Need Suggestions on How to Relax...

S.,

The best thing that I do for myself is get a mani/pedi every other week. I have a group of girlfriends (we call it Sit N Play) that get together 1/week with our kids and 4 of us stay to babysit all of the kids, while two of us leave for 2.5 hours to do whatever we like! We rotate weeks so that over the course of 9 weeks, I get 3 free weeks! It is a GREAT system! We have all become friends, genuinely enjoy one anothers kids and we have a built in babysitting network when date nights or other things come up! You could get this going with only 3 other people, 2 on and 2 off so that you get free time every other week!

I would be happy to tell you more about it if you send me an email: ____@____.com

M.

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Friends - that is the one we women often scale back on when we get busy lives. Keep up those friendships, they are a breath of fresh air for me, and a lifeline when things are tough.

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Can't wait to hear the responses. Other than working out and alcohol I've never found anything. Some people are not good relaxers.

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Ditto sort of (I like my wine for this purpose) but I think instead of trying to come up with an occasional activity that will relax you, it might be more beneficial to pepper techniques throughout your day. Deep breathing, lying still, stretching, and the concentration on "being in the moment" can all help you feel more relaxed for a spell, and perhaps better able to face the next stressor that comes along (dog and kids and demands and bills, oh my!). I find that I really need to consciously calm myself (I like breathing and stretching personally, which comes from yoga) before I start yelling at the kid. perhaps a yoga video (I love Rodney Yee) would help give you some of these tools if you need guidance.

Also, some people love knitting for this purpose, or some other craft endeavor, where you can use your brain in a fresh way and have something to show for it.

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My kids go to bed around by 9pm I go to bed at 11pm or so, so at 10pm I go in my room close the door, something about closing the door helps - it's like saying "I'm off the clock now." Then I grab a great book, (a romance noval or something fun - not a learning book, but something you can lose yourself in and just relax.) I read for about an hour and I love it! When I was pregnant I was reading all of those "What to expect when you're expecting" books. Then came the what to expect the first year, then toddler years. Then one day I realized I hadn't sat down and read a good book for me in almost 5 years! I read my first book and realized just how much I missed that me time - my guilty pleasure.

Now I am all for getting the mani and pedi done every so often as well as the massages, but this is something you can do EVERY night. An hour might seem like to much to start with, so begin by saying I will just read a chapter before bed or I'll just reed for 10 minutes. Remember you have been working hard at being a mom, wife, housekeeper, chef, etc. etc. etc - you need a break every day too!

Good Luck!

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I keep a couple simple crochet projects around and pick them up throughout the day and do a few stiches while my daughter is doing homework or reading/playing alone. When all else fales, I run a nice hot bath and dump some epsom salts in and take a good book in with me. I annonce BEFORE I go in that I need to relax and am going to take a bath. Usually my husband will either keep my daughter occupied or get ehr before she gets to me. I will lay in there and read until the water gets too cold or I finish my book!

Hi S.,

Well, it took "baby steps" for me to learn how to relax :O) I am NOT joking either. It was very hard work for me to take a moment or two for myself, even if it was watching a simple TV program. BUT...... that was 5 years ago!

How I began, was to "allow" myself a TV program of 30 minutes. I told my kids that it was Mommy's turn to watch her favorite TV show, and that they would need to be quiet please. It took them about 1 month and lots of gentle reminders, but they understood that when I sat down to watch TV they would be quiet for me.

That was the best way for me to start because it was something my kids could relate to and understand.

After that I was able to "accept" spa invitations and ask my hubby to watch the kids, whereas before I would rarely ask him to watch the kids while I did something fun. Back then, I thought it was "my job" to do everything 24/7. It is, but now I understand how getting a break can reward the entire family, and not just me :O).

My favorite thing to do is to go into my child's room at school and help the classroom. I love doing that :O) It relaxes me, and puts me in the best of moods. After doing this for 7 yrs, I have met some wonderful mom's who have always invited me to things with them. Things like Book Clubs, Fundraising Luncheons, etc... Within the last 2 years, I began saying "yes" to these invitations, and I cannot tell you how good that has been for me. I have formed some of the most wonderful friendships simply by saying "yes" to an invitation.

We have been very busy this summer, so far, with lots of playdates from mom's that I have formed friendships with. Our kids aren't exactly the same age always, but they play together nicely and for that "playdate" it was really for us moms.

Anyway, take "baby steps" S. towards doing something that you would like to do. It's VERY healthy for Mommy to be rested and happy, too! :O) It is definitely worth working on!

