18 answers

Need More Romance from My husband...help!! PlEaSe!?

I have been married to my husband for almost 9 years but we have been togeather since we were 16 (we're 31 years old now). In the very beginning, he was romanic. But over time, the romace has stopped. I know he loves me, but I need time with him...quality time. What do I do to get some romance put back in our relationship on very lttle funding? I miss my husband and i miss our private time togeather. We have a 10 year old son and a 13 year old daughter with some mental health special needs, so I am exhausted and I just need my husband to bring back the romance. I miss it, and I deserve it!

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

Have you talked to him about this yet? If not just sit him down and tell him how you feel maybe he just doesn't realize. Also something i did with my fiance was i made him a list of romantic things that he could do for me big and small because he just didn't have aclue how to be romantic or what i wanted. Since then He has done a few things on the list. Even though they were small they were still nice and it has helped. Sometimes men just need to know what they can do for you. I hope this helps!

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Maybe you could plan a surprise date and ask him out with a note on the bathroom mirror or in his wallet some night or morning when he is in the shower. Take a shower together. Remember to "date" each other. That should never stop. Mark your calender and make a date at least once a month or once a week as your schedules allow.I know many women who went and bought wigs diffent colors and lengths then their hair and their husbands loved it. To each his own. Its you only different...Don't knock it till you try it. These women are now married to their husbands for 50 plus years and their husbands still get jealous! Every 3 years we evolve into different people in a sense, and you have to reinvest in important relationships. Remember the positive things about him and say these to him often. Everyone loves to hear their own name with a compliment added to it. We are all the same. We want to give love , receive love, feel appreciated, cherished. Respect and Love and some mutual fun times and hobbies , conversations alone without kiddies make for a good relationship. It is my opinion only. Send him something he likes~ in the mail at his job with a personal note and see if he can run with the idea and do the same for you or whatever it is you want him to be like or do for you, initiate that with him and he may learn to do the same for you! It's like the boomarang effect. We reap what we sow, what goes around comes around...

3 moms found this helpful

This is what we just decided to do with my friend (we both felt the lack of romance in our marriges). They have two kids, we have two. Second Friday of each month we take turns in one couple having a "date" and another having sleepover for all four kids. Kids are happy and parents get their romance going....

2 moms found this helpful

Well I think it is so refreshing to see a woman who is so busy still be so into her husband good for you :)

So it sounds like your just needing a little of his attention? How about sending little notes with him in his lunch, or hide them in his car, pocket etc. open up that dialog that we all miss when we are so busy with life and kids. Maybe on a Friday night you can have your kids spend the night with family and you can fix his fav. meal. Watch a fav. movie or start a fire if you have a fire place. And also unless your apposed to drinking, a nice bottle of inexpensive wine with maybe a pasta dinner will make you and your husband feel relaxed, at ease and just having that special date night together will be great. Does he have a fav. hairdo on you? Maybe a fav. outfit?? Have fun with it.
* Remember date night Friday or Saturday night ;)


1 mom found this helpful

Make a game out of it, put things you used to do when you first started dating in a hat or a bowl, and take turns drawing something out of the hat. It may not be romantic but it will put the spontanaity back into the relationship. And I think that when you get reconnected through that, there may be a little romance on the way.
If you want ramonce right away, who says the man has to do it. Buy his favorite candies or something and have them delivered to him at work by a friend or someone and send it with a fun picture of you that will hint to what you have planned for the evening. Have him come home to a nice meal and candle light. Hopefully you have someone that will take the kids just for the night. Maybe he will like it so much he will surpride you next time.
Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

There are a lot of things you can do with little money. If you can take your kids to someone elses house make a little picnic in your living room. Or do a candle lit dinner with his favorite foods. Its getting cold now but the 2 of you going for a walk alone, or to a park and just sit and talk. Or go for a drive and go somewhere close you have never been, explore a road you have never gone down. Use your imagination, I can go into other fun things to do that is for adults only but I will let you ask me privately. Not sure if thats what you are asking anyway. My husband and I will just lay in bed and hold each other and not talk about the kids or work, we talk about our dreams and things we wouldnt talk about in front of the kids. No bills, no family, just about us. Hope this helps a little. Good Luck!


