Need Strength After Miscarriage

Tammie,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have not had a miscarriage, but with my daughter, my progesterone was so low that my body was working on it. I took the progesterone suppositories (Crinone) for the whole first trimester...otherwise the incredible cramping came back. I've been on bio-identical progesterone ever since my daughter was born almost 2 years ago and it has helped immensely. What I learned about P is that if it is not high enough to begin with, you won't get pregnant either. I guess my body produced a little extra the month I got pregnant. You should try using the cream regularly while trying to get pregnant and just keep it going. If you have other questions about it, pm me.

H.

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There is another website: dailystrength.org and they have support groups for everything! You may find others there that can help you.

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Tammie:
I can't imagine your pain and hurt, but I hope I can help you. If you are deficient on progesterone, what kind of supplements did you take? Natural progesterone cream is the ONLY replacement that I know of that helps balance you, not a supplement. You need bio-identical progesterone and I can help with you that. I have some information on this exact subject that I can shed some light on this for you and how to get pregnant with the use of this cream. But you must have the best quality and there is where I can help you.

I am a health and wellness consultant and if you would allow me to send some information to you, I would be very happy to that much for you. Again, I can't imagine your loss but at the same time, I would love to help you try to find a way that isn't costly, etc. Many people have used this cream with much success. Most doctors aren't versed in this area and so that is why your doctor may not know about the value of bio-identical progesterone cream. Please let me know if I can help you. It would make me feel so good if this worked for you. I am here if you need me. Best to you.

K.

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Hi T.. I sincerely feel for your loss. I haven't experienced a miscarriage myself but I've been trying unsuccesfully to get pregnant in the last year. My guts tell me it will happen, but I agree that trying to relax and have fun plays a big part in this. I have a 4 year old that was conceive during the best year of my life, right a few months before my wedding. Now my life is full of stress stuck in a bad job, so I guess kids know when is the right time to make the big entrance. Hang in there!!
L.

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hi tammie - i am so sorry for your losses. although i have never miscarried, i have experienced that whole "just be thankful..." thing after i had HELLP syndrome at the end of my only pregnancy - probably can't/ shouldn't have another - so i can understand how that part feels. i recommend finding a support group. if you don't want to go to an in-person support group, maybe there's one on the internet. i have gotten invaluable support from my HELLP syndrome yahoo group. i just did a search of their groups and found it. i wish you healing energy!! ~A.

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Honey it's so sad that you're not getting what you want and going through such saddness trying. Maybe it just isn't in the cards for you or maybe you need to give more time for your body and mind to heal. I hope you're granted another child for your sake. Are alternatives a hope for you or is you carrying the child the only resort? Sorry again hon. Good luck to you.

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Tammie I am so sorry for your loss. I to have been through 4 miscarriages all in a roll and it was very hard but what made it easier was having my son to take care of. I am currently pregnant and very afraid that it will happen again, but I am trying to stay positive. I understand wanting another one because that is where I am right now. My progesterone is what they say my problem is but this time when my doctor did the blood test my level was 17 and normally it is down in the 13's. I hope everything works out for you, and I know it is easy to say and hard to do you really just need to stay positive.

Dear Tammie,
These are HUGE losses, Tammie, and you need to grieve them. My heart aches for you. It sounds like you have a resevoir of strength that you are tapping into in order to stay strong for the family God has given you.
In reading what others have advised, I want to second what Judy T. wrote regarding nutrition. Our bodies are made of trillions of cells, and they can only do their jobs right if they have all the raw materials they need to work with.
Maybe these tragedies are an alarm that is telling you you need to build yourself up before you can build a new person.

I found that to be true for myself, when the medical profession had nothing to offer me for incapacitating fibromyalgia. In the past 2 years I have been seriously working on putting the best nutrition into my body, and I have been amazed at how my body has rewarded me with new health and strength.
God bless you, and give you His peace,
N. C

Hi Tammie. I've had one miscarriage. I have 3 kids and am pregnant now. We had a tough time getting pregnant the first time and this last time. Before I had my miscarriage I found it very difficult to understand the pain women go through with miscarriage. Now I know. It is devastating, and sometimes it feels like the worst part is that you are so alone and no one seems to understand. Please know that there are lots of us out here who have also lost babies who understand what you are going through. You are not alone at all. There are women out here who have gone through what you have. I know this does no lessen your pain in any way, but maybe it can help you live through it. The pain does get better over time. I still think of our lost baby and miss him or her, but I don't focus on the loss anymore. I wish you luck with getting pregnant again when the time is right for you. Hang in there. It will get better. And when it does you can decide what's right for you.

I just wanted to say how hurt I have felt when people told me to be thankful for my two healthy children. I am of course very thankful, but now they are both older and I wished for more. And they are leaving the house. Actually one is in the service. I am saddened by the number of people who have children that don't want them when I did the same thing and tried for years and years for a third (but would have been my husband's first as I was remarried) and nothing happened. Many a night I saw weeping, praying and asking God how come? I still don't know the how come but I am trying to accept it but would welcome any miracles. But Tammie, I did not go through that many miscarriages but my mother did and she went on and had an additional six children after two babies died and several miscarriages. In those days you didn't decide but God did (we are Irish Catholic) and people believe in God's strength to hold you up. If you are a religious person then you will believe in God's strength and it might not hurt to revert back to that. I am so sorry for your loss and believe me I understand how much I wanted another child. People think I'm nuts, but I still do. And I am sure you are very grateful as I am for these healthy children but if you are wishing and hoping who knows you may someday be surprised. S.

