Need Some Really Good Advice on Potty Training

Hi D.,

I dove in early for this DREADED Task, it was no picnic. My daughter started potty training at 18 months. She is now 20 months and most days stays completely dry. We used the book "On Becoming Potty Wise". It was VERY helpful, at such a young age she does not consistently tell me when she has to use the potty (except at naptime if she does not want to sleep) However, as her bladder got stronger and I saw she could Hold it longer I decided to just put her on the potty every hour.

Even if she protests. 9 times out of 10 she WILL protest b/c she does NOT want to stop playing. So I think someone else mentioned the importance of a routine and here is mine:
I Try to put her on the pot every hour or so (if at home) If we are about to run errands she must use the potty before we go and as soon as we get back home, I put her on the potty as well.
Thus far this strategy has worked EXCELLENT! She stays dry most days and is even dry during most naps. She may have an accident once a week and usually it is b/c I got caught up in doing something and forgot to put her on the potty.

I used treats in the beginning Lots of Chocolates, stickers, cookies etc. But now we only use praise and we not only praise her when she uses the pot BUT we also praise her when she is DRY. We try to do period "dry" checks and say "Good Job staying CLean & Dry" because ultimately this is the goal. Hang in there, I hope things get better!

PS.
For my own sanity, I do have her wear pull-ups when we run errands, and during naps. I DO Not treat it like a diaper and I call them big girl panties. So if we are shopping for a long time (over 2 hours) we just use the potty at the store. I keep my potty top with me, b/c it fits right in my diaper bag and on any adult toilet seat.

1 mom found this helpful

You could try boxers. My son would soil his tight fitting Thomas underpants because their snugness must have felt like a diaper. He would use the toilet when naked. So we tried boxers (loose fitting) and he continued to use the potty! They are also easier to pull up and down, and with pants on the waist band slides up along with the pants in one big pull. Good luck!

The problem may be the pullups. Kids don't know they are supposed to be different than diapers, maybe because they ARE diapers ... You got a lot of advice from other mothers who are also having trouble with pullups. I haven't seen any real good advice yet, but I can tell you what worked for me. You need to check out www.3daypottytraining.com. Order the e-book. It's a positive, consistent, common-sense approach that really works. It is a cold turkey-no diapers, no pull-ups method and is done in three days.

Isn't it frustrating because this is one thing that we simply can't control! It really is up to them (because obviously THEY have to be the one to "let it out") Here is what worked for us....we had jelly beans and M&Ms (or whatever your little guy loves) For a pee they get an M&M and a poop they get a jelly bean. A quick, easy, inexpensive incentive! Also, try doing the naked thing more and less pullups. I still used them for really long trips and if she was going to be sleeping someplace unfamiliar (e.g. didn't want to mess up others beds) Also, I bought a "pee pad" from Target for about $10. I believe it is supposed to be for a crib, but it is the perfect size for a little kid. It is just a waterproof pad that you lay down and can remove without having to undo the whole bed. I would say consistency and kind of a "cold turkey" approach worked for us! Accidents WILL happen, but eventually he will get it. Just don't give him the option otherwise- he has to go potty when wakes up, before bed, etc. (oh yeah we also limit the fluids in evening- practically nothing to drink for 2 hrs before bedtime has definitely helped) Good luck!

My five year old daughter has been extremely difficult to toilet train, despite the fact that I lowered the boom about "no diapers" over a year ago AND she has had potties/training seats available to her since age two. I have tried every gimmick imaginable (no, really...everything from behavior therapy to "pretending it doesn't matter") and the only thing that has remotely worked for her has been routine. Routine, routine, routine. And gummy worms. But mostly the routine.

When she has an accident, she has to help clean up the mess. I do not get angry or punish anymore, because it doesn't work. She obviously loves the attention when she's naughty (I have seen her pee on the sidewalk in the summertime while she looks at me and laughs) so I don't want to feed into her need to misbehave. When she does sit on the potty she can read books or play with toys, just as long as she does her business. A lot of people tell me that she isn't ready and that I should spare everyone the inconvenience of cleaning up her pee by just letting her wear the pull-ups. Nope. No way. She has cloth Bummis with a waterproof outside layer for school because of universal precautions with urine, but the rest of the day she's in regular panties.

This is a tough row to hoe, please hang in there and good luck.

I have 9 grandchildren in which 4 are boys. I think your doing a great job with training, but might be confusing him with the pull up. As young children are taught at a very young age it's ok to potty in those things. I tried to make it a big boy game to go to sleep with their favorite underware on. If they woke up dry we made a cool dance to celabrate the dryness then ran off to set them on the potty. We had mishaps but thats where a heavy towel under them came in handy.I also maked sure mine didn't have anything to drink an hour before bed. If that didn't work I moved it one half longer. The hardest was getting them to do the sticky part. I just kept trying at different times of the day.

start a reward chart - every half hour dry gets a sticker, 5 stickers gets a small prize, 15 a better prize, etc.

