Need Potty Training HELP! - Saint Peters,MO

Updated on May 13, 2010
L.C. asks from Saint Peters, MO
9 answers

Hi Moms!
I am about at my whits-end and am about to throw in the towel all together. My daughter goes potty on the potty ALL DAY at daycare - she even tells the teacher when she has to go. But we come home, put her on the potty and she will not go. We'll have her on the potty for literally 15 minutes and she doesn't go. We pull up her pants and she goes in her room and pees her pants within 2 minutes. Previously, I'd change her right away but this weekend I thought, she can sit in it for a little bit! It doesn't even bother her!! She doesn't even tell us when she has to go.
We introduced the potty when she turned 2. She'll be 3 in August. I don't understand why she goes at school but not at home. Can anyone offer suggestions? We've tried "prizes", stickers, M&M's, ice cream... nothing works! No incentive works for her - even her favorite activity like telling her if she goes on the potty, we'll take her to the park.
Please help!

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Featured Answers

S.L.

answers from Kansas City on

It sounds like she is, IS, potty trained at school. So the issue is who is in control at home. I think she's testing you and she knows at school she just does it. My advice is to talk with the teacher and see how she handles it, does she tell the teacher every time, does the teacher tell them it's potty time, does she just go on her own, whatever you can find out. Then I would tell her how proud you are of her going at school and praise her and maybe even get her a SMALL little gift for that accomplishment. Then tell her she is to do the same thing at home and the end result would be a SMALL little gift and how proud you are that she can and will do it at home too. Then enforce it. If you have to start taking her every 15 min. all day on a weekend or when you're home then do that. If she doesn't go get up and go in 15 min. When she sees you mean business she will go as she is already trained at school. You need to be in charge on issues like this and sounds like she thinks she's in charge at home. Hope it works quickly because it should.

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L.W.

answers from St. Louis on

What is the toilet at school like is it a small toilet or is it a potty chair? What are you using at home, is it a potty chair or the toilet? If it is the toilet do you have one of the potty seats on it when she has to go? If they do not use a potty chair at school and you are at home then she might think that she is too big and not a baby to use the potty chair. Also if it is a toilet that they use it is probably a smaller one and she is not afraid of falling in and at home if you do not have a potty ring on the toilet she may be afraid of falling in the toilet and therefore using all of her consentration on not falling in instead of going pee on the toilet.
I know that my daughter when she got moved from the 2's to the 3's room at her daycare had problems because all she wanted to use was the potty chair and not the toilet the other thing that bothered her was that in the 2's the bathroom door stayed open just like at home and in the 3's the bathroom door had to stay closed. I am just wondering if the teacher goes into the bathroom with your daughter at school and if not and you are at home that could even be a part of it that she wants her privacy like we all would love to have happen in the bathroom.

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J.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

Have you asked the teachers at daycare if they have any advice?

Is it the style of toilet? Our daycare has a miniature real toilet that my daughter has happily sat on (no pee though) for months before taking the step to do it at home.

Now that it's getting warmer, you could try to go without pants for a day. Yes, it's messy, but if she's fine peeing in her pants, take the pants away. Maybe she's adverse to peeing on the floor.

A friend of mine used fun activities as the carrot. She' tell her daughter that she HAD to pee in the toilet before they could leave for the playground, wherever was super enticing. And they'd stay, on the toilet, until the magic happened.

If it's any consolation, my daughter will be 3 in August as well, and only last week started peeing into the toilet, at school or at home. She's still in diapers for nap, night time, and if she feels like she has to poop. So, hang in there, it'll happen eventually.

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S.T.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm sorry! It was very common for this to happen when my mom had daycares. The staff of the daycare doesn't have the same heartstrings to pull compared to Mom and Dad! Is she willing to have a diaper on at home? That's what I'd do. Put her in a diaper when leaving daycare, and say that anyone who doesn't use the potty wears a diaper. Good luck!

R.D.

answers from Raleigh on

Hi there, I have a 2 yr old and what I had todo is when I sat her on her potty I would sit on the toilet. And I would use the bathroom and tell her to listen! After a while she did it and I praised her! Thats the best way I believe in doing that. But the only thing is I haven't got her to go poop yet! She doesn't tell us when she has pooped and I am trying everything to get her outta the diapers. I wish you alot of luck on this, and you have to have alot of patience when it comes to potty-training! But try and use the bathroom and have her little potty in there and let her hear you and maybe she'll try too! Best of luck and when shes don't it make sure you make a BIG DEAL about it!

Best of luck!!!!!!!

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S.H.

answers from St. Louis on

sitting for 15 minutes & waiting is NOT going to make it happen! Try to focus on the self-awareness end of the process.....& I know you've tried rewards.....but reward for her awareness - not going when you want her to.

Make a chart, set the timer every 10 minutes....& then ask her if she "feels" the need to go potty. If she refuses to go, then set the timer again. If she makes it to the next mark, then she receives a sticker for her chart. If she doesn't & has an accident.....are you ready?......then make her clean up after herself-even to the point of doing the laundry with you. After a few rounds of this, then if she's still having issues.....then I would switch to adding in timeout for those accidents.

I know a lot of Moms are freaking at this point, but honestly.....if she's trained at daycare.....then this is a power issue at home. Cleaning up after herself is teaching her important life skills. Adding timeout as a punishment teaches her that she did "wrong".

Potty training is all about training both the parent & child to cooperate together in this effort. The timer is for both of you!

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A.G.

answers from Boston on

My son goes potty better at school/daycare than he does at home. I just have to remind him more at home. I know this doesn't help much but I just thought you should know you are not alone.

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J.M.

answers from Kansas City on

I know it seems like a terrible answer, but think of it this way...she won't be pottying her pants when she is 15. It's all about their timing. Unfortunately, I've been in your shoes. I'd say - let it be. It will all come to her at once and you'll be wishing you were back in the potty training stages when she is coming home from school with her heart broken.

I am sure you are doing a great job of being a mom. Keep loving your little girl and all will be okay.
Take care and I wish you the best.

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A.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I bet she does it for attention. Think about it, she gets fifteen minutes of you entertaining her on the potty if she doesn't go, or she gets two minutes of attention if she does go. She's at daycare all day and misses you. You'll just have to put up with it and be patient. Don't get angry with her because she needs positive attention from you during the little time you have together. It will pass if you are patient and consistent. Children often save their worst for their parents since they know you will love them anyway. You can't say the same about the daycare workers, so she just goes potty for them.

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