I feel for you and remember the pain of miscarriages. I suffered only two, but they were very emotionally painful. You have the right to mourn the loss of these babies.
After my second I decided I couldn't endure the possibility of having another one, so we proceeded with adoption. I always knew that the end result would be a child, you just don't know when. We now have three amazing, adopted children.

It may be something to think about.
Good luck to you and your husband.

I'm so sorry - I've never had a miscarriage but I know it's hard and it's sad because no matter how long your little one was with you it was your baby, and having two healthy kids does nothing to make that feel better. There is a good pregnancy loss forum on the Mothering message boards at:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=22

There's even a board dedicated to trying to conceive after a loss. You might find talking to a group who have been there/done that helpful.
Again, I'm so sorry - take care.

Hi Tammie. I also am a mom of 2 beautiful girls, ages 4 and 3 months. I too suffered many miscarriages, ectopics and 1 stillborn child at 28 weeks. My husband and I did evert type of fertility treatment u can imagine. My 4 year old is adopted and the 3 month old baby was a big surprise after we had stopped all treatments years ago. This pregnancy happened naturally. Please try n relax n have fun with ur 2 girls and let nature take its course. And saying a few prayers never hurts. Keep the faith and I hope your next pregnancy is successful.

Tammie, my condolences. It absolutely SUCKS. I have been through 6 miscarriages... the last one being 22 weeks along with twin boys. The boys were fine, but my body was not and just tried to purge them. And of course, they did not survive being that young. I have the strength every month to try and try again... in fact, I'm going through I.V.F. this month.

Here's what's gotten me through it all and why I keep trying: I view each baby spirit as a being that was in some sort of spiritual deposition or negotiation with me. Even if you gave them life for 7 or 8 or 9 or even 12 weeks of pregnancy, they still got something incredibly sacred. They got to have the human experience — even if it was only for a blip of time. After the last 3 miscarriages, I sat down and wrote those baby spirits letters... describing why I missed them and what life we were going to have together. I try to do some cheesy ceremony or ritual of sorts — just for me. For me, talking to other people did not help. I try to indulge in things that make me feel good, like acupuncture, massage and meditation. Lastly, I start talking (in my head and kind of like prayer) to the future baby beings/spirits. I ask that they help me help them and shine some joy upon me. I tell them all about the kind of life we'll have together and what an amazing father they are going to have.

I often hear of women setting goals like "I'll stop trying in 2 years." I don't think that's good advice. I feel that puts stress and pressure on you to complete life stages on a time line. Just work on being a human "being" rather than a human "doing" and resolution and peace will wash over slowly day by day.

Thinking of you and sending you hope and compassion,
L. M.

Tammie I am so sorry for your losses. I know what you are going through. I just had my third miscarriage. I took progesterone suppliments the last two times and obviously they didn't work. My husband and I have gone trhough the whole range of emotions from devistation, questioning, anger, and so on. Give yourself time to cry and grieve, it is necessary to gain the strength to move on. Know you are not alone and unfortunately many women go through this. I will never understand why. Maybe consider a reproductive endchronologist instead of a fertility specialist. That is going to be my next step when I feel ready. I know that because my last miscarriage just happened I can't think about getting pregnant again. There are days when I wonder if I will ever be able to have children. We can't give up hope though, we just need time. You are in my prayers and are stronger than you know. Good luck.

I know exactly how you feel! I've had 5 miscarriages myself, all after my daughter was born. I've gone through all kinds of testing, and only one possible problem was found. Still, after finding that and being under the care of a specialist, I miscarried again. It's been two years since the last one. I still want another, but I'm scared to try. Every month, I'm afaid my cycle won't start because I might be pg and then if I'm pg I'll prbably miscarry. But then I get excited at the same time. Talk about a roller coaster! Of course, we're trying to avoid getting pregnant, and I know I won't be, but surprises happen. Give yourself time to recover and grieve. Go back to the fertility clinic when you're feeling stronger physically and emotionally and ask what further testing they can do.

I'll pray for you. I know the prayers of friends and family helped me. Some people may think miscarriages get easier over time, but they don't. It gets harder and takes longer to recover after each one. If you want to talk or anything, feel free to contact me.

Hi Tammie,

I am sorry for your losses. Has your doctor spoken to you about possible nutritional deficiencies? I have seen stories of several couples who were able to successfully have a child after numerous miscarriages when they began a strong nutritional supplementation program. Pregnancy can deplete the body of nutrients. I know of a nutritionist in Canada who does phone consultations and speaks on health issues both in Canada and the US. She herself survived Lukemia as a young mom with 2 children. I think she may be able to provide good direction and hope for you. I would be happy to get her contact information if you are interested.

Hi Tammie, I have been an OB nurse for many years. I met a young nurse in about 1980 who told me that she had 1 older sister but that because her mother was RH negative, her mother miscarried 16 babies after the first 2 daughters were born. That story blew me away. I too had difficulty getting pregnant. I now have 2 biological sons and 1 adopted son. My sons are all grown and treat each other equally as brothers, which amazes me and makes me glad we decided to increase our children through adoption. I agree fertility issues are tough to cope with. Counseling can help. I wish you happiness with the rest of your life as a wife and mother.