Need Opinion About "Spirited Kids"

L.,

My oldest was a very spirited child. All I can say is....give him boundaries, love him unconditionally, keep him safe and be firm. Most of all talk with him. Give him his own special time with mom away from the other kids.

Good luck!!

P.

Yes, my daughter is also "spirited". I suggest reading any of Tracy Hogg's books - she's a GENIUS!!

Hi L.,

I also wonder if I have a spirited child and have been told by friends and neighbors that she is a spirited child. I once and only once quickly got online to check it out and felt like all I came across was some gibberish that seemed somewhat extraterrestrial to me, and it wasn't a comforting feeling, and I thought, well, spirited child or not, I am not getting any good information- but I will definitely check out the website offered below. My suggestion, which honestly I would suggest to every parent, though every parent has the right to have their own beliefs on parenting-
is to treat your child like a REAL (NOT ADULT, but older child) HUMAN BEING, in the sense of really getting down to her level and asking her heart to heart, how does she feel today? Is she happy? What would she like to do today? Who would she like to see? Do you like Bensen (her friend) and why? I treat my daughter with the utmost respect, now of course some things are non negotiables, like it's shower time NOW! And those other various things that children SHOULD NOT have a say in, or things like GET OUT OF THE STREET NOW! But I try to ask her her opinion, how she feels, and we read books that I think would shock most people. Since she was very small we have been reading big books, we actually read the book Black Beauty over Christmas, it's a chapter book and she's only two. She LOVED it and sat with complete attention regardless of the fact that there are no pictures! She was very VERY concerned about black beauty and how people treated him, and the book is beautiful in the sense that Black Beauties mother always taught him to be well mannered and that if he was a good horse, his future owners would be good to him in return. She also ALWAYS finds the moon in the middle of the day, it's something that I find a little bit freaky, but it's something that she ALWAYS does. So I think that the underlying message about whatever people want to call spirited children, is that they are very hypersensitive to their world around them (my daughter will even hug a tree and tell me how beautiful she thinks it is) so hugging objects came as a weird one to me too. She carresses animals and is extremely gentle with plants and flowers, bees, and spiders, etc. She is always concerned with my happiness and is highly excellerated mentally. She has an almost photographic memory. I am not at all trying to toot my own horn here as I take no responsibility for her achievements, she is her OWN person with her OWN spirit. So my advice would be to treat this little one with utter respect for her feelings, because i would bet that she knows pretty well what it is she may need regarding CERTAIN things, of course, I just want to make clear that i don't think that letting children decide on whatever they want is the answer, so please don't misunderstand me, I have her on a very strict schedule and my disciplinary motto is KIND BUT FIRM. I don't let her get away with inappropriate behaviour, but I also don't squash her imagination, dreams, thoughts, and opinions. She like a show that i think is ridiculous but it is appropriate for her age and well intentioned, just very silly...and so I just poke fun at her that she wants to watch this silly show, and i ask her do you really like that??? Even with Elmo- sorry to say it, but he drives me bonkers...she has a mind of her own and she decides (after I decide the appropriate shows FIRST) which ones of those she is going to like and why. So take special care of you little one. Take special attention to her senses, her sensory abilities are probably quite heightened and she most likely also takes on any pressures (as most all kids do, but she may do to a greater level) and tension that may be felt in the home. So if it ever occurs, just speak to her like an adult to some extent and talk to her about what's going on in 2 or 3 year old language. Respect, respect, respect. And then be grateful that God gave your daughter little piece of heaven inside of her and enjoy it and let her enjoy it, AND ENJOY HER!!!!

Take care,

S.

Hi L. -

I have a Strong Willed son and though it is different from a Spirited child, there is a great book for I'd like to recommend. It can really help with a parents sanity level!

Setting Limits With Your Strong-Willed Child by Dr. Robert MacKenzie is a great, short, book to read.

I don't remember the name, but there is a book out their that is really good, my sister used it with her Spirited son (she is also the one that recommended the SLWYSWC book to me as well) and found it very helpful. Try a query on Barnes & Nobel, Amazon or even just google.

Good luck!

i have a "spirited child, I found a book to be greatly helpful. "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
I found it at Hastings.
Mine also has ODD, but that's besides the point. Just remember who the adult is, and remind your child who the adult is when they start to get riled up. I do a three second count then send her to her room for no more than ten minutes. then when time is up it is not discussed . No need to go over and over the same things when she already knows what she did wrong.
the first few times getting her to stay in her room was hard and took a lot of patients, but i didn't give up, now she knows that's the ways it is going to be, even if i have to drag her there kicking and screaming.

Hi. Could "spirited kids" be similiar to "stong-willed"?

Hi L.,

I have a kid who could be called spirited too, and I've read a couple of the books by the "spirited child" author, although not the actual spirited child book. I just wanted to say that I have found a couple of books on willful children helpful. If you use the spirited child book and it doesn't resonate - try one of the books with willful child in the title -- I have found them very helpful and not at all harsh, which is what I was afraid of.

best wishes!
M.

Hi, I know that you are frustrated right now. My daughter is 9 now and has always been spirited. One of the things that I had to do is stop thinking of how to "control" her and think more of how to Channel that spirit. Giving her choices was key because if she felt out of control she would become even more hard headed. I also set clear limits and gave her a lot of praise when she met my expectations. Its a challenge but don't be tempted to squash your child's little spirit. It will serve him well when he is older.