I must say, we have a very happy home because I have a small "social life" now. Mommy is happy, more patient, and my kids & hubby respond better to me because of it.

Good luck, S.!

~N. :O)

I am so happy to hear you are working out. That is a great help releaving stress. You can try a karate or women's karate class. You to take out a lot of stress on a punching bag or sparring partner. I put a tv and dvd player near my kitchen sink, and joined netflix. While I am doing the dishes or making dinner I get to watch something I enjoy. I also read, Nicholas Sparks, "The Notebook" author. I have read all his books. Get a couple copies of each book at a used book store and leave one in the bathroom. When you need some time to yourself, shut and LOCK the door. Sometime grab your book and sit where they can see you, they will get the idea, if you enjoy reading they might enjoy reading. The first couple times you might get them on your lap asking you to read to them, but thats ok, least you are not telling them not to hit each other. Good luck

I usually step into a bubble bath and read a good book, sometimes try some other genres. Something else you can do is garden. I find that just sitting outside and watering and planting will the kids are asleep is nice and you feel better. Hope this helps.

I have the same problem... I schedule time either weekly or monthly with my husband where I can go off for an hour ( have a two month old so I can't be gone too long) and do something that I enjoy- manicure, shopping, etc. During that time I just relax and enjoy the time away. If you don't want to go out, schedule alone time in your home where your husband takes care of the kids for an hour or so. My husband also told me that if I write down the chores I want him to do and if there is a specific time frame for them to be done he is much more responsive to that then the "So are you going to get around to....?" innuendos. Also find some girlfriends that have small kids your age and have play dates with them and then you can have some time with the girlfriend. I don't have this because my daughter has therapy daily, but if I could have this I know I would be a lot less stressed

Yoga can help. Even very elementary yoga is good.

In the "little tricks" category, I like to take a small towel, and roll it up in a tight cylinder about 2 inches in diameter, then put it on the floor and lie down with my spine vertically on the cylinder. This opens up your chest, and stretches your shoulders, and relaxes your neck.

It can also be very relaxing to keep an ice pack in the freezer, and put the ice pack on the back of your neck while you lie down with a couple of cucumber slices over your eyes.

Hi S.-
A few things that I like to do:
Tai Chi or Yoga - it's a workout, but it's calming and yoga puts me to sleep (since it ends with a relaxation pose with you laying on the ground). Tai Chi helps my mind slow down because I have to focus on the movements and going slow.
another thought is meditation. I learned that it quiets the heart and mind. You do a yoga style breathing with it and mentally relax your body bit by bit. Then, sitting in the quiet, I can listen for (in my faith) the whispers of the the Almighty God. Or you can just focus until you are relaxed.
Another option-
give yourself a 20 minute span for a nice hot bath every evening...
Lastly, a quiet walk at the end of the day (or at the beginning- like a dailu devotional for moms or women) to give yourself some breathing room.
I think what it comes down to is giving yourself a quiet moment every day, taking that time for yourself, because if you do not take time for yourself to re-energize and work on yourself, to keep you healthy, then you get tired and are no good to anyone else. Relaxation is of the utmost, and I truly hope you get some personal time. Kids are alot of work and can make you feel totally drained. They are a blessing, but you need at least 20 minutes a day to refill.
-E. M

Leave the kids with dad or a sitter and go get a manicure, pedicure or both or a massage. You could go to a movie too just a little away time.

If you are like me, you need to get away from home in order to relax. Something as simple as going shopping without the kids helps me relax. Of course, a weekend at the beach with my lady friends was great too. :)Finding a sitter can be stressful but hopefully your hubby can watch the kids and you can get much deserved rest.

From an active Grandma -- Play soothing background music. Something like "Piano Dreamers." -- Anything that calms the brain. The constant blaze of noise from the TV can drive anyone nuts. Yes, it entertains, but keeps everyone on edge. PBS just last night had a 2 hr special on music and its affects on the brain. Music works wonders -- day and night. Find what soothes you and see if it doesn't also soothe children.

Hey S.,
I know exactly how you feel. Some days I feel totally hopeless. What I have started doing is getting massages every two weeks. I do 1.5 hr massage and make sure they focus on my head and shoulders. That does help me unwind at least for a while.

