Need Input About Husband and His Privacy Issues

If you're married, filing jointly, on your tax return, then you should have access to that information. If the IRS were to audit you, you'd be just as accountable as he would, regardless of who prepared the tax return. And what about if something happens to him and you're left to manage the household finances. Does he want to leave you with such a mess that you're stuck cleaning up without him? The fact that he won't let you have it is very suspicious to me (maybe even a little selfish). I can understand his desire for privacy, but his W2 is not something he should be hiding. I never go through my husband's mail or email or even cell phone records - that's private. But financial data should be shared information.

2 moms found this helpful

I never ask for permission, I just do it. There shouldn't be anything that he doesn't want you to see. First of all, if he didn't want you to look through his junk, then he should have gotten it out for you to have since you need it. It's your house too and you have every right to look through whatever you want. You might wanna start thinking about if he has something he doesn't want you to see. But, he might just be lazy and didn't want to help you find it. Men are babies

I have to say that does sound strange is he a very private man. If so then maybe not but if he is not private then to me it is funny to me. I wouldn't want my husband to tell me that. I would have already gotten upset hearing him say that. I am a blunt an bold woman though. The best thing is to try an open up an talk to him.

I have to agree that this sounds very strange, especially regarding finacial forms that impact you. That kind of privacy response would not fly with me in my own home. It sounds less like trust and more like a some kind of power struggle. I would be demanding all finacial records after getting a response like that. I have seen to many people end of with horrible finacial problems over a spouse hiding information. I am not saying this is the case, but it is red flag if you ask me, and I would not let it slide.

I would have good and long talk with him about this. All bets woudk be off until he was open and honest.

Edna and I are on the same page! Something is WRONG! You should be able to look at any and all financial records for your household. He can have privacy in the shower.....other than that you should be all knowing!! Hope you get this figured out!!

My first instinct is to say "weird". But, Is your husband territorial about other things as well? Maybe he does just have a strong sense of privacy?

On the other hand, I would SOOOO snoop around like crazy when he is gone just to satisfy my curiosity to see IF he has a reason to be so secretive. But, thats just me.

I would tell him that he has "2 days" (or however long) to find it or you are going to have to find it for him. If he doesnt understand that then he really isnt THAT concerned for his privacy.

I would have a problem with that. He sounds like he is hiding something.

Hello! You're his SPOUSE! You have every right to now that kind of info. Do you not file your taxes together? Who pays the bills? Do you have any idea of what your household income is???? These are serious questions you need to be asking!!! Why in the world would he be "hiding" this stuff if you guys were in the open about everything? I'm certainly not trying to be mean, but you have every right to this kind of information.....

Is this new behavior?
If it is, I'd want to know who the heck he's sneaking around with. That's just me though.

I think we all need our own privacy. But I think the difference is to what degree. I mean, the whole house can't be off limits when searching for paperwork. Where did you find it? In his personal diary or in a file in the file cabinet? I don't think we should look in our spouse's private diaries or personal effects just for the sake of looking there and being nosy, but at the same time, there shouldn't be anything your husband is hiding from you.

We all have our personal secrets. If your husband wants to keep some things private, say for instance his journals, then he needs to keep those things in a particular place and say this dresser drawer, or this night stand, or whatever, is off limits. Saying that everything he has is private is unacceptable in my opinion. You are married and what's his is yours and what's yours is his.

I know each couple's dynamic is different. I'm the keeper of all things financial in our house so this scenario would be the other way around for us. However, if my husband asked me to find the W2, I would have no problem letting him look for it himself. Of course, he wouldn't go and look in my journal for it. He'd look where we keep the tax paperwork.

I think it's ok to have some things be private. I always think of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Ray walks in on Debra when she's bleaching her peach fuzz (mustache). That was her "secret". Some people write about their fantasies in their journals or maybe things they do wrong, that don't have anything to do with their spouses, as a sort of confession or cleansing of the soul. I don't think a spouse needs to know about things like that. But in regards to this particular situation, me thinks your husband doth protest too much.

The request for privacy is reasonable, but the degree to which your husband is requesting it is unreasonable, at least in my opinion. :-)

That is absurd and would not be tolerated in my home. I would advice him to have a discussion about what is going on here, and look through the box together, otherwise let him know there will be counseling appointment set for next week. What would he not trust you with? The information or you going out of the home for school....?

Ive been married almost 13 years and I dont even ask my husband for things like that...I just do it. I cant see him even having an issue at all with it. Im fine with privacy, but what is the big deal trying too look for a w2? Definitely weird...I also agree though maybe its not a privacy issue and maybe he really doesnt want you to go back to school, and just doesnt want to say anything.