The best advice I've ever gotten about my "spirited" sons is that yes, they are strong willed, but these are kids who will stand against the tide when they are older, and stand against wrongs, if we keep them on their moral compass. :)

My dad has done a lot of couseling, and he advised me at one point that he noticed strong willed children are problem solvers. If I just presented the problem to them, they came up with the solution, and followed it! So one day I was driving in the car, they were noisy and I couldn't concentrate. I pulled the car over and said, "Guys, I have a real problem here. I'm trying to concentrate on driving, but it's hard because it's pretty noisy in here. What should we do?" One of the looked at me and said, "We could be quiet." After saying that was a good idea, let's try it, we pulled away and drove in quiet the rest of the way! It was that easy.

So, I guess I would say, give problem solving a try! :)

S.

There is a great book on spirited children called Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It has helped me both as a parent and teacher.

Whether you call them spirited, strongwilled, stubborn, or anything else, I believe that these kids need what all kids need - unbounded love and consistent behavioral boundaries. It's just harder to be consistent with a spirited child because they CONSTANTLY test the boundaries. (Yes, I have one! As a twenty-yr-old, she said she read a spirited child book and gained a lot of insights into herself.) The unbounded love part means that we have to love them unconditionally through all the difficult times and that we must control our anger when they test the boundary for the 100th time that day. The consistent behavioral boundaries means that we have to have rewards and consequences clearly spelled out so that they are held accountable for their actions. I strongly recommend a "Rules of this House" chart with basic standards in place at all times. He will come up with other issues, though, one after another. Each time another one creeps up on you, step back, identify the destructive behavior he needs to change, and put a plan into place to help him overcome it. Always make sure he knows you are on his side! This is not a battle of you against him, but of you and he against destructive attitudes and behaviors.
Another thing to remember with a child like this is that it is not our job to make them be perfect! Prepare to be embarrassed, and never give consequences or say discouraging things because of your embarrassment (that's punishment). And keep the end in sight - he will be a fine man one day, who does not let others lead him where he knows he shouldn't go!
P.S. no I didn't do all this perfectly like it may sound as I was going through it! This is what I eventually learned, distilled into a few sentences.

My oldest is spirited and strongwilled. You don't want to break their spirit just guide them to make good choices. My daughter never followed the crowd, and doesn't understand some of her friends reasoning on doing stupid things. I had a book from Dr.Dobson when she was small it helped me tremendously guide and direct her. She is 20 now and is a good leader.

I have a book that was GREAT for me. I have a young "spirited" child also. I found this book called "The Strong Willed Child", and it saved the relationship that I have with my child. He is a great child and once I learned that I don't want to change him, but rather learn how to work with him things became so much easier. I have two boys, and my oldest is the "sensitive" child, and now I have learned that both boys have to be handled in different ways.

You need the book by James Dobson "The Strong Willed Child"
It is important NOT to break your childs spirit. You want to direct him in a godly and positive manner.

My children are gifted and spirited, seems to come hand in hand. heh They are also autistic- have you ever heard of Asperger Syndrome and Sensory Integration Dysfunction? It's helped me to understand these and use parenting advice with these as well- just recognizing that my children aren't purposefully trying to make our lives miserable is a plus! LOL

S., mom to four girls ages 5,4,3,1

I haven't necessarily heard the term "spirited" but by the term, I'd guess I have one, and I love every ounce of the spirit because I know, once she gets ahold of God and follows His ways, no one will sway her.

During the growing years: we love Dr. Dobson's "Strong Willed Child."

I also cut all artificial colors, flavors, preservatives, and fragrances from our diet and home (more at www.feingold.org). Reserch - and lots of it - shows that these things totally short circuit the brains ability to reason. We went on the diet to control my oldest's ADD, but it has tremendously affected our entire family.

Spirited child now goes to bed without screaming for 30 minutes (and we had tried the routine thing - didn't help), she'll sit in time-out if she needs, and she doesn't totally break down with every rebuke.

I recommend the book The New Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson. In fact, I really need it myself for my DS :)

Sometimes kids are just kids and thats how they'll be.

I'm about to become a first time mom, so I don't know if I'll be able to do or say much that will help you.

I typed in the search bar spirited children, and it gave me a list of pages, this pages that came up in the search

http://www.nurturingourfamilies.com/spirited/exptdefn.html

the you can click on a second link on the page (it will be blue) Raising Your Spirited Child Workshop Discussion & Book Review (that is the second link)

basically what I'm picking up on spirited kids is that they are sensitive to just about everything, and need extra attention.

the page also give other links you can click on that migh be of more help.

hope this has helped you.

There is a wonderful book you should read called Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

Have you tried cutting out sugar and dairy? It doesn't help with every child, but I've seen some research show that a lot of kids with the kind of behavior you describe are simply reacting to sugar and/or dairy. One of my best friends was sent to reform school as a child and was simply allergic to dairy. Two weeks gluten free/casein free out to tell you. It may be worth a try. My other suggestion is a book called "Raising Your Spirited Child". It's FANTASTIC!
K.

Hi,
I also have a spirited kid! I started reading a booking called "The new strong willed child" by Dobson. It, so far, has been a great book for me. He gives you lots of ideas of how to manage them. I found it at Barnes and Noble but he is a christan author so it is also at christian stores too. I hope this helps.
J.