The first thing I would do is give away 2 or 3 of the dogs. They are just like children and they do not help to calm your household, in fact the kids are probably charged by their energy. That will eliminate a lot of the mess and walking one dog is way more calming than having to manage 4. Second, I'm not sure how old your kids are, but if they are 4 yrs old or older, they can certainly do chores around the house. Third, I would read "Have a New Kid by Friday" to help with any power struggles, procrastination, tantrums etc. And Lastly, write down all of your responsibilities, discuss with your husband ways in which he can help relieve some of your burden. If mommy's not happy, nobody in the family is happy...so make sure that message gets across to hubby loud and clear...especially if he gives you any guilt over getting rid of the dogs. Explain that if he wants to keep the dogs, he will have to be responsible for them. And..don't worry about what the kids think about your decision, explain to them if they want to have 4 dogs when they're older, they are more than welcome to take care of them. Not to mention that those dogs will cost you a fortune in vet costs when they get older. That money is better spent on your children's education or a nice vacation for you!

S.,

I can TOTALLY relate. I have two little gilrs, work full time, enrolled in a doctorate program and preparing to write my dissertation, am married and running a household. Yes, it can get stressful really quickly. My inital suggestion was going to be a glass of wine, but given your medicine, that won't work. To piggy back on the excerise idea, it works. My alone time comes either in the late night hours or the early hours in the morning. I wake up before my family and excercise for about 45 minutes. It is good for body and soul. I have purcahsed several work out DVD's and use them all. I would recommended pilates. It is a great way to tone the body and relax and gain spiritual centeredness. I have also invested in a gym membership and go after work. My husband watches the girls on Monday's and thats when I capitalze on the gym membership. Granted its only an hour, but it is much needed ME time. Lastly, something that I did on Mother's Day and plan on incorporating on a monthly basis... My husband took the girls for the day for about 7 hours. I planned out a day full of activities for them, a fun zone, the zoo, the pet store, McDonald's (not the best but a great place to go during crunch time). I was able to relax uninterrupted. I drank wine, watched t.v., read an entire magazine free of interruptions, and best of all I took a nap!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't had a good quality nap in years; free of little elbows or the need to jump up and check that everyone is breathing or no covers over their face. It was great. That is what I want for Mother's Day every year and need once a month. It is not a lot to ask and a gift that can be easily achieved. I hope these suggestions helps. Good luck.
- T.

Here is a couple:
Get up before the rest of the family and read scripture
Take a nice hot bath
Get a baby sitter and spend some time with your husband
Become part of a mom's group and have a mom's night out
Even an evening of playing Bunco is refreshing
Sounds like you may need some time to yourself or really soul search for what you really love to do and find time to do it.
Take care.

If you're set up for it, try serving your family's dinner on your patio. My hubby and I have been dining on the patio more frequently this summer and let me tell you! It is doing wonders for both my ability to relax, and the sense of romance in our relationship. I'd advise that you throw the dogs in the garage while you're eating, but other than that, have a nice patio dinner, and after dinner let the kids go play in the yard while you and hubby sit and talk, and relax TOGETHER. You will feel so refreshed by the time it's time to clear the table and gather up the kids. I found that after these kinds of meals my hubby actually helps me clear the table and load the dishwasher, which is not at all a part of his normal routine!!

Hi S.,

I find meditating helps. How do you sleep at night? If you have sleep problems I can give you some suggestions for that also.

Have a great week.

N. Marie

OK a quick release for me when I feel like I will burst is to take Calms Forte by Hylands in about 15 min. your nerves have calmed and no sleepy side affects, here is a link to their site it is all natural- http://hylands.com/products/calmsforte.php however for a non medicated relaxation time (almost meditating) take up knitting (not crochet[I do both]) It is very relaxing and therapeutic. Look for a local yarn shop, here is a list by Google near you- http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&a... You can not only buy supplies but should be able to find lessons, most of the time when you go into a yarn shop they are more than happy to show you how to knit. Also there are shows on TV like 'Knitting Daily', 'Knit and Crochet Today', 'Knitty Gritty' and some others, if you have Tivo, use it. The Library carry tons of instructional books and patterns, the youth section has beginners books that are great. Also when you are starting out if you don't want to put too much money into it then buy your supplies at Wal-mart (I prefer the circular needles over the straight). Just remember have fun and relax and with each stitch you WILL feel the tension leaving you. If this sounds like a lot or too difficult, it's not, I taught my son at 5 to knit and he is now also crocheting and I also taught the 6th graders at church how to not only knit but make there own needles. Good Luck! If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them.

The best way to relax is to meditate. It may sound a little loopy, but it really helps. About ten years ago, I felt like a rubber band stretched so far that I couldn't un-stretch. I had to teach myself how to relax both emotionally and physically. I started going to see a psychologist for counseling and he told me to try this:

2 times a day (turn everything off--phone, radio, tv), sit down in a comfortable spot. Set a timer for 5-10 minutes. Find something to look at (spot on the wall, candle flame) or close your eyes. Listen to all the sounds around you, allowing them to sort of wash over you. Breath in counting slowing, breath out the same number of counts. If your mind wanders and you start thinking about stuff, as soon as you realize it, go back to breathing and counting.

Allowing yourself time to do absolutely nothing for just a couple of minutes every day will feel like the biggest gift. It also helped me deal with depression at the time. There's a joke about meditation: Guy goes to a guru and says, "I want to be instantly enlightened." The guru says, "Here's a pill, take it every day and go sit in a quiet corner for 15 minutes and wait for it to work."

Hi S.,

We all share the pain and joy of motherhood. I work out everyday too to keep myself engerized. So I can run around with my 17 mos old son, 5 yrs dog and a husband who needs my direction and instructions everyday.

But, I do make time for myself. I make sure every two weeks I go into a day spa and relax for 2-3 hours after my facial and message. Get my nails done, etc.

You need to reward yourself. You deserve it!

Try yoga. It really helps me calm down when I feel overwhelmed and gives me quite time to think about my day ahead. I get up before the kids (2 tots and a useless "partner").
Good luck to you, and take the time that you need for yourself, the quality of time you give your kids will be better if you are sane! :)

Hello there- I completely understand. The only I really get to do that seems to work for me is to take my child for a daily walk. Is that feasible for you with your two kids? Not sure what their ages ae. Also you could try a yoga video at home in your living room when it fits into your schedule. Some of the cable networks have these 1/2 hr exercise programs on demand or just on for free. Also, I find watching a comedy or the comedy channel seem to help.....laughter is the best medicine to release some stress and release endorphins. Sounds corny.....but actually works. I watch "America's Funniest Videos" in a pinch. I, also have a treadmill at home....if you have any home exercise machine already at hoe: bike, treadmill, eliptical. I know with kids, dogs and the house to keep up with you may not have time to read. But if you enjoy reading, try finding 15 mins a day to indulge. You also need a support system. I am hiring my friend's neice for $10/hr to help me around the house a few hours a week. This helps me keep up and get help and it helps her earn some cash for the summer. I wouldn't leave the kids with anyone unless you really trust them. I won't be leaving the kids (even though I trust her), I am just doing it to get the help. Hope that helps. Good luck!

Go over to your natural food store... I go to Sunshine in Fair Oaks and get some 100% essential lavender oil. Put 5 drops of it in a steamy bath and keep the door closed. Put some drops on a tissue and inhale... it will relax every cell of your being. Put a little on your pillow at night. I use it as massage or just to calm down my back when it is bothering me... grapeseed oil mixed with several drops of lavender oil. (It will stain your clothes so after it has soaked in a bit, wipe the surface off.)

Do not get it in your eyes... you could go blind and do not put it in plastic or on a finish that you like because it can eat it. Yes, the bad parts are bad... but the good is O so good.

S.,

You definitely need to set some time for yourself. Go out with your friends while your husband or a babysitter watches your kids. You are in a position where you are constantly needed by the kids or other loved ones. Be sure to take care of you for your own sanity. Do something that you enjoy. Hope this helps.

S.,
I love to take a very warm bath and read a book by my favorite author. Or even just a silly make me laugh book. Janet Evanovich has many laughable books out there. It takes me away from my own world and makes me feel human again. BY the way, I don't/can't drink alcohol either.
W. M.

I try to do something for myself at least once a week. I either get a massage, a pedicure, mom's night out with friends or going to dinner with my husband or a friend. You could also try to meet a friend for coffee once a week.

When I've had it, I just go in my room and shut the door, and they usually leave me in peace for a while.

Try to look for things to cut out of your routine, simplify. Try to delegate to your husband more, or ask him if he has ideas to help reduce your load so you can be a happier wife and mom. Some men really like helping to solve problems, and everyone wants their spouse to be more relaxed and fun. = )

Here's one other thing to try...reading to the kids, or dancing with them. Something that gives them attention, but isn't involving work.

I read mindless books (the kind you can buy at the grocery store). Nothing better than a regency romance to take your mind off of real life for a while! =)

I'm also a huge fan of soaking in the tub. Aaaaah... love a nice, hot bubble bath!