he becomes a man and sucks it up. And then gets himself a vasectomy.
9 moms found this helpful
L._. answers from San Diego on December 01, 2011
Babies are not convenient. They are a blessing, always.
9 moms found this helpful
R.F. answers from Dallas on December 01, 2011
'We both agreed that eventually we wanted to have a fourth baby'. - your words!
I am pro-choice through and through. If you fear abortion, though, there is always adoption and/or the chance that your husband will accept the pregnancy/baby.
And then, permanent birth control for either one of you, to avoid any other dilemmas.
PS - birth control doesn't have to be prescribed......
8 moms found this helpful
M.P. answers from Portland on December 01, 2011
I suggest that you'd benefit from some counseling around the abortion issue. I think Planned Parenthood offers counseling with the focus being to help you decide. You could also ask your doctor for a referral to someone who specializes in this issue.
For me, I'd wait and see if with time your husband will be able to accept it. I'm rarely in favor of abortion which would make my decision in this case much easier. I would not abort. I would focus on communication with my husband so that he understood how I felt. I would also work to understand his feelings. Often, just calmly sharing thoughts and feelings works to reach a mutually satisfactory decision.
This is a rough spot that could result in the two of you being closer. It's a decision to be made together.
7 moms found this helpful
B.. answers from Dallas on December 01, 2011
Your husband knows unprotected sex results in babies. He's not a child, but he sure is acting like one. HE made an oops, not just you. He can't just tell you to get an abortion and take it back. At this point, YOU need to do, what YOU feel is right. Your husband is being petty, childish, and selfish. Abortion is NOT and should NOT be birth control. He had his chance with birth control, and didn't take it.
It's not an oops, when you aren't on birth control and have sex. Sorry. An oops is when you take the precautions and it happens anyway. He can't pretend this is all an accidental occurrence now.
6 moms found this helpful
Y.B. answers from Seattle on December 01, 2011
It is still early and maybe he just needs some adjustment time. I hemorrhaged after my daughter was born and my husband was really angry with our daughter, even though it was misplaced anger, he still didn't like her. Now he regrets feeling that way and is head over heels in love with her. Just give him time. It is up to both of you if you consider terminating but I think it will be the wrong thing to do. I think in time it will all work out. Hugs to you.
5 moms found this helpful