If you put a pull up on him expect it to be pooped/peed in, they are diapers. Tell him that it's not allowed, but just be disappointed. Make him stay in the poop if he does it, logical consequences. After 2 months of him being dry when not wearing a pull up to bed, tell him the new rule is no more pooping in the diaper. Peeing while asleep is still ok, until they are 8 honestly, as that is a different thing that is controlled by a hormone the body develops as the child ages.

After you tell him not to poop in the pull up he will do it two more times. The first time you get very angry at him, remind him it is not allowed and it must not happen again. The second time you punish him severely for doing it.

Time to get tough, he is 4.

I am currently in "the process" as well, so I dont have any advice that has truly worked, but just am noticing that every child responds to different things. We started with the sticker chart, it was interesting, but it wasnt until we started giving goals and rewards that he really cared much about them. Then, he tired of that. So we switched to small toys (dollar store stuff) and he really didnt care much about that either. We bought the Potty Power dvd and put the potty chair infront of the tv, and for a few days we had great success. It peaked his interest, he sang the songs, he went #1 & #2, but then he got bored with that as well...So we went back to our "it'll happen when it happens" approach, figuring that we would pick it up again maybe after the holidays. Then we bought a cheap advent calendar from trader joes - (99 cents for 25 chocolates!) and he was so excited to open the doors and get his chocolate that it sparked an idea. We told him he could have a chocolate everytime he goes on the potty, and although he is not asking everytime he needs to go, he is more interested and is excited to get to open his chocolate for his successes!

Point is, there is something that every child wants,(whether its candy or sticker earning for a bigger toy, or earning a special time out with mommy or daddy type of treat) you just have to figure out what it is! Good Luck! I know how frustrating it can seem at times!

You can tell him he will get a reward each time he goes to the potty. Something small.. Everytime my kids would go to the potty I would jump up and down and get them excited. Some tips are:

Give him very little to eat and drink before bedtime.
Have him sit on the potty before bedtime
During the day have him sit on the potty every 2 hours even if he does not have to go.
Lastly when going out to run errands if possible make it only 2 hours, so you can get back home for him to get on the potty, then go back out to finish if needed.
Pullups shoud be worn only when away from home or bed time try as much as possible to wear cloth around the house.

Have you considered/ tried having him clean up his messes? At four, he's able to do so now. I would start having HIM clean up the messes, so he sees what a chore it is, and will have to think about asking to go on the potty, or cleaning it up himself. I also agree that it's a good idea to ditch the Pull-Ups. We never used them (I cloth diapered), but what I see is that they become a bit of a crutch for many kids and parents. They ARE diapers. They work JUST like diapers, only they are easier to take off. If having him naked is working, I would keep him naked as much as possible, and have him clean up after himself when he makes a mistake. I learned this from a Preschool teacher. She said she had one kid who always wetted during their nap, I think he was four too. When she started making him clean it up, he stopped! :)

Also, you didn't really mention what you are using as a reward. Stickers might not be cutting it. We had to use Matchbox cars, and it WORKED. Find something he REALLY wants (that is reasonably priced) and stock up!

Good luck to you. We got very lucky and our son potty trained quickly, but I have many friends who are struggling with it.

T.

I know how frustrated you are. I am at the end of the whole process with my 3 1/2 year old son right now. I think he thought his underwear felt a lot like a pull-up, so I just started letting him go "commando" under his pants. So even when he goes to school/out wherever he doesn't wear any underwear under his pants. He has never had an accident since. for bedtime and naps I just started leaving him naked (he prefers to sleep with no pjs) and made sure he went potty right beforehand and he has only had 2 accidents in his bed since then in two months. I make a big deal when he gets up that he didn't pee/poop in his bed and reward him with a piece of candy. I am so happy to be at the end of all of this and I think he is too! Hope this maybe helps- good luck!

I think the potty training process is one of the most frustrating times. You must have the child's cooperation for this to work. I think the biggest thing is to find what motivates your child. Just keep trying things until something works. We used little toys. I bought a few and kept them on top of the frig where he could see them but not get them. When he went #2 on the potty he got to pick out a toy.

The good news is once he gets it you will be amazed at how well things go. Now if I could get my five year old to wipe properly.....

My daughter had no interest in potty training either. What got the ball rolling for her was potty presents. I bought about a dozen little, inexpensive things, wrapped them up individually, and set them in a bowl next to the potty. Every time she used it she got a present. I put her in underwear and left the rest to her. She went through quite a few pairs of underwear that first day, but from then on she did pretty well.

She would hold it until naptime when she had on a pull-up, so I ended up having her nap in underwear. It's a crapshoot as to whether she wakes up dry from that though.

Good luck!

"pee first" works well for me. You want a snack? Pee first. You want to go outside? Pee first. You want to take a nap? pee first. A little bribe for trying doesn't hurt either. We used M&Ms or mini-sweet tarts. Choc. chips work too. Give him one AFTER he sits for a few minutes, whether he goes or not. We did this for about a week with my son ehwn he was first trained and it did wonders. Eventually we were able to taper this off. The other thing that helps is "potty books". Let him take toys, books etc in to sit on the toilet. Set the timer for 5 minutes (esp. if you think he has to go) and have him sit until the timer goes off. (then reward, whether he produces or not).