1 mom found this helpful

Hi A., I agree with the responces you have gotten already my husband and i have gone through this and we just celebrated 8yr together and have two children. once my husband said to me why is it always up to the men to always anitiate. so i thought about that he was right they can not read our minds although we think they shouls.so i started doing things one time i took lipstick and wrote on his side window of his truck i love you love me he called and told me he thought that was so special. another time at valentines day i waited till he went to sleep i blew up heart balloons and i got him some candy and i put them in his cab of the truck so when he went and left for work he saw all that and he was surprised. he loved it its little things like that. that doesnt cost alot its just being creative. one time i came home from a class the kids were in bed asleep. and when i opened the door all the lights were off he had put a blanket on the floor he had a bouquet of flowers on the floor a bottle of wine with both glasses filled and candles it was so romantic so see when he sees you making an effort he will display it back. even if its something you dont care for lets says never tell him that just seem surprised and he will gget better at it or might ask you for suggestions. but another thing i got a babysitter i went to a restaurant and spoke to the manager and set it up to have candles and i bought my husband a love you gift and had the manager bring it to him with the card he loved that so much. so even now isend i love you notes in his lunch i text him sexy messages i tell him how appreciated that i am for him working so hard for our family. they nees reassurance all the time they like feeling needed. i wish you much luck keep us posted if you would like to e-mail me you can its ____@____.com thanks L. B

1 mom found this helpful

You've gotten some great advice, but being the know it all that I am, I have to add in my two cents as well.

I love my husband dearly, but he is just not a romantic guy on his own. Well, he is, but not in a flowers and poetry kind of way (see that five love languages book). He shows he loves me and tries to be romantic by laying tile for me, or scrubbing the floors.

Something that really helped us a lot was a book entitled "101 nights of Grrreat Romance". It had a bunch of sealed pages with great romantic ideas. Outside of the sealed page, there would be symbols that would give you an idea of how expensive the idea was.

Each Sunday night, we'd each pick a page. We then had until the following Saturday night to do whatever the page told us to do. It was a lot of fun to rekindle the romance.

I also think having a weekly date night is such a good idea. You don't have to spend money. You can go for a walk, go to the park, window shop. Make a rule that you can only spend 15 minutes talking about the kids, and then take the time to talk about other stuff.

Best of luck to you!

1 mom found this helpful

A., I was married to the love of my life for over 20+ years,unfortunately, he passed away 5 years ago. The thing I want you to know is all couples go through times like this. There is usually a 5 year, a 7 year and some past that. We went through a Gary Smalley seminar and it helped so much. If you can't afford something like this, then I'll tell you what we learned. We learned how to communicate. I found that even though it sounds weird, we were both "embarrased" to speak truthfully about our imtimate relationship. I learned that I was just assuming that my husband knew what I wanted from him and what I needed from him. He assumed that I was happy with the status quoe. We learned that in order for both of us to be satisfied and happy, we needed to have our alone time,(get someone close enough to babysit for a night, a friend, grandma?) start with a nice romantic dinner and then sit down, get comfortable and talk, tell him what you need. Tell him how much you love him and what he means to you and tell him that you need to be told that you're beautiful and whatever else it is that you need. My husband found that conversation to be one of our best. He really didn't know. He had no idea how I felt. I, on the other hand really did think he was just being lazy and didn't care. I found that he did care and he was willing to do whatever it was that made me happy because that in turn, made him happy. I wish you luck, marriage it a tricky thing, but in order for it to work smoothly, we first must learn to communicate properly.

1 mom found this helpful

I think every relationship experiences this at some point. I think it would be easier for your husband to be romantic if you show him a thing or two yourself. My spouse and I go for massages at the College of massage therapy one Saturday a month and have breakfast. It helps us catch up on us without the kids as well as relax after a great massage. $25.00 if you live in the SLC area. Plan a night without the kids and when your hubby comes home from work be cooking dinner in your nighty or something sexy. As mentioned, little love notes or "thinking of you" cards remind them you are still in love and will hopefully spark something. Cook dinner together or plan a romantic picnic or hike if you enjoy the outdoors. Little surprises always seem to work.Sneak into the shower with him have a candlelit tub together. Make reservations at his favorite restaurant and take him out for a date. Leave a treat in his car or briefcase or send him something thoughtful to work. He will see the effort you are putting into this and hopefully start doing the same. Just talk to him and let him know that you miss those times and offer ideas on how to work on it together. I think it just takes some a little motivation. Hang in there.....

1 mom found this helpful

You can leave pretty or sexy panties in his brefcase or golf bag. Or write him little love notes and leave them somewhere only he will find them. Go out for a date night it least once a month. Always, always kiss him.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi A.!

I have no idea on how to get them to be more romantic on their own...but I do however know of this thing called "52 Weeks Of Romance" It's a box of scratch-cards that you buy, and each week you take turns scratching off a card. You have one week to complete the romantic task that it says. Then, the next week it's the other partner's turn. My friend used it and says it's helped them a lot. For example, one week she had to send her husband some flowers, and put an erotic story in his briefcase/lunch/email inbox.

You can find it on: www.atouchofromance.com

Or there is the actual store ( A Touch Of Romance ) in Brea off of Imperial Hwy.


Maybe flirt with him. Guys like to feel like there wife is there girlfriend. When you guys were dating I bet you came up on him when sitting on the couch and straddled him to get attention. do things out of the norm because it sounds like he feels unattractive to you. he might just be in a stage where he is getting depressed because nothing changes in his life. it's not exciting anymore. you might wanna get a sitter and when he comes home from work serve dinner in one of those freanch maid costumes. bend over alot in front of him. that might bring back the fire.


You need a weekly night date... even if it is when the kids have gone off to bed!

Here are some ideas that I have done in the past that I would love to share with you:

1. How about a picnic in the house on the floor... you could do this with just your dinner... put a blanket on the floor and have dinner and a little wine.

2. Leave him little love notes on his side of the bathroom sink. Hallmark used to have a packet of little 2 by 2 inch cards that had a sticky envelope. I would stick one up in the corner before he got up in the morning. Or leave him a love note on the mirror with your favorite shade of lipstick.

3. Breakfast in bed..

4. Leave him a note in his car while he is at work.. some message about what you have planned for him that evening... get him all worked up before he comes home.

5. Take a walk in the park, or go for a drive, or just go out and have some ice cream by yourselfs.

6. A Candlelight dinner at home after the kids have gone to bed.

7. Make some Brownies and by a can of whipped topping... feed him and see what happens..

I'm sure it will work... good luck!

I would highly recommend the book fascinating womanhood by helen andelin. it shows you how changing yourself inspires your husband to change, because it is a response to something new in you. It helped me alot!

I don't know if you've heard about this book, but it has helped my husband and I understand each other better: The Five Love Languages. It is reasonably priced. Perhaps you're husband doesn't have the same language as you-you'll know what I mean when you take the quiz and read it. From your request, it definitely sounds like yours is quality time. Instead of wondering why your husband isn't as romantic as he used to be, what can YOU do to bring romance back in the marriage? How about dress up in something sexy and meet him at the door after work or buy some great scented massage oils and give him a back/foot rub? Do something spontaneous that you normally wouldn't do and I'm certain he will notice and get the idea that you are longing for his company and time. This book was written by a marriage counselor and there are some great ideas!! I wish you the best...K.

I have so many ideas on how you can get your romance back! I am a Pure Romance consultant. It is my job to educate and empower women, help relationships, and add more romance to your life. I have lotions, potions, books, clothes, and a lot more great products that can help spice up your life. By hosting a party in your home you can get lots of free stuff. Hostess get 10% of total party sales in free product, gifts for having a party, and free stuff when your friends have parties. I would love a chance to talk to you more about our great products and all the opportunities available for you. I love my job! And so does my husband:) Hope to hear from you soon!

Have you talked to him about this yet? If not just sit him down and tell him how you feel maybe he just doesn't realize. Also something i did with my fiance was i made him a list of romantic things that he could do for me big and small because he just didn't have aclue how to be romantic or what i wanted. Since then He has done a few things on the list. Even though they were small they were still nice and it has helped. Sometimes men just need to know what they can do for you. I hope this